Oh so bloody random

I’m sorry I haven’t answered your questions. I don’t feel ready for them yet – some of us just don’t deal well with our cheese being moved, eh? 😀

I thought I’d shut down this blog that I’ve neglected so long, but I just couldn’t. A moment’s hesitation, a little procrastination and it’s still here. I have nothing earth shaking to say other than that I am back in India for the kids’ summer break. I’ve been working from home but barring that I’ve had a lot of spare time to think. I shall share my earthshaking thoughts with you and you shall be deeply enriched by my wisdom.

1. Wear your own oxygen mask before you help others put theirs on.

I feel like a fool because I come back to this one time and time again. I put others first, I choose others’ enrichment over my own. And then there comes a day when I wonder what I’ve done for me. Very little indeed. So wear your own gas mask incase you haven’t done so yet.

2. The most interesting people have mediocre professional success.

Of course we can get into deep discussions about the definition of success etc, but I think we all know what I mean. The most interesting people I know, seem not to be at the top of the game. I don’t mean nice people, happy people, intelligent people or any of those. I only mean people who interest me. They might not interest you. But the reason, I notice, that they’re unsuccessful, is that they don’t have the single minded focus success calls for. They’re too engaged with too many things. Too many pies. Too many projects. Too many people. An ailing mother in law, a little nephew whose love won’t allow them to move beyond a 40 km radius, the dhobi’s daughter who was raped and left for dead and had no voice to fight for her. And so on. I sit here waiting for them to write books, set up big businesses and so on and I realise they can’t. They’re deeply engaged with a lot of things. And that is what draws me to them. Their ability to juggle two jobs, family, friends, community and so on. That’s what makes them real, interesting, observant, aware and multifaceted, and as a result, attractive to me. This also leads back to point 1. They’ve not worn their own oxygen mask to get to the top of the career ladder – the air up there is rarefied.

3. Be the missing piece.

Explain yourself. As often as you can. This goes against all conventional wisdom. There’s a famous saying that you should never have to explain yourself, because those who love you don’t need an explanation. And those who don’t, won’t care for your explanation. But this is not about what makes you comfortable. This is again one of those larger good arguments. If you’ve had a misunderstanding with someone, explain yourself, even if it is 10 years later. Our lives are not just our lives. I like to think of them as heaps of mixed up jigsaw puzzles. My pile might have a piece that belongs to you. A memory that you need to make sense of your life. To explain why he thought you were not good enough for him. Why she thought she’d been betrayed. All of us have a little something that fits into another’s life and helps them make sense of it. A missing piece. Your reason might be someone’s missing piece. Please help them find it. Even if it hurts for you to do so.

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22 thoughts on “Oh so bloody random

  1. The last one about the missing piece was my favourite. I like to think that I have explained myself enough to help others make sense of certain memories. But unfortunately the same is not true for my own jigsaw puzzle. At least not right now. I don’t know if it will all make sense 10 years later.
    Glad to see you back here. 🙂

  2. Hey there, please do keep your blog tended. I always look forward to reading what you have to say. Today’s gyan, specially point 1 and 2 are so insightful.You gave me the bug to chase in my mind for today.
    I think I am yet to grow some more wisdom on me before I am convinced about ‘explaining yourself’ . i always find is tedious and difficult.

  3. Oh, I love how you put it “ wear your own oxygen mask before you help others put theirs on”. One aspect is giving w/o thinking about the self. But I wonder, are those who help themselves before they help others, actually more efficient and just better helpers. One needs to be healthy/strong/rich themselves before providing similar support to others right?

    I am not so sure about the correlation between interesting people and professional success as far as my experience goes.

    Couldn’t agree with you more about explaining oneself. WE do what we do/ say what we say, coz of a reason and even the closest people, don’t always understand. So a li’l explanation goes a long long way.

    In India for summer sounds good. So how are the babies spending their summer vacation, care to share any tales? But if we want to keep up with the Random theme..

    Do you mind sharing what you read to your babies ( mine are going to be 4 mo) when they were newborns. I try to make story-reading a sleep-time routine but my babies fall asleep nursing, right at my boobs… so any idea how I can incorporate reading into their daily schedule?

  4. Thank you for explaining yourself and as usual, sharing your observations and nuggets of wisdom. You are cherished…for opening my mind to alternate view points. Very well said on #3. It is more true than we realize…

  5. “A memory that you need to make sense of your life.” – I stared at that one for a very long moment..forgot to breathe. Some lines are so beautiful, they deserve the respect and attention.

    Please keep writing on the blog. Please do.

  6. MM – Such profound wisdom – I came to the same conclusion as 1 and 3 recently – Why is explaining considered being weak is beyond me. It has worked for me (I am happy I had reasons for my decisions and I have put them across – so I am at peace in general) but I do not understand why people do not want to do it. I think you have to remove your oxygen mask to talk to others and people just don’t want to do it

  7. Hi MM,

    I know it’s your blog and your personal choice – but, please do not shut down the blog. You are my favourite blogger and I promise not to pester you for regular updates. 🙂

  8. Babe, you have no idea how much I can relate to ALL those things right now! I’m doing #1 right now, because, well, there’s turbulence that I can’t handle. #2’s so true about me (which is not to say you might find me interesting 😉 ).. I am & have been juggling too many things on my own for too long… refusing any assistance… which has brought on the necessity of #1 right now. And I might have to do #3 as part of the process of addressing #1.
    Confused you enough, have I?

  9. Hey MM, I got to know about you and your blog from Sandhya’s (therestlessquill) IG post. How will I read them all if you shutdown the blog? :-(. Please don’t. Let me first read your posts and enjoy them. :D. I am sure there will be some nuggets of wisdom which I need at this point of my life. Keep writing MM. Sadly, there are only few good writers left who don’t mince words and touch the right chord.

    P.S – You have good friends (Nutty) who advice you well. Write a book! 😀

    Best,
    Siri

  10. I know I’m only 7 years into a career and so far it’s been all mediocre successes. But after reading this, hopefully, I’ll be one of those interesting people that we all want to have our in our lives.

    Also, please keep writing. Even if you’re blogging rarely, I’d rather read you once in a while, it’s better than not at all! 🙂

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