Baby Talk

OA: Bean, hurry up, the school gates will get locked.
Bean: Doesn’t matter dada, you just have to give the guard some money.
OA: ?!?!! You can’t do that!
Bean: Yes dada, I’ve seen other parents do it. Listen to me and it will be okay.
Ah, my little UPwaali – she has corruption in her blood and very sharp eyes. To say nothing of my utter shock and horror at what she is picking up in school, no less.

——————-

MM: Brat, CHEW your food.
Brat: I don’t need to. I am a Diplodocus. Now I have to swallow some stones and it will help the food get digested in my stomach.
Dear God, when will this Dinosaur craze end?

——————-

MM: Munch, I am going to sqooooze you and drink up all your juice.
Bean: I don’t have any juice. I am a human and I have only blood. If you drink that up, you will be a vampire.

——————-

Bean: When you look in the mirror or water, you see your reflection.
MM: Clever girl, who taught you that?
Bean: Dada told me.
MM: And what does Mama tell you?
Bean: She only says ‘don’t do this and don’t do that.’

——————-

Bean: Mama, don’t say ‘crap’. It’s a bad word. If you say it again, then…then…
Me (menacingly): Then what? What will you do about it?
Bean (hastily): Then keep saying it. I don’t care!

I think the instinct of self preservation kicked in.

——————-

MM flirting with OA in the car while imagining kids in the backseat are fast asleep: yaadda yaada yaada… who’s your momma?

Brat: Eh? What are you talking about Ma? Dadi is his mamma. You are the Bean and my mamma.

——————-

Reason#6549 to have a daughter – The Bean watching me apply medicine on my acne, “Don’t do that Mama. Your spots are pretty. Will a zebra look nice without its stripes?”

——————-

Bean: Mama, are these glasses very expensive?

MM: Yes, so please be very careful while drinking from them.

Bean: Yes, that is EXACTLY what I was about to tell you.

——————-

The Brat has decided he is a new environment superhero. He wears a ring that makes plastic disappear, it has a button that brings rain and another that grows grass.

(1) Only the Brat could come up with something like this.

(2) I wish he was really that sort of a superhero!

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66 thoughts on “Baby Talk

  1. your little UPwaali is fit for this world :P. but isn’t it horrifying that no matter how hard some of us may try to instill values in our kids, there are people who do the exact opposite, not caring one bit what they are teaching their kids (or maybe actually proud to show them the quick way)? and it always seems to the casual observer that the second sort get their way whereas the fuddy-duddies get nothing. how do you teach your kids what is right in such a case?

  2. Awwwww
    The Bean talking about the zebra is sooooooooooooo damn cute. Loved the corruption one. Sherni. πŸ™‚
    Loved the Brat’s superhero avatar. The world could really do with at least one such.

  3. LOL!! What did we ever do before we had kids!!

    My gavar ( illiterate, well he is engineer and all that…but) brother was here last month and my three year old wanted him to read his dinosaur book. It was so hillarious to see him stammer at every page and the son would roll his eyes and slowly and loudly.. Mama Di-mor-pho-don, Mama Quet-za-lo-coatlus…….
    And just for the record I never knew a thing about these a year back, in another year I will know a lot, I think πŸ˜›

  4. w.r.t some parents paying the school watchman…

    After all the Brouhaha over the lokpal bill, i wonder if we Indians even know what it is to live in a corruption free environment Sigh!!!!

  5. MM ke do anmol ratan….

    . Full time-pass kids you’ve got !!! They will neither get bored nor let anyone else get bored in ANY gathering.

    Sweet !!

  6. Awwwwwwwwwwwwww….these kids need to have their own reality TV show!!!! Can’t stop giggling over Bean’s super smart and superrrr cute way of looking at things. Geez…people bribe the guard at school??? Wow!

    And this is proof that the vampire nonsense needs to stop…if wee kids know about vampires it has gotten too far πŸ™‚

    Brat’s reaction to the flirting is priceless πŸ™‚

  7. Who’s your Momma! That takes the cake! πŸ™‚

    I can’t believe she knows about vampires already! What’s on ur bedside reading MM??!

    • I was flabbergasted, Tara. You know how careful I am about what they view and what we read to them. So my guess is she heard it in school and decided to use it on me!

  8. Your babies are adorable. I can totally see the bean be a firecracker young woman and the brat a total gentleman. Cannot wait to see you would react to that!

    Also, the brat’s name seems like a misnomer, no?

  9. Can you send Brat to play Dinosaur forest with my kids today?! I can totally imagine such conversations between KB and brat. Eating stones etc!
    Bean is so sweet – with the zebra stripes. How sweet right?!

  10. Ok! Brat doesn’t remind me of Ross Geller (Friends) at all! which would make Bean Monica …which is proved by her asking you to be careful with expensive glasses!!!

  11. :)) really really funny and smart !!! BTW is it Bean’s birthday today?? if so wishing her tons of wishes!!! and more naugtiness πŸ™‚

  12. oye oye!! Bean toh is a nautanki only πŸ™‚ Love her!! And Brat…thank God for his stubbornness…I think that’s his kaala teeka !!! πŸ˜› Now you are gonna kil me πŸ™‚

  13. I LOVE your kids. I don’t care if it makes me sound creepy or stalker-ish. They’re absolutely a-dorable!

  14. Love it πŸ™‚ The reflection one reminds me of my little one who cheerfully announced “I am the best dancer, Akka is the best singer, Dadda is the best driver…” and while I looked on expectantly, “..and Mamma, you are the best scolder!” Jee, thanks!

  15. Err…I had to google to know the meaning of ‘Diplodocus’. Am I the only ignorant one here?

    You have a moral police at home, so think twice before flirting again with OA. πŸ™‚
    Brat is such an angel MM.You seriously should think of having a different blog name for him.
    lol @ Bean’s ‘you only say don’t do this and don’t do that’
    and ‘that is EXACTLY what I was about to tell you’. She is so cool. Can I have her please?
    It is very sad that parents bribe the watchman inorder to get in the school….how are we ever going to get rid of this corruption from our system and do these parents realise that they are setting up such a bad example for their kids.

    Anyway, I was in a really sad mood today and this post really made me laugh…thankyou MM !

  16. Lovely! I’m SO proud of your kids!
    Also, STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop wreaking havoc with my imagination with “I have dinos coming out of orifices I dont want to talk about.”

  17. You know what I thought I loved Brat more but now I’m saying I love Bean more. Oh hell, I love them both. The devils. I did attract attention when I chuckled at the zebra comment by Bean. Isn’t she simply spontaneous. I love such girls. She’s gonna be on hell of a woman.
    And again, you make me wanna have babies. You wicked evil woman! Sigh πŸ™‚

    • now then, don’t you go rushing into babies. I could give you all the horror stories, of them killing each other over some torn bit of belt or wanting to sit in my lap at the very same time and nearly blinding me in the attempt. But I wont :p

      • but then the fun bits make it all worth it, come on say it MM πŸ™‚ Brat ke paas Dino encyclopaedia hai kya? Where does he get all this info from??? It’s amazing!

  18. Only a daughter can tell you you’re the prettiest with acne & all.Mine tells me so when I agonise about my falling/scanty hair.Wonder how long it continues since she’ll be hitting the teen years soon.
    And the brat really does need a change of name.He’s such a wise little owl at this age.

  19. Moral policing at home! hahahahaha!!!!

    BTW first mention of a Dadi on this blog!…..recent reader so dont know if she has appeared before here.

  20. I louuuveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee your Baby Talk posts! They are so entertaining! Your babies are freakin edible, i tell you!

    Of course I want to comment on each anecdote individually..I’m pressed for time :(. and that’s why it’ll be a while before i respond to the comment in the previous post as well.

  21. I can totally relate to the one on “don’t do this, don’t do that” – the reflection post. My favorite is #6549 – it’s just absolutely precious and tells you that you’re doing a damn fine job raising the kids and that while it does help to look beautiful from the outside she already knows that inner beauty is what counts… she’s a smart cookie – your little one!

  22. That comment by Bean about the zebra was so sweet! And the rest of the Beanisms had me in smiles.

    And MM, you must be so proud of the Brat. What a wonderful little boy! To think a 6 year old wants super hero powers that make a difference to the world around him. I hope his kindness, his gentleness, his consideration for all things always stays with him.

    * Note to 15 day old niece: Can you please grow up quickly so that you can also be fun and say cute things, rather than just sleep all day? kthnxbai*

  23. Super cute.. both of them..
    Btw, the thing about parents paying bribes to the school watchman to get in late got me all riled up.. just couldnt picture parents setting such bad examples to their kids. WOrst of all, here we are trying to get our kids middle class virtues of honesty, courage to the right thing etc even if it is difficult at times, and there these parents corrupt their (and other) kids with such cheap tactics.. are you going to do something about it.. like catching some parent red-handed in the act and complaining to school authorities? I dont know whats the best way to deal with it.. but definitely we should keep quiet right? Any other readers have ideas?

    • I have no idea how to catch them red-handed. The kids go to school by bus so its not like I go everyday and note the parents. It’s just very very sad that they happened to catch it happening. I do plan to bring it up at the next PTA.

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