Update blog: check

Each time I come back here to update, I feel like a fraud. When people ask me about my social media presence, I say I have none, other than FB. Because honestly, does this intermittent blogging count for anything?

What have I been up to that keeps me away from here? Well, I moved out of the country, hated it with every fibre of my being, sulked, sobbed, lost weight madly and finally moved back.

Yes, I’ve moved back to India with the kids. The OA shuttles between the there and the here. I had many reasons for doing so, but it’s been seven months since I moved back and none of them matter anymore except the biggest one – I wanted to move back.

This is home. This is where I can be who I want to be. This is where I want to raise my kids. Does it sound like its all about me? Well, it wasn’t. There were good reasons that the OA agreed upon too, and had I not waited to reach this place of calm and blogged while I was at my lowest, most devastated, you might have heard of each one of them in excruciating detail.

The Brat turned 11, the Bean turned 9, the OA and I have completed 13 years of wedded togetherness, some of it blissful, some not. Maybe I shouldn’t blog when I’m PMSing! But here we are. Right back where we started from. I look back on the last few years and wonder what I have to show for it. Nothing much, really. If anything, it is a reminder that I am not an ambitious sort of person. I was a go-getter and a topper and a winner until I realised I’d been conditioned to do so. It made me angry and aggressive and drained me. I still have days of wanting to go back to the rat race, but I am reminded of how it turns me into a person I don’t like, and I am happy to putter along at this pace, give the kids my time, my home some attention, and my dead-end career, what is left of my energy.

This is just a little note to tell you that I’m not dead yet, but at the rate I am going, the blog soon will be. Let it not be said that I didn’t give you any indication. πŸ™‚

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18 thoughts on “Update blog: check

  1. Hi.. Aren’t we all conditioned for the rat race! Glad you could snap out of that and come to terms with what you feel really matters and is worth your time. I am still working on it. Embarrassed to admit at 30, I am as clueless as ever.. But great to see your post after a long time! Keep going.

  2. I really wish you would post more…I love your blog and still check it a few times a month. But do what makes you comfortable. I’d love to hear your reasons for moving back, too.

  3. Glad I subscribed to you so I got a notification. So good to hear from you! I used to be a loyal reader from when the Brat and Bean were babies. I can’t believe they are 11 and 9! My own kids are 4 and 1 and I can’t believe it either. I also hadn’t realized you had moved out of India……may be I should go back and read older posts. You were one of my favorite bloggers, please do come back and post more :)!

  4. Hi MM. I have been reading your blog for the last 9 years, ever since I had my first baby, and a friend introduced me to your blog! Have absolutely loved reading, but never commented before.
    I can totally understand how you felt after moving out of the country, I have been avoiding moving out since forever for exactly the same reasons. Glad you and OA had the courage to accept that it was not the best thing for you and move back! Good luck with the transition here and there phase… hope it gets over soon!

  5. Please please don’t shut down the blog. It is soul curry for a whole lot of us here giving us a been-there-done-that feeling every single time. Reading someone who articulates your feelings so well in a way you couldn’t imagine doing yourself gives one warm fuzzies. Take your time, but do come back! Hugs!

    – Ramya

  6. You were missed… Your blog has always been on my reading list. I check every once in a while, hoping to find something new. Glad to know you are back and hope to see more of you.

  7. Hi MM… i was pleasantly surprised to see an update on the blog. Miss your frequent posts. “I look back on the last few years and wonder what I have to show” – isnt it conditioning again?
    Sometimes i feel learnings and achievements are overrated. Even varied experiences enrich our lives, build our character and give new perspective. Why it should be valued less?
    Lastly please dont stop blogging. Loyal readers who still wander through your blog to reread old posts and check on you is also an achievement – nourish them with your magic of words.

  8. Please don’t let this blog die. I started reading before marriage. I would dream of managing things like you did. Of course, I never came close.

    With 2 kids aged 3 and 1, I often flip through your blog dreaming and planning.

    Please do not stop. Your writing has a soul and it’s a perfect read with or without a cup of tea.

  9. They say Home is where the heart is. I am sorry you had to deal with all the stress that came with the move. I am very glad that things worked out so you could move back to where you feel you belonged and continue. Hugs.

    I do worry though coz the MM I knew( n of course I only know you thru’ your blog; so maybe you are laughing aloud!!) would have wanted to jot down the excruciating details. Writing is therapeutic. Hope all is well in MM-Land. Exciting to see the babies grow.

    N pls no..me not like the indication.. pretty please, don’t abandon the blog !

  10. Ahhhh! So nice to read you again. I love your posts. I am glad you are where you want to be, whether it’s the moon or stars πŸ™‚ .
    Best of luck to you and your family.
    Desertmom

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