Following footsteps

The Brat came back from school, pulled off his t-shirt, flung it on my bed and fell asleep. I smiled at the little man who is such a little man. Until it struck it me that the equally exhausted Bean has never considered it. I wondered why that was until I realised that he sees his father roaming around the house bare-chested. Clearly *koff koff* they never see their mother fling her clothes and cares to the world, so she takes her cue from me. How early you learn what you should and shouldn’t do. Even though no one would think twice about a 4-year-old girl throwing off her t-shirt, she’s never asked, I’ve never noticed (until today) and she probably wouldn’t ask because she already identifies so strongly with being female.

 

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33 thoughts on “Following footsteps

  1. boys are lucky, i tell you. sometimes the weather makes me want to do exactly what the Brat does 😀

  2. You know you should really do a home tour now for us, your readers. That room of yours looks just so pretty! Sorry completely unrelated to your post 🙂

  3. Valid point… We do what we see our mothers do for the most part…and ya…they (obviously) never walk around bare-chested. Its amazin how these small things influence one early on in life.

    but then again..i have seen li’l girls…around 3-4 years old…walk around the house just with their diaper and not care about gettin their clothes on. So i guess its after that they realize they are **girls** and these kinda influences begin.

    • Exactly. identifying with the rest of your gender, be it your fully dressed mother or a woman on the road as opposed to your father or even a bare chested labourer on the streets, is something that comes really fast.

  4. LOL – this kid is adorable. And my my, it’s amazing to see that they develop a sense of gender differences so quickly, even when you’ve tried not to instill it on them in any way…

    And I’m take solace in that your son is as cute as he is despite being a “kambi kuchi” (like my family would say) coz I expect no less of my now 2 yr old; when he becomes as old as the brat, he’s going to be a “kambi kuchi” too. I love the way he is lying down with his hands tucked under his body – my son does that too.. I rock him to sleep (oh don’t judge me for that :D) and he tucks his hands between me and his body – it’s a “touching” experience 😉

    Love your blog.. you have a way with words that can only come naturally…

    • oh i love rocking my kids to sleep. I am all for attachment parenting as the new age term goes. who will rock our kids to sleep if we don’t. And for those who keep whining about not carrying kids too much etc, to them I ask – how many kids have you seen being rocked to sleep in college?!

  5. Interesting. It’s the nature/nurture debate again. I was always on the nurture side until someone pointed out something exactly like this. That her son – although he had two elder sisters and was encouraged to join them in their games – was just not interested in them. She noticed that he tended to want to do the things her husband did, like tinker with cars. I guess it’s a mix of nature/nurture – the nurture bit because they are imitating the behaviour of a parent but the nature, because they choose the parent who is the same gender as them to imitate.

    • exactly. the point is not just offering our kids choices, but to lead by example which is not always possible. my kids see me being the primary caregiver no matter how many diapers the OA changes. They see me stitch and sew and they see him get a ladder and climb up to clean fans. they will pick those cues up no matter how much I encourage them both to do everything

      • True. Nature and nurture. I never saw mom climb ladders and stuff but dad would ask either me my sis or brother to climb ladders and clean the attic etc. It never was you are a girl so you needn’t do these stuff.
        Whoever was available to help and whoever was in the mood to help would be called. So even today I do more fixing and climbing ladders than the husband 🙂 except for may be really heavy things or jobs which in this age even men don’t do on a daily basis.

  6. I loved your post, but more than that i loved the look of your bedroom. The first thought that came to my mind was it was so damn clean and pretty. I mean, I am sure you hadnt planned to take this snap in advance, you just took it at the spur of the moment. But still the bedcover was so pretty, the cushion covers went so well. If it were at my place it would have been a coincidence. Guess I really need to put in a lot more effort at keeping my house beautiful at all times 😦

    • 🙂 I work out of my bedroom. If it is untidy – which it often is, it gets on my nerves. I take ten minutes off and speedily tidy up. That is all it takes to find the right place for everything. Trust me.

      • Seriously yaar, all I cud think was how clean and pretty the room luks…mine luks like a ravaged battlefield. Hubby keeps his 6′ frame on the same like all the time and when I tidy it up, he’ll say – “how pretty” and jump right into the middle. I am not much of a good home maker but a pristine clean bed works just right for me…

      • when have i ever NOT trusted you. i love your room (or the small part of the room that i can see in the above pic)

  7. Sigh, can someone try talking to my little Salman right here? Even her dad doesn’t go bare chested, so I’ve no idea where she gets it from, but the minute you take off her t-shirt for a change of clothes/ bath, she zips away at the speed of light and proceeds to strut all over the house showing off her 0.6 pack.

      • Hehe I loved the phrase “Litte Salman”. My niece also loves to run around in her chaddis and doesn’t have any inbuilt sense of “shame”. We had a little boy in our building who was a nudist…every now and then, he woudl slip out of his house comepletely naked and sit on the swing or slide!

  8. Oh.. I notice the same about my 2 yr old son…He does play with my daughter’s toys, but then he is more interested in cars and balls, even when we are not forcing him in that direction. The only influence he has of being surronded by females all the time is that while speaking he uses the feminine gender…such as main abhi aati hoon…My husband objects…but it sounds so cute…I am letting him be for the mean time..i know he will correct himself soon.

    • yeah. the brat does that even now. with so many languages being tossed around, grammar isn’t easy for him. but I tell the OA to let him be and not worry about the mistakes.

  9. Interesting observation … I dont quite remember how & when, but the peapod strutters around in her bloomers at home and I haven’t ofcourse given it second thought. She takes it from her dad ofcourse 🙂

    That room is really beautiful. Is that a fab india bedsheet? Does it wear and tear well?

  10. My litle one still hasnt got there yet I think. He, very impartially imitates both of us – tries to put the scrunchies that I remove on his 3+1 hair or tries to spray the deo after his Dad is done with it 🙂 Its fun watching him do either one. Looks like very soon its going to change…

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