Because it’s been a while

Over the last few days conversations everywhere have been about divorce. It scares me. Some of the stories – from the lesbian who married my parents’ friend’s son (arranged marriage) and then walked out with all the jewellery, got a divorce and moved in with her best friend and finally came out. Similarly a friend’s cousin who ended up married to a gay guy abroad. This I don’t get – why do these people agree to get married at all?

The psychotic woman, the crazy man, Β the hundreds of others over inlaw trouble, dowry, physical abuse…the list of marriages ending badly is endless. And even as you whine over moving cities, aching limbs, children who won’t eat and not having enough books to read, you realise what you have is priceless…

And so I forgive the OA

– his ugly toes

– his endless wires

– his travelling job

– the runaway wedding and inlaw trouble

– the unbelievably annoying pedantic way he speaks to me at times

– the risk averse banker’s ways

– his forgetful nature

– his inability to make a water-tight, fool proof plan

And I thank him for

– his Β good nature

– always holding me when I fall – and I mean this one literally

– putting my feet up in his lap and rubbing them no matter how dusty they are or where we’re sitting

– producing the most awesome brats with me

– pulling me up for a dance at the most unexpected times, just because something nice came on the radio (damn those brats hanging on to our backsides and hems while we shake a leg)

– kicking my arse at every bloody game

– hanging pots and putting up pictures at midnight when I get a bee in my bonnet and can’t sleep because that plant or frame just doesn’t look right there and will give me nightmares

– loving my family and my dogs

– investing in the future for us and then putting all the details into a folder incase something should happen to him and then not even blinking when I promptly lose the file (Argh!!)

– sending me this song today out of the blue, almost divining that I was feeling low and disillusioned…

and so to that I raise this song, being shuddh desi and all that jazz

I love the bit where Vinay Pathak gets all romantic… very cute!


44 thoughts on “Because it’s been a while

  1. I really admire how you acknowledge the small pleasures in life.. be it gratitude for having the love you deserve or the antics of the children whom your world revolves around.
    It’s said that when you learn to be grateful for small mercies, bigger ones will come your way.

  2. Hai na, isnt it scary hearing about the divorces. I remember reading an article, the younger one’s age when getting married + number kids = higher risk of divorce. I immediately fwded that article to spouse and got a one word email So… followed by your point is…

    Anyways at times, it makes appreciate the one I have at home…:)

  3. In answer to your question why gay and lesbian people marry others of the opposite sex it may be because:

    a)They don’t realise they are gay or have not fully accepted they are gay. When you are brought up in society to be socially conditioned to think being straight is the norm this is not unusual.

    b)They realise they are gay but are too frightened to come out. The pressure NOT to be gay and to marry, i.e. to have a straight marriage is intense in India (and elsewhere). And coming out can be an emotional nightmare where you take the risk of losing the family that you love forever. Depression, suicide, fear and extreme anxiety are very real problems faced by gays.

    All of us should fight to make it easier for gays to come out, so that such situations where they feel compelled to enter a heterosexual marriage do not arise.

    • i understand that its hard to come out. but it cant be harder than getting married and having that on your conscience. i have so many gay friends who just arent getting married – simple na? i get that sometimes people dont know they are gay. that is different – but in both these cases the people involved KNEW they were gay and still dragged two unsuspecting souls into a mess. one went back to the US to find that her husband had a lover there. another one would fight with her husband every night and throw him out of the bedroom – and both ended in messy divorces where they came out. would have been simpler to just come out na?
      this is not about gay or not gay – my issue is merely with the deception. its just as bad as marrying someone who is having an affair with someone else and has merely married you to keep his/ her parents happy. its still the screwing up of someone else’s life for no fault of their own

  4. LOL, the brats hanging to the hems part…it seems the kid is there every time we think of dancing too! πŸ™‚

    My man does the whole hanging pictures thing too, when I get that bee in my bonnet. πŸ™‚

    Some things I’d add to my list– the inability to close drawers, or replace things where they belong. Half my life will be spent in restoring order…. sigh. Don’t even get me started on ziplock bags……

  5. awww..

    the news items about divorce and bad marriages is very scary! 😦

    thank God I found the better half!

    Dogs??! You have dogs?!!

  6. I understand what you mean. Whenever the going gets tough, I get to hear stuff that makes me count my blessings. Divorces, fertility issues, kids with special needs. I am thankful for having a normal life with normal problems like sick kids, absent maids, too much work . . . Even if they choose to arrive at the same time.:)

  7. Thanks for making me pause and count my blessings too…im so glad I found the love of my life who chases lizards from the loo at 3 in the morn for me πŸ™‚
    And the thing abt gays getting into hetero marriages is scary.It has happened to my friend too and I know how traumatic it was for her.

  8. Why o! why is that poor man’s toes always figure as No. 1 in the list of things you dislike !!!

    That said i like the list of things you appreciate in him..simple things which a lot of us take for granted.

  9. Oh MM, their good nature makes one forgive them everything. I have a friend married to a geriatric crab and it is NOT FUN. And yeah, those horror stories of marriages are enough to put a single gal off the whole shebang for good. A big hug to you two and god bless.

  10. I came back (rather quickly) to say that while some gay people may get into marriages knowing about their sexuality, quite a few of them discover it along the way. Since marriage and heterosexuality are the default settings and a majority of Indians seem to believe you cannot breathe without the former, they may realize this only after they’ve tied the knot with a person of the opposite gender and hence the resultant painful mess.Hopefully this will change in the coming generations.

  11. 10 ayes and 8 nays there(yes. i counted. what do you mean, I have no life?)

    I smiled all the way through this post. Many of us are quite lucky, but only few of us do take the time to acknowledge it and feel grateful, nice post there!

  12. *written at great risk to limb, specifically, toes*

    Why are OA’s toes/digits always targetted???? I have rather ugly toes and broad, flat feet which I can never hope to fit into oh-so-awesome sandals / high heels (even those available on footpaths – can forget Jimmy Choos altogether! sigh) as opposed to my sister’s slim, slender feet/toes. Used to constantly complain and whine to my mother about the unfairness of it all (including – how could you selectively pass on beautiful-feet-genes???) and stopped one day when the mater told me pointedly to thank the Lord above that I atleast had feet and toes to complain about.

    • πŸ˜€ oh well because he’s always praised by everyone (incuding this nasty man as being model material and oh so handsome. i cannot deny his looks. so the next best is to point out that the God has not clay feet but ugly feet. that way i dont feel so ugly around him πŸ˜‰

  13. Poor OA…i can imagine how OA feels abt his toes ‘coz i have ugly fingers..n I dislike them however pretty the rest of me may be!

    oh yeah…the num of divorces happening is very scary these days. A few of us friends have had this debate before…if in the process of trying to be modern, independent women…one doesnt really give their marriage the best shot? I agree that one shouldnt stay in an abusive marriage or take crap just ‘coz they have children etc etc.. but there is some such thing as trying no? Marrige I believe is for keeps..suppose to last a lifetime…and so my views on pre-nups are very conflicted. The other day my friend(an american) sent me this link to an article that spoke about new-age marriages that come with 5-yr contracts… so one “tries” / “experiments” the marital relationship for 5 yrs…and if they feel its not working they can move on @ the end of 5 yrs. Its a marriage contract that lasts for 5 yrs! I found it shocking…i feel like @ the very beginning…your looking for things that won’t make it work..know what i mean? Aren’t live-in relationships suppose to be the “trying to see if things work” period?

    n thanks for this post.. in the sense that it made me think about why i’m thankful for V…there are several li’l things…but what’s most significant is that..given all that we both are going thru now…it really really helps that we are in it together. We dont get mad or frustrated at each other…we are battling our fate together…n for that I Thank god! Even for a brief second I cant imagine either of us having to fight this battle by ourselves without the other’s support.

  14. Touch wood!!!

    Gratitude is something that anyone can and should learn from you.

    What plans for your birthday? πŸ™‚

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