Happy Father’s Day Dad….19.06.2006

MONDAY, JUNE 19, 2006

Happy Father’s Day Dad….

Yesterday was Father’s Day and almost the entire world remembered it but me. I mean it came to me in bits but those were the bits when I was busy doing something and while I don’t really believe in celebrating ‘days’ (it’s not really an Indian thing but it’s caught on like wildfire) I figured there is no harm in calling dad and telling him I love him.
I called on the way to a friend’s place to dinner and he was thrilled about a dinner he had made – stuffed chicken breasts with mushroom and cheese…. he was stitching the stuffed chicken when I called and then again when I called he was done with eating it too. I had to cut him off again because we had reached our destination…. I felt terrible later that it was way past midnight and too late to call him back. So dad – here’s something small to tell you how much I care ( yeah I seem to be doing a lot of this lately!)My earliest memories of dad are having a bath. He’d get the mad brother and me in to the tub and we’d have a whale of a time splashing around and making a noise. Mum would try to get us out after an hour of horsing around when the water was absolutely cold, but we’d splash her out of the bathroom.Later I remember picnics, trout fishing, campfires and sitting around the fireplace with him playing the guitar, singing hymns and choruses…. An absent minded father he had no clue how old we were or which grade we were studying in. And when it was time to go to college there was no one more surprised than him because he didn’t even notice that it was time.

He was the one that sat me down, opened up a bottle of Glenlivet and told me to have a drink because I was going to college, I deserved it and most importantly, he didn’t want some guy in college getting me drunk! He let me have a shot at his cigarettes but I spluttered and wet up the tip and refused to be a better pupil. He also taught me to whistle at boys with two fingers in my mouth…

When I brought home my first boyfriend he teased me for hours and sat on the couch and slouched and fidgeted just like him – things a 15 year old me had not noticed! And then supported me when I broke up with him because he joined the navy.

With the second boyfriend he decided he liked this quiet guy who played the guitar with so much soul and appreciated music from the good old days too… And stood by me when I broke up with him because we were at different places in our lives.

We were perhaps the only family in our small town that was open about my love life and in hindsight I realise what it took for them to be open about it and stand by me. To the extent of joking and telling people that I changed my boyfriends more often than I changed my clothes. Yes – I had two boyfriends by the time I hit 22! Big deal! Woo hoo! I now realise that was his way of dealing with it – joking about something that made him a little uncomfortable. But he taught me to hold my head high no matter what I chose to do with my personal life. And while I didn’t need to flaunt what I was doing, I didn’t need to be embarassed and hide it either.

And when I finally met the man of my dreams, he was a little taken aback. He was the first to realise that I was rather subdued and not my usual noisy self ( what can I say, I was smitten!) Taking my mum aside he told her he didn’t want me marrying a man who had broken my spirit! Oh! of course I got over the honeymoon period and I was back to my noisy self within a couple of weeks so that put him at ease…

I yelled at him and threw a tantrum ten minutes before my wedding because I wanted him to wear Indian clothes and not a suit, I take his trip mercilessly for being a momma’s boy, I fought with him because I wanted to retain my maiden name and he wanted me to take my husband’s (yeah, how weird can you get?!), I played up hell because he refused to listen to what any doctor said during my pregnancy and made my life miserable… I could go on….

But you see a pattern emerging, don’t you? I am the only one in the family who yells right back at him, thinks like him, is passionate about causes like him, flares up violently but forgets immediately, like him…. and I guess that is because I am the spitting image of him.

So on Father’s Day.. Thanks dad… for everything…


TUESDAY, JUNE 20, 2006

In response to the Father’s Day wish….

So my dad read my post and since he isn’t very tech savvy, he wrote something for me. He has no clue what a blog is and so you must bear with me. This post will tell you why I am the mush pot I am and why I adore him.  Please note, we are from small town India and blogging isn’t really common there – specially not with his generation. They are lucky if they can figure out the music system remote control!

A Blog to the Blog or whatever you call it.

When my daughter rang up to wish me it was bad enough and I got through with a ” Oh is it ? and a brief “Thanks sweetheart”not knowing what else to say on such occasions as “Fathers’ Day”. Getting wished on birthdays, anniversaries and such things is okay and one gets used to it over the years. But Fathers Day?

A little later my son rang up to wish me and that really got me thinking. Were the kids ganging up to tell me politely after all these years that I had been a terrible father or had they suddenly realised my contribution to their growth? I choose to believe the former.

I mean getting wished by your daughter is one thing, because you expect daughters to be a little mushy on these silly days, but when your son also gets into the act you know they probably think that their old man is growing old and getting soft in the heart and even softer in the head.

Mothers Day is one thing but a Father’s Day sounds superfluous. Mothers are the ones who have spent precious hours patiently bringing up the painful brats and so the poor things probably deserve a special day in the year – but fathers?? Mind you I am not talking about the new breed of fathers – these guys are different and I’ve seen them rock the young ones to sleep faster than the mummies can.
Now fathers like me thought they were there to ensure that the food was on the table, the fees are paid and then spend any available time just having fun with them. Now this doesn’t amount to much – not enough to have a day named after them anyway.

The only other time the father thinks he has a part to play is probably when the daughter comes home with some guy she wants to marry. Grrrrr…. every guy looks like a potential psychopath with greedy paws. So you try to appraise the poor guy every which way you can and then decide he is better than you were at his age and let him off the hook.

I guess its not that bad with sons – with them you only hope they will do better than you did. So life goes on till you become a grandfather and then life takes on a different hue. You are suddenly everything you should have been as a father and that makes your kids look at you with a “where the hell was he all this time”?

So maybe they should scrap fathers day and make it Grandpa’s day instead. Any G’Pas around? Well a Happy Grandfathers day then.


42 thoughts on “Happy Father’s Day Dad….19.06.2006

  1. Awww..not the best thing for me to read on a particularly homesick morning, when Im missing my parents to ludicrous amounts.. But this was just too sweet to ignore 🙂 Thanks

    • Arre, I didn’t want to but those who havent read the old blog have been pestering for invites. Since I can’t invite everyone am pulling out the odd post. I’d forgotten about my promise until someone reminded me yesterday and so I promptly obliged. I’m sweet like that.

  2. As usual beautiful piece. STRANGE! I am the only one in my family, office, friends circle who can whistle with 2 fingers and i learnt it from my dad 🙂

    To this day my husband cannot belive it and no matter how much i tutor him can’t whistle 🙂

  3. just love this piece…im so emotional that I cant even think of calling dad right now (dont want to upset him crying over the phone given that I am so far away; he probably will get worried than being happy)…

  4. I’ll just say “Like” and that I’ve forwarded it to my father…I did manage to make him a meal this time round on Fathers Day though…

  5. This is just too sweet.As much as I love what you’ve written MM,I think I absolutely LOVE his reply.
    It requires a large heart to be so modest about what one has done for one’s children.And he is SO modest especially considering whatever you told us in the post.
    Simply beautfiul,MM.

  6. That was lovely and so honest – what your dad wrote . I say we vote for a post by g’pa on his fav brat and bean moments ( not you , mind you , that’s what you get for thinking of banning me ! Humph ! And don’t give me any of that your blog and your choice etc )

  7. Really liked the “he didn’t want me marrying a man who had broken my spirit!” bit…that he knows you well enough to know when are not being yourself and that he cares enough to not want you to change anything about yourself, now thats true love for you.
    I call my dad religiously every Father’s day but I never wish him..we chat about this and that but never bring up the obvious reason why I called. Hes very wierded out by Hallmark holidays..he doesn’t even do birthdays and anniversaries that well. He called me on my birthday once and forgot to wish me and then called back the next day to ask how my day was. I do wish my mum and buy her a lil present if I’m in town for Mother’s day, she enjoys and appreciates the gesture. I asked my hubby to wish his dad this year but he balked at it and said they would never be able to make eye contact if he did something that embarrasing.

    • Yes, he knows me very well. And still loves me. Now THAT is saying something :-/
      And you, you asked one man to wish another man on a Hallmark holiday? Geez, you’re worse than I thought :p

      • No I’m “worser” than that, I asked a man who calls his parents every other day for precisely 2.5 minutes and communicates exclusively in grunts to wish his father on a hallmark holiday 🙂

          • Sorry to barge in unasked for-but guys,honestly 😀 😀 made me laugh!!! LOL LOL LOL!
            Speak only for 2.5 mins/once a month??? Honestly?? Oh my god,I just cannot believe it 🙂
            Umm,at my place its the reverse. As in, he speaks quite a bit and I..umm..I.. speak too..but not as much as he does..

  8. Lovely and such an awwww inducing post. Though I want to tell my dad about things like this, I am a lot shy with him, as he is with me. I am like him in a lot of things and that doesn’t help one bit. We both are very very bad at expressing emotions. We both are good at hiding such things. And we both have never once flew into rage at each other. And then some things happened and widened the gap. But I wish and hope he knows that I respect and love him in a weird way which I can’t express. Huh! you had to make me write this, don’t you? :-/

    • 🙂 No, what I HAVE to make you write is a nice email to him, just… for no reason, telling him what you’re up to and how much you miss him. Go on, it’s a challenge.

      • Thing is they still live in stone age. Can’t use computers 🙂 Thanks anyways, I think I will write some letters and keep them, just in case.

  9. I can so relate to the you being the only one able to talk back to your Dad part 🙂 I don’t know if its got to do something with daughters having something no one else does, or Dad’s just being unable to say “no”. But it sure is fun to watch the whole family look at me with awe, as I frankly tell my father exactly what I feel :D…I think its the best part with parents, having clear communications. Fake show of respect is such a put off.

    And know what, my Dad called me on Father’s Day asking who do I think I was, forgetting to call him on his special day. He is getting old 😛

  10. My Dad forgets b’days, anniversaries and such, with the kind of consistency, I ll be shocked to death if he remembers anytime. My first b’day after wedding, poor man circled the date on his desk calendar. When the day came he had all his staff check and recheck their diaries and his planner if their was something important that had to be done. When I called him in the evening to remind as usual he was like…’ahhhhh….wahi to main bhul gaya’. 😀
    He still doesnt remember my b’day but lot of people from his office do. 😀

    • 🙂 So my dad once filled a form with my date of birth as ’77 and his wedding as ’78. His office staff sent if back to him politely. We’ve never let him forget that.

  11. 🙂 Sweet.. I remember reading this in your old blog.. like someone said somehow I feel way too shy to tell my parents how much I love them and how much they mean to me..

    Dad is pretty good at it 🙂 he expresses himself so beautifully.. So one fine Father’s Day I wrote him an email about how he has been and will always be my hero.. they felt so good to send it and have the knowledge that my dad knows what I feel about him..

    With mom.. well she is so perceptive.. I know that she knows.. but both of us again are so good at tearing up silently than telling each other things we want to say.. 🙂 I hope I can sum up the courage to write to her or tell her all that I feel about her..

    You write so beautifully MM, at every post of urs I get this urge to bare my feelings in the comments section (God.. I know I sound so silly and mushy).. You have a way of putting out words that are so evocative.. I know I had told this before.. but some how each time I feel that whatever I say is so inadequate…

  12. MM – your dad is just too sweet. You are just one lucky soul. Seriously, dream life!. Knock on wood. Such a lovely and loving family overall. And so open-minded.
    You had bathrooms with tubs in your house in those days?! I only know of the traditional stand n shower with a bucket or shower head ones in India. Except in hotels.

  13. Your dad’s post completely kicked your (post’s) ass!

    Happy father’s day to the OA too. Did the B-B duo wish him?

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