And I turn 36

… otherwise known as the Oh fuck, now I really won’t be having any more babies year.

But on a more serious note, this year I feel every one of my 36 years. In the last year I’ve had family suffer and I’ve been there for them and realised that they needed me. In fact I was in hospital all of my birthday last year and didn’t even take any calls. Chhota Nana’s leg, Ma breaking her foot in the midst of a busy year… construction, business, everything came to a head and I looked in the mirror and saw age spots, tired eyes, tired skin and I realised that I could no longer think I was 24. This is it. I now know that some of the best years healthwise have passed me by.

This is also the first year I learnt what it means to struggle with weight. I’ve always been slim so to finally look in the mirror and see your thighs dimpling is a shocker. I walked, I restructured my diet and while I am not thin by any standards, I am back to normal and feeling good and healthy. But yes, I finally know what it means to feel desperation and know jeans that won’t button.

My driving is still crappy but I can get from A to B in a crisis and that is all I really wanted. I had planned to learn to swim well this year and surprise you guys (hah!) but I chickened out. Actually I think I just had too much on my plate so it was an easy one to evade. Perhaps next year.

This year also, for the first time, I am making more money than I have in many years, all while sitting home. This is something I feel an insane amount of pride in because I’ve worked from home for years, accepted a pittance and held my tongue when treated badly as a professional. But then something snapped this year and I’ve said no to pieces that go against my belief system, turned down poor paymasters even if they are big names and written stinkers to people who haven’t paid up, pulled out contacts, taken to Facebook to name and shame… and generally reached a stage where I might not be doing a lot of creative work but I am earning well, established and no longer have to take shit from anyone.

On the family front, the kids have a far better idea of what Mama does professionally and in fact push me to go back to full time work so that they can ‘watch TV without anyone objecting’. Of course on days that I am out on a shoot they regret every word and cling to me like limpets when I return, the Bean calling me every hour or two to talk to me. Fortunately I am my own master and can take aΒ little break and soak in the pleasure of hearingΒ her voice. Unfortunately though, I am now too hooked on working at my own pace and in my pajamas to do that. Also, new office!

It’s been more than a year in this house and we have no intentions of moving out and are finally settling in. We’re friends with some neighbours, the kids have made friends and settled into their various classes. For now, we’re home.

I’ve also spent the year balancing a lot of relationships, watching them slide downhill, pick and recover. I think it would be fair to say that in spite of not having given birth this year, it’s been crazy!

My resolutions for this year are to take myself less seriously, to have more of a sense of humour, to ignore those who thrive on being annoying and provocative, to stop thinking about others all the time and for a while focus only on myself and my little family.

So wish me luck!

49 thoughts on “And I turn 36

  1. Wish you a very Happy Birthday “The mad momma”! Hope you reach leaps and bounds in whatever YOU wish to do in life…(And I dont know but IMO your sense of humor is great)

  2. Happy Birthday mm! You have a fabulous outlook towards life…and you will sail through coz of that. I keep telling myself to learn some of that sunshine attitude..hopefully will absorb a beam or two! bless you dear!

  3. Happy Birthday MM! Hope the next year is much easier for you than the last one. I somehow feel that the thirties are our best years. Old enough to not care too much about what others think, but still young enough that age is not a restricting factor (hopefully).

  4. Happy, happy birthday, MM. Wish you all the very best with your resolutions for the year. πŸ™‚

    Great post! I so understand what you mean when you say you have worked from home for years for a pittance, and haven’t been taken seriously as a professional. I am a work-from-home content writer, due to family circumstances, and am finding it difficult. People just don’t accept that one can be a serious and sincere worker, even if he/she works from home!

  5. Good for you sweets, to have finally made these resolutions to take time out for yourself. My advice if I may be so bold- say to peeps who are basically teeny tiny twats(in the larger scheme of life that is) and give yourself a break on the health front. Don’t put yourself out there for people other than your very dearest ones. Last year was a bummer on so many fronts and yet I did see your humor shining thru many posts so you’re the kinds that doesn’t totally lose that wackiness even in a crisis no?

    A universe full of luck(laddoos and laad pyaar) coming your way from this side of the pond.

    And finally….so what did you do on the big 3 and 6?(are you a Virgo like my mum?)

  6. Happy Birthday MM! Congratulations in getting to this point in life – I am sure it must have been hard and but you did it and look where it got you! Atta girl!

  7. Happppyyy B’day MM ! God Bless and wish you everything that will make you happy and peaceful !

    36? I wouldn’t have guessed ! They say the party begins at 40, so you have got a couple of more years to slog it out πŸ˜‰

  8. Happy birthday dear MM. And there is a whole year to get pregnant. Make 37 the cut off lol πŸ™‚
    PS:I did a reset of my wordpress account pswd to leave this comment.

  9. Happy wala Birthday MM…I empathize with you on the putting yourself our there for those that arent worth it, I’ve been doing that for a long time and it’s high time I stopped too. Doesnt mean I become rude overnight but I’ll save my self-sacrificing nature for those I love best.
    More power to you on your resolutions!! I hope you have a party this evening and drinking and dancing….and an awesome year ahead.
    P.S: Can I say I was glad not to see “less blogging” on your list of resolutions, so looking forward to a lot more posts πŸ™‚

  10. “My resolutions for this year are to take myself less seriously, to have more of a sense of humour, to ignore those who thrive on being annoying and provocative, to stop thinking about others all the time and for a while focus only on myself and my little family.”

    Ameen.. May all your wishes come true and resolutions fulfilled. Happy Birthday ! Wishing you loads of health !

  11. Happy Birthday MM!!!! You are awesome and for the small part of you and your life that you share, we are grateful I spend so much of time structuring, restructuring sentences for simple work emails….and can just shake my head at how much of a gift you have to not just write for a living but also as a joyful way of sharing your life.

    Wishing you all the very best. =)

  12. Many many happy returns of the day. Cheers for all your achievements last year, and loads of luck for the new resolutions .. Hope that continuing to blog regularly is also one of the resolutions ?? πŸ˜€

  13. Happy Birthday MM! I am 36 and
    * recently started driving is crappy!
    * helped mom and mil during their health issue
    * work has been hectic
    * no longer feel 24!
    Loved the post!

  14. Happy birthday to you! I wish you wouldn’t say “sitting home” – makes it sound like you’re being paid for nothing when it’s quite the opposite πŸ™‚
    Sending you good health, cheer, happiness and love.

  15. I’m fast nearing 35 and have been “thinking about rethinking” my no-procreation decision (egg-freezing anyone?!). Have you read The Big Lie by Tanya Selvaratnam? Should I read it at all and be educated/worried? Should I just stick to my decision and mourn if and when the time comes? Gosh…so many questions!

    Anyway…congrats MM and good luck with your resolutions. (may I suggest adding less abstract ones like swimming? πŸ™‚ )

  16. Come on, 36 is not too old to have babies (I’m living proof :)) Except, in doctors’ eyes, after 35, you develop this incurable condition called AMA (Advanced Maternal Age) that makes it sound like you are a pregnant grandma.

  17. Taking yourself less seriously, yeah that is a good one πŸ™‚
    I am a regular at this blog and this is the first time felt like commenting tho ‘,very good resolution for you:-)

  18. A very belated happy birthday MM.

    I have been reading your blog after a long time and practically spent the whole of this and last week going through your posts. You see, I recently had a baby, started working again and we moved to Delhi after a long time in Africa. Its taking me a lot of effort to settle down in various ways. Your writing somehow calms me and gives me the strength and inclination to deal with issues that get thrown my way!

    Keep blogging! Hugs! πŸ™‚

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