Because I am having a lazy day

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio

“To celebrate growing older, I wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written.”

1.Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good. (Very true. I love my life.)
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. (Not working. I still hate some people and that won’t change!)
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch. (Strongly believe in this one.)
5. Pay off your credit every month. (I am so bad at this one.)

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree. (Erm, can’t  bullshit you guys on this one, but I am trying harder. Have you noticed an improvement?!)
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone. (Can’t do this. )
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay cheque. (Have not saved a rupee. It’s entirely the OA’s job.)
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. (Don’t I know that?)

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present. (I have taken years and this blog has helped me.)
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it. (Sigh. So true.)
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you no one else.
20. When it to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion, today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow. (I try this all the time – and fail!)
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’ ( I do this all the time and I realise the little things do and the big things don’t! How strange.)
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business. (Very true. People can kiss my hairy err… toe.)
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time. (You think so?)

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles. (I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do.)
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back. (I’m not even throwing my problems. Having seen what others deal with, I think I got the ones I am most suited to handle.)

41. Envy is waste of time. You already have all you need. (This one is the best. I don’t want anything anyone else has. Except maybe one more baby?!)
42. The best is yet to come (Of this I am so sure – and this considering how much I love the present.)
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. (I find this very hard to do.)
44. Yield. (HOW?!)
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.


63 thoughts on “Because I am having a lazy day

  1. “. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch. (Strongly believe in this one.)”

    I don’t really agree with this one. All relationships are selfish. My relationships with my family members has gone awry ever since I became independent and chose to live my life my way (read marry according to my choice). At least your job will pay your hospital bills and get you a nurse.

    • I think its very personal. The OA would probably agree with you. In my case, I married according to my choice and my relationships with friends and family deepened and strengthened as everyone went out of their way to support us.

    • Yeah….I disagree with that point.

      Don’t let go of your job – you NEED to make a living on your own.
      Don’t let go of your loved ones – you NEED love.

      • I like to think that we work as a team. If the OA is making a living and I am making a life for us, it might sound regressive to some, but to me its merely delegation like any smart company would do. Divvy up the jobs. As long as neither of us is forced into a choice by each other or society, we’re fine. I have a working mother and had two working grandmas, a working mother in law and a working grandmother in law. I’m probably the first SAHM /work from home mom in our family!

        • Yes, the teamwork logic works for me – but only in the present. But then I think of a bleak future where my partner is no more (yeah, I’m dramatic!). Would I be able to take care of myself and my children? I can only mourn for so long while ignoring pending bills. Considering life insurance and all such ecoconomic safeguards; would I still be able to get in to the job market and pick up from where I left?

          • Well that is where friends and family come in. They help you get back on your feet. 🙂 Unless of course they’re complete jerks and assholes in which case you need that job 😉
            If we all planned only for a bleak future all the time, we’d have a miserable present indeed! I’d put a job over friends and family if I were very badly off or if there were a need to work intensely for a time bound project.
            No one can ever get into the job market and pick up from where they left off but I don’t think you read the point correctly. It didn’t say sit at home and do nothing. It just said, don’t put your job over family and friends. Prioritise well. Stay in touch. Don’t skip your kid’s PTA for some meeting that could be re-scheduled. Pick up the phone and call a friend instead of going through that excel sheet for the nth time.

  2. With ref to Pt 30:

    Time does heal, provided the wound isn’t deepened (often just by remembering it).

    With reference to point 44:

    Sometimes it is sheer relief to yield to a loved one, after an endless argument. Or “pretending to yield”. 😉
    At other times, it is better to speak your point and go to your room with a book.

    The rest are great. Received this from a cousin a few months back.

  3. Number 41 all the way – it makes a lot of difference and I learnt this from looking at my Old Man Pop – he swears by it and is the happiest person I know!

  4. Lovely, I enjoyed the little comments in parenthesis 🙂
    I think i’ll copy it into my notebook and make my own little notes if you don’t mind…

      • I couldnt agree more MM … its not time that heals but the ability and strength to accept and let go that heals and brings one back in action with the additional benefit of being stronger than before.

  5. (This one is the best. I don’t want anything anyone else has. Except maybe one more baby?!)

    Erm… Where’s OA? Is he readying to throw you out of the balcony? If yes, just take care of your knee.. You need to climb back and most important tell us how the throw was!!!!

  6. MM,came across this list some time back and now I have a copy of it in my folder. I try my best to live like this. Totally understand #40 but sometimes when all I want is to be a mom, it is easy to feel like I have the biggest pain in the whole world. Then I cry a little and snap out of it. You are so lucky to believe in miracles. I don’t any more.

  7. I agree with…resistance to chcocolate being futile. Its chocolate 🙂 meant to be savoured. Dark, bitter, sweet, melting, any which chocolatey way you want :D. Also I totally get the not crying with anyone part. Its part vulnerability issues, but I feel the tears double when you know someones watching and sympathising or plain being there for you…I kind of lose that little amount of courage if you know what I mean. And miracles, they rock !!!

    I disagree with…happiness being a self prerogative. I guess if you love the people in your life, your happiness gets tied with them and theirs. And also, forgiving everyone everything? Blah!! that aint happening 😉

  8. pt 41: “I don’t want anything anyone else has” ..such a liar MM 🙂 .. how about a good pair of knees someone else has (not mine) about the a good Delhi house!

  9. That is a nice list MM. Seriously…you want one more kid. I too want one more….but I dont think I have it in me to bring up another kid. Once I am back from the office I try to give as much time as I can to my 2 yr old and I wonder if I can do that if there is another kid. I always think of you, how you manage so well..spending so much time with your kids, you have a job and you also have this wonderful blog.

    I think I am kind of addicted to your blog. Though I dont comment here very regularly, I keep analysing a lot of things(kids and non-kids related stuff) that you discuss here. May be that is the reason I had you in my dream which goes something like this…I was standing at a traffic signal with my son and I saw you at the other end with Bean and Brat. I am not sure how I know it is you(I never saw you,right). I was in a doubt if I should go and introduce myself, and while I was still in this dilemma, you waved to me with a big smile and the next moment I see all the 3 kids playing together.ha ha…strange, isn’t it? Sorry for the long comment..feel free not to publsih.

  10. Did you highlight 5 and 6?:)
    Yes, you definitely have softened and I see a more polished MM than when I started reading you 4 years back. 🙂 I did like the impulsive MM back then too 🙂

  11. On 40, two questions.

    1. How did you get the ones you’re most suited to handle? Or rather who made that call – most suited?
    2. And how is this related to what you’ve seen others handle?

    • LOL! Is this a serious analytical question? In which case there is no answer.
      But yes, as I see others handle children with serious health issues, or infertility etc, I realise that I would not have handled it with the grace they do. I have my own problems that people often stare at me in astonishment and ask me how I put up with, and I know that I am able to because of the person I am.
      I think that pretty much answers Q 2 too.

      • hmm… personally, my awkwardness in handling some problems of mine seemed to suggest that at best, the assignment process is completely random!

        and at worst, it is actually the exact opposite of what you say – those that i am worst suited to handle… 😉

        even so, i am not suggesting that i’d pick another pile… i’d keep mine… but not sure if i am best suited…

        and yeah, sorry about the analytical tone.. i haven’t been able to escape that… however hard i try…

        • Well that sounds most plausible 🙂 But knowing my lack of patience with kids and my almost contradictory burning desire to have kids – the two problems I stated, would have been impossible for me to deal with.
          There’s a saying – if God brings you to it, He’ll get you through it. I believe that is the other way of looking at this same point.

  12. i wish i remember all those points when i need. good one…

    mm i think in case u go for another kid there will be whole lot following u (atleast me for sure), reading all the fun and wishing they had the same.

  13. I agree with the last one. Not in a dreamy floaty way, I still think it beats every other alternative. I cant cry in front of the kids and husband either. I feel like if I let go once then there wont be any stopping me. I dont know the fine art of forgiving either – the time I think this is it, Ive put it behind me and so and so is behaving now is when it all comes back and I get my walls up. What’s so eccentric about purple? I guess in Regina’s time it was. How come you have no comments about the one where you can get angry with God? Kabhi gussa nahin aayaa? #38 is the truth.

  14. Erm, number 5 is for me. One time I forgot to pay my mobile phone bill. As in I just FORGOT. I also moved cities and forgot to tell them that so the bills kept going to my old address. I nearly got a court summons and an old friend pitched in and helped me out. The husband never lets me hear the end of it to this day.
    Maybe I should just get rule no. 5 tattooed on my forehead.

    P.S and I’m on prepaid now 😦

  15. Love food for thought….n so here I go..adding my comments to the points that caught my eye.

    Do you mind if I publish this in my blog?
    1.Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good. (yes, just that one’s got to be positive and patient enough to see the good in it)
    3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. (strongly believe and follow it)
    6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree. (only if I feel that the other person is willing to do the same)
    8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it. (happy to be reassured)
    9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay cheque. (But we are suppose to live today like there is no tomorrow, no?.)
    10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. (Well said)
    11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present. (That’s a good reason.)
    13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. (Amen sistah!)
    14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it. (But the beauty or necessity of the relationship is sometimes seen only by the people in it. The rest of the world will only know to criticize it, in which case , why bother with telling them?)
    16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.(It does?)
    17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful. (n here I struggle to define useful)
    18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger. (Absolutely!).
    21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion, today is special.(point noted, have to try work harder on this)
    22. Over prepare, then go with the flow. (uh-oh. I over-prepare and then freak out if things don’t go as planned )
    24. The most important sex organ is the brain. (haha!)
    26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’ (I like this. Will do going forward)
    27. Always choose life.(like!)
    28. Forgive everyone everything.(Hmm..can I forgive but yet not forget?)
    29. What other people think of you is none of your business. (ha!)
    30. Time heals almost everything. Give time. (Time makes everything seem trivial eventually and so u feel like it heals!)
    33. Believe in miracles. (Yes…and some days I struggle to hold onto the belief)
    40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back. (Ya, I believe everyone gets only those problems that they are capable of handling. God knows that u can handle it and in the process become a stronger person and that’s why he chose you to give it to. Now, if only I can remember this when I’m in deep s**t )
    41. Envy is waste of time. You already have all you need. (1st part, I agree. 2nd part, not really. There is always more needs)
    42. The best is yet to come (oh ya, I’m convinced! Life keeps getting better)
    43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. (and then u automatically end up feelin better, ya!)
    45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.(yes, it is!)

    • Go right ahead!
      The one about relationships being a secret – i dont think you need to bother to TELL people. But if you need to actively HIDE it, then its worth some thought.

      Some schools of thought believe that if you forgive, you will forget. I’m not sure i agree.

  16. Loved all of them.. but as I await my delivery (any day now..) can’t tell you how reassured I felt to read #15: Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.


  17. G’dday from Australia MM,

    If this is a lazy post, you have a great set of resources to pull from!!

    I like:

    Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
    When in doubt, just take the next small step.

    These are mantras to live and build life upon. I think you have to be circumspect and a little prudent. Measured decisions are always best. Equally the action-inaction problem of paralysis is equally bad.
    If you do something, something happens. If you do nothing-nothing happens.

    I am surprised that you find the get up and show up bit hard! Are you not a morning person?

    Hope you have a good weekend! We are gardening!! I always think of this as unfinished business, much like housework!!

    On another note, I would love to hear people’s thoughts on planking, we have had a few visitors from India on our blog recently!!

    Take care,

    • I’m not a morning person at all. Very much an evening person. I am usually briming with energy when others are slowing down which is why I post at night. Planking isn’t something common here. At least not that I have heard of. Thanks to the internet we’re aware of it, but thankfully, no cases here yet!

  18. Pingback: the tag that isn’t… | The Life of Umm

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