‘Tis the season for open letters

Dear Shahana,

I’m part ‘Madrasan’ just like you (Tamil for those who want to know)! And I began to read your post with something akin to amusement because I live in Delhi and am very aware of the foibles of the Dilliwalas. I love it nonetheless for embracing me and giving me a home. About 5 lines down your post, I felt a little ashamed of having ever thought that I was ‘just like you’. It seems nigh impossible to fall that low. For every Daalli boy living in Defence Callony there is a Medraus boy getting up ‘yearly in the maarning’. Why do we as a people deride our own regional accents while swooning over a French accent? Are you ashamed of your skin, accent or your food habits? Then why jeer at theirs? You’re weighed down by your colonial hangover, lady.

Autistic three year old on coke? Witty. And also so compassionate of you to think that a child with a disability is an insult. If you’re playing for the South Indian team, I think you just scored a self goal. For every showy Punjabi I’ve encountered a stingy, parochial Madrasi who won’t invite me into the house for a glass of water. For every caste based temple not allowing people in, there is a gurudwara that will feed you at the langar without bothering to ask after your background or ban your gender. But hey, I really hope the ‘punjabis’ don’t define the whole lot of us by the odd cranky old miser that crosses their path. (And what the hell is wrong with a Happy Gurupurab text message? Admittedly I hate mass SMS saying Happy anything, but why pick on their festival messages when these do the rounds for every occasion including Happy your-mother’s-best-friend’s-toe-surgery-day?!)

You say you come from the land of the ugly? Speak for yourself, sister – I’m cute! And I’ve never understood why people take issue with muscular Punjabi men either –  it’s not as though we lovely doe-eyed ladies prefer pot bellies and skinny legs peeping out from under mundus? I for one would never diss my man if he worked out, simply because it’s a ‘punjabi’ thing to do. It is merely the healthy thing to do, so you’re welcome to the shapeless slugs. Or did you mean that South Indian men are by definition, unfit and shapeless? I take offence on behalf of the rather fit men in my family. Honestly, I prefer my men well groomed, not smelling of coconut oil, and definitely no dusty feet in leather slippers. In fact, speaking of working out, did you mention you’re not scrawny? My sympathies – I could offer you the number of a dietician, because genetically we’re blessed to be built much smaller and more petite than the Punjabans and Haryanvis (God bless their souls and the ghee loaded parathas) who have to make an effort to stay fit. So if you have a weight problem maybe you need to get off your soapbox and on to a treadmill.  The first thing we women need to do is stop hating other women because we think they’re hotter/ making an effort we’re not willing to. I know I’d rather chomp on my murukku and slurp my coffee than get up and hit the gym – you make your own choices.

As for our guys not being good looking, I object to the apologetic sound of that sentence. I think my dad is dashing (okay, maybe I am a prejudiced daughter!) and my husband is bloody good looking (this one I have on good authority from many women) and both are true blue ‘South Indians’. If we think our men are not goodlooking and that Punjabi men are the gold standard for looks, we have a problem. Actually only you have a problem. I’m okay with leering after men from all around the country, starting with Baichung Bhutia and heading down to John Abraham (he IS part Mallu, you know) and taking a full circle back to Ashutosh Gowariker. Yeah, I’m open minded and fair like that.

What was that again about SUVs and big cars? If I had a buck for every South Indian man who can’t stop talking about his cars and gizmos, I’d be on a cruise instead of wasting my time writing this post right now. Our good old Coimbatore at one point had the highest number of imported cars. You might want to read this.

The open cascading tresses – clearly you haven’t seen a Punjabi woman or even a Sikh man let down his hair, literally, that is. The Bongs can give us a run for our money too, in the eyes and hair department. And sistah, I quite like my shaggy flip out and refuse to buy into the stereotypical long hair and olive skin bullshit. Who are you to define my South Indianness for me? I’m dark and I love it – I don’t need you to sugarcoat it for me.  But with people like you sounding apologetic about our looks, it is no wonder we need to import fair skinned actresses for our films. It frustrates me. If our men appreciated us for what we are, we’d not need the ‘northies’ on our screens.

And really girl, did you have to bring up Hema Malini and Sridevi of all women? Them of the adultery, the second marriages, the conversions, the plastic surgery and botox fame? Aishwarya with her annoying accent (it’s probably caused by the smile she got redone) and fake marriage is our claim to fame? I thank you – NOT! Funny how all three of them picked Punjabi and UP men when the time came, huh? Good for them. It just leaves the ‘Madrasi’ men free for us. I got my sweet boy from Karnataka instead of Ash!

One tiny matriarchal community does not a trend make. Have you missed the acid attacks? The dowry we offer for our daughters is mind-numbing. If I’m paying 3 crores for an engineer I’d like him to lose the pot belly and the hair oil please! Colleges with separate benches for boys and girls in salwar kameezes (yes, I can say it like them punjabans!). I’d hardly call that the height of freedom. Fight oppression and violence against women instead of just using statistics to score points against another city. Irrespective of geographical location, it is still our gender being oppressed.

Amma-appa sound cooler than mom-dad to you? How could you be so petty as to pick up on something so ridiculous? Were you running out of real jokes? Bharatnatyam is a higher art form than the gidda or Kathak because you say so? I’m tired of this whole ‘attitude’ we have because to me it reeks of inferiority. And I am damned if I am going to be made to feel inferior about my food, my body, my skin colour or my roots by you. Let’s lighten up, let down the butt length tresses and accept that we play Punjabi music at our discos for fun.

You lost me at the girls doing fake marches (check out what these LSR girls are doing, by the way)? What exactly is it that other college kids are doing that is so much more significant? They’re just college kids, leave them alone to have fun while they can!

What really got to me was the fleeing Pakistan reference. Would any of us consider saying something so heartless about Tibet/Kashmir/Cambodia? Are we so cold as to make a sneering reference to something that was so painful? Partition brought loss, bodies piled up in trains, blood, entire families wiped out … don’t we share history with them? Are you kidding when you say that you come from a defence background? I’m horrified that a girl from a defence background has been brought up to be so divisive. Is this the way the other kids in the armed forces think? I won’t go into statistics of the Sikh regiment and the history of every family giving a son to the army to protect our borders, all while we were sitting around dipping our paruppu vadais in coconut chutney perfecting an attack on the chess board. So yes, we do play a killer game of chess, but oh, we owe them for giving us the safety and luxury to practice it.

As for them not liking our food – are you kidding me? The Brunch carried an article on how the dosa has become the national dish – tit for tat, take that Hindi as official language! You’ll find dosas at every corner stall in Delhi and everywhere else in the country although I must raise an objection to the paneer and Chinese dosas! What if they get started on the image of licking rasam off elbows? Because if we pick on the lowest common denominator to judge them by, they have every right to define us by the elbow lickers.

By the end of your post I was embarrassed for you. For the anger, the bitterness, the hatred and the vulnerability you let slip through. I have no idea what brought it on, but a good bottle of wine and some girl friends and a box of tissues might have been more effective. What you’ve done is unforgivable – you’ve drawn lines and swords and hurt a lot of my ‘Punjabi’ friends. And oh yes, as someone else said – if you don’t want to be called Madrasi (what do you mean you’re part South Indian – you know there are four states, right?), learn to differentiate between Punjabi and Delhiite. Everyone who lives in Delhi is not a Punjabi and not every Punjabi lives in Delhi. That said, everyone is welcome in Delhi, and Munirka and RK Puram are mini-Tamil Nadus themselves.  I buy my dosa maav and podi from there.

And finally, I’m appalled by some of your lines – Texas chainsaw massacre your face? Your dead Dadi? Your mother’s shaven bosom? Kalari your tongue up your ass? Shove so many coconuts down you? Classy. Way to lose control of your point and make a fool of yourself. Crass, rabid and divisive is what these statements are. Driving a wedge of hatred where previously there was only a cultural disparity. It’s a pity you fell so low while trying to make a point on superiority or heck, even equality. To quote them Punjabis, you’ve MC-BCed our case altogether in this badly cobbled together, poor attempt at wit, crossing over into coarse, foul and ignoble territory. And you’re dragging the rest of us into the mire as you cross that fine line between wittily irreverent and decidedly crass. Maybe you just need a good nap or a cold glass of coconut water so that you can cool off and consider what you allowed your ire to lead you into.

I apologise to all those offended by Ms Shahana’s little hissy fit here. We have our good and we have our bad and to attack prejudice with prejudice is not the way the rest of us South Indians work. I need to get back to cracking my IIT now. Apparently Shahana thinks I have no other choice or mind of my own. Now where did I put my pen – in my Fendi bag or my Gucci clutch? Oh wait, I couldn’t possibly know the difference, stereotypical Madrasi chick that I am.

And oh, Shahana, I have a request. In future, do not presume to write on behalf of all Madrasis. Not all of us are quite as bigoted or rabid.


MM (I proudly spell it Yem-Yay-Dee, Yem-O-Yem-Yem-Yay), yet another mocha coloured Madrasan married to a sweet fayer Sawth Indian boy.

PS: Okay lets kiss and make up, North and South Indians. In fact let’s drag the Pakistanis into this big group hug with this lovely song – Hona Tha Pyar.




670 thoughts on “‘Tis the season for open letters

  1. ROFL… hey bhagwaan. Madam ji, shahana madam ka aisan-ka-taisan kar deloo bahin! And in loyalty to my UP roots, i shall stick to bhojpuri, bilkul.
    Majaa aa gayilas.


  2. Thank you for this post. Very very well said. And since I can’t write or articulate as brilliantly as you, I will just pimp it around as my reply to anyone who wants to argue it out. Down with the bloody stereotyping I say. Now I’ll go steam my idlis. I’ve learnt to make them recently, and loving it 😀

  3. Hmmmm your writing sounds much more refined and focussed than hers. I read her blog and felt that she must have had some bad incident with some chap .Came home and wrote that blog in an uncontrollable rush of emotions. some of her words and phrases were rude and downright vulgar.

  4. Brilliantly said. I was horrified by this girl’s blog. I am not sure what her point was. Seems that she just wanted to pack as many ridiculous stereotypes and crude hypergeneralizations as her narrow brain could muster. In the end she simply showed her own ignorance. Your response is level-headed, well thought out and needed. As someone married to a South Indian, let me say she is thankfully not representative of most South Indians. Her words are simply an embarrassment.

  5. why are we even taking her stupid teenage tantrumesque post so seriously? Its like outraging against Arnab when you should’ve been busy laughing at his stupidity!

  6. Had just read the open letter through FB & then checked your blog to find a fitting response. I have never been to Delhi or anywhere in North India, so cannot relate to her experiences. But she chose to hit below the belt, which is never acceptable.

    Very well written MM. Amen to everything.

  7. Whoa, she sounds like a stereotyping lunatic. Much as it bugs me when I’m called Mudrassi and asked of we eat idli-dosa for every meal, the whole Gult/ Maadu/ cow-belt/ Punjabi thing also gets my goat ( yup that goat that according to cultural stereotype my Muslim husband makes me ritually wash before he slaughters it on Eid)! Thanks MM, for a complete and total rebuttal!

  8. All this is vokay Yem-Yem, but Aishwarya’s “fake marriage” ???
    Ayyo! Hope the pregnancy is real.

    * Terribly shattered by this news!! *

      • 🙂 A friend who claims to know tinseltown ‘insiders’ tells me some pretty scandalous things about that marriage, but I steadfastly refused to believe him all this while. I am in shock, MM!

      • and the ‘fake marriage’ needs more explanation MM (eyes wide open )
        (trying to get over the bad taste left by a certain Ms Shahana)

      • That “breaking of the heart” was supposed to be a joke… (like the YemYem and Vokay and Ayyo!) 🙂

        Yennyway, now I’m more curious than concerned -pray tell all about this fake marriage …

    • oh no??? really!? she looks fake, but baby bachchan too? used to be a die hard fan of the PA (said in a sickly sweet lilt of the “bahu”), till amar singh happened to him…

  9. Thanks MM! Just like you I started reading the article with amusement which soon turned to revulsion and then just plain sympathy. Girlfriend must have been PMSing :). As a southie in saadi Dilli I have met my fair share of jerks but now having spent 5 years south of Vindhyas I have realized jerks don’t have a region. I don’t know what the point was- trying to dispel south Indian stereotypes by further reinforcing north Indian ones?

  10. This is so awesome. Probably what I wanted to shout out loud but did not. About time we stop differentiating between North and South India. Thank you for this.

  11. Will it be possible for you to post/link to Shahana’s letter that prompted this response? I did google, but to no avail.

      • Hahahaha I think you’re brilliant ! But then I’m Punjabi and you’re a south Indian…we can only hope Shahana isn’t too offended by the fact that we happen to have similar sensibilities, despite being from the *shudder* north and the south !
        As far as her rant goes, it’s rubbish. I’m a Delhi girl, Punjabi I might add, who studied in Calcutta for 5 years, whose best friends are from Tamil Nadu, Kerala, Delhi, Mizoram, Uttar Pradesh and Maharashtra. I can curse in Punjabi and Bengali  , recite poems in Malyalam and am very very fond of north eastern cuisine. My parents are not ostentatious, completely support my decision to have a court marriage and only change their cars when the old one has all but broken down. So there. I dare the teenaged dummy to slot me into a category based on where I’m from!

  12. Thanks for the response. That blog really hurt. why do we Indians have such prejudices and hatred against each other. I am a north Indian , living in South India for 7 years. I love the land, the culture , the food. I am aware of the flaws , the WRONGS in South India as well..but I cannot even think of making fun of it. Its highly biased and stupid to make such generalized statements against any culture

  13. brilliant….befitting reply from a sensible madrasan to a senseless madrasan…thanks for restoring my faith in madrasans 🙂

  14. Just read the open letter from Ms. Shahana and then hopped over to FB and found your reply! Perfect reply.

    I personally feel that all regions of India are different and have their own bit which might seem funny and weird to others. But, that does not mean that we have to comment or mock it. Things which they do have been good for them in the past and they continue. No one is forcing anyone to follow what they do not wish to … then why does it have to affect someone else so much!

  15. You have wasted your time responding seriously to an obviously immature but well written humour piece. Are we this devoid of comic spirit to take things seriously?

    • You find it humorous??? From which angle? How is it funny that she writes about an autistic child in such a manner? And whats with wanting to get so violent with delhi boys?? Not immature, just vicious!

    • Not everyone will find it humorous.
      And I am quite disappointed to see an Army kid be such a narrow-minded regionalist 😦

  16. One thing you missed….this is for Ms. Shahana actually. You just dont speak anything against Gurdas Maan….its blasphemy.

  17. Could you any more awesome!!!!!

    I couldn’t agree more with you…………… I have been in Delhi for so many years and never faced all the so called things this so called lady has claimed as it to be!!! its so wrong to put it in such disrespectful manner against anyone for that matter. I am a South Indian but never faced the flak like this. I still remember how the OA complimented me on speaking impeccable Hindi and that too with regional accent to it. its all in the mind after all. I mean I am as much as a Delhi-ite as I am a Kannadiga and I love me for that. I never carry my regional “attitude” anywhere and that is one of the many reasons I blend in many place!! and it is so wrong to blame any dhole-shole guys of the north-be it a punjabi, haryanvi or any one to that matter. I haven’t come across any men or families who take such good care of themselves. They could drag trucks with the energy they possess, for crying out loud!!! (See their number in the Armed forces) And also, to clarify no North Indians have anything against us Southis as well……it is because of some dumb-nuts and they way they project themselves that get us all in trouble at times.I have seen people from South just don’t want to learn hindi , if they do what would happen to their mother-tongue(seriously , whats up with that?I know konkani, kannada and thanks to hindi I can follow most of the related languages ).

    Why do we the next-generation still have such prejudices and stereotypes, I sometimes fail to understand. I just hope people just start getting over the fact that I am from here and you are from there syndrome, asap.

    And to you dear MM, Kudos!!! I have another reason to love you even more now!!!

  18. Hi MM,

    Who is this lady? do you have the link of her post? If you don’t mind can you post that too? whatever she wrote, your response was beautifully written.. How is sil?
    your previous post about your dad taking care of both generations brought tears to my eyes.. so true… we ought to do more for our parents…

  19. The one post I loved in the madness today. Exactly my thoughts.

    -Indian girl, Delhiite by residence and lover of all things south Indian.

  20. 😀 nice response. Just out of curiosity, i don’t see a link to the original post. Would be interested in reading it 😉

  21. I don’t appreciate the way you’ve hijacked the Madrasan identity. You’re what 1/10th Madrassan. Permission granted only to say one Yem and not Yem-Yay-Dee, Yem-O-Yem-Yem-Yay

    • 1/2 actually. just as much as she is. :p

      And okay, I’ll take the one Yem. Shall apply to the commission for permission for the rest, in triplicate.

      • Saw this tongue in cheek response for that Half Marathi thing on twitter – about it being the Raj Thackeray anti North Indian influence rubbing off on her !

  22. Go girl…Thank you for being Indian first and balanced second,and woman third..love you…muah god bless for bringing together not tearing apart!

  23. thank you for this. honestly. you put in the right words what my mind was not able to put in.

  24. Thanks so much for making the effort to respond so comprehensively to that appalling post. I’ve pasted this to people’s walls where I’ve seen the link, and can only hope it alleviates the sick mood running about on facebook, as well as in the minds of anyone who can be so reckless and quick to create or perpetuate frivolous and (in this case) hurtful stereotypes. Phew. You’re wonderful.

  25. Where can i read Ms shahana’s blog… after reading the response only i have a huge urge to read the original post that started this.


  26. Never met another soul who would think so much like me about so many varied issues! What a wonderful write up babe!!..you made me proud!!!! I am a maharashtrian(Ghati as most of them call us!!)…who shared a room with good and bad northies for 5 years!!!…and i cant agree with you more!!! Well done!!! Keep up the good work….

  27. “fighting on the internet is just like winning the special Olympics; even though you win, you are retarded!!”

    i wonder y ppl (the first blog and the second blog posts) write such things rather than writing about lot many other things happening in front of their eyes! it will be a lot pleasanter read and you all can put your writing abilities to a better use!


    • How utterly fascinating. I wonder who came up with that gem. Does this fount of wisdom have anything to say about readers of said blogs and the commenters too? I’d be interested in hearing it.

      PS: Why the sudden rise in disaparaging remarks about autism, special Olympics and retardation? Do people not know the meaning of the words?

    • Sharath- I plead to you with utmost sincerity that you never indulge in writing as you lack the sensibility ,sensitivity and humaneness to do it. I am deeply saddened that you took 2 minutes of your ‘useful’ time to comment on this ‘unpleasant’ post and ended up making a complete fool of yourself.

  28. One of the very good things about this post is that it does not incite and no profanity. Well why should one have a problem with identity, when they are sure about it themselves. I can understand a female expressing anguish over the treatment the alpha-males mete her. That’s as common in DRAVIDA as in VINDHYAS

    To clarify, I do come from Andhra Pradesh, speak in Hindi to my friends and enjoy Ginger Tea as much as Filter Coffee. Finally Peace please

    And over these two blogs, thanks for enlightening boys in your own ways 🙂

  29. Well said, MM. Looked up Shahana’s post after reading your reply. It was badly written, vile, juvenile and absolutely unintelligent. It doesn’t even deserve your acknowledgement.

  30. Indians are so funny. How do you guys even manage to share the same space without killing each other? Bloody hilarious! oh well…

  31. complete respect hats off to you MM.. I am #Delhiboy since 28 yrs bowing down in respect for you. many thanks for the fitting reply. despite the modesty n no attitude problem, my ego did get hurt becoz of all the non-sense she put into her article and its going viral was doing more harm then we could ever imagined.
    people say it shd be taken lightly and comical in a way and i did too however, in a digital world of today, these things do harm and leads to prejudice and your fitting reply was the need of hour.

    Thanks a lot once again..for keeping us united.

  32. Thanks for writing this and putting this up. Was horrified to read Shahana’s blog. I too am a sawth indian and love having Punjabi friends. Had similar objections to Shahana’s blog, but couldn’t voice and word it properly. Thanks a ton, once again.

  33. Makes total sense and hope Shahana, whoever she is, got across the point right. But man, I’m glad I’m not at the receiving end 😉

      • Dear MM,
        I am in love with south Indian food, and the chettinad food. I learnt Bharatnatyam for 7 years and I am a Punjabi who stays in Delhi. And I was very hurt by the post that Ms. Sahana had written. I thank you with all my heart for such lovely post! 🙂

  34. Wow! Never seen an argument constructed in such clean surgical style… Could almost see a katana move in slow motion!
    I loved it 🙂

  35. Absolutely wonderful piece MM – very very balanced and totally befitting. My God, its beyond me as to how someone can muster up so much bitterness and put it down in one blog post and go on and say audaciously “I may have missed a lot in this letter!” How utterly presumptuous and vain!

  36. Right.I dont know you you dont know me, got linked to your blog through the barrage of “ooh look at what she wrote !!11”, “haha take that guys..!!LOLZOMG” etc posts on my wall from people whom I at least thought were my age..but well anyways. I, like you and many other silent and reluctant spectators were subject to this verbal onslaught of this tween who thinks she’s seen the world in her 20-21 (or whatever her age may be) years and put it upon herself to educate the world. I ,like you thought that this was just another boo-hoo post from some chick who thought delhi is like exactly what they show in the movies or what ever. But after the first 8-10 lines I was literally holding my head and cringing in my seat.
    I dunno. i’ve noticed this false sense of supremacy that these type of girls(atleast where i live..B’lore) seem to have over their northie counterparts..and yeah its sad. For a guy who’s half punjabi and half bangalorean, that was utterly painful .

    Anyways I’m afraid I’ve strayed from my point like I usually do, and that was .. Thank you stranger. 🙂

    oh you know and what was worse? the accompanying comments below by the other bimbos who seemed to have won some moral victory.

  37. This is a memorable day, coming across two of the most impassioned rhetorics I’ve read in a long time. Shahana’s post was like a literary version of the moment when people get on tanks in Grand Theft Auto and massacre every pimp and hooker on the kerb. Gory, but still a creation of breath taking power that you have to stand back and watch on in awe.
    Glad to see there’s a saner and more pacifist version of it too. But you know what? For all the efforts you’ve put in to douse the fire that’s raging on thanks to Shahana’s post, to me, this is like the last scene in the movie Bombay where the guys who were massacring each other moments ago, held hands and became friends thanks to Arvind Swamy’s rhetoric on nation, brotherhood yada yada.
    I see her blog and there are like a hundred comments, more than half of them from people pissed off by her post, dissing the other side with increasingly ludicrous examples and stereotypes. And here, blown away by your truly amazing response, Hindi Cheeni bhai bhai ban gaye… Voila!
    Agreed, there would be some respondents here who genuinely see the reason behind your words and believe in them. The rest, I’m sorry but this is just positive jingoism on the rebound, thanks to your brilliant piece.

    Once again, thanks for this. Today’s a literary windfall!

    • I tell you I cannot agree more! Seriously the gal instead of actually supporting South India has brought down their images to tiny like a cell….. if all of us start judging like her all families wud fall apart! God help this mentality

  38. Kudos MadMomma ! your response is mature , impartial humane and wonderfully humorous > Yes where will we get to with MsRaag Shahna ‘s attitude . God help the poor child ,her blog is a a rraag most discordant set to a sur of evil and hatred and a jingoistic beat of parochialism . I am a Northie married to a southie . Ofcourse we pull each other’s legs in a good natures and well sometimes not so nice manner . The closest buddies in our set up is my UP mother and my half Angrez Half very very Indian Coorg aka Kodava husband which lays to rest all Ms Shanas ill founded phobias . No denying that every county has it’s strengths and weaknesses we have to learn from them and embrace them . I am a momma too and my friends call me delightfully mad . Stay the way you are fair ( no mean pun intended ) , humane and funny.

  39. Ashutosh Gowariker??? “Monty”?? Really?? Must have missed the movie where he floated your boat ;))
    Jokes aside…where do u sniff out these folks from? Journo houndnose?
    Fitting reply..Im not going to bother reading her post bcos it sounds juvenile to me and I got enough of it anyway. Last year there were these two moms at the playground who came up with a sweeping generalisation that ‘mallus dont shower everyday’. I was so zapped I couldnt respond. Wish you’d been there.

      • viral on FB??? really? where? this is a mushroom talking. loved reding your response to whoever this Shahana babe is but am not really feeling it, since there is no context. anyway i get get the link to what she wrote?

        i hope she is not the actor or is she?

        • dont bother sending the link…found it, read it, it is scathing!!! skimmed over the comments- more than 50% agreed with her…shows how quickly we are degrading as a society!

          and thank god its not Shahana, the actor…I love her. 🙂

  40. Awesome response…. Well… the poor girl might have had a bad experience in Delhi and that might have caused the blog but again this piece of yours is an apt reply!

    Having stayed in South for over 7 years now , I know the goods and faults of both the places.. but you’ve got to live with them.. its these things which make a place..
    And yeah .. read this one : http://disgruntledmob.blogspot.com/2011/09/bhaiyya-palika-bazaar-ka-kitna.html

    P. S. : Born in Punjab…. schooled in Himachal… Graduated in Karnataka…..Job in “Namma Bengaluru”…

  41. I put up a rant too on facebook. I’m a Madrasi myself and a very proud one at that. And also very proud of my fellow brother and sisters across the country. I was getting absolutely sick of everyone posting this on fb and saying ‘Wow, what an amazing sense of humour! So many insults without one expletive!’ Huh? Hello? How is it even remotely funny?! What worries me though is that this post has gone viral over the internet. Utter rubbish. And how dare this woman claim to call herself a Madrasi and speak on behalf of all Madrasis..? You said a lot of things that I wanted to say, so thank you for that 🙂

  42. Thank you for putting what is in our hearts so very eloquently. You have my vote on this one.

    The mention of autism and partition were very uncalled for. Where humor dies a slow death and insensitivity clouds the judgement of the young – let this path be a dead end.

    Thank you for this post.

  43. Shahana’s piece was funny…politically incorrect and too full of needless invective, but funny still. I reckon she is much too young to be able to do funny without being hurtful. The dead Dadi, partition violence and autistic child reference was truly horrible…other than that, I’ll put her excesses down to youthful arrogance…Nothing that time won’t cure…

    In 1986 when I was in my early twenties, I happened to be in our big bad Capital for a couple of months on a ‘vacation training’ stint. With little money, and no real protection of localites (except the family of a class mate who were hosting us – and I must say, I have the highest regard for this Patel Nagar Delhi Punjabi family of modest means) it was tough going for me…The excessive emphasis on appearances and status symbols got to me too….Plus I had some nasty run-ins with the type of person described by Shahana…Tall, fair, good looking as hell, arrogant and rude about my poor Puneri fashion, ‘Lucky’ was my Delhi Waterloo…

    Your response to her was measured and impactful….but you seem to have the benefit of years and good experiences to take inspiration from. You could have been gentler with her…


    You write goddamn well though!!!!

    • Gentler with someone who didn’t have the decency to let the dead rest in peace? To bring up the memories of a grandmother lost to a massacre? I think not 🙂 I might be older, but even I couldn’t be gentle to someone like that.

      And I agree that hers is the mistaken arrogance and brashness of youth. But she can save this and read it some years later when she’s not smarting. She’ll realise she had a friend in me. I have tried to do some damage control and not allow the world to think we’re all frustrated ‘madrasans’ picking a private bone in public.

      Thank you for the compliment though!

  44. Mad Momma,
    This is one great post..

    Seriously, after so much of negativity on Shahana’s blog, it was so refreshing
    to read something sane like this.. yes, let’s forget all about the hata-wala-rant courtesy Ms.Shahana and kiss and make up!

    Peace out! 🙂

  45. Read both the blogs. Yours and Miss Shahana’s. Whats more disturbing is the amount of recognition and acceptance that so many guys are giving her blog.
    Iv lived in Chennai for 3 years, faced alot of problems there, but I didnt end up lombasting the entire community or region for what I experienced, but this gal is acting like a the ones that she described in her blog.
    I live in Delhi, but im not a punjabi, so I dont come under her mindless discretion, I still got very upset seeing someone so hatefully attacking and disrespecting the punjabi’s in particular….we all love them man!!
    Thanx for a lovely reply MM.

    • Exactly. We all love them. What’s not to love about butter chicken, chhole-bhature, Rabbi and Sukhvinder and Daler, jhappis, lassi, bhangra and warm welcomes? Khao, piyo, mast raho. Don’t take the worst of a community, magnify it and then take it viral. You’d never want to be judged on the basis of the lowest common denominator, why should anyone else?

  46. very well written..was horrified to read shahana’s blog..the blog could’ve made delhi/punjabi boys what was written in it..!! Im niether a punjabi/delhi’ite nor a south indian but have lived in delhi for about four years..i have friends from all over the country and they are all awesome. our group has tamils, mallus, telegus, bongs, kashmiris, jats, marathis, assamese and of course punjabis.

  47. Respect.

    Really well written, but much more than that – the thought, the sentiment; appreciated. 🙂

  48. Absolutely fantastic…u just conveyed what had been going through my mind..im proud to be born in the same country as you..God bless u….I had felt so hurt about the whole partition thing she mocked…my grandfather had seen those times..Love and blessings…

  49. What rubbish….why are you guys making a fun letter into a regional war…get some sense of humour!!!

  50. I asked Shahana and I’m asking you too.. May I take you out for a dinner? Any place and any cuisine of your choice. Your mister is invited too 🙂


  51. Hey you write well. Better than your sistah Shahana. Don’t feel bad. I guess she is very unhappy sad frustrated girl trying to digest a rejection. Let her rant. I would not even share her link to her blog with any one. Why give her publicity? Let her roll on the floor and keep crying.

  52. It’s time this Shahana paid a visit to a Gurudwara and see how people are fed food fit for kings irrespective of race, caste, colour or religion. Then only will she realize what Punjabis truly are.

    That said, she is just plain full of hate. It’s best to ignore her.

    I really liked your reply. Very well written! Thank you!

  53. Really thanks a lot for writing this. That venomous post needed a fitting rebuttal. And this one’s clearly the best of all the ones I’ve read since afternoon.

  54. I did not know what the fuss was about this letter this Madrasan wrote until I logged on at night to twitter! What a pathetic excuse for humor – and then I see your blog.
    I rarely comment – but I’ve enjoyed all your posts! This one was rocked!!!
    Though I would say why waste your precious space and time on that stupid letter but after reading your post I do understand why you felt to write it!!


  55. Beautifully and astutely written. I started my day superbly angry and this frustrated bitter rant. And well, Mad Momma, thanks for putting me to bed calmer 🙂
    As a writer, trying my hand at a response, I’d love to emulate/quote you in my piece.

  56. MM, I do not think, you have to interfere in bw them.. Sahana’s post was pure personal.. Whatever written by Sahana was pointed to the “Delhi boy” alone and we are not to take some common context out of it !.. You may not be the right person to cross blog on the same. Its cheap publicity to write a reply blog addressing Sahana when you are no where related to her !..

    You gotta BE in delhi, not in someone’s shadow. May be you will come to know what you face when you walk down the street !..

    Sorry.. Thumbs Down !.. I may read what you write when it comes out of some sense!..

  57. Respected Ma’m, this is simply EPIC:)

    can’t be explained in words…

    one Comment i would like to add:

    A fitting reply to a hate monger, Hats off to youm/

  58. That was a brilliant, completely brilliant piece of writing.

    Yes, you’re a fabulous writer. But more than that, you should be really, really proud of your thought process and maturity. Loved your sense of perspective. You rose above the frivolity of the original author’s post and yet addressed much larger issues that arose from her hatred-filled writing – issues that we all go through and experience as people, irrespective of where we belong to.

    I’m glad this will always stay on the internet!

    I’m a fan. Total, total Respect.

  59. I read your Blog first and then found Shahana’s to read what she had written that brought out such a stern, lengthy and almost rude reply form you. She obviously is scorned in love or had her heart broken by a delhi boy who is also punjabi. Sometimes its best to let the young vent and get over it. Who in world gets angry and tries to be politically correct about things said in anger? To stoop to her level and put so much thought and effort into giving her a stern reply i thought is futile and not worth pursuing. To each their own. This is just my opinion. In trying to belittle her thoughts, you have actually made readers more curious about what she wrote in the first place. Giving her more attention than she actually deserves. OH WELL!

  60. dear mad momma,
    its good how you actually took sides of both south and north Indians. i hope people like shahana learn a bit of equality themselves before telling others.
    keep growing,
    proud punjaban, indian at heart 🙂

  61. *claps*

    I really liked your message. Its absurd to generalize and say something as if representing an entire group.”Okay lets kiss and make up, North and South Indians. In fact let’s drag the Pakistanis into this big group hug”- good line :):)

  62. Very well written.. bravo! Making fun is something else.. what shahana did was not that.. I like the way you’ve replied point by point.. good one! 🙂

  63. And MM, just for the record, as the daughter of a father who is still serving in the armed forces, and a younger brother who has just joined the army, we DO NOT all think like that. If anything, it’s an embarrassment to share the space of being a “kid of the armed forces” with her. Salut!

  64. Brilliant answered Madam. I am Punjabi from Delhi and I know there are people who are like what she mentioned, but still it hurt.
    Its a good thing to have a sane voice amongst the angry lashing that is going on the world wide web because of the said post. And yes, I agree, she seems to lack experience, is brash and thinks abusing is a good sense of humour (if humour was her motive)
    Again, quite a well formed reply to the lady’s post and thanks 🙂

    • Plus, I had to add. Each region has its negative and positive points. Maybe, we are a bit lacking in the cultural department. Even we Northies admit this and marvel at the genius of our Southern counterparts. Ramanujan, Dr. Radhakrishnan, Kalam….the names are endless. But there are things we are good at and there are things people in other regions are good at.

      • That’s not true really. Which area of culture shall we take up? Amrita Pritam for literature? Bulleh Shah’s poetry? Faiz Ahmed Faiz who was from Punjab? Jagjit Singh?

        There is culture of every sort in every part of the country. We just have to learn to appreciate it for what it is.

  65. Kudos from a Delhiite who also happens to be a Mallu. A very well articulated opinion.
    I’ve always wondered, why do Southies living in Delhi take SO much offence at being called a Madrasi? I mean it may be warranted if they are making fun of you, but if the poor guy doesnt know his 28 states and doesnt intend to mock you, why can’t you just pity him a little, let it be and not get offended?

    • yeah! It annoys me too, but then I realise its more a display of their ignorance than anything else. at some level you are right, I do feel sorry for people who are just ill informed.

      • Kris was spot on. If everything above Tamilnadu is North India (including Maharashtra & Manipur), then why not accept to be called a ‘Madrasi’ if one is from South India. I don’t feel ashamed of being addressed like that. Well, the tone matters 🙂

          • Thanks for writing the sane post, MM. I read the original piece and it was so vile! (I mean, “dont sms happy guru parab to me”- why! after years of learning about the multi-cultural, multi-lingual, multi-religion society of ours, this is what people come up with!). And about being called Madrasi- why do people take so much offence to it when Kannadiga, Telugu and Keralites were technically Madrasi much after independence? As you said, correct them and move on. It is not offensive until it is meant to be so.

  66. A friend sent me the link yesterday night, calling it an expression of female rage. I read it yesterday, and it made me very uncomfortable. If she had a bad experience with a few men, it’s not fair to tar the entire community with the same brush, and make insensitive (and unfunny) jokes about autism and partition. And it’s not as if she is stopping with the men – she suddenly brings the women in too, implying they are brainless, while apparently South Indian women are the epitome of awesomeness! I found the whole blog very distasteful.

    And then today, I see people on FB calling this ‘the funniest thing they have read in a long time’. Maybe I should send them some books. Sigh!

    • It’s really quite annoying to be part of a South Indian woman who is bright but ugly stereotype. WTF? I refuse to allow you to drag me into that. I am not in the least bit apologetic about my looks. And neither, by implication will I buy the north indians are beautiful and brainless.

  67. Keep writing Mad Momma your’s is the voice of reason and compassion of delightful humor in a language that is refined and elegant and yet hits hard where it has too.I read your blog again had soft tears in my eyes at your ability to love a city warts and all , the other blog had me in tears too of rage and frustration . I am so glad a niece posted both the blogs together on FB so one could be impartial. Read your other stuff too same happy observation intelligence and maturity you too will not accept things that are not right but in a manner that befits mature and cultured person , Be sift on her for what for being crass , vulgar and utterly arrogant and immature .

  68. Shahana’s piece was what my Dad would tut tut and say ‘just not cricket, poor form that’ ; That Disgruntled Mob fellow was nice but your piece was The Bride from Kill Bill meeting P G Wodehouse. Loved it, more power to you.

  69. Whew !! these two blogs are gonna do tons more to my CAT preparation than the last two months !! 🙂
    Jokes apart , what pure hatred this girl has for us punjabi’s (read non- sawthies)!!
    I don’t own a SUV but i would surely want to ASAP, whats wrong with that ? Ya some of our clan do boast about the ‘gaddis’ and ‘kothis’ they have.But then why give them a damn ? Laugh about it and forget it !!
    Gal (anyone else for that matter) if you have a problem with people outside your city , go live in you own city.. what the heck. who’s calling you here ?? I’ll do the same if i have problem adjusting with chennaites or bangaloreans’.. Why should i even expect them to change the way they eat / talk /live/shit /dance/fag/lick for me ?? And why should i for them ? Who am i to judge them or as a matter of fact judge anyone in the whole world with all the little knowledge i have.
    We just need to be tolerant towards each others ways .
    Go shanna , get a life … in chennai if not in delhi , but get one !!!
    and for MM : u rock !!!

    PS : just wondering if she’s from a defense background , did she ever make friends, because there you have people from all parts of the country rather than just your own.
    Oops i am being judgmental myself.. human trait you see..

    PSS : I love india as a whole !!!

  70. Oops typo :
    Shahana not shanna
    Pls forgive me for the mistake.. i don’t want coconuts shoved up my *** 😛

    Sorry can’t help taking a dig at someone who’s so pissed off 😛
    Its fun somehow !! 😉 😉

  71. Oh rabba eh kuri taan maar davegi kise nu school vich! was my first reaction. But then i realized its just a parody of a madrasseez stereotype of a punjabi.

      • Ok… now you are killing your own cause… why bring Madrasi Mamma into it? And if you dont want a Madrasi Mamma pacifying a Madrasi baby, do it yourself… :):). i think you are making the same mistake Shahana made… this is not about a rightful Madrasi ‘undoing the damage’ of a prejudiced ‘Madrasi (i know there are 4 states, am only alluding to what has been used earlier!!)… this is just about a more balanced look against dangerous generalizations!

  72. Thank you. Sometimes I feel that these idiots forget they’re Indian first. Send them all here to England, I’ll take care of them. Wait, you just did!

  73. Dear blogger,

    Came across your post via facebook and i must say that i was impressed by your expression. Would love to read more and shall in the coming days. Thats on the agenda. Being a Delhiite i have been critical of a lot of stereotypes that she has been talking about myself. But neutrality went out of the window when the mummys and dead daadis and gifted young kids came in to the picture. That was below the belt. i liked your writing. thank you.


  74. Marry me woman.

    On a more serious note, very well written. I salute your wit and sense of fairness.

    On an ever more serious note, marry me woman. 😀

    • Haha… MM werent you already married? or do you want to follow the Sri Devi archeteype… :):) no offence meant… Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzz… simbly quoting your own s-porting ig-jaaample (now how’s that for national integration of regional accents!!)

  75. Love it COMPLETELY. Total respect and that s not because you defended Delhi, Punjbai and what all… bt because you put things in perfect perspective 🙂

  76. Awww… give the poor OP (Lavanaya) a break… We are all entitled to rant when stoned or high… What Lavanya wrote was funny in a dark sort of way and it made me laugh.. what you posted was so poignant that it almost brought out a tear 😦

  77. Great reply! And she really had it coming! I hate how educated and open-minded she put herself to be while writing something that totally proves she’s not!

  78. Pingback: An Open Reply by Someone In Between… « worldemort

  79. Sigh.. Loved your response.. I didn’t like what she has written, I didn’t like the stereotyping…
    I also felt bad for her though – for being so judgemental and poisonous and insensitive to a lot of people, babies, grannies…

  80. dear MM,
    Now that,s wat i call…”awesome”. I am a Northie (not a punjabi) and i respect southies like anything for i have had all my schooling with them.. i love their accent, food and pretty girls (just rightly bakes chocolate cakes-that’s wat i call my frends). Who says southie boys r not good looking?? Haven’t u seen Rahul Dravid and Anil kumble???
    Having said that… i take immense proud in being a northie, our food, our culture , our tradition!! we are more nationalist in our approach despite of the fact we have been attacked pretty often by the foreign intruders. We have a mixed culture Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs, Buddhists all living together!!! being Hindi speakers we can also speak good English and a mother tongue!!!
    ..and to Ms Shahana… happy Hindi Diwas…i hope u know what it is!!!!Get a life girl..u re sick!!you should visit some good North Indian hill stations for some peace! I invite to u to my state of Jammu and Kashmir ( a state of three diversities Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists)!!!

    Proud Indian (who loves every corner of her mother land)

  81. Kudos …!
    This blog stopped me from writing an angry comment on Ms Shahana’s blog about her writing skills and humor (or the lack of)

  82. I live in Delhi and am half Punjabi although most of the time I’m trying to figure out how to represent this. From that point of view I have to say that I found Shahana’s blog a bit more enlightening.

    Ps I believe its a bit over-the-top to be proud of grammatical errors.

  83. Very Well Said!
    I read Shahana’s blog last night and was shocked it could have gone viral!And By people I know, have lived and loved and hogged Dosas and Chole alike, with northies and southies together through 4 years of college and longer!
    Every other blog article she’s put out there is funnier and smarter and NOT as narrow minded.I woke up today & had to come here and look for a logical comeback!:)
    (I am writing to you after stalking the bean and brat on a daily basis for the last year!)Hiiii and hugs 🙂

  84. Mad Mom
    I enjoyed reading your reply to that piece of trash which was circulating all over fb.
    The most disturbing part was Ms. Sahana claiming to represent all “Madrasans” indirectly & even more disappointing was the act of people who felt hurt, conferring her the legitimacy to claim it instead of disputing it.
    It somehow reminded me of the chauvinism “exhibited” by some of the politicians in TN before elections.
    Thanks a lot for taking the pressure off people like me who felt compelled to give an equally stinging attack but decided against it as it would have been more of a reactive comment than being a mature & fitting response as yours. As one of my senior friends put it, one can’t aspire for everything @ 22 🙂
    Some day, I will learn to write like you.

    m/ Respect 🙂

    P.S. – Singing/Playing ‘Sahana’ raga helps one to express grief and compassion 😛

  85. What can I say.

    I am a Punjabi who was more confused than hurt by this article.
    All i can say “Tussi great ho” and “tussi phatte chak diye”

    I am proud of u.
    I could not have articulated it better. Thanks for taking out the time and effort.

  86. Mad Momma, You have a fan!!!

    Women in India are insecure about a great deal (including me)- getting judged all the time, sexually harassed on streets, being objectified (as in “ladki dekhna” for marriage), and they need to loose it sometime. Shahana, however, went further and slandered and badmouthed a whole community over a personal bad experience (rejection from some SUV driving douche bag over her skin color??), which seemed pretty absurd.
    Anyway, I read it, felt pity for the girl who seems to be way too young to understand what she is doing. I did not want to comment on this useless issue, but then I read your post and absolutely loved your articulateness.
    I am going to be a regular on this blog for sure..

    • I believe she’s 24. That is old enough to vote, drive, drink and get married. If so, she’s old enough to be responsible for what she said. I read her accusations – all of which could be annoying at worst – an SMS or driving an SUV are not crimes for which you call upon someone’s ancestors who died a harsh and painful death. There are some things for which youth is just not an excuse.

        • Gah! I hit Send before I meant to. What I wanted to say was 24 isn’t so young, is it? And doesn’t really make for an excuse. Maybe I’d be more accepting if she were, say, 15, or something.

          And for someone who’s moved across the country and lives all on her own, I find it hard to believe that she isnt mature enough to understand what she put out there and why it could hurt people’s feelings. I understand if she wanted to be sarcasting, but being crude and hurtful isn’t any way to go about it.

        • Actually i was thinking of you and all the other 24 year olds I know when I said that. Can’t imagine any of you coming up with something so scummy.

      • oh, okay. by the choice of her words I pictured a much younger girl, just out of college, weighed down by an inferiority complex which she thinks she can overcome by going off on politically incorrect rants…
        And also, working her jaws on a piece of chewing gum… ( I hate that particular exercise!!)
        I was, however, quite disturbed by how many people commenting on her blog mistook a tasteless, downright offensive rant as a ‘work of Humor’, and the others proceeded to attack everything South Indian . There is basically a ” Who is the bigger douche bag here?” contest raging on that blog right now. Hope somebody forwards her the link to your blog, and that she realizes what she is doing wrong.

        I am a North Indian through and through (by birth and upbringing),never had the chance to visit South India (my bad!). And some of the gentlest people I have come across are from South India.
        South Indians are amazingly unassuming and down to earth, North Indians (esp Punjabis) are warm and full of sunshine. I shall put a full stop here.

        That’s about all the time I can afford to waste on this girl. I will now proceed to spend my evening reading your blog throughout :))

  87. Dear MM,
    Kudos on your post.
    A really good lesson on dialectics in the way you took apart each of her points.

    As for her post going viral, I think its because people on facebook just want to post the next new thing on their wall without even understanding it.
    Something like this :
    I must post something on my wall!
    this is something!
    therfore i must post it!!

    p.s. liked your style and will be following your blog regularly from now on..

  88. I am from western up, born in bundelkhand, raised in Hyderabad and nagaland. When we came to up, I would cry for days for the indifference I could see in people here. Then I made made friends – a plump bong, a daring Muslim girl, a selfless punjaban and a humble up girl. It broke all my stereotypes. Guys people will be people. Find your friends and you will find them irrespective of who and what they are. My best friend is a very selfish capitalist andhrite married to a selfless communist andhrite. And I love the diversity around, it helps you learn to learn and grow!

  89. I am guessing since I did not see her post on my FB page, my friends are all reasonably tolerant and sensible to not propagate diatribe against a community, or mighty ignorant. Either way, I am glad. Well written argument, as always!

  90. One sensible reply finally. As much as I have been enjoying this rather juvenile war of blogs since yesterday as a neutral (but stereotypical) Bong….I think it was getting out of hand. I just hope the right people read this….cheers

  91. This is fabulous! I was so mad after reading Shahana’s post but couldn’t have put it better in words than you. thank you

  92. I am from delhi and i find her comments more amusing than insulting because she suffers from an inferiority complex. I also wouldn’t be surprised if she tries to speak the queens english because of her slave mentality…so much for clinging to her roots.

    *point at shahana and laughs at her bitterness*

  93. I’m neither Northie or Southie. I’m Bong, I’ve lived all over India and Delhi is one of my fav cities.This sort of bigotry and crassness is just so out of place in today’s world. When I read this girl’s blog, only one thought popped into my mind: someone didn’t get a call back after a date.

    Nicely done, MM !

  94. Kick ass reply !

    Loved the p.s. part !
    Now i am gonna go find all my south indian AND pakistani friends ! and get them in a group hug ! 😀

  95. Thanks a lot MM, I really felt apart after reading Shanna’s blog. but thankfully people you are around and country s not falling apart. My family has felt the horror of partition and when I saw her making fun of that I was speechless on how someone be so cold. Thanks again

    With all due respect

  96. He he he 😀
    Really, the sheer amount of verbal spanking Miss Shahana has been getting since yday, is amazing. Did you, by any chance, get to read http://disgruntledmob.blogspot.com/2011/09/bhaiyya-palika-bazaar-ka-kitna.html? 😛

    Personally, I have had many Tamilian and Delhiite friends, and none of them have ever come across as snobs the way Miss Shahana portrays herself and Delhiites in her weblog.

    On a more serious note, I would like to say that the Govt. of India issues us a Voter card, Passport, DL, and the zillions of other ID proofs not on the basis of a state, but because we are citizens of India. If only people like Shahana could understand this simple tautology, life would have been way more cooler than people fighting for Nagaland and Telengana and SC/ST creamy layer rights. There are a whole bunch of bad things about every community. I have stayed in BLR for 2 years and now 2 months and loose change in Hyderabad. The trick is to rise above the boring antagonistic feelings and make everyone a part of the same unified outfit where the dark borders of regionalism are grayed out. at the least, if not spray-painted in white. 😀 I am actually more close my Andhraaite sys-admin than my Delhiite symantic web guru. 😛

    Mad Momma, you m/, and so does your post. 😀 Can’t start the day better than laughing along with your statements and your admonishing Miss Crackpot.

  97. I read the ref post just a few minutes back as lots of ppl had fb’ed them to me.. And I was wondering how come being a defense kid(presumably she must hv travelled all over our country) her views r so narrow? For everything she said, I had a counter argument and was thinking of taking it up on my blog too(someday!) U wrote it so well.

  98. Hey..good one!!
    But spare the girl yaa..i think she was hurt and drunk when she wrote the “open letter”. Although I loved your reply.

    • I understand if she was hurt and drunk. But if we don’t accept drunkenness as an excuse for driving over people on pavements, we also shouldn’t accept it as a reason for riding rough shod over people’s feelings. I’ve met so many old ladies and gentlemen who escaped during partition and hearing their stories would break your heart. To have her say what she did, just broke my heart. I can’t bear to see her represent us.

  99. I wonder if it’s right to even venture to post a comment that clearly won’t fall in line with the ones I have read so far.

    First, I think Shahana’s post has been ripped up by those offended to unnecessary proportions. By both SI’s and NI’s. Since 1995, I have read a lot of nasty comments by North Indians about South Indians online and have seen the SI’s stutter trying to reply as scathingly, and failing miserably:-). Not everyone can articulate their point so well and the biggest problem in India is that not everyone is comfortable with English to the same degree.

    So I found it amusing that Shahana was able to articulate so well and get to her point, effectively. I never questioned her post to be severely malicious(it was a comical rant) because she already revealed that she is part Marathi(paternal), and part South Indian(Mother = Malayalee). Not until you picked on certain lines and detailed it, anyway, and even that can simply be a personal thing for each person depending on their exposure.

    And judging by the number of people appreciating her(just as many not appreciating her), I would say there are a lot of people that are congratulating her simply because she was able to bring the ‘mood’ of SI’s that have faced ridicule by NI. Not everyone is a wordsmith and there are plenty of people out there that swallow insults because they can’t retort effectively. And I have read defensive comments by NI’s before saying, take it lightly as a joke whenever SI’s felt insulted. But the rage on seeing an article from the SI side being effective is shocking…

    And she didn’t spare anyone. She took a beating at the SI’s offences too. I read a few comments against her comment about SI men’s looks. Seems to have offended the average SI man. Barring Kannada, I know all the other Dravidian languages. I share your frustration in seeing actresses who don’t speak the language(hence, don’t act well) but are brought for their skin color(err… sorry, beauty) then for their talent to SI films. And I have seen comments by SI men and film fraternity on TV like “North Indian women are beautiful but South Indian women are smart”. Seriously? There is nothing wrong with dusky women and films today hardly see the cult-following that films from before 2000s. And many of the women in those films were from SI.

    But ultimately, we can all agree everyone has their good and bad, wherever you are from the world. And if Shahana is ignorant, so seem to be many that have commented on her blog. Is it not disturbing to see the pointed and repeated insults against Tamils/Tamilnadu when the author did reveal that she is in fact Malayalee?

    Anyhow, as M Gandhi said, an eye for an eye will make everyone blind.:-) So let’s hope people move past this. As for Shahana, I hope to see her spend her language skills on many more posts that are more meaningful than this rant.

    Sorry MM, this comment is way too long.

    • Like!

      Come on MM , shahana’s post was meant to be taken lightly. References to Autistic child and Partition and all those things – not to be taken so seriously. I am pretty sure shahana is human enough to have compassion towards kids with disabilities – this was just a light comment!

      And honestly – i found lots of things that shahana wrote about pretty funny – with a grain of truth. One never stops meeting air-brained stone-washed jeans types who cannot carry on a conversation beyond the latest bollywood movie..

      That said , i would also laugh at a similar post about south indians – after all , satire is funny only when real life is reflected in it!

      So i think making a big deal out of this is unnecessary !

      • I think you and i have always disagreed on perspective. The last time you had a problem with the way I felt strongly emotional about my own child! So let us agree to disagree.

        I don’t see why this is being called ‘making a big deal’. She wrote a post and left it online to be viewed and responded to. I responded. If she didn’t want it to be read, she shouldn’t have written it. Right?

        Moving on, you might find a lot of things funny – like stone washed jeans. I am told a lot of North Indians find the shirt hanging loosely out of pants and the mundu very funny to look at. Fair enough. But finding something funny is not enough reason to respond with aggression – shove coconuts into you until your saver packs grow coir? I’m horrified that a young woman thought of saying something like that in response to a mere irritant. This was not an eve teaser she responded to, not a violent person. She wrote this in response to a “happy Guru Purab” message. What does this sort of response say about her levels of anger?

        I’m sorry you find autism and partition funny. I’ve met autistic kids and families who lost entire branches and property in Pakistan. Who still mourn them deeply. I’d suggest everyone who thinks such matters should be taken lightly, should at least once, meet the parent of an autistic child and the child of someone who died in partition. Go ahead, try it and then come back and tell me what you found funny about it.

        A funny post is only funny if the person the joke is aimed at, laughs with you. If they don’t, then you apologise for having made it, and leave them alone. If you go beyond humour to such crass language, you need help and maybe some meditation.

        • i do not understand how people are saying that the article by Shahana was articulated well and her jokes on autism and partition should be taken lightly…WTF? there is not a single shred of articulate or logical buildup in what she has written- its disjointed spewing of venom put together in one single article- I have my own grudges against the city I live in…but I will never disgrace it with so much hatred considering I live here, work here and earn my bread and butter here…I crack my jokes but thats where it ends…its more about my own friends who I know can take it in their stride and abuse me in return. There are stereotypes in every city- but as educated individuals we should also realize that stereotypes do not anymore define reality…maybe it did at some point of time when cities were really smaller communities living together…but with people moving cities, countries, continents the entire concept of stereotypes have ceased to exist.
          Also autism and partition is not funny and CANNOT or SHOULD NOT be taken lightly. My family has gone through partition ( the Bangladesh/West Bengal divide) and I have seen its effects on my family many years later. My cousin is autistic and I know how that feels too…so its NOT FUNNY…and anybody who says such a thing should perhaps get a taste of it to realize how hard it hits home…

        • Hmm…Dont we often tell people – “you’re crazy” . Does that mean that one is a stone-hearted , dis compassionate animal with absolutely no sympathy for mentally ill ?

          Of course not…..the same applies here , really. When i read shahana’s article – it was just funny – unless you decide to delve into it and pick out hidden meanings.. I am sure the poor girl has only compassion for autistic kids and people affected by partition…

          Exaggeration has always been a tool used by comedians..she’s just doing that with the whole coir thing – there’s really nothing so malicious in this whole thing…

          If you judge her on basis of her one single post and say things like “she needs help and meditation”….i am slightly doubtful of your level of anger!!

          Anyway…that’s just my view , lets agree to disagree.

          • Huge difference between telling someone you’re crazy in a laughing manner and bringing autism into it. How exactly are you so sure the poor girl has ‘only compassion’? Or is this a tongue in cheek statement. Seriously, after her post I am a little confused about what people find funny haha.

            Again, you might not find it malicious, but i have no idea of your background. To those she targeted, it was hurtful. And to my mind, that is enough. I also kid, but if I find that the person I am ragging finds it offensive, I’d have the decency to apologise and shut up. I don’t understand how people can call something a joke, watch it build into outrage and hurt grow, and still think its funny. It ceased to be funny the moment you alienated a whole community and bitched them out.

            You may not think its offensive but I’m relieved to find there are dozens of others who do. I’ve had mothers of special kids write in to me to tell me they’re glad i took it up. So yeah, I understand if a younger, want-to-be hep crowd feels all ‘what the hell ya.. she’s so funny’ *burst bubble-gum* about it. Personally i feel it went way over the crass line. I do think meditiation and a talk with someone will help anyone who sounds so frustrated and rude and crass. No anger here, just the concern of someone older, if not wiser! its as valid a POV as any one else.

    • MM, I loved your reply. We need to have such lucidity when taking on haters.

      Kajan, please stop defending the crazy girl. And you say you read nasty things about South Indians on the internet since 1995 !! Perhaps you can enlighten us with where you managed to do this ?

  100. This by far is the best response to the Open Letter. I’ve been following this internet fever for quite some time.

    I refrained myself from commenting anywhere. But your post intrigued me to leave a note of appreciation. I didn’t any any prejudice or bitterness towards any cast or region, which was there in the original post and in most of the replies.

    I wish more people read your post than the Original Open letter.

  101. Phew, it was rather gratifying to read your comeback to the “madrasan”! That girl has some serious issues or in my opinion was just trying to use humour to mask her contempt for some dilli boy who broke her heart..nothing wrong in entertaining people with witty posts but she definitely crossed the line with her crude narrative and racial stereotypes. Being a south indian who lived most of her life in Mumbai and having several north indian friends, I definitely agree with your “For every Daalli boy living in Defence Callony there is a Medraus boy getting up ‘yearly in the maarning”. We have all have our unique idiosyncrasies and we should take pride in them! 😉 Glad that another madrasan girl took the patience to put across the fact that not all of us are like “her”. 🙂

  102. Thanks a lot for being a fair minded woman! I was horrified at Shahana’s post. It was so so racist! Really! Way to go, MM (Yem-Yay-Dee, Yem-O-Yem-Yem-Yay). 🙂

  103. I can only thank you for articulating the anger and frustration I felt yesterday on so many levels. Its almost become cool to bash Delhi and Punjabis, and its getting old.

  104. This looks like yet another attempt to ride on a wave, get more hits and eventually get a deal to write a book.


  105. A wonderful reply. Thanks to you.

    I wanted to give her a tight slapping reply with lots of anger. though i am neither a punjabi nor from delhi. But i understand both very well… And i take many points of her blog about delhi, punjabis and spl delhi-punjabi mix. Fine

    But the examples used like partition, autistic kisd, dead grand ma, shoving the coconuts are groose, really pathetic.

    Seems she had a real heart break or heart burn may be and that why she is spitting so mucn venom.

    But once again, great words of praise for you to write such a sensible article/reply.
    She has made it possible that people who havent felt south-north indian bais, will start hating each other.

    Her post is full of hatred, bitterness and anger from a personal point of view. Racist, may be. We indians are racist.

  106. WOW! This is something I wanted to read.. Amazing is the word. Just wanted to mention that at the end of the day we are all INDIANS. Such a division that Shahana portrayed was just really sad, coming from a defence background. Oh n yeah, I hate some Delhi men myself..but NOT ALL. So Shahana, should’ve watched a romantic movie with icecream and tissues to get over that someone who broke her heart.

    FYI, I am a Punjabi from Delhi.

    My name is Persian and yes, my family went through the brutal time of partition and Shahana my friend you don’t know anything about it. So she should just shut the F up and F*!#$ off.

  107. I love this response. I actually couldn’t get through her letter because it was so narcissistic and then started reeking of the bitterness after rejection. In world where the educated try to be politically correct to not offend, this whole post was SO something she should’ve writter if she had plans to NEVER comeback to Delhi again and just stick to her hometown, or in fact her room.
    I’m sad that this letter has gotten so much attention that its even trended on twitter and everyone’s posting it(if only in the wtf context)…on this side of the border too.
    I suspect this was a bit of an attention seeking stunt by an insecure girl, and sadly she’s got the attention.
    Today, these are our celebrities. people who fu@# up on life get reality shows(the US mostly) and foot in mouth posts get amplified to stardom.
    But I love how you handled it, and the blow to other South Indians is softer because you speak as one of them 🙂
    Good stuff, MM.
    (commenting after ages, but I’m still around)

    • hey, we’re not perfect on either side of the Vindhyas and I am the first to admit it.

      that said, you’re so right about these being our celebrities. The foul mouthed girl who got drunk and wrote her letter on the www for all to read. A lot of us have got drunk and written letters on the www. But its a rare letter that is so vicious and so mean spirited. Laugh at the biceps, the SUVs, the tight tees and the bling by all means. I’ll laugh with you. But I draw the line at jeering at a disability or laughing at partition. At that point you’ve lost my support, friend.

  108. i absolutely love this!!!! a perfect response.. a point by point disection of the ‘Madrasan’s rant!!

    Am an andhrite – born in delhi, studied in delhi, chennai, pune and having worked in kolkata, Hyderabad & Delhi.. love the way u’ve put across each n every point

  109. Am a tad late into the sorid south-north indian divide, read the outburst and a saner summary of yours just now. Both made me smile.

    As a dalli girl living in Bangalore for the past several years, there are levels of prejudices that ones gets to sense in some form everywhere. For unknown reasons you remain the north indian girl, who is absorbed, accepted but for the most part allowed to remain in her corner as long as she does not come too close to family comfort.

    Back in Delhi, the blending is simpler but any ‘bindaas’ behaviour that one chooses to exibhit- smoking, walking alone in the night, evokes a reaction from the men that they just feel entitled to make.

    South or north, there is a certain manner of dealing with women for the men that could do with an improving. the manner of expression in both change. Yes i do feel safer in Bangalore than in a Delhi. Yes, i also know that it comes from some form of a she is a ‘dalli girl’ and faint mutterings that they hope my influence does not reach them.

    Not meant to be a rant, its the way it is. each microcosm has its own rules. Up to you to be bothered by them or not.

    • You’re right. Girls who wander around alone at night in Delhi aren’t the safest. but they do – plenty of them risk it. On the other hand I am just back from a family trip to Madras and I didn’t see any girls out alone at night at all.

  110. Hi, I am a dark-skinned Punjabi boy, married to a fair coloured girl from Andhra Pradesh (Telghu Speaking). My wife was more furious on reading that blog, but your blog has not only soothed her but even brought her smile back.
    Would like to say millions of thanks to you and wanted to say that World is still worth-living, coz of good people like you.
    God bless you.

  111. Voice of sanity. Thank you. A hateful rant is helpful while beating the dust out of a carpet but that’s it.

  112. Brilliant!! Not every Southindian/ northindian has a problem with each other…keepin that in mind… 🙂
    a wonderful post!!!

  113. Excellent post. Chumma Kalakiteenga. Great to see our people writing lovely blogs and also making it popular. Keep posting more MAD MOMMA… 🙂

  114. Ah, +1 from a proud (and fraud) mallu who is very happy to live amongst all the naarth indians in this crazy city that we call Delhi! Umm, I think the original poster hung out with quite the wrong crowd here in Delhi, and from the look of things recently got dumped by the Dilliwallah boyfriend — hence the verbal diarrhea.

  115. I am actually quite surprised that the open letter from Madrasan evoked such response from the e-public. Any kind of prejudice is bad, I admit. There are thousands of posts which make fun of South Indians as well, never saw a rebuke to them. I am not supporting any region, but please let these be left as personal rants!! When someone makes fun of you and you are offended, you just make it a point to tell them. Why crib about it for god’s sake.
    Ms. Shahana had every right to say whatever she said. What she faced is nothing new and has been faced by a lot of south indians. But, that doesnt make all northies bad people. STOP generalising. All the points you made are equally right. But again dont apply to all south indians. STOP generalising.
    Kaun sa duniya mein kam problem hain jo hum north south leke jhagdenge yaar!!

    • So Ms Shahana has every right to say what she wants, but no one else does? Clearly you misunderstand the concept of blogging and the freedom of speech that goes with it.

      She responded to some Delhi guy who said something to her in private, on a public forum. Shouldn’t she too have only responded to the people who bothered her?

      What South Indians face in the North, North Indians face in the South. Simple. But the language and the aggression was unpardonable. It’s exactly what she accused the North Indians of! How exactly did she make us come off any better than them?

      And the entire point of this post is to ensure that north-south mein jhagda thoda kam ho. She’s creating a communal divide and as someone from the same background, I’m doing my best to make amends in the way I see fit.

      • sorry, looks like you got me wrong. I only meant to say that her letter should not have gotten as much response as it did coz its a personal rant. When someone gives such rants on my face, i try to explain the other side. But open letters i feel are better ignored than popularized.

  116. Jus loved ur reply MM..Yesterday tht blotted Madrassan made me so furious..mainly for dividing India yet again in Two parts and insulting one’s religion..It made me hate everyone who think alike..bt today after reading this M in love with all “Madrassan’s” yet again 🙂
    One who feels inferior in called Madrassan/ Black..can’t justify proud in same..M proud of being called as Indian/ North-Indian/ Rajasthani/ Brown..and I value each n every culture which adds to Indian unity in its diversity.

    Kuddos to U 🙂

  117. oh cmon why so serious everybody ? Shahana’s rant was atleast funny.. yes, quite obviosuly she crossed the line regarding autistic kids, but it was an entertaining read nonetheless. This one ? nah, this is a cheap attempt at gaining publicity – go on girl, get ur 15 minutes jst like shahana did. Bt know this – this is twice as bitter as shahana’s and only half as funny.

    • I think everyone is serious BECAUSE she crossed the line. Autistic kids are not funny. Neither is it funny to bring up painful memories of loss. I wasn’t aiming for funny so its perfectly fine if it isn’t. I’m not in a funny mood – more like an embarrassed-that-someone-from-my-part-of-the-world-did-something-so-low mood. I don’t think you have the sensitivity to appreciate that if you found her post ‘entertaining’. I might have laughed at it if it were kinder, since I come from exactly the same place that she does. But it was just… crass and vulgar.

  118. @ THE “COOL” Mad Momma Online wow ! … a comforting voice after all the bloodshed by Shahana. She was angry , very angry I might add . My very first thought after reading her post was that she painted the whole Delhi-Punjabi people with the same brush (she did not stop at painting) and threw the respect for the fellow citizen out of the window. It seemed there was no India in there.

    PS. An awesome read , Keep Blogging , respect for your beautiful open mind .

  119. Mad Momma…
    Brilliantly written, and aptly replied.
    Shahana’s article was definitely hurting, and particularly to those( like me, with not very good writing acumen) and unable to comment on her post in the same haste and literary fervor (literary, nor really!! I’ll say ‘crass’) as hers..

    This one really comes as a relief.

    Ms. Shahana
    (if you are reading this,,,, well, you definitely are reading this. With an ego, the size of yours, you definitely would not miss this post or any comment, in an attempt to find a weak one and write another ranting letter of hatred and self-defense, to satisfy your ego and again be cool in eyes of your friends, one of whom also commented on your article, with a lot of support, and is now laughing at you)

    In your face..Hope you regain some sanity reading this and it is posted on your FB wall a zillion times by your friends to wake you up from your slumber.

    Yours Sincerely
    Delhi Boy

  120. Shahana left out the “hindi is the national language” part which all the Tamils have to undergo when ever they “encounter” North Indians, and you have left it out too.

    Bharathanatyam, ‘podi’ and Dosas alone don’t personify Tamil Nadu. I am not saying you meant it, but just saying that Tamil Nadu is far more than Brahmins, their art, their eating habits and their culture and their sports 🙂

    We have, for example, poikaal Kudhirai, oliyattam, Chicken Paya, Koozhu kanji and Kabaddi.

    I am from a Maharashtrian family whose family has lived in Tamil Nadu for 5 generations now, FYI.

    • LOL! EXACTLY!!! I am a Christian from Tamil Nadu so the Brahmins and their habits do not define me either. Which is what is so galling about her attempt at representing a stereotypical south india to a stereotypical north india. so juvenile. But you know, my husband isn’t a Tamilian and he faces so much discrimination when we’re in Madras. He’s from Karnataka and the first thing the autowalas do when they see him is point at his fair skin and go “Delhi? 300 rupees.” At this point I have to jump in and bargain but its too damn late.

      PS: Hindi is the official language and Delhi is the capital of the country. Its silly to rail against something that is essentially ours. it’s a pity that we often praise the fact that we have so much diversity when we talk to foreigners, but are unable to walk the talk when it comes to it.

      • see..thts t prob…whil v al agree tht hindi happns 2 b t official language…v simply cant take t “rasthrabasha” rant tht v get whn v com out here to t north…n t convo goes somthn lik this…
        delhi guy :why do u hav a prob wit hindi…? its t rashtrabasha..
        me : no its not, its just adha rasthra ki basha…t remainin half has languages of its own..n india does not hav a rasthrabasha, it jst has an official language..
        delhi guy : no no..of cours hindi s t rashtrabasha…everybody speaks hindi.
        me : not everybody does.not many in tamil nadu do.
        delhi guy :why?
        me : coz i gotta language of my own…
        delhi guy : u mean telugu?!
        n this is when i give up.. people, t state is called tamil nadu for a reason. and we have t protests for telengana in andhra pradesh for a reason. cant you spot the in your face etymological connection between telugu and telengana vis a vis tamil nadu and tamil. you patiently and painstakingly try telling this guy about the fact that tamils speak tamil and not telugu and this is the response you get.
        delhi guy : tamil and telugu are all the same aren they? every south indian can understand the other south indian languages cant he?
        me: now what if i told you, that everybody north of the vindhyas can understand hindi, urdu,rajsthani,dogri,pahari,garhwali,kumaoni, AND kashmiri…?!

        not that i take sides with that shahana character.. my point simply is that its not just the tamils who don feel that hindi is alien to them…the feeling is very much mutual…try telling a delhiite about tamils contribution to the freedom struggle…why just yesterday i had a haryanvi guy tell me that tamils do not have a kshatriya class in them and hence are not really brave…i try telling him, just as i am trying to tell you that not every tamil was sittin and playing chess…the first officer to die in the kargil war was major saravanan…from trichy…where they ve built(man tempted to use the word erected, but well you know…) a memorial along the lines of the amar jawan thingy..with a gun and a helmet. now you must have had a cbse education. how much about the south do they mention in the history books….? its t aryans t mahajanapadas, t mauryans, t guptas, harsha n then the turks… parallely you have a mention about south india with the pallavas, cholas, chalukyas and rasxshtrakutas compressed into one lesson. the entire history of modern india in cbse books is completely that of the great plain region. who is to say that bharati was any less thn tagore? or chidambaram pillai was any less than say lala lajpat rai…?! now how many in north india know these names ?
        i try telling this guy about v.o.chidambaram pillai and veerpandiya kattabomman n his comment s that they don know about these people simply because the names are hard to remember…sensitivity at its height i guess…
        havin said that, i gotta thank the north for giving me paneer butter masala, delicious delights like rooh afza, not to mention the beauty of the Taj.

        • I think I see your point (I had an ICSE education and we did lots on the Pallavas and Cholas, I assure you – no idea what the curriculum these days is) and I understand what you mean. But each time i meet a person who is ignorant, i try to enlighten them. Are you telling me there are no people down south who think everyone up north is a punjabi? there are, and they are ignorant too. But that is no reason to get abusive. One would imagine with all the resources at our disposal we’d communicate more and build channels. We have so many inter-community matches – Shahana and I are both products of them. We have so many people travelling to other cities on work. Why then this whole ghetto revival?

          • I keep asking – how many South Indians who get offended at being called madrasi, can name all the north eastern states and their capitals? About time we learned the difference between ignorance and racism.

          • mate i have been in north for 3 years…. and have faced the same wrath….i am a CBSE student too who did even the social science in hindi… so i am not new to the so called rashtrabhasha…i am pretty sure the a moderately educated southie guy dont generalize every northie to be a punjabi , whereas 90% of the north indian managers in MNC do!!!!

          • @ wrath – let me see if I get this right. You feel its okay to abuse people’s ancestors and make fun of a child’s disability because someone is ignorant of your exact roots? how about just telling them? Where do you get your stats from when you say 90% MNCs – have you worked at 90% MNCs? Give me facts and figures. And as yet another South Indian said a while ago – how many people do you know who can name the NE states and all their capitals?

            dont respond to ignorance with agression or you’re no better than them.

  121. absolutely great….hate it or love it…you have to admit that this sahana girl has sparked an online debate… and its amazing to see it evolve into something so well written as this blog

  122. mm..interesting..i guess we Indians love to make stereotypes and also we are amazingly competent in segregating ourselves. not just on base of caste creed and color..even on base of education if one is an IITian then he will think non IITians inferior to him/her..if one is an engineer he will find non-engimneers inferior to him/her..and if one is a Graduate from St Stephens or any such “elite” college then the other graduates are worth nothing for him/her….

  123. Love this response. Thank god for a sane voice in reply to that bitter, vitriolic attack in worst taste. If that is ‘humorous’, I’d rather not laugh.

  124. Thanks Lavanya, you spoke for the country that wanted to reply to Ms. Shahana’s post. Or at least the sane bit of the nation that didn’t think her open letter was funny (or the bit that thinks that all replies to Shahana’s open letter are bids to web fame and book offers, ptch, how many petty people do we have amongst us one wonders) Love the point to point reply and thanks for bringing up everything that really hurt, seriously. I do dearly hope the Government or someone looks into what the hell they teach in all the formative years of the so called ‘Army Schooling’.

    PS. Kannadiga father, Mallu mother who was adopted by Tamilians, Rajasthani step-dad, Banglorean by birth and Chennaiite by choice, lover of mad wonderful India and despiser of things that remotely resemble Shahana’s brains.

    • oh dear.. what confusion. I am not Lavanya. This is my fault though, because she hosts my blog. I should change that. I love your background – it must be amazing to have so many cultures to gain from.

    • what the hell they teach in all the formative years of the so called ‘Army Schooling’ – please don’t generalize, not all of the Army schooled kids think even remotely like Ms Shahana.

  125. Lets face it this divide exists in chennai .. some time ago i spent a year in chennai -and have exp like Police taking our group to the police station for being north indians just to prove he was working during the night..Autowalas shouting that north indians take away all jobs meant for south indians , when we refused to pay more than the agreed price (which anyways was much than the meter rate)

  126. Thank you for this. I was almost beginning to feel that my bunch of South Indian friends were the exception and that people like Shahana were the norm. Love it.

  127. Haven’t read Shahana’s letter – I suspect you will not pliss to be posting link to it !! But I am cringing at what she might have written – and even more because I am everything she is – madrasan, defence etc and take great pride in enjoying every regional culture, accent I come across .

    PS – Weaning off the internet-aaaaa ? Bwahhaaha we just have to get people to spill their bigotry and you will be back.

    • You know me too well. I have deleted all comments with her link – no intention of sending her any traffic. Not linked up to anyone because I don’t want their traffic either. And yes, you’re right – show me some bigotry and I will be back here, all guns blazing.

  128. ahhh….gr8 reply, but where can I find the post from Shahana? I dont seem to find it at all…
    can you please give the link to Shahana’s post?

  129. This is a brilliant post.. I have a great number of both Punjabi and South Indian friends and each of them are unique as individuals.. I am a Bengali but I have been brought up in Pune and have lived in Delhi for consecutive months.. I love the city.. No place or person in this world is perfect.. Stereotyping people is easy but when one has the power of words, it must be taken into consideration that such power is not be used so nonchalantly.. I agree that Delhi may have its drawbacks, so does Pune, Kolkata, Mumbai and all the other cities in India.. That what makes our country so special and beautiful that it so diverse and different but yet so similar.. Being a part of the modern generation in India which can speak with such freedom, work together peacefully to bring about a change in our society (Anna Hazare case in point) and when you see such immature comments vehemently written out to insult a particular part of a country, it saddens and embarrasses me.. One hand we talk about responsibility, sensitivity and caring for our nation and people and the other we have people like this mocking autism and disgracing family structures.. I live in Australia and here it doesn’t matter if I am Bengali or Punjabi or Madrasi.. I am Indian and yes we can laugh at each other for our unique idiosyncrasies but in the end there should be a line should not be overstepped.. I loved your response, it made me feel at peace again that yes there are socially responsible people who believe in being Indian as a whole and are not divided by language and region.. Kudos to you..

  130. Pingback: An Open Rant « Snow Leopard's Blog

  131. Never read the original thing, but have I said I love you, MM? 🙂 I’ve had ‘friends’ from Assam mock my Punjabi and Gujarati boyfriends, and I stood there shocked: with all the prejudice we from the north-east face, do we really have to give as good as we get?

    Thanks for making me smile today.

  132. I went a read shahana’s blog after reading yours. Boy was she venomous, I had to literally cover myself and i also felt a little sad about her. She must have suffered something pretty nasty to have spouted such venom.
    Sad part was that she had to resort to the same stereotypes she was venting against.
    And as a second generation delhiwalli i can’t sympathize with anything she says
    1. I love the city and like any other city it has its share of ups and lows, bad people, nasty people and absolutely lovely souls. I wouldn’t trash an entire community coz of one or two individuals.
    2. Punjabis…aisa koi homogenous group hai kya? Apart from them having roots in Punjab..i don’t see them all having the same characteristics. How can they? Isn’t every individual different?
    3. I am a Malayalee and i haven’t cracked the IITs. I was busy dreaming about all kinds of SUVs and Hidesigns and what not during my Boards. Being a ‘Southie doesn’t automatically make me a chess playing intellectual.
    4. I don’t have long tresess or dancer like eyes. Ok that has made me colossally sad.
    5. Stop cursing the delhiboy girl just coz one idiot broke your heart…there are hundred’s out there. Move on. Get a life and please wash your mouth out with soap

  133. I feel happy after reading this-that girl has clearly lost her mind!Thank you esp for mentioning the autistic bit. I was appalled by that!! and then the dead dadis. Goddamn! If I could , I would wash her mouth with soap and bar her from using the internet ever again!To think she is a journalist .

  134. That was a good read. You probably filled her mother’s shoes with this letter. We look at the world through a certain perspective, and perhaps she has gone through a lot to foment such hatred and anger in her heart against the boys of a particular race / community. Does that give her the right to reference the partition or ‘just-because-you-are-bad-we’re-better’ attitude? No. We all have our rotten eggs. We all have our eagles. And we all have our ugly ducklings who metamorphose into beautiful swans.
    Your reply was necessary not because someone needed to ‘reply’ her, but more to put things into perspective.

  135. I had seen some link’s of Shahana’s letter on FB (from Delhi boys and they found it funny), but did not get down to reading it till your retort came. Really, any letter that talks about north/south hindu/muslim upper/lower caste is in bad taste. Period. It’s time to get rid of these stereotypes. Like you summed up in your last line. Lets have a group hug guys 🙂

  136. Absolutely loved your reply… Extremely well written… Was an absolute pleasure reading this post
    However knowing Shahana personally I know that this outburst that she has caused is just what she wanted. Negative attention is still attention and she has always been one who needs plenty of it…
    When I read Shahanas post this one particular line I heard somewhere came to my head.. “Blogging is not writing, its graffiti with punctuation.” I am glad your post proved that line wrong…

    • Hi MM,

      Awessome Reply. I read Shahana’s post and it got me fuming. And yes im a defense kid and was shocked to see that Shahana is too… So shallow, frustrated and low on self confidence.

      You on the other hand completely ROCK.

      Way to go. Cheers!

  137. I had thought the other post was brilliantly written, if only rather nasty. Yours? Mindblowing without getting even remotely nasty. Loved it.

  138. This one was something that i feel so relieved to read…!!! an apt reply to her… I am a delhite and i wanted someone to tell her that Delhi is one of those few cities where no one will evr ask you your ethnicity before doing you a favour. Everyone is welcome and people from every part of country come to delhi. the feeling that she portrays is an extremely biased view from an external’s perspective. but there was a point.. not all of what she wrote was baseless. She managed to put fwd her point which is an odd (if not rare) case in a city where everyone comes and decides to chameleon into the crowd that they see… agree or not, this is the case in the stereotypical class that she criticizes at the… start of her paragraph… She managed to keep her own identity and shout out loud…very few gals do that..many of them wud generally give a careless attitude to what they actually are inside and instead decide to give up and indulge into the ”it” crowd…. she was different…..
    but after that.. she goes WAY-WAY-OVER-THE-TOP…. and to that,i’d agree to despise her with both hands…!!!

  139. Just a line, “this is remarkable”.
    I am not from Delhi, but i have been living here from 5 yrs+ and such an amazing place it is. It embraces all. And i am glad there are people like you who have a regard for it.
    I dunno about others, but your open letter has definitely made me like Madrasis more:)

  140. That girl’s post makes me soooo mad and what’s even worse is people pimping her tripe on Facebook and others agreeing with her. I love your reply to her and I hope to God she reads it and weeps!

  141. Guys, this is snowballing from a rant of a…whatever you want to call Shahana to a major “North Indian-south Indian” thing, but we are all ignoring the larger issues here –
    1. Yes, parts of Shahana’s post could be written better, without the personal attack
    2. Let’s face it Male Chauvnist Pigs are alive and well (although perhaps not as “well” as in the years and generations past, but that’s material for a whole other post or book). We’ve all met them. The female equivalent is doing its own bit to create a new “Male-Female” or worse yet “N.I male-S.I female” or “S.I male-N.I female” divide. Fact is, when you meet someone like that you have stumbled upon an “IRRITATING PERSON”, regardless of where they are from (and btw they often are from outside of India as well or worse yet the “foreign-returns”). Let’s keep that in mind before we go out and write loooong blogs and also before we go out and spend time reading the said blogs!!! Next time you meet someone like that, MOVE ON!!!
    3. If the issue is with a man or woman from the north, south or Mars for that matter, why can’t we keep it to that person? Why the need to involve said person’s relatives?? I think we all need to stop being mummy & papa’s little boys and girls!!! As far as we know there’s only 1 life, THIS life, and you’ve already spent x years of it, let’s not lose more on pointless mud-slinging!!!

    But surely there are more important issues plaguing the country?? If you want to talk about rude people, auto-wallah’s in all parts of India are easy targets – I am and have the quintessential looks of a maharashtran kokanatha brahmin (fair, curlish hair), have grown up in Europe and spent 10 years in the US. Still, I speak pretty good hindi and marathi and am pretty comfy in india. I have spent time in Pune (my family lives there), Hyderabad and now Bangalore and dude, these guys have tried to take me for a ride in everyone of these cities!! Let’s face it, with more than 20 states, several dozen (forgive my ignorance on this, I don’t have the exact number) languages and a wide variety of cultures within the country, PEOPLE, LANGUAGE IS AN ISSUE!!! We NEED to have a language that the majority understand so we can COMMUNICATE (buy the daily necessities, pay our bills, go on with our lives) no matter where we are in the country. does it really matter if that language is hindi, marathi or telugu? Someone, perhaps your grandparents or mine, had a hand in decide which language would be the national language, perhaps they listed all the languages and did “ini-mini-maini-mo” to choose which one. How the F does it matter? Fact is, I moved to Hyderabad from Boston for personal reasons. All I cared about is being able to tell the maid what to do, the auto where to go, and so on so that they understood what I needed them to…since I was not (and am not) conversant in Telugu, it was great to be able to do so in Hindi!! What’s the big deal? You go to France, and if you don’t speak french, you’ll probably try to communicate in English…as long as the person can understand you and is able to help you out, who cares about which language you got helped in??

    What concerns me more is –

    1. if I as a girl in her late twenties wear a skirt-blouse combo, some “helpful” aunty in the complex feels obliged to come up to me to tell me ki “beta, this is India. You cannot go out like that here…what will people say/I am saying this for your own good/etc,etc”,,WTF?? You want to cover your body from head to toe, please, feel free…but, please, DONT feel free to offer your opinion on my attire!!!

    2. the sheer number of people & vehicles on the streets and the effect this is having on my ever lengthening commuting from any point to any point in pretty much any city in India

    3. The amount of garbage everywhere and the lack of concern shown by most of the people around!

    4. This need that we as a nation seem to have to jump on any publicity bandawagon – again, this is an issue that is material for an entire separate discussion, but the Lokpal bill, for example – don’t we already have enough bureaucracy? And a very inefficient one at that? Surely we need better law enforcement and enforcement of strict accountability rules more than additional governance structures??

    And looks like now I’ve joined the ranks of the unending blogs, so stopping here… finally, here’s a restatement of my thesis statement for this response – Just live your life in a way that makes you happy and satisfied! other people be damned! If someone, ANYONE, is hurting you enough that you feel the need to write a long article about it, get out of that relationship!!! That person’s place of origin be damned!! And please, for god’s sake, STOP reacting to EVERYTHING!!!

  142. I love your response, MM.

    When I read her post yesterday, my amusement quickly turned into shock at the way she spoke about an entire city of people, comprised not just of a handful of Punjabi/Jat/UP noveau-riche lads. It was especially upsetting to read her attack on an entire community of people – especially a community that I’ve known to be incredibly fun-loving, kind, generous and inclusive. I am a Delhi girl, from a Jat phaymily too, but I don’t think I represent all Jats or even Delhi Girls in general. I am a part of the city, it is a part of me, but there’s are millions of others as well and that’s the real beauty of belonging to a place like Delhi. Maybe she just doesn’t see it that way but her post just came across as misplaced teenage angst that should have been taken care of years ago. I’ll ask my mum (oops, matashri) to send some gobhi paranthas her way. It’s hard to be angry at the world when you’ve just consumed about 100 grams of desi ghee.

    • hahahahahaa… yeah its really hard to be angry when u gorge on those lovely finger licking paranthas with curd or may be aam ka achaar!! Oh..u just motivated me to make a few for myself on this rainy day!!

  143. As a typically insulated American who knows next to nothing about the people who inhabit the world outside US boundaries I wasn’t able to follow the particulars of your argument but it’s perfectly clear that you’re making a case against bigotry and I’ll happily stand beside you against all comers to defend that case.

    On my website I display the Flag of the World…


    …because I believe that our loyalty to this planet which we all share should come before any other allegiance we feel. Making friends with ordinary people all over the world via the internet has taught me to feel this way and I don’t believe I’m completely alone in these feelings. Bigotry has no place in our world and each of us is responsible for leaving the world a better place than we found it.

    I can’t change the world but have always tried to change my little corner of it. My daughters grew up knowing that they were free to marry, or cohabit with, whomever they chose expecting only my blessing. They were also taught how to defend themselves and how to check fluid levels in an automobile.

    It’s a small world we live in and getting smaller all the time. If we stand together, we’ve a better chance of surviving it.

    Best regards to you and yours from Buchanan Lake Village in central Texas, USA.

  144. This was amazing, loved the way you think….. i was going to ask you to marry me, but then i read about your dishy husband 😉 so il just go with adopt me mad”momma”!!!

      • haha, will a hatchback and a fake bottega do?! 😛 btw brilliant post up there and an apt reply to the mindless little cranky kid!

        • hmm… I already have a hatchback and I could buy the fake bottega. I think I’m going to hold out for this REAL Dalli boy that everyone seems to encounter. the rich one with Hummer, the pots of money to throw around and the bulging biceps (where do you stand on that scale?). I mean if all these girls are meeting him on a daily basis it stands to reason that I should someday meet him, right?

  145. Guys, one more thing, why am I a maharashtrian, you a Madrassan and a third person a Delhite?? Surely we are all Indians first?? That is probably the biggest issue!! If you don’t like something don’t read/watch/listen to it…simplest way to make sure the rant dies an early death…and Pri, sorry, despite my previous sentence I too have gotten caught up in this wave…loved your post, but why are you increasing the importance of Shahana’s post by making it a point of the “family values & self respect of the whole nation”??? India and Indians have many other, more important issues to worry about and be happy about me thinks…

  146. its such a delight to you hear from an intelligent person like you who has her sense of righteousness spot on … i take a bow :).. This is what we need today, people who can evaluate things for what they are, not on accounts of prejudice.

    Ms Sahana.. Just because you are democratically free to blog about anything and have developed an above average diction, doesn’t mean that you have to loose your restraints. Alas how could you spare so much time to doctor such nonsense.

    Coming back to the lady in question … Kudos once again for a well calculated and sensible reply…. sad that you already found you knight in shining armour, but do let me know where to find more of your kind 🙂

  147. 1056 – Thats the number of comments Shahana’s post received last i checked. Most seeming to agree with her. Has everyone collectively lost their minds?
    I’m South Indian (gult, if anyones interested) and married to a *gasp* true blue Daaahli boy. I’m not going to get into the NI/SI debate becuase plenty has already been said about it. Just wanted to share that I’ve seen the entire country (incl NE, J&K and other far flung locations) as an army brat. I’ve been everywhere, can understand enough of almost any language to get by and am fairly adapatable anywhere in the country but Delhi is the city of my heart. Its tone, vibe, people, I love them all. Even the Delhi boys – especially my own Delhi boy ;). Hell I even love Gurgaon.
    S’s post took every stereotype under the sun and presented to us as if it were some sort of fait acompli. Instead it just came off as vitriolic attack by someone too small to appreciate, if not embrace the nuances that make up this country.

    • If you notice, actually, there are several posts that say they have been banned/removed by the author. I guess that’s partial evidence of dissent.

  148. More than response, I like what you wrote.. Because thats the essence of us living in the biggest democracy in the world. Even Iam from the defence back ground. Who takes pride in being an Indian rather than belonging to just one state. A Bihari who has grown up with Punjabi’s, South Indian’s, North Eastern’s and Nepali’s for that matter.. in various parts of India. Every community has their share of jokes. I was in love with a Tamil guy and my best friend is mallu. None of us has ever expereinced that bitterness that has been written by Sahana. I guess its not Shana’s but majority of Indians take her way. Trying to glorify themselves by looking down upon others.. Be it race, relegion, state and for thet matter gender… There is bride burning happening in Punjab but so it is in my state Bihar too… Why would i generalise?! There is thin line between pride and arrogance and I guess she forgot that. (If she was looking for attention, she sure got plenty of it but with all the hatered multiplied). A pen is mightier than sword and everybody who has following and attempts to write should think thousand times before putting biased opinion on the front. It serves no other purpose than spreading hatered. (and of course her sheer and desperate need for attention) As you said, kissing and making up is fun and I hope when she is out of it, she might think of writing an apology letter to the Punjabi community whose image she chose to slaughter because of one “Dalli boy” 😉
    MM, you wrote what I would have. So here’s my ❤ for you.. 🙂

  149. I’m glad someone took the time to point out that bitching about our differences is not healthy.

    I’d like to think I’m Indian first. And the rest doesn’t matter.

  150. Bless you a hundred million times for this. Again, as a supposed Tamilian (though of course, I think most of our identities are much more complicated than that) living in Delhi for four years, I was APPALLED at the original article. Thank you again for articulating a lot of what I wanted to say.

  151. u mad momma! i love you! u put my faith back into the south india i love and the south indian women i adore. shahana’s jus p.m.s’ing.
    dissing a community out like that jus aint cool. and especially at times like this.
    if one has the power to communicate, thn one should use to it spread love and better understanding. thank u for the effort u put into this blog.
    i own and run a saree store in chennai city! its called ‘Silkworm Boutique’
    if you ever happen to be in this city, drop in, it would be awsome meeting you and selling you a saree!:) ofcourse u do get a discount for being cool!:P

  152. hey u seem to be camouflaging yourself to any community u wish.. which i think is a very intelligent move to side urself to an opposition side and offend the offender, and prove ur point…. i thought u were quite genuine in what u write…now u appear to be a big racist… u call urself as bong, tamillian and what not….is it all for readership?? its quite a shame….

    • You must be really simple if you don’t understand how a person can come from a mixed background. Must be all that ghetto living! Move out and get to know the world around you, would be my advice to you. If she can be part Maharashtrian, part Malayalee, why is it hard for you to accept that another person can be part Tamil and part Bengali? If inspite of being half Maharashtrian she has an opinion, I can have the same, inspite of being part Bengali.

      I don’t really expect those who’ve followed some random link in to be aware of my background (regular readers are well aware of it so I have no idea what camouflage you’re talking about -check my last post – i just got back from a cousin’s wedding in Madras) so I’m going to let your silly baseless accusations go for the moment. Although I really must direct you to dictionary.com to check out the meaning of the word racist.

      • cool down MM, i never said i side her accusation, but i thought ur argument will be outright, straight across the face..but u seem to be taking the south indian side just to prove ur point right..which i think is not necessary..and u have mocked the south indian vocabulary too.. now are u in any way different from the so called shahana?

        moreover do i have to be a southindian to say what i feel..

        • one more thing… i have been ur follower for past one yearand have read each and every post of your and always felt u were correct.. but now i feel i might be wrong somewhere… i am not angry but this post seems to bring a different side of yours…

        • What you think/expect is your choice. What I am, is clear to anyone who reads the blog. I am not ‘taking the south indian’ side. I am merely expressing an opinion as someone who has lived in Delhi and learned to understand a people she doesn’t. I also see her point because i am part Tamilian – a side I have never hidden (even a relative newcomer need read my last post to see that).

          Don’t use words like racist/camouflage and then try to tell me to cool down. Come back when you want to make a more polite point. I haven’t ‘mocked’ south indian vocabulary. If you have the wit to follow, you’ll realise I’ve mocked her post where she makes such a huge stereotype of the south indian woman. Besides that is really a response to those who say – can’t you take a joke? Well sure, if we’re making a joke at our own expense, we’re okay with doing it. And oh – even if I weren’t one of them, it’s still not vicious and should be taken as lightly as the tight tees and stone wash jeans.

          On the other hand, I totally get it if you don’t get it – its not as though I sit here expecting the entire WWW to be in agreement with every word I say. And oh – who said you need to be a south Indian to make a point. By the same token – I didnt need to be one to write this entire post either. I just happen to be one.

          toodles then

          PS: I really couldn’t care less if anyone did get angry. Right now I’m a little angry too.

          • i have read ur last post and i dont see much about the regards u have for ur south indian ancestry or for madras as a city…

            may be ur last post was written to give a base before u post this(so that u can always be ‘Ms Right’)…. cas u rarely post 2 posts in such a short span…

            bye then…have a good go…

            • ha ha! I love the conspiracy theory types. You’ll weave in any back story to make your point, right? I suppose you also would claim I came in on a little space ship full of green men if that helped your case. So funny!

              I am almost amused by this ‘regard’ for ancestry and cities. I live here, i eat here, this city puts food on my table and a roof over my head. I can see it for the good and the bad it is. If you want to make a shrine to your ancestry that is your call. Us mixed brats are happy to go anywhere, live anywhere, eat anything, be nice to most people (even angry little snots) and take culture and ancestry for the base they are – they are not my be all and end all. They shape me, but they do not define me. I’m sorry that you feel they should – I can see what that is making you do.

  153. Beautiful,lady! Loved ur reply to Ms.Shahana though another ‘Delhi Boy’s’ reply did not have ample impact! I am a proud South Indian and love everything about myself too. And I know for a fact that Delhi is beautiful (though not very safe for women) And Delhi men are very good looking much like men in Karnataka, Andhra Pradesh, Tamil Nadu and Kerala (if John is a part-Mallu)

    Poor Shahana probably had a mean experience and showed her anger on her blog on every Delhi Guy!

    She needs to rest!

    And kudos to u!

  154. people like you are the reason that a punju guy (like myself) marries a southie girl (like my wife)..aal iz well

  155. Me, a Haryanvi boy, 6’2″, 200 lbs; reading Shahana’s blog flexing my muscles. To start with, her mission is accomplished; one of the target audience of this blog has read it.
    So much hatred for us? Does this girl have any idea that more than making a stereotype image of us, she is making one for all south Indian girls in fact?

  156. Okay I hate Delhi for more reasons than mentioned, but won’t stereotype Punjabi Delhiites/ Dilliwali Punjabis.
    And I like a few Southies for many reasons, but won’t generalize it.
    I like this post alright.

  157. Well lets put it this way. I am a hardcore punjabi in the most stereotypical way possible :). I read ze Madrasan’s article yesterday, and was amused. Maybe, the trigger for that was a bad experience at the hands of someone in Delhi who happened to be not very adept at English but was still you friendly neighbourhood Punjabi.
    I read your article today with Facebook doing its bit. I had a smile at 7 in the morning.

    Following are my sentiments post reading both the Articles:
    1. Madrasan: Hey, lets have angry sex because it is indeed the best. Can you also close the door when you leave ?
    2. Mad Momma: Would you like some breakfast ?

    Meant in the best way possible and regards to your Husband 🙂

  158. Kickass reply. Very effective! I vehemently condemn everything crass, casteist, sexist, and communalist statement made by Shahana. I think it is not only divisive and discriminatory but also extremely shameful as you have pointed out. For all the Madrasis (including myself) I appreciate you for having stood up against such divisive statements and explained that we aspire to be an open-minded community despite our differences in culture and language; and I am eternally grateful to you for having salvaged our reputations from being branded as “curd-eating turds”.

  159. a very good reply !! made me think about a few things i might have read and misjudged from the other open letter ! lol !! anyway, good job ! 🙂

  160. I must say that yours was the most fitting reply i have come across to the insultingly crass blog post by Shahana.

    I’m a Punjabi Delhi boy who studied in an engineering college in Haryana & i must say that my closest friend in girls during my entire College years was from Madras.

    To every person who liked,approved or enjoyed her Post, they should read your ‘Open Letter’

    Bravo !

  161. As a Bengali… I feel extremely neglected. What is all this N.I and S.I? E.I is pretty funny too… iph eew aask me!
    But seriously, thank god for your intelligent and tolerant reply. You gave words to my very thoughts. Even though I must admit I did laugh at some of her overtly graphic imagery.

    • Yes – a friend had that as his status yesterday. That being a Bong is like watching a tennis match at the Vindhyas. Your serve, Ms Madrasan! And yes I laughed at a lot she said – she’s right -there are plenty of tight tee types in shiny cars. But how, how, how, I want to know, does that enrage you to a place where you want to shove coconuts up their err.. orifices? I am amazed by the amount of anger over what is simply an irritant at worst.

  162. bang on ma’am.
    yesterday, one of my juniors posted the link to the “madrasan” article as her FB status mssg with a hint of approval. I found the article to be cruel with crude effort of being satirical.
    Today our country has to stand united even more…and it is appalling to see young Indians making crappy regional remarks, bordering on abuse. I saw in one of the comments that Ms. Sahana has an acute case of ASD (attention seeking disorder). Dunno how true it is, but some of her remarks were rather cruel and obnoxious. Actually, even if we leave out the regional bias part, it has become a fashion among few of the “new-age liberated” women to indulge in male bashing over blogs and public forums…not realizing that the majority of the males who care to read the blogs are not “chauvinistic pigs”, but understanding and caring individuals.
    here’s such a tirade “http://theblackrosegal.blogspot.com/2011/09/dear-bengali-boy-whats-with-accent.html”
    most of the blogs/comments cater to a micro-populace, but has been generalized with unnecessary ultra-feministic jingoism. just as not every muslim is a terrorist, similarly not every male is a CP. I hardly blv, the actor who used to beat his wife, the father who happily sells of his daughter after 18, the spoilt brat who thinks females walking down the ring-road are playthings, are ever going to feel gulity by reading such posts.
    i do not have quick-fix solutions to such real serious offences, and neither does the bloggers. only people like us feel bad while reading such tirades, which actually generate a feeling of negativity.

  163. I think in last two days I have been reading letters only. First it was this sahahana writing some open letter to a delhi boy who broke her heart by might be ditching her for some good looking punjaban who has more wits than her and she fell into depression.
    As an result of her self pity she vomit it out on her blog and cursed her father for marrying her mother than her mother for allowing him to love her. And then both of them for being born and brought up in the parts near vindhyas.
    But what I didn’t got is why everyone else came to her mourning she wanted that only to make her famous aftr her break-up.
    I would say it was a really nice thing of u to came up front to rescue the delhites MM, for that every1 shud thanx as its r capital..
    But MM we cud ignore this pshyco like her boyfriend did and move on.

  164. I was about to reply to Shahana’s crass open letter when I came across yours and I couldn’t have said it better. I echo every little thing you posted here. Being a Ludhiana born half Punjabi with the other half belonging to Orissa, plus the fact that I have lived all over India, her letter came across mostly as a butthurt rant and filled with prejudice and hypocrisy. I am glad that you do not resonate the same juvenile perspective. Hats off, and I’m doing my best to circulate this 🙂

  165. This is the second time i’m seeing comparison Punjabis & Madarasis. First was “Two States” by Chetan Bhagat and our Indian youth loved that love story. A big thanks to MM for coming up with a special open letter for Shahana.


  166. Frankly i did agree with some comments in Sahana’s blog. I have faced a lot of racist remarks/jokes from northie colleagues whilst my stay in dilli. (obviously on looks, language, Rajanikant and umpteen other things..)However, having said that i do feel she was crude in letting the world know about such things by her unpardonable remarks..
    your blog was mindblowing.. u gave a totally new perspective on this whole thing..
    loved it totally..

  167. Absolutely loved Your reply, can’t agree more on what you have said!! I would hate to read “SHahana type” hatred filled blogs ever again in my life…and i would request all those people who are encouraging her by calling it a work of art, To stop at once. We should be ashamed of girls like her because with all the education and exposure also, she could become what she is.It is nothing more than being sick. I am a proud delhiite and a Bengali, and my recent trip to kerala proved it to me that it is anything but God’s own country. I travel all across the country quite extensively and i don’t think i have ever been fleeced to the extent i was fleeced there in Kerala during my trip than in any part of the country. I was embarrassed to call it a part of India for the way those keralites were misusing the fact that i hailed from North India and that I could not speak their language. Also, with all due reverence to shahana’s religious beliefs but the numerous temples in Kerala and Tamil Nadu gave me hard time of my life. Not only did those priests fleece me and my family but they were rude, arrogant and disgusting beyond my imagination. They seemed to me no better than cops who are widely criticized for being high-handed. My experiences to God’s own country was memorable only cause i could spend some quality time with my family but the place did everything to ruin it..i am sorry for being so negative but i thought i should mention all this. I really loved the way you wrote everything =)

    • That’s strange. I wrote a long post on my last Kerala trip. We loved it, the OA and I, inspite of not speaking the language. In fact I almost sold him on the idea of retiring there. I’m sorry you had such a bad experience.

  168. Great post! Applause!
    It’s mindboggling to see the amount of interest that stupid post from Shahana has created and even more to see people concurring with her.. Next we might even see someone filing a PIL against her or some virtual regional war!
    But take a bow, lady for doing your bit. Might just pacify some ‘Daalhi’ Punjabi people 🙂

  169. After yesterday, didn’t really expect a new post today but came here just to check & read this.Perhaps someone didn’t like the idea that you were even thinking of weaning yourself away from the net & hence this Shahana’s post;) I tried searching for her blog which is not accessible from work but on searching further was horrified to see her full post on some defence forum of india website.(Feel free to delete the previous sentence.)She does come across as very angry with someone but the reference to autistic kids & dead grandmas is totally uncalled for.Good for your well balanced reply & hope we don’t need such posts as hers to dissuade you from thinking of leaving us high & dry:)

  170. Hey MM,

    This is the first time that I came across your blog and funnily the link was emailed to me by best friend who happens to be a Punjabi girl. I am a Tamil Iyengar boy.

    The first post by Shahana (if that’s her name) did seem funny and cute at the beginning but as my bestie said, “moved towards the dark side” when she started getting the families involved.

    Okay. From her post it’s quite obvious that she came across the most chauvinist beep beep you could ever find on the whole God damn universe, but why generalise the population? There are so many guys who would go out of their way to help someone. Heaven knows how many accidents I’ve been involved in and I am still alive because some Delhiite/Angel/Rockstar got me into a hospital on time!

    Earlier there was “aamchi-mumbai / saaddi dilli” war going on and now this. No wonder we are still trying to break the somehow-existent states into sub-states!

    Trust me, if I start about the stories of me being treated like a trash can in “my” Madras (I am never going to call it Chennai ever!) because people thought I was a “Naaarth Indeeyaan”, I can write a book titled, “Journey to Hell” with 7 volumes and a Hollywood contract to shoot a movie on the same!

    Bottomline is that before we start flaunting our inflated egos about how much of SI or NI we are, we should think together as Indians…

    Don’t know how much of my words made sense.

    Thanks for reading anyways… 🙂

  171. I don’t think that there would have been a better reply to Shahana’s post than this. Very maturely handled. Kudos to your perspective and mind! 🙂

  172. Haha MM! I cant believe you got proposed to so many times on this post 🙂

    And yeah, as a true blue long haired, mallipoo wearing pedantic south indian, I found her post too insensitive and crass.

  173. I read S’s post yesterday, and like you, I was embarrassed for her. But then I thought, maybe she young – a teen or barely in her 20s – because only that can explain the narrow-viewed, uneducated, ignorant, unreasonable, Michael-Moor-isn-ness, rant she spewed out there.

    Neither from the South or the North, a true-blue Bombayite, I sat down this afternoon to respond to S’s whingy, touchy, unfortunate rant, but you’ve taken the words right out of my mouth, in the most brilliant and articulate way.
    Rock on, MM! XO

    • Because its not vicious enough? Because I’m not propagating hatred? Because I don’t live up to the stereotype of the South/East Indian who hates the Daalli and the penjabis? :p

  174. now that is what i call a good comeback , which not just makes a point but the right point !! high five girl 🙂

  175. thank you so much for writing this post. u make us all proud. 🙂

    with people like you around we shall yet overcome prejudice and divisive behaviour.
    Btw am a bong, whose home village is in Assam, was born in Haryana, did higher studies in delhi, lives currently in UP and am proud to say….I have a varied and beautiful country.

    P.S: love the South Indian tresses and doe eyes. 🙂

  176. Thank you for blogging about this. Some incredibly heinous things have been said and we can’t take it lying down. You most certainly didn’t. It’s heartening to see that there are folks out there who feel the sting as would a Delhi boy. In a country like India where the language changes along with the cuisine, i.e. almost every five steps, we search for unity is in diversity but clearly the urban college going youth (most of them, pardon me if this sounds like generalization/ setreotyping) like Miss Shahana needs an eye opener and the marriage proposals that are following her blog post will not solve matters. This article might. Big up mad momma!

  177. Thanks for making me feel better about our gender, once more! That woman just made me kill half my morning. *thumbs up*

  178. just wanted to let u kno u r aweome…u r damn good….ur reply came as a soothing breeze after that scorching post.i am neither a delhite,nor punjaban….nor a south indian but her post left me fuming!! that girl shan’t be allowed to write a diary for herself….let alone a blog.she’s xtremely immature and can never even produce something worth reading!! i was disgusted after reading her post! hope after reading this she might get that much of sense as to feel bad for what she did!!
    And ma’am just one word for you..’respect’! loved ur post….loved the way it was written…loved the way u ‘tit for tatted’ her so gracefully….loved everything about it!
    Thank You for writing this and making all of us feel better.

  179. Absolutely loved the way you’ve written this. Fantastic writing! Had an awful taste in my mouth after reading Shahana’s letter…yours left me smiling at every witty turn. And you’re right, there are too many things we as women, Indians (punjabis, mallus, tams and otherwise!) or even citizens of this planet face and can remedy instead of having a go at one another.

  180. Bravo!! I am impressed by the profound post but more touched by the soul purpose of it. Indians we are and Indians we should be.

  181. Shahana/MM,
    Having lived across the country, both of you are right in parts.
    Yes MM….there are morons everywhere for every “Daali beef cake-alpha male” there is a “lawd…repressed…south indian bai who is waiting to do ‘dating’. That was not the point Shahana was trying to make i guess (she should have addressed the letter to a person in Delhi and not a Delhi guy). I have found this city to be infinitely more shallow and vain than the shallowest and vainest parts of Mumbai and Bangalore. I guess this is largelly because of easy accessibility to cash (No wonder Anna wants to camp here) when money comes easy and at any cost…it just leads to everything else which Shahana has written about. Reproducing some part of your note to Shahana “About 5 lines down your post, I felt a little ashamed of having ever thought that I was ‘just like you’. It seems nigh impossible to fall that low. For every Daalli boy living in Defence Callony there is a Medraus boy getting up ‘yearly in the maarning’. Why do we as a people deride our own regional accents while swooning over a French accent? Are you ashamed of your skin, accent or your food habits? You’re weighed down by your colonial hangover, lady.” ok, i have spoken to atleast 25000 people in Delhi….Hare (Here) Grup (Group) etc. is as rampant as Yarport (Airport) etc in the south of the Vindhyas (Maharashtra included) and not to mention the ‘revert backs’ and ‘if suppose’ which are region agnostic. I agree that English is not our mother tongue and we should be comfortable with our mother tongue. But what’s with most of these guys in Delhi putting on an accent (american, british, alpha centuri…DKCS (Don’t Know Can’t say in research parlance) to hide thare grammatical mistakes. I have not seen that else where in the country. They are proud of who they are. I can go on rambling on both your posts for days….the point here should be to drop pretention in every form.
    We should be able to “Athukku poitu shapadalam” as well as “Mach, Wazza da…let’s put kudeeks at reds eh?” it is a free country…just 1 point our freedom ends where another’s nose begins. ciao sistahs!!! chill madi!! peace.

    • Amazing dude… liked every bit of ur comment!!

      exactly….chill maadi!!! 🙂 everybody’s getting too worked up here…. instead working up ur muscles for a change wud give u that much needed adrenalin rush then …working up d brain cells… n increasing ur heart rates writing open letter!!!! 😛

      • its funny how everyone who says chill maadi is nonetheless going around reading all the blogs and clearly, all the comments too. you guys should practice what you preach and chill first 😉 switch off your computers and ignore this.

    • i see your point but you missed mine. i dont think anyone is objecting to Shahana’s right to opine. We all have one – in fact you’ve taken an opportunity to do it on my very blog.

      Similarly others have a right to object to that person’s opinion. As well as her crude language.

      Or are you saying what is sauce for the goose is not sauce for the gander?

  182. Pingback: So much for open letters « zilch

  183. I have written a blogpost about the same thing and talked about your letter and in a way replied to a question you posed.
    I was writing all of it in a comment on your site but given the ampunt I thought about shahanas letter and the amount I wanted to write, it just got to long.
    Tell me i there’s an issue with me linking you and talking about you directly, I’ll remove it if needed.
    Thanks =)


  184. India is full of liars…esp. the hindi speakin north indians and more specifically the punjabi,sindhi community…where nepotism breeds in their blood….south indians,bangalis,gujjus to some extent are the saving grace of india….look at… the faces of the indian cricket team….yuvraj,bhajji,rp,raina,pravin kumar,sehwag, are all hipocrites,sly and manipulative…whereas look at dravid,laxman,kumble,savrav,sachin…ethical and truthful straightforward people…..culture does matter

    and about inner corrupt person….inner conscience a product of the sense perception of the environment around u and is very subjective..egs doin wrong things for the right reasons….important is not getting caught…otherwise ur a gonner

    Sorry, but this is not personal..its a demographic observation….i am a big fan of north indians wrt to their leadrship skills and oratory skills and look upto them …and personally i am not a proud gujju ,that i want to glorify it, i think they are very selfish…there is nothin wrong in being bad dear…after all its the society that makes u wat u are

    differentiating w.r.t social order,religion and region is plausible when u want to analyse a systemic failure of a macro level policy though i agree there has to be a uniform civil code for all….but there isnt even a uniform civil code in… india…the state itself is differentiating on religious lines w.r.t to the non implementation of the uniform civil code….u dont believe in religious differences which is good but thats at personal level…personally i dont believe in any religion but the the people themselves like to differentiate themselves so i like to all the more vengeantly differentiate them as i see quite typical characteristics in them

    • wow. I kept your comment for the sheer shock value of what you believe. Yuvraj and Sehwag look sly but Sachin and Saurav look ethical? Now we’re judging character by the way people look? I am speechless.

      • Jeenit.. Please do not be so sorry for your existence brother.. God made you whatever he made you.. Please accept yourself the way you are. You do not have much choice.

        • Hahahahaha!! I wonder what’d happen if this guy looked at me! I’m a total tambrahm but apparently I don’t look like a south indian (which I don’t take personally at all – just saying I don’t look like something doesn’t make me automatically superior or the rest of the group, inferior!)

          This has to be the funniest comment I’ve read on this issue! (I’m having a terriby lazy day)

  185. I should clap, Mad Momma :-).. thanks for throwing this at Shahana in reply to her letter.

    But that dowry bit (and 3 crores!)… I didn’t expect something like that on your blog 😛
    And people are slowly discovering that software types bring in numerous problems as well. The work style of that industry (and of course the way the employees handle it) can be held responsible for many problems in marriages today. I’d like to give that industry and the money-making-craze-and-no-time-for-happiness attitude & lifestyle the finger.

      • well, I guess it varies according to communities in South, but that’s not fair anyway..In some communities, I hear, that giving “seeru” for daughters will continue for life – both the bride and groom’s side will want to do it – I did feel it was dowry but excluded it, cos the argument would go on and on in my head. I am happy that it’s not happening in my community, but still it is unfair and a sort of dowry system that the girl’s side has to dish out all the money for wedding preparations (except Nichyathartham perhaps) in a Brahmin family. I don’t like that AT ALL.

  186. Great thing that you wrote this sensible post – or would have stopped eating my loved dosas & utthapams after reading that post by that jilted Madrasan.

  187. Loved your reply! I completely agree with your sentiments and am sharing this to counter the angst created by our beloved lady. Hope this quells down the flustered acid tongue attacks that may spur, followed by Sahana’s read!

    -Yet another proud South Indians who has more number of “Delhi” and “Punju” friends than Southies fellow friends

  188. Thank you for a sensible talk. We are a big diverse country which is beautiful, so we must learn to be proud of our dear Nation, our people and our cultures ! love .

  189. A very serious comeback for an angst ridden article:) So the child was ditched or had a lousy experience, we live in a free society right? She vented out and the rest of us are making a mountain out of a molehill. She writes funnily enough even if it comes across as verbal diarrhea. Being full thambi and a Delhite to boot, I have never come across a Delhi guy I wanted to date, so sue me;)

    • Why is it a mountain out of a molehill when one responds to her but not a mountain out of a molehill when she wrote a post over a few text messages and a tight tee? I think what most people are missing when they insist she’s funny is that her observations are stale and like all stale jokes, they fall flat. Big muscles, yawn. Tight tee, yawn. Big car, yawn. Stupid, yawn. There are many posts written by many angst ridden girls. What triggered outrage was her rudeness. Its really ironic that you call Delhiites aggressive and then you go and do something so aggressively, crassly in your face.

  190. good stuff mad momma……….. i hope that the lady from south will keep her mouth shut for quite some time now……….

  191. Nice refined reply… very true to reality and far from the exaggerated rant. That’s a true blue Madrasan, I would love to read and follow. And thanks for that little rub on the eyes and hair department. ;-P

    Lobh Bangalan

  192. Thanks for this. I have often felt women just cant be funny, we end up having to display some cleavage or stroke a hand to elicit a giggle. This girl, she just was stupid.
    About your post though, your comments on the South Indian actresses- judgmental of you in an unfair way. You said ‘fake marriage’ as well. So maybe look at that?

    • I don’t see how the comments were judgmental in an unfair way. They live their life in the public eye and their lives are open to comment. We dont all have to approve of the choices they make. I find some of their choices distasteful. And I did say fake marriage because its rather common knowledge in media circles.

  193. MM,

    Thanks so much for the post. Wish everyone had the sense to think like you.
    I am sincerely proud to be a fellow Indian of yours…


  194. I understand that you’re using a literary device, but I hope you won’t tar all kids from a fauji background with the same brush. Like all other demographics, we have our good, bad & ugly sides, but most of us aren’t divisive based on caste, religion, creed or place of origin – partly because after the first few postings, you can barely keep track of where you’re from 🙂

      • Thank you for the hug ma’am. I can understand that an unpleasant incident has led to her outburst, but I still won’t condone the letter (actually, strike that, I’ve never lived in Delhi & being a guy, I have no idea what my sister must’ve endured in DTC buses for 5 yrs) What really shocks me is an earlier article by her “Daughter Desh Ki” was right on the other end of the spectrum, well-written & touching. Ah well, unpredictability thy name is man (or woman, person [sigh] I think everyone gets what I mean)

        • Ma’am! I am so thrilled to hear someone say that. I know it sounds old fashioned and I must be old fashioned to get upset over autism and partition, but there you have it. I’m an old fashioned girl! i think i’m going to make it a rule around here – everyone must address me as ma’am and i’ll just soak it up. thank you!

  195. Greetings from the south!

    Soft language and strong arguments.
    A few scars healed
    Great post.

  196. Perhaps, I’m reading this totally wrong. But the whole thing smacks to me of intolerance. We’ve gotten so bleddy uptight over everything. And we can’t seem to take anything lightly. Since when did a “happy guru parab” messsage cause such rage? Ditto with stone-washed jeans and an inability to move beyond Bollywood.

    Hating Delhi for being unsafe for women is one thing, hating it because you don’t like loud Punjabi men is another thing.

  197. That was an awesome response to a freakish blog by a immature girl or probably she didn’t know that the post would attract masses !!

    Keep Blogging,

    P.S – I’m an Indian, IITian from Western India (yes it exists), Attended school in Rajasthan, Attended collage in Delhi, Working in Hyderabad and Bangalore being a weekend destination 🙂

  198. @MM
    Being Rajasthan born, brought up in Gujarat, Delhi, UP and Maharashtra, currently living in Goa, Tamilian, I am in love with all these places.
    There are things that frustrate me about all these places but I’d rather never discuss them. Not when i can be thinking about the spicyness of Rajasthani food, lutyens delhi, the chaat at Hazratganj, Lucknow and the dusty shops on GT Road in Kanpur, puran poli and the climate of pune. I also maintain a certain level of tambrahmness and love the goan siesta!
    I think all of us need to identify what we love about vast cultures that exist in our country.

    Good reply.

  199. It’s sweet that you’re trying to set the record straight about south indians and all, but this is the internet. Rule No. 1: DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS. Some trolls waste time looking for ripe forums to mess around in, but others just write blogposts and laugh while everybody froths at the mouth. For example, check out an article on Gozmodo called “My brief OKcupid affair with a World Champion Magic: The Gathering Player”. Same type of shit, written to get pageviews and notoriety. By writing this (well-balanced and perfectly rational) reply, you’re simply legitimizing her piece as something worthy of a reply.

    I don’t think anybody should be apologising for her either. By the same logic that she doesn’t represent “south india”s views, neither do any of us represent her. I’m sure normal, rational people will read her blog, say “meh” and move on. I did. Getting righteous on her will simply lead to having her swill appear in some newspaper and eventually she will appear as a contestant on Bigg Boss Season 14. Then where will we go for entertainment?

    Yes, she uses crass language and makes fun of disabilities. THIS IS THE INTERNET. It’s the last frontier (well, till we find a viable means of space travel). People say all sorts of things here which are racist, misogynistic and mean. Frankly, I’d rather put up with a handful of potty mouth 12 year olds than having the internet regulated as well. Ideally we should all regulate ourselves, but what can you do?

  200. I love u mad momma…..im a UP girl married to a Tam and considering that i think this woman needs a jadu ki jhappi and may be a few state sponsored psychiatry sessions…..she reeks of inferiority and prejudices…..world is better without such right wing women

  201. U r simply awesome 🙂 I was feeling really bad after reading Shahana’s blog.. Kind of ashamed that when a girl decides to talk about some delhi guy why shud she say stuff that insults other people and especially women… I am so proud of u.. I agree with everythin u have written.. I have faced enough racism in last 4 years of my stay in Bangalore but that never made me bitter coz I think I have had gud experiences too… I am punjab and married to a south Indian and I want everyone to know that not all south indians hate delhites and punjabis like Shahna… Forget about north south, after readin the blog I was more ashamed of the fact that this non sense comes from another woman.. I feel much better after reading you blog.. Thanks a lot 🙂

  202. Great post! Now, where is that original Sahana article so I can raise my BP? Wait..that may not be a wise thing to do in the third trimester :-P!

    • now then, Sammy girl – you avoid reading that. I am told what you read affects the baby in utero and the last thing we want is our little doll to be infected by racist vulgar crap.

  203. AWE! i love it!!and i love u for thinking so! we need more ppl like u to tell the world that we’r not raging internal wars upon our own ppl, we are one country and we are every culture every religion every region and we can be whatever we want to be,
    these ppl who divide on such narrow lines must be given a befitting reply like that, bloody crabs in a basket

  204. Bang on, girl!!! She made my blood boil – moreover because she gave birth to a war!!!

    Your views are excellent! Served a tight slap on her face! 🙂 YAY

  205. You “Kalaried” her, kicking coconuts on to her thick skull. If I was in her place, I would try and forget the whole concept of blogging and get back to MTV Roadies/ Splitsvilla (maturity levels suggest that she would love those shows).

    Although I do not think she really meant it. I mean all she did was rant about a stereotype people love, even the Daalhi ppllzzz (Pardon my one rant!). After a point, you sat there reading the post, thinking whether the reason for the post was the rage because she was dumped by her “Punjabi boyfriend” or whether it was because she is a glory seeking blogger seeking her one hit wonder (a.k.a Poonam Pandey of the internet world).

    In short, really lame article which probably wasted more of all the employer’s money yesterday, more than Angry Birds (http://www.businessinsider.com/angry-birds-losses-2011-9).

    I hope your post wasn’t a one off, I could get you more Shahanas, would love to end everyday thinking “I am not that stupid after all eh?”

  206. I’m sort of disappointed by this post – mostly because you said EVERYTHING I was planning to say in a blog post of my own. Except you said it loads better – and without resorting to being crass in anyway – hats off to you, MM. 🙂

  207. I am a bit relieved to read your post (thumbs up for that). For i know many who go to southern parts of India for jobs or study and lie about the place they come from because they know people have their prejudice about delihites or north indians here.
    I faced similar reaction when i said i am from Delhi so i decided why to bring on the fight and i started saying that i hail from Punjab, but on reading THAT post i was shocked as to how people can hate a fellow countrymen and take time to insult then publicly. My initial thoughts were that the girl is going through a bad break up, even then the post was way too much to digest and i stopped mid way reading it.
    Its just stupid display of a stupid but planned and well rehearsed outbreak.

    MM, you wrote a fantastic post there, i hope more and more people read it and there could be some level of respect amongst people belonging to different parts of India.

  208. Please please please, do me a favour,
    please please please keep writing!

    Awwwh! what a wonderful post!

    All hearts, hugs and kisses for having an Indian like you around.

  209. I don’t know if you will read this comment but if you do, i have to tell you how much i loved your post and how much i respect you right now.
    And i do want to assure you that not all people from the defense background are venom spitting, rejected sort of people, being from an army background myself. i really really hope that shahana reads this and gets to learn something from this.

  210. I’m putting up a site where one can bet on who gets Most Comments on “Divide India through Blogging Shit ” posts and win a Hand-Grenade free….

  211. i could not agree more with the sentiment you expressed here, so while i believe Ms. Shahana was harmlessly trying to make a point, the language used is extremely offensive. And just because its the internet and you can get away with saying what you want so might as well say it is not the right attitude to follow.I’m nether from delhi, nor the south, but i’ve been in delhi for 4 years now and i absolutely love it. As a college student, I’ve done much and i’m proud of myself for all of it, but mostly i’m proud of you to write what you have written and prove that we as a nation are capable of writing something readable without ridiculing one another. keep up the awesome work, we love you for making India one!

    • STFU if you think you’re not a part of it. It’s not about being a south indian or a north indian. It’s about being an indian. and if you’re not a part of either, you will never understand the pain of being looked upon as an alien.

      Please, just be a silent spectator staying at whatever part you belong to. Word.

      • “but mostly i’m proud of you to write what you have written and prove that we as a nation are capable of writing something readable without ridiculing one another. keep up the awesome work, we love you for making India one!”
        “It’s not about being a south indian or a north indian. It’s about being an indian”- you’re simply re-iterating so where’s the disconnect?

  212. AWE-Wait for it-ALLOFIT!!

    Now you need to find me a nice ‘Madrassan’ ‘gurl’ that I can get married to sans the ‘daury’! And I will send you and Shahana an invitation card (separately offcourse). 😀

    *P.S. – Why is it that the smartest women who can make a guy go head-over-heels with a display of nothing more than pure intellect end up being married before a ‘lauve-struck’ ‘narth’ Indian ‘baay’ discovers them through a random ‘blaag’? Hope there are some out there still looking for a husband And yes, I wouldn’t mind lying down prostrate in temple, wearing a mundu if I find one ! :P*

    • I’m hoping that was aimed at me. What to do? I thought no smart North Indian boys will be interested in my dark skin and so I ‘settled’ for a sawth indian boy. Else I’d have also held out for the SUVs, Fendis and diamond jewellery.

      • Errr Ma’am, I apologize if you were even the least bit offended by this. It was meant as a compliment! 🙂 I actually don’t read many blogs, but I managed to go through ur entire website today. While most of it is about your experience as a mom, I loved the Rakhi story you wrote about Bean and Brat (that makes me wish wanna have a sibling now!)

  213. Damn good! I read Sahana’s blog and felt it was just a kiddish rant of a 16 year old. Loved your response not because I’m a North Indian but because you made a serious point here, why attack prejudice with prejudice. Bigotry will not lead us anywhere. And I think she will do better if she uses her skill to write about better stuff.

  214. But MM, did you have such clear thoughts when you were 25 years of age?

    I remember you wanting to get outta Madras that also gave you food on the table. Many times you have stereotyped Mumbai as well. There is so much more to this country than just these 3 “metros”. Have you seen places like Tuticorin?

    Dividing or uniting a country with just these 3 cities in mind when most of our citizens are surviving in lesser known small towns puzzles me.

    Who are these/you people who claim to know India better?

    • I had clear enough thoughts at 25 not to be abusive and crude. now she has to deal with the ire it generates. And yes I’ve seen a lot of the South – Salem, Erode, Comimbatore, Pollachi, Nagercoil, Trichy, Yercaud, Kodai, Ooty, Coonoor… what now?

      yes, I wanted to move for reasons of my own that I had blogged about then – and i say that all the time – if you don’t like a place, get out. dont stay there and bitch about it. we all have our preferred cities and we have a right to decide where we want to stay. is that reason to be so venomous about it?

      If you remember the post, you will remember the reasons. I am in a mixed marriage and I wanted my kids to be unprejudiced by both sides of family and Delhi is a neutral enough place for them to meet both sides without any one of them influencing them. I also stated facts – the OA and I were unable to rent a house! and I see others have the same prob still. So? its a fact, isn’t it that some people will not rent a house to a non-vegetarian? its definitely not just an opinion on something as silly as objecting to an SMS wishing you on a festival and responding with wanting to shove your tongue up your ass. I’m a little shocked that you’d even compare me to her. *shudder*

      I have no issue with stereotypes – sometimes they’re funny. I have issues with the abusiveness that she brought into her stereotypes – for all you can criticise me, I cant remember ever having said I’ll chain massacre a mumbaikar’s face or shove coconuts up the ass of a madras resident. Are you seriously telling me you can’t see the difference between not wanting to live in a place and being abusive about something? then I have nothing more to say in response to you.

      i’ve never claimed to know India better than anyone – are you sure you’re reading the same post i’ve written? in face i’ve ALWAYS said that no one can define me as an indian or a tamilian or a bengali because i am an individual first.

      • I don’t think so MM. I remember you shunning your Tamilian roots at the beginning but later admitting/convincing yourself to introducing your kids to this side of your roots too! Tamil is not just Chennai. Coimbatore is too. It is a neutral city, moneyed, fantastic weather, good schools, helpful people etc. You say Delhi is the just the same but in a defensive tone. Maybe back then living in the capital was the height of cool. Please don’t tell me you’ve never had rent problems in Delhi when in one of your previous posts you’ve mentioned about a rude broker. I think you see Delhi the way you want to and the rest of the country only through the negativity you have experienced.

        (No MM, I am not comparing you to her. I’d feel less about myself if I did that. You are a terrific writer, no question about it. I would stop reading you if you wrote abusive words too and not waste my time commenting)

        I think you are an individual now, not then.

        • Okay lets take this bit by bit – I have stopped writing about my family – but I think I explained it at that time- that my parents had a love marriage and my mother wasn’t accepted. i wasn’t either until i had my kids -can you see how long that is? 30 years. If inspite of that I am introducing my kids to it – that should tell you something. if i’m willing to forgive and embrace those roots – why should you object instead of appreciating it? i’ve put aside real hurt and rejection by family – she’s made a production out of a few idiosyncrasies.

          I’m sorry but I think you’re nitpicking on the next point. I met a rude broker in Delhi. So? I met a rude chemist this last visit in Madras. So? Back then I had a serious problem. 30 houses – all wanting either Christians or Brahmins or vegetarians. We stayed in a guest house for ages before we found a landlord willing to meet the two of us! Those are facts. Again, no abuse involved. Just honesty. If she had a problem with some guy – honesty is all it took. Not a post involving tongues in arses.

          You actually do me a disfavour even now by thinking you know me very well. I live in the capital because its the closest place to my parents where the husband and i can hold down a job- nothing to do with the height of cool. why attribute thoughts to me that are not mine? And what has Coimbatore got to do with anything? Why would I randomly pick a place? Pune, Bhopal, Dehradun are all great places too – what is your point?

          i think i was an individual then as well as now – surely you dont imagine i was not an individual because i felt differently? i think i am growing everyday. i am honest enough to record all the opinions on a blog that you strangers read. i am honest enough to show the change in the way i think. and right through this, i’ve tried not to unnecessarily abuse, malign or curse. and honestly, i am sad that you thought to drag up a family history in your comment. on the other hand, if i blog, this is what i must expect of strangers. just like that woman must deal with the hatred she’s generated.

          • But isn’t it the same thing? Holding up against one culture because of somebody’s twisted mind? I understand the emotional aspect to your mother’s story and applaud you for your efforts.

            p.s- If family and its baggage you carry makes you emotional why accept comments then? You can as well shut it off when you write about family. That’s honesty too. I am sorry if I dug up old wounds without any such intentions. I have been reading you forever hence the reference.

            • I’m really confused as to how your cross questioning has anything to do with my post. Can we stick to the point please?
              1. I chose to move out of a city. That’s fair enough. Are you saying we all need to love living in a city because we have roots there? then I should figure out a way to live with half a foot in calcutta too! What is your objection to? That I picked living in a city where i was offered a job and that it was close to home?
              2.I had family reasons and practical reasons for moving. None of them as trite as a Gurupurab message sent with warmth or as pitiable as grudging someone else their fitness or money. Most young girls with a little child will want to live close enough to have help at hand should they need it.Why should I not choose a city I am comfortable with?
              3. I don’t think I’ve ever written a post that is vicious enough to say I’ll shove your tongue up your arse. I am not denying the silly girl her freedom of speech. I am objecting to the viciousness with which she made her point. Any point she made was lost in all that froth coming out of her mouth.
              4. Finally, 480 comments down, if people haven’t understood the point made in the post, i have nothing more to add in comments. am out of patience.
              5. Are you saying I have no right to write a post because I am not as ‘south indian’ as you want me to be or that I need my roots to be defined and approved by others?
              6. Nothing to do with family making me emotional. More that you’re taking something out of context and using it in a different matter. How I feel about my roots have nothing to do with some foul mouthed kid spewing venom. Again and again, all I have to say is that she was welcome to her prejudices – who doesn’t have them? Its the way she wrote them that was deplorable.

              PS: if you’ve been reading me forever how come you’ve never commented before?

    • We never stop learning. if there is one thing we do ever so constantly, it is experiencing & learning. Most of us who supported MM here must be about 25. Infact, I have not seen much of India as Shahaana to lecture about cultural disparities in detail. I have hindi & punjabi speaking friends though who I think are some of the sweetest people I know. How is that we understand what MM says better than most of them quoting her response as unnecessary? I find it even more amusing because Ms. Shahaana is of my age and is a journalist, someone we would assume to be more accomodative, enthusiastic, observant & sensitive!

  215. Thank you so much for this article.. The first blog was just infuriating and annoying as hell. I have lived in many places all through out–both in the North and the South, and to create such discriminating remarks is unnecessary.. Great job !

  216. Bravo girl!!!!!
    I am a “Northie” (Punjabi girl from Delhi) who lived in the South (Tamil Nadu to be specific)…and was totally baffled reading that blogpost from Madam Shahana…i just feel awful pitiful shameful for her…must say she had a tough time adjusting in a new place thanks to her own personality and not coz she is a Madrassi!!!!! My best Friends are Tamilians who dont know a word of Hindi or anything about my culture neither do I know good Tamil but there was not a single point in time during my growing friendship with them or during my stay in TN that I felt so pathetic about being a Northie myself or so crass about living in the land of so called “Madrassis”.

    You need to have an open mindset to accept the differences in the culture, the food, the accent, the smell of the hairoil…every friggin’ thing!!! If you cant, better stay in your niche rather than bullshitting about people/cultures of your own country. Speaks volumes about the way you have been brought up…but alas!!!!! madam belonged to Defence background. I am so feeling sorry for my own country right now….

    Nevertheless, good job MM…i zimbly louvved it 🙂

  217. Mad Momma, over 400 responses, so I don’t think you will have time to read mine… however, just wanted to say, you have inspired me to write my own open letter 🙂 so thanks! and keep writing, i love your blog 🙂

  218. That was a nice reply! I was okay with the girl’s post (considering she was highly frustrated when she wrote it), but I rather got pissed off by the people calling it funny (seriously).


  219. Errrr, wait! Before I get accused of doing a ‘Sahana’ on this blog, I don’t mind dancing on Durga Pooja for a doe-eyed ‘Bangali’, or serving in the local Langar for a ‘khaati-peeti-Punjaaban’, or playing dandiya/giving up chicken or both for a ‘Gujju’ as long as they don tell my small saver pack versions that the Iyers or the Sharmas or the Vermas or Marathes or the Goswamis or the D’Souzas living two houses away from mine are not nice ppl because the auto-driver who fleeced 10 bucks from her was from the same community.

  220. Nice read… but really. Why not just read, laugh and ignore the rest of the other post!? Some of her comparisons are crass agreed, but seriously, did it need a reply? That’s how it becomes more divisive and BIG that it actually could have been!
    Peace! m/

      • M actually glad u wrote.

        I think we’re too used to sitting down and ignoring things in this country. Perhaps another manifestation of the colonial hangover or perhaps just inherent apathy.

        Its already a big thing, people! Spreading like wild fire stroking peoples prejudices. Wake up and smell the hot cuppa!

        Glad some of us take the time and effort to address what they think is wrong.

  221. As a tamilian delhiite i’m really glad you expressed my sentiment of what a bad representative of us tamilians Sahana is. Also, the inferiority complex is sooo visible. She really should be embarrassed.

  222. Wow. As a south-Indian who was brought up primarily in the north – and enjoyed every second of it – I was appalled at Shahana’s write-up. Not because I was surprised someone had that view of the ‘Northis’, but because someone from an army background, and obviously educated enough to tell the difference between witty and crass wrote it. Further, to tout racial superiority on a public forum, and against one’s own countrymen, nonetheless, is grossly irresponsible, pretentious and unforgivable.

    All that said, I have nothing but respect for your reply, ‘MM’. I hope Shahana, and every other pitiful soul out there reads it and retains at least a trace of your view on the subject. All it takes is a bit of humanity and some common sense.

  223. Awesome!!! I hope that girl gets to read it… loved the part about the hugs at the end. I’m Punjabi and my best friends are from Coimbatore and Lahore. And I hate nothing more than community bias. Well done!

  224. Very proud to see people who don’t believe in this weird division – North India and South India. Loved reading your blog 🙂 and am very impressed by your thoughts 🙂

  225. bravo, your reply to the post, if fully read by shahana, has the potential to make her a recluse, go in depression, turn the tables from being a single blog international fame to a most hated, racist, immature “madrasan “. she should apologize for the hurt and divide she has caused !

  226. Hey girl,

    I read a lot of replied blogs in return to the madrasan blog but hearing it from a south Indian girl is even more awesome and how u get the facts straight . I loved it and i guess half the things she mentioned didn’t made any sense and i guess weren’t based on facts..I mean this is where we are fighting against each other for stupid reasons that make no sense. keep up the good work…

    North indian girl

  227. Well written! I am proud of my complexion, my hair, my accent, my food, my culture and everything else. I admire the culture of other societies, I love trying out different cuisines of India. I admire guys, from Surya to Shahrukh to Ranbir to Saurav Ganguly to Edward of twilight (ya team Edward it is !). As the lyrics go, Its my life ….. .

    I am a Tamilian, from Bangalore and I have interacted with people from all parts of India. Well some of my best friends are from different parts of the country and I have no problems with that. I mean, it is ok to be different and I do not know when people would get it. This is such a petty thing to even be mentioned and argued about in the first place. I get frustrated that people take their differences seriously and make a big deal out of it. Its simple, if someone really makes fun of you and it bugs you too much, give them back and forget about it rather than stereotyping the entire society. Why cant we lead life the way we want to and forget the differences and make peace. I dont care about North – South – East – West , its people and their goodness that matters.

    Lets stop fighting about our differences and just accept it and move on. There’s so much more to life!

    I hope Miss Sahana would get that and just make peace with her surroundings and enjoy the difference.

    Hasta la vista!

  228. Awesome reply…. really really well done lavanya!!!!!!!!!!!!! really Shahana can speak for herself and not every indian is as prejudiced and bitter as her…
    am a south indian…mallu to be specific, and i have quite a huge number of frnds from the north (thanx to my education). wat is d big deal about all this north south divide?? dats plain shit …at the end of the day, we are all indians, we are one, dats the beauty of our nation.
    stop putting your state, ur insecurities, and petty complaints above ur nation and get a life Shahana

  229. Oh ho…I’m quite sure she hadn’t even dreamed of offending India’s netizens with her tirade. And considering some of the stuff I’ve read on Twitter and Facebook and heard at standup shows in Bombay….I don’t think this was drastically worse at all!

    That being said, I think both of you are great writers, and both your arguments were great reads!!

    Keep blogging!

    • I have never heard anything at a stand up show in Bombay but I hope to God there aren’t people paying to watch someone stand up and revisit the horrors of Partition as fodder for jokes. It’s insensitive on the part of the stand up “comedian” and on the part of the audience. I’d like to know how many Americans sit by and watch jokes on 9/11.

      And I am sure you’ve heard worse on twitter and facebook – doesn’t make this any more acceptable, to my mind. Thanks anyway.

  230. Thanks for this post. Its not about being a ‘south indian living in the north’ or having northie/southie friends- its just about being Indian about the whole thing. Ive never lived in North india – ive been in TN all my life, so I dont necessarily get your references- but I truly hate generalization. We must learn to embrace ‘our’ culture, admittedly diverse.

  231. Read the diatribe that was an open letter and felt like a rattle snake biting me and suddenly growing 2 lion legs and mauling me and then there was the beak tearing every little feeling of being an Indian of the unity in diversity propaganda.
    But having read your post I am now at rest. And having read every blog that responded to that diatribe i know that we still are a country of unity in diversity force. And the force is strong.

    Thank you Momma!!!

  232. “PS: Okay lets kiss and make up, North and South Indians. In fact let’s drag the Pakistanis into this big group hug with this lovely song”

    i think this line said it all, just totally brilliant. while we’re at it, let’s bring in the others too 😛

  233. I have to say that when I began reading the “madrasan” open letter it was to see what all the hullabaloo was about. And my reaction was the same as yours. I found myself laughing a bit in the beginning but the anger and bitterness that came through just left me with a bad taste in my mouth.
    The snide, abusive, prejudiced attack didn’t just reflect badly on the writer but turned what could have been a funny read into a declaration of how we haven’t risen above our tags and stereotypes.
    I really like your reply. And share your embarrassment for Shahana. She should have burned some pictures and gotten drunk with girlfriends instead of giving in to this impulse and stooping this low. Unless, of-course, it was a marketing stunt to generate hits on her blog. She did rather well if that was the only purpose to write what she wrote.

  234. My Internet conked off for one whole month. So Thank you for being AWOL! Wish your sil a speedy recovery.

    On this post, just one comment. Ashutosh Gowarikar? Really? Why not farhan akhtar. Why AG, why, why?

  235. Can I hug you?

    What an amazing post! 🙂 Really. That girl has made me (Malayali and proud of it) look like a vitriolic fool. I don’t appreciate it. Some of my best friends are from Delhi and I refuse to have those relationships put under this bigoted, hateful scanner because she says so.

    Again, amazing post!

  236. Thank you for writing this article.. I dont belong to Delhi or Chennai but I love Delhi and Chennai in the same breath and dislike certain aspects of both cities in the very next one.

    Probably, the lady had her 15 mins of fame probably inspired by Chetan Bhagat’s “2 states”. let the matter rest and peace prevail.

  237. AWESOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! as i said earlier to a friend, i know whatever i say will be taken against me (because i am a delhi boy born in a punjabi family), but i dont remember treating any girl like whatever she said, or seeing any of my friends do it.. maybe delhi has changed to a great extent over the past few years i haven’t been there, or maybe there is a side of delhi i ain’t familiar with at all.. but honestly, it felt bullshit to me when i read it 😛 just a girl trying to gain some popularity by writing hollow sentences in pepped-up english.

    Thank you for your reply Ma’m. *bows*

  238. My blood-boiled-beyond-endurance (caused by the raagshahana lady!) got a bit calmed down after I read your response. Some other great responses out there but yours takes the cake for dismantling point-by-point all the invective she builds up!

    Just as a woman, Thanks mad momma! !

  239. Loved ure thought process and the way you countered the ‘neurotic aggressive’ point of view of the crazy girl in question……..

  240. Damn girl, you really know how to shut some moron up! Great work and a perfect reply! Keep such posts coming in!

  241. Brilliant!!
    I really like this attitude and there’s no harm including everyone in this!!
    Leave alone region, religion, caste n all those things which divide!!
    Learn to realize and enjoy the fact that :
    Diversity constitutes the myriad patterns held by the underlying fabric of unity!!!

  242. Very nicely written MM! I was extremely peeved to read the rubbish dished out by the juvenile so-called “madrasan”. I think she completely lost it midway through the blog. There is a thin line between trying to be funny, and being rude and insensitive. I guess she might want to take some lessons from Russell Peters on how to do it! 🙂

    – A Fan

  243. Kudos ! i read Shahana’s post and man! was i baffled? It took me some time to gather my thoughts after that nerve wrecking profane round! You have done a great job by responding in such a mature way.We are Indian’s first and than the parochial approach!Ask me how it feels to live in Andhra after coming down from a bohemian GOA 😛

  244. Thank you for writing this… i hope urs is the last open letter i come across.. The concept of blogs is becoming more like hate mails. just that they are open to all

  245. @ nidhi: I am indian.. india is more than delhi and south india.. i’m from Shimla , and i kind of thought the point of the blog and the post was to not rant about where we hail from… nonetheless, you defeat my point, I’m very much indian, it’s just that i choose not to let a few incidents decide everything i think..

  246. great stuff. I liked shahana’s post too..mostly because it was funny to see someone so angry at something that’s hardly worth so much ranting…but your response is nice and balanced. you write well

  247. So very well said…stereotypes exist…live with it! It is funny how as long as we live in India, people are northie and southie and once home becomes another country, even a Bangladeshi becomes someone from the sub-continent. Neither are all “southies” dark-skinned geeks nor are all “northies” fair-skinned pompous pieces of work! People need better things to do, seriously (maybe learn the national language – of some other country :P)

  248. Hahaha, such a typical bourgeois post…at least that one was just a rant and that was all..This is a well constructed response to a rant…really? This sounds like setting a rant straight…Ah how the internet has consumed our lives…My two cents on all of it

  249. Hahaha the other one did not have moderation up..this one has lol…You want to filter out the good ones from the bad sarcastic ones hhahahahaha..Only will I good things about this post will my comment go up..I have half a mind of calling in Anon on this…

    • I’ve always had moderation and the only thing I filter out is abuse – which I’ve done. Your remark is now free to go through. Go ahead and enjoy – get your kicks out of your sad little comment!

  250. You two should really meet up. Nothing like watching two educated bimbos go at each other’s throats.

    P.S: Meanwhile, the bastards eating ‘Maach Baat’ in the East are intently watching and enjoying this Open Letter nonsense.

    • While I object to your language, I had to publish the comment because its so true! My Bong friends are holding their sides laughing. Oh well, tomorrow is another day and it might just be theirs. And oh – educated bimbos? how very generous of you.

      • Good replyMM.@Karthik:Just as holding a degree doesn’t automatically qualify you as educated (as has been amply proved by the post in question , the one which has generated all this heat in the first place)using foul language doesn’t make you cool.And if this open letter business appears to you as nonsense then why bother wasting your precious time to add your 2 cents worth to it?

  251. first i must commend on your vigilance towards another persons posts..
    i mean if i had that skill, id definitely become a critic for the times!
    on a lighter note( OMG u dont know what this is dont you, i mean im sooo sure ud be ready to take my case just because i was joking around). You really should accept ones expressiveness as well as think of sensible comebacks rather than seem to disagree to agree. thinking of what you said, i cant see why you cant see the sarcasm in the other ladies attitude to her looks. and if this didnt feed your narcissism then do notice that all the above comments bathe you in adulation.
    Thank you for not posting this my fair (I mean no offence) lady

  252. Superb lady. We already have a lot of problems, rather than fighting within. Kudos!

  253. Just read the Broken Morning in the middle of the night, fw by a friend, and felt rather unsettled. Thanks for setting things straight. I love Dosa’s & Idlis, flowers in my hair, bharatnatyam, Silk Sarees and I am truly a crazy happy to be Punjabi kuddi. It hurt to know south of vindhyas was a biased territory, feel better now… lets hug and make up.
    My sister’s married to a tamilian, oh how I admire his equalitarian relationship. But I love and admire my crazy, large hearted, fearless Punjabi husband like hell. Just have some cool/”thanda” water, its great to be so diverse in thought and action, let there be non judgmental space for everyone. There are all colours of a rainbow Lets celebrate being Indians, even more just being World Citizens.
    Peace. Shanti.

  254. I am not defending anyone but I think Shahana’s was not a critical denigration of Punjabi folk. It was more of a passionate outburst for the disappointing end to the relationship she had with the Punjabi guy. Sometimes you know the harsh truth isnt good enough , sometimes the people deserve something more , sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded. Are we that insecure about our cultures that every single sentence would act as a pinprick to our sense of pride or arrogance ?
    Then where does the difference lie? Converting her feeling about North Indians would be winning a war. Deriding and slandering her would only see the inception of a new one . The one with ourselves.

    • I think the point you’re making is that it shouldn’t have hurt. I think the point I am making is that there are certain things you don’t touch upon – particularly the horrors of partition. If you don’t know where to draw the line in your attempt at humour you shouldn’t try your hand at it. And finally – not a single line here has slandered her – I’d like you to point out one line where I’ve slandered.

  255. Way to go 🙂 Though I must say… Sometimes blog posts aren’t really expected to get as much attention as Shahana’s has. I do not particularly disagree with anything she said… but kudos to you for doing the ‘Indian’ thing and being unbiased and fair [now if only, the rest of the country would follow…] *sigh*

  256. U do make sense Mad Momma – BUT, I prefer Shahana’s full throated outrage to this cloyingly sniffy rejection her pov [btw there are some “nice” Delhi boys who feel the same Shahana-type disgust with their fellow city men, who they feel outnumber the “nice” guys..]

    You could check this blog out too if you wish –
    “If we really read that letter, while it is aggressive and extreme in its challenge of the obnoxious male, there is little that is actually insulting to the reader.
    It is not a generalization of all Delhi boys like many took it to be either. Put quite simply, its gravest crime is that it takes a “macho male” stereotype and rips it to shreds quite viciously.

    “On an unconscious level, two things are happening. The “mardangi” has been insulted by a woman – we are conditioned to see this as inappropriate.
    “A woman is acting extremely aggressive with a man – another unconscious no-no. While consciously we consider the genders as equal, conditioning is automatic, and our unthinking responses lay it bare. There is nothing right or wrong about this. It simply is.
    We have been born of a chauvinistic society, we have learned a lot of misogynist garbage that is from a POV of a woman being inferior to man and this gender positioning being the “right” one and crucial to maintain for the survival of society.”

  257. Frickin’ pity you’re married, a woman with a vitriolic sense of riposte like that is hella sexy. I loved reading this actually funny article vis-a-vis the subject from Miss Shahana and her Oh-god-daymn-i-gots-to-be-funny-on-the-Internat syndrome….thanks for sending me to bed with a smile ma’am.

  258. Absolutely Fantastic! Wonderfully articulated, witty and with sharp opinions; your post was a real pleasure to read. As is with any community or group, the construction of the “other” is an important tool in constructing the image of the self. It is so important to become more tolerant of differences and diversity , in the world that we live in today. The moment we walk out the front door, we are all wrapped in so many labels that differentiate us – Gender, Religion, Caste, Class ; heck! you are even judged by what you wear. There’s the North Indian, the South Indian, the North-east Indian, the Islander , perhaps, a Western Indian? ( sounds like one of those long menus that they rattle off at Saravana Bhavan =p) Jokes apart, often, the real person is lost under these multiple layers of stereotyping. It always help to take a deeper look and just give a second thought 🙂

    Also, here’s a funny incident that happened to an uncle of mine. He was attending a conference of some sort, following the completion of which, all participants were engaging in some light banter. An old man ( to clarify, he was a North Indian) asks my uncle ( the southie ) – “kya aapko bura lagta hai jab hum log aapko madraasi bulaate hain?”. My uncle shrugs and says – ” nah..koi farak nahi padtha hai , main dhyaan nahi deta ( something to taht effect..). The old man slaps my uncle on the back and says – ” nahi! nahi! yeh garv ki baat hai..mere zamaane mein Madras- Madras Presidency tha! You should be proud!” …hahahaha..

    🙂 also, you’ve got to tell me where you get your podi from 😉

  259. dear mad mad mommy, hugs to you….
    Your post not only cleans up the mess that shahana littered, but also opens eyes of many other shahana-likes spreadout thru the length and breadth of this most diverse nation(?)…. let us ‘stitch in time’ all the torn parts of our rich indian fabric!

  260. Love it mad momma! Im a ‘madraasi’ (read tam) from delhi as well! and u know what? I love delhi!! in fact..i can be a brand ambassador for this freaking city! And i LOOOVVVEEE my ‘punjabi’ friends. They gime unconditional love! :D..awsum reply..goes on my fb status this one!

  261. Thank you Ms MadMomma for this wonderful piece.

    Its quite a feeling when you find your all your thoughts expressed so well in someone else’s words.

    This is the kind of message that should circulated on FB, Twitter and Email .. what not, not just because its a fitting reply but a positive heartwarming expression, something we need to reminded of.

  262. For the most part I agree with you. But, I won’t term Shahana’s blog as “unforgivable” (Again, your blog, your opinion). No matter how crass, crude or vulgar it might have felt (as a Maharashtrian I felt it kind of racist when she said Delhiites treat Maharashtrians as South Indians while my South Indians treat me as North Indian, both are clearly wrong), it was just HER opinion which we CHOSE to read. So if we decide to prosecute her for that it would just be infringement upon her right to free speech (Please don’t bring in stupid politicians who have stretched “reasonable restriction” on free speech tad too far).

  263. RESPECT!
    specially for the “FLEEING PAKISTAN” comment.. that so hit the roof.

    now Miss Shahana.. this “Respect” comes from a Armed Forces kid, Punjabi, Born in DELHI – Raised in BANGALORE and has mostly Mallu Pals who are more like brothers.

  264. Super Duper Lyk It 🙂 🙂
    M a Delhiite not Punjabi, not Southie,not East Indian & it doesnt matter Coz above all m INDIAN
    I love north,south, east,west of INDIA
    I hav frnds who are from Mysore, Goa,Kerala,Orrisa,Ahemdabad & relatives In Punjab, Bikaner, Mumbai & I LOVE All Of THEM
    m not vry gud in english my frnds help me in learing it, recently I joined British Council & my teacher Is a PUNJABAN
    India is secular country, v r lucky that v can learn many languages, various cultures, art forms (lyk Bharatnatyam & Gida), njoy various cuisine. I hate ppl divide it in name of caste, culture or region. We should not forget that v r brought up wid same moral values lyk respect elders,love children, God is one, honesty is the best policy & so on irrespective of region or culture.
    No hard feelings, Sorry If it hurt anyone
    Keep Smiling love evryone 🙂 🙂

  265. Excellent post. I was seething after reading the bigoted anti-Delhi rant. Thank you for this rejoinder

  266. Very well written … gr8 stuff !! I am a north Indian and for a moment I thought all South Indians think like what that other lady had to say :p This puts everything back in place 🙂 Peace!

    • no no.. i’m not Lavanya. that is my poor friend who for her sins is hosting me. I think I should move back to my old url and let her live in peace!

  267. i am so happy to read this. Shahana had just reminded me of how i had lost n have been losing friends to communalism and regionalism. this is a very serious issue and your article with her’s should be discussed and brought in serious media.

  268. Whew! Thank god for salvaging some pride for us southies.. That article was a disgrace!

  269. my point exactly!!! I am utterly glad someone shares my views and is not lazy (unlike me) to write them down!!! reading the post yesterday made me so furious!! If there were Delhi people not judging the south indian janta, after that blog, there would be!! And the Hema Malini/ Sridevi reference?? Seriously??!! It’s like me saying hey, all Bengali women in movies are admired so I must be way beautiful than other average girl!! eww!!! I am a bengali by parentage but Delhite by heart, and I am proud to be so!!! What’s wrong with all the people associating Delhi with only loud show off’s?? For every Punjabi family, we also have a Maharashtrian/ Bengali/ Tami/ Telugu and other families. Delhi is special, because we don’t discriminate people on the basis of what language they speak. I agree with the women being unsafe or other issues, but generalizing Delhi on the basis of such personal experience was sheer ignorance. And what about my cousins/ friends who go to Chennai and say the autowalah’s fleece them/ refuse to take them? Should I simply say the entire Chennai is like that? From what I’ve seen, only people who come to Delhi thinking oh they’re so great and must be accepted at once, and then have to prove themselves at workplace and else, complain bout this behaviour. I live in a housing society in East Delhi and my friends are Punjabi, Tamil, Malyalali and Bengali. If all of us keep finding faults in the others’ language/accent/ culture, then God help us. If my parents and several thousands others would have thought on these lines, none of Delhi’s diversity would be present today. reading this post of yours has reduced my BP finally, and I wish the oh- only- I can -call-myself a Madrasan could read this!

  270. Totally Awed and dismayed by both the posts, can aptly called “Famously infamous articles on The Great Indian Divide: North v/s South , we Indians are the front runners in the race to the racists competition.

    I do agree with someone’s post: If you don’t like a city and it’s culture, just get out of there, don’t bitch about it and form an opinion, and oh by the way the one’s who think their city is superior, I wouldn’t agree unless it’s their dad’s or Mom’s amanat. Lets stop being racists or I shall ask Hitler to arise from the ashes and come to India this time.

  271. brillianttttt……….u rock “mad momma”……..n Ms. Shahana …… regardless of what u wrote :…. m thankful to u…..tht cuz of u…..it is perfectly reinstated that….any opinion….if wrong will be rejected not only by the people it is targeting but also by the ppl (good thinkers) on behalf of whom it was thrown ….. I hope….or rather pray for ur misery to end…..so that , u also understand…tht if u love ur roots….then everybody loves their too…..n ya if u respect others (culture, caste, creed, religion) …..they will respect urs……

  272. Thanks a lot for writing this piece. I am a Proud Punjabi by birth(Chandigarh is my birthplace), lived last 12 years away from Punjab which included couple of years in Kochi, Bangalore, Delhi and i live in London now, i am telling you to tell that i have a pretty decent exposure to South India. I have many south indian friends and i and my northie wife loves sambhar-vada and cant stay away from Chennai Dosa for our weekly quota of dosas. I am friends with Kannadiga, Maharashtrians and malayalis(i can speak little malayalam too). I dont drive flashy cars and dont boast my punjabiyat(if thats a word).
    Though shahana’s article did not bring me to hate/loathe southies or anything but there may be many innocent northies who may have a misconception after reading her BS. I am happy that you and few other south indians decided to differ and be vocal against her.
    BTW, I love dusky/wheatish skin – Nandita in 1947 Earth, dint she look amazing. I love parottas with chicken curry, i cannot afford to miss payasam. I wish friends on Onam and Ganesh Chaturthi.

    I consider myself typical punjabi, i just dont know whom else is she trying to describe. May be those villagers who sell their land either to go abroad or make music albums or who have nt had a chance to study beyond 5th grade as their attitudes and mannerism are still the same. I fail to understand what Shahana is doing with those guys, an army background girl who has gone around India.

    Honestly, i did not want to waste my efforts on her post beacuse she is a sucker for attention and thats what she has done, i posted because it might create a wedge and i dont want that. God Bless her to realise her fault.

  273. Nice.

    Some additional points for your considering, if you will –
    1. Though the rate of crime in Delhi is higher, abuse against girl child also happens in Southern India. (Reference: http://www.gendercide.org/case_infanticide.html). Its not a regional but a national problem.
    2. (This ones for you Priyanka Chops) – [She might have had some jobs done on her nose or whatever. She looked great before to.] South Indian film industry has quite a good number of female actresses. In fact if you google, there are cases where actors have been using slangs etc. So before these actresses are taught the language, they are given special classes to detect/ react to such slangs. Talking about abuse of women in north indian society. This too is a national problem rather than a regional.
    3. About IIT, etc etc – Refer http://www.ese.iitb.ac.in/EnEdu.pdf. Nothing great about that I would say. Every one fared good.
    I could go on and discuss those about asking to a separate country etc but that of no use. I think stupid people like Shahana either do it for publicity (like Rakhi Sawant) or they just love to disturb the harmony or the fabric which people are trying to build. End of the day, a person like Shahana is just narrow minded. I would urge the our gen to consider being an Indian rather than a tam, punjabi, bong etc etc. Its not that I am against South Indian people, just hate idiocy from ppl of my generation who have access to so much but still their mentality is like this.

    (Sorry am not a blogger or anything. Just felt writing some of my rants! Apologies if I hurt anyone.)

    • I somehow get the feeling that what I wrote could be taken in another way. So just for clarification purpose – never meant anything against the south, north, east and west. I have friends, real good ones, from all over the country and trust me on this, there is not much difference in them – even if one wear a “lungi”, “pajamas” and others shorts!

      I see there are problems in my country – everywhere. Where someone from the east is shot openly in the west, someone from the north does some bad to the south, etc. Though this is mostly governed by policitcal agenda but the problem I see is that we are still not beyond all this regionalism, cast, creed, high middle etc. But one thing I liked (thanks to Social Media and also to Shahana who brought this up) that how people reacted – looks like everyone is on the same page. Only thing action I guess this would also change as our gen inherits the power play. India is definitely changing – for the good I guess!

      I would definitely like to see some post or blogs around this regionalism/ caste / class – which seems still a bit active in colleges, govt jobs, yea of course during marriages (arranged or luv)… would like to see something which throws some more light into the psyche of the gen…

      Just my 2 cents.

  274. Out of curiosity am wondering if the original post was on a blog or was it a personal email? if it is the blog can you share the link? I would love to read the original post. 😛

  275. hehe .. you write well too .. but why so serious mada’m??
    its just a blog to get people talking .. and that she has .. you might want a money for every .. something .. for a boat ride .. wishes!!! 🙂
    but if she got some for the number of hits on her blog she would be ready to cough all these replies up and much much more :):)

    learn some humor mada’m!! 🙂

  276. I was gonna write something to that “madrasi” chick but then I stumbled across your article. Well written and eloquently put, saved me a lot of time.


  277. I love you.
    I read the ‘Open Letter to Delhi Boy’ and I was fretting and fuming and then I came across your blogpost and there was nothing else I could have said!

  278. Very very classy reply! Definitely a mark of a responsible blogger. Can I add you to my blogroll?

    As witty/funny as the original post was, this reply was so well written that the brassed off “Broken Morning” only comes up as foolish. Honestly, the 2000+ comments that followed the post were vastly more entertaining than the post itself. 🙂


  279. OH SNAP! I loved every bit of your article…. I wont write too much, it will dilute the effect… but one more time OH BLOODY SNAP!


  280. As a true blue southie tamil dark skinned brahmin gal(which itself is an oxymoron) I know how similar Tamilians and Punjabis are…hmmm! here comes my Michael Wood watching to its advantage in its full force..

    1. Tamilians and Punjabis are very loud and we are proud
    2. Tamilians and Punjabis share Baisakhi and Pongal almost the same time and for same reason
    3.Punjus drink lassi and tamilians drink neeru moru but hey! it is still thayiru/yogurt…we love our curd so much u see…
    4.Where Punajbis had a Bhagat Singh , Tamilians had our own Veerapandia kattabomman..

    I can go on and on on this one!bottom line! we are not much different…i studied in a punjabi association college where our head sardar would come and recite thirukural in our annual functions…can you beat it? a turbaned man , nearly in his 70s coming and reciting thirukural? now that is cross cultural barriers being broken!

    but one thing i agree with her is that sterotype…while she makes punjus look bad…us tamilians have a slew of sardar jokes to our advantage….evens out mostly!

  281. I believe Shahana should have an made an attempt to be open-minded… going forward only acceptability and being broad can help her survive anywhere in the world!

  282. U need to take a chill pill. As a south Indian myself who has lived in Delhi for 5 yrs, I agree with shahana’s post. It is funny and that’s it. U need to go back to a few of ur posts abt Nri’s. Isn’t that stereotyping. Stop being a hypocrit

    • Did you read my post at all? i have no fight with stereotypes. i just have an issue with the crudeness. Although I’m guessing asking you to appreciate the difference would be too much to expect.

  283. Brilliant Article!
    Thanks for writing this wonderful gem, definitely a much more classy and incisive reply.
    I would have just rubbished aside Shahana’s blog but what pained me is the insensitivity shown by her towards partition…It takes the valour both physical and mental to survive a horrendous saga of partition…only a progressive community with depth of character could have done it.Anyways for every moron there is a genius and for every shahana I am sure there is a Madmomma… Great work!! keep it up!

  284. Superb….Take it….and btw i lovd your comment abt bengalis (i am a bengali ).
    Mark of a superb writer, rational thinker, way above racism and proud member of blogging community. Hats off to the INDIAN girl. You are definitely going on my blogroll….tada.

  285. OUCH burrrrrrrrn! That was hilarious. And I am so glad someone sat down and decided to write this. Hats off you ye big momma! 😉

  286. This is the most brilliant thing ever… I won’t demean it by calling it a comeback…
    Kudos to you girl !!!
    Definitely adding you… I am also going to be putting this up on facebook to ‘ explain other people’ that Shahana’s ranting is not a generalized opinion !!!!! Good stuff this !!!
    A proud punjabi/gujrati half breed living in Hyderabad !!!!

  287. First and foremost, I am an Indian . South or North is immaterial . And that is how it should be. I managed to set my eyes upon both the blogs , and it was just the one basic point that kept irking me right through. Why have this differentiation at all ? I mean one goes all antagonistic about a particular race , and the other springs to the defense , going tit-for-tat , contradicting the other blogger. Shahana need not have started in on the verbal tirade against the Punjabis or Delhiites , but where has civility come to ? Had we all, as true citizens of a country ,which has suffered like no other nation till 1947, just boycotted such an insensitive piece of writing , there would have been no furore created , and the hornets’ nest would have been intact . In my opinion this classification of north and south is only going to be a detrimental factor as far as the fabled concept of ‘unity in diversity’ goes . This, I say because , every community has its flaws , and to bring them out in public , by a person from another community is simply inane and puerile, to say the least. The mantra for all indians should be ” LET THEM BE”. Humanity comes first any day. I do not want to sound rhetoric , but isnt this what we have been learning since our childhood ? As it is there is communal tension pervasive throughout society, the last thing we want is a regional tension because of a ‘virtual divide’ created between the North and the South. Let us accept people for what they are and not try to discriminate based on foibles and quirks . Mingling with all communities, irrespective of where they come from , certainly sounds like a myth, but that myth should be broken, if we need to maintain peace and harmony in this world. One way we can start making a difference is by being more responsible in the cyber world , for starters

    Jai Hind

    -A proud Indian (north/south/east/west )

  288. BIG HUG LOVED IT! Especially the wine, girlfriends and tissue part 😀 Looks like someone was totally PMS-ing over on the other blog. I am a Southie, love my Northie friends and am completely proud of my Southern heritage. Yes, I am also not a “Madrasan”, I am a Chennaiite and Dilli happens to be my most favorite city in India 🙂

  289. I’m not done reading you’re amazing writing here but I somehow feel compelled to tell you how good a reply I see this as before getting totally through. I am a Delhi boy and would like your number…hahahha…You did say you’re content with the Southie guys…I’m proud of you. Thanks for this.

  290. i was living under a rock for the past two days. then when i logon i see this! anyway as a gazillion people have already told you – marry me, adopt me, adopt my baby – err sorry – great post.
    i may be a bimbo but the point which stuck to me is why ashutosh gawarikar? why why why?

    • dude .. .instead of thinking this coming from a south indian..north indian why can’t you just accept that’s from a indian (with brains in the right place) to another (whose has gone missing)

  291. U ARE AWESOME…..well poor girl Shahana….a Delhi Punjabi boy must have ditched her n she thot getting bak this way wud help….HAHAHA

  292. It’s sad to see how any post that spews hate and gives in to mindless biases can gain so much popularity. Thank you, social media. But that said, it’s time to give mad momma’s post the attention it deserves, and let people know not all are shallow like her highness Shahana. – Ippadiku (tamil for yours), a true blood Tamilian.

  293. I completely agree with your outrage about the usage of the words “autistic three year old”. An attempt at humour or analogy is not an excuse to use such words about little children.
    This is very similar to the outrage I had when you used the words “skin my kids alive”. You had called me sense of humourless, pompous, and weird then.
    Good to know that you have realized your error now. 🙂

    • beeeeeeeeeep. Error!
      Definitely not the same thing. And I still think you’re humourless (AND officious for interfering when I’m talking about my very own kids) so nothing much has changed. If you don’t appreciate the difference though, you never will. So keep caring for your own kids and allow me to care for mine (and speak) the way I want to. Until then… ta ta!

      • Sigh!I threatened to “kill” my daughter yesterday if she didn’t switch off the TV & do her homework.I must be just terrible as a Mom.

  294. While I agree with what you’re saying, I think Shahanas post was funny, and I think thats all it was meant to be. Atleast she had the guts to laugh at herself as much as she was laughing at her ‘sterotypes’. And as to stereotypes, they exist for a reason. If you can’t read something without understanding why it was written, then sorry, its you I pity. Did you make a similar humongous fuss about slumdog millionaire? Coz I certainly didnt! It was entertainment, pure and simple…

    • No – because it was art.
      Her post on the other hand… ha hahaha! I wouldn’t call it art on a bad day. And if references to autism and partition are your idea of entertainment, then I’m guessing the way we both look at art is different too!

  295. Rumbh fantastic 🙂
    Am a Delhi girl living in Bangalore and am loving it!!
    All it takes to adjust to a new place is time and and open mind… 🙂
    Peace to all…

  296. Suuuper Ka…

    That lady should grab a falooda or gulp down a few glasses of lassi(or tender coconut water or neer mor, thats her choice)and chill!
    I liked your spirit and your rebuttal without trampling upon Sahana’s personal diginity.

    Let me remind our northie brethren that for all your valour, u guys are not into war with any ‘Southistan’. So accept my apologies along with akka’s and lets put this to rest here. And Suothies, cmon people we dont have to prepare for our entrance exams on the blogosphere; the way some of us have stretched our intellectual dissertations in the original blog is amusing yet fails to cut any ice with anyone aware of the ugly realities of our society(or societies if i might add).

    And Sahana, go find the right guy, girl!

  297. Pingback: Lost Letters « The Idea-smithy

  298. Awesome! Super-duper liked the post 🙂 You made people like me proud – Been from south but lived majority of my life in Delhi – recently shifted to B’lore. First time in this southie land 🙂 Love ya! 🙂 Muaaaaah!

  299. Mad Momma Tussi Great Ho! *Does a bhangda jig* Now I must get back to my aloo ka parantha 🙂

  300. Thank you. Thank you for writing on behalf of most south indians…i say most because i have seen many others share that moronic blog post virally in my news feed…Thank you for ripping her apart and thank you for redeeming us South Indians who have been embarrassed by that hate speech… I have shared your post (i didn’t share the other one) and used it to apologise to all my friends ‘from above the Vindhyas’.

    I don’t know you, but i just want to say this-we want more people like you in this country and less of intolerant, unacceptable people like her…we need more tolerance to be more precise…

    A proud Indian

  301. RESPECT!!!! Nicely written and u drove the point across like Hot knife through butter!! +1 and Thumbs up

  302. Thank you Madmomma. Thank you for showing us that ‘South Indians’ are not as venomous as the woman there writing that post. I completely agree with everything you said. Its high time people try to become human first. The ‘humourous’ part will come after that.

    Thank you. Really.

  303. Pingback: The gora Panju vs kaali Madrasi blog wars: Ethnic stereotypes are so 20th century | Firstpost

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