I quit

Yep. The job. Am done with being a corporate slave. Exactly two years ago I took on this job, as I turned 30. And I turn 32 tomorrow and realised that I’d outgrown it.

I suppose a lot of you saw it coming. But here are my reasons for letting the job go.

– The commute. I was spending 4 hours a day and it was killing me. I hated the waste of time and although I could use it to read, it was still dead time.

– The knees. My knees have reached a stage where they need serious attention. Sitting around in a car for hours with no space to stretch out, was really telling on them. I wasn’t even able to go and get my x-rays and scans done because of my tight work schedule. I blacked out again a couple of times because of the pain and realised that the end was near if I didn’t do something about it.

– Toxic work atmosphere. Remember the day I wrote about women being their own worst enemy? Well, I’ve been dealing with a very vindictive woman for months now. She is fine with those who do the usual ass-kissing – which entails standing outside with her while she smoked and had her coffee. All of which I was willing to do in winter, but had no intention of doing in summer. I mean passive smoking is bad enough without having to stand in the blazing sun at 48 degrees while suffering through it. But the thing that bugged her really badly, was my flexitime deal. It began with her nasty jibes on how there are other women who have children but find themselves able to work a full day. Which was fine – except that she has a 14 year old and I had an 18 month old – slight difference that she was unable to appreciate. The tension grew and soon another woman joined – again leaving a 6 month old with her parents who lived with her. And soon they were a gang. Let me tell you how petty it got. Phone calls were not passed on. Information from the editor was suppressed so that I ended up never getting the damn memo. Invitations were trashed. They’d pass food over my head in our little cubicle. They’d refuse to answer if I asked a question. I began to wonder if it was just a nightmare because I can’t imagine such unprofessional, terrible behaviour. Particularly because I have always got along fantastically well with colleagues. Hell, I married one. Another two are old friends, one of whom I refer to on the blog as my best friend. Another’s wife reads the blog and is one half of the embarrassed couple who got read the riot act by the Brat and Bean for not having kids. So for someone who has been pretty much a model colleague for the last 10 years, this was a bit of a shock. The OA and my family and friends believe that one of the reasons I was getting so ill was the stress. I’d get up each morning bright and cheerful and as it was time to leave work I’d start getting nervous. Soon it got so bad I had to ask a friend in another department to come and sit next to me to save me from the nasty jibes. The problem really was that the boss still liked me, the colleagues in other departments and other cities liked me and the PR, the people we interact with, everyone liked me. It was only them and they couldn’t think of any other way to get back at me. The last straw for me really was that I was out on shoots two months in a row when my paycheque arrived. They refused to let the courier guy leave it for me, the damn cheques got lost both times and I finally had to threaten to complain to the HR department. That worked. But it was the last straw for me. The ill will and the tension had begun to show on my body and mind and I didn’t want to take it anymore.

– Knowing myself better. I recently read an article where this IT bigshot lady is quoted as saying that her husband told her on the second day of her marriage that he wanted a wife who was a career woman, not a working woman. It’s another matter that I don’t see myself being told what I should be, by the OA. But that isn’t the point. I thought about it. Am I a career woman? Is my career important enough for me to be defined as one? I realised it isn’t. I love my work. But it doesn’t define me. I am just a working woman and I don’t know if that is good or bad or permanent. For now, my ‘career’ is a bit of a joke. Again, a disclaimer – perhaps the key is finding a job that really fulfills me.

– Job satisfaction. I loved getting a pay cheque, being a working woman and stepping out in my smart shoes and snakeskin leather bag and black rimmed glasses and meeting interesting people. But that is it. Over the last two years I felt I wasn’t growing professionally. I had stopped learning. I could do most of my work with my eyes closed. I wasn’t working on the cure for AIDs, I wasn’t helping the poor and I wasn’t building bridges. I didn’t think my work was satisfying me at an intellectual or an emotional level. It was good for the ego to be ‘the working woman who was doing it all – home, kids, job, nice house’ but it was killing me and I didn’t think I was giving any of it my best.  It was all just a satisfactory job. If I were marking myself I wouldn’t give myself an A+ on any front.

– The kids. Somehow moving to Gurgaon and the long drives gave me a lot to think about. During the 2 weeks of sick leave I took, the kids stuck to me. The Brat began to speak more, read more.. his personality underwent a sea change. He’s become naughtier but I have a feeling that is a good thing. He’s more willing to experiment, to talk, to understand and really coming in to himself. I hunger for them when I am away. I ache if I come home to realise one of them came back from school with fever. I want to be there when the Bean hangs a necklace around her neck and sings ‘Happy Birthday necklace’. I want to be there when the Brat finds an injured baby bird on our balcony and sits for hours watching over it, stroking it, and feeding it till it gains enough strength to fly away. Yes – both of those happened that week. They’re not special things to anyone but me. No maid can report them to me and I can’t think of anything more beautiful to watch. I know all mothers miss their kids and I think some find a work life that makes it worth that ache. Me, I haven’t found it yet. Or perhaps I am just not capable of handling time away from them

– Money.  Funnily I realised my salary was adding to the family kitty, true, but I was spending most of it. Buying  decent work clothes, having to keep up with friends and colleagues who were out for lunch, increased petrol and phone bills  – there were no savings. Also my job took me to places that tempted me to shop. Places I wouldn’t go to normally. Once pulled out of temptation I was fine.  I mean I could have saved all that money by being really strict with myself but I realised there’d be no joy left in my life then. Slogging all day and salting away money and having no life, just didn’t seem worth it. The OA, by God’s grace, earns enough to keep us well and happy and healthy. We don’t own a home yet but I don’t really see that as a problem right now. There’s no real hurry or deadline to meet. So if I don’t want the money badly and I don’t care to rise up the ladder, then why put up with a toxic work atmosphere? And most of all, why crave more money if God is good and has given us enough for our means?

– Time. While living in Delhi I still managed to get a life beyond work and kids. I worked a flexitime job and that meant 4 hours in office and the rest from home. But with a four hour commute I found myself spending 8 hours away from home and 4 hours more of work after that at the very least. Once we moved to Gurgaon I ceased to have a life. Weekends we were too pooped to do anything and on weekdays we didn’t lay claim to even a pretense of a life. We went on a lot more holidays and picnics and had fun before I went full time. That was because I handled everything that had to be done at home, organised everything for the holiday/picnic/outing and all the OA had to do was show up and drive. I look back on those days with a wistfulness. Everything now was rush rush rush. Get up early, get kids ready, pack tiffins and bags, send to school, get dressed, rush to work, stay in traffic for hours, put up with those two harpies, come home, get homework done, organise a new house that is way too big for four people, work some more and then crash like a log.

– I know this will get most feminist hackles up, but the whole situation was getting crazy – let me clarify  – it only became crazy after we moved to Gurgaon and were spending extra hours on the road. It felt like a company with two CEOs. When what was needed was maybe a  CMO or CFO. The OA and I both working long hours, both out of the house, both trying to be available to the kids and getting completely rushed off our feet. I know a world out there is doing it but somehow to my mind delegation and segregation works better when kids are this age. I need one of us to be home and when I mean home, I mean properly. And I have realised that I am the one who wants it. The OA supports me as much as any man could. But it wasn’t enough I realised, because that wasn’t what I wanted. There is a lot that falls between the cracks. Who stays home if the kids are sick and he has a meeting and I have a shoot? I have a friend who also works from home and her logic is very clear. She works and she manages her daughter. That’s it. No doing up her home, no major partying and no dressing up. She and her husband have also very clearly picked the slow track at work. I admire that clarity of thought. With me, it seems worthless to earn more money if the home I come home to isn’t up to my standards and I am not getting enough time with my children. I realised that both of us were more tired, more cranky, more stressed, not exactly shooting up the career ladder and definitely not feeling that our personal life was good.

– Support structure. I also realised after meeting many career women  – that most of them seem to have good family support. Either parents or inlaws who live there and take care of their kids. I don’t have that option. I don’t like the idea of my kids going to daycare. I have new maids every 6 months and my poor accommodating kids are just learning to go along with whoever is the latest. No doubt it is in some twisted way preparing them for change in life, but it’s just not right to leave them all day with women they are barely used to. The formula is simple. Parents/inlaws during the early years and then boarding school as soon as possible. Also, I feel its confusing them. When I am home – breakfast and dinner, I let the kids feed themselves and make a mess. At lunch the maids feed them so that its faster and less messy. Undoing all my work. I let the Brat bathe himself but the maids insist on bathing him if I am not around so that he doesn’t wet up the loo. You get the picture.

– Over the last few years I’ve also learnt that I love having a breadth of life. Doing lots of things. Reading, gardening, painting and writing.  This, above time for my husband, children and job. I just don’t have the time to do all of that and I feel the pinch. In the last couple of months I’ve had both my cousins here and am local guardian to both of them. Apart from two children who fall ill once in a while I have two teenagers with fever, cough, cold and yes, even dengue. I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone else but its important for me to be available to family if they need me. Even though I am not their mother and it’s not my job. But with a houseful, its getting harder to get anything done.  And these two were my first babies. I held cousin K in my arms at 13 and he feels like a son to me. I’m glad of this time I’ve got to spend with them after so many years. I enjoy their company and its hugely invigorating to spend time with people who are younger and full of ideas and opinions.

As for why I’ve written this detailed post, it is because I know I’ll be crawling up the wall in a few days with either boredom or frustration, feeling the lack of a salary or company. That’s when I will come back here and remind myself of all the reasons I chose to do this. Will I go back to work if I get an offer? Sure – if someone trusts me as the last boss did, to deliver on time. And lets me take the flexi route….

Until then, my loves, I am BACK!!!!!!!! So much has changed since I last was a SAHM. Tharini and Gauri have jobs. With Ro home on maternity and Poppy having quit, maybe its going to take me quitting for the world to fall back into place 😉

Edited to add – You guys are all getting it wrong. Check the date. My birthday is tomorrow – 25th September – not today 🙂 But thanks all of you who wished me today, anyway

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289 thoughts on “I quit

  1. Hmm… Very well thought about. I can sense, you have not made an impulsive decision. You have balanced it off, thought it through. Considered different aspects.
    A very dear friend of mine recently told me something that stuck- Career is what we make of our lives and the society does not define that. We decide that for ourselves.
    Good luck… and whatever will be.. will be 😀

  2. Badhai ho MM! A lot of us could tell that you really needed to do this for yourself, more than any one else. I am glad that you have chosen to step away from the madness and have given yourself the time and the space for the better opportunity to come to you.

    And by the way, for the crazies in your office, good riddance!

  3. well done,now u have have ball of time with life and kids and hubby and a big one yourself! hugs to you on doing this.I just quit one day and never went back to it!

  4. Wow, sounds like a well thought decision. Good luck and enjoy your time with family. I agree with everything you have said, 4 hour commute? OMG! Screw those evil women.

  5. Happy happy birthday, MM! Very long post, so will finish reading it tomorrow (I cheated by logging on so late!)but I hope you’ll freelance — it really IS the best life, and you have too much writing talent to not use it.

  6. Yay for quitting MM! Nothing more important than health and happiness no? Have a ball with those two adorable kids 🙂

    • are you kidding me? i used to have trolls bombing me when i was freelancing and i anticipate it happening again. they only left me in peace when i was working and that itself tells me something about them

  7. When you write about the kids and all, I can do little but say ‘Awwww..’ but dude, this is so totally my turf. So first up, let me send you some unsolicited hugs.

    I’m dealing with a similar situation at work and the pettiness has reached levels where I almost feel like ditching the laptop and instead flinging a sack over my shoulder and hitting what is clearly a fishmarket. All I want to tell you is that yes, this atmosphere can and does make you physically sick and yes, it can kill every semblance of your personal life. Quitting is the only choice there is, after a while.. specially when the higher-ups simply shrug and ask you to ‘deal with it’. The decision to quit takes more than people think, and ealing with such negativity is never worth your while.

    I don’t know why but I’m quite excited for you too. I’m sure this will be all for the better 🙂 You go, girl! And like OJ said, have a great birthday (it’s tomorrow right? 25th Sep?)

  8. The sentence that really spoke to me was “And most of all, why crave more money if God is good and has given us enough for our means?” and I absolutely agree. I admire you for being content and have that clarity of thought to quit, when you have to. I also appreciate that you have thought through this (the enumerated reasons are proof enough) thoroughly. I am all for being a feminist, but I like this idea of a feminist better than the bra-throwing men-bashing ones, and am sure, I will hear a earful for this statement 🙂

    • 😀 and then people want to know why the disclaimers. because there are plenty of people who say you need to work to aspire to move up the ladder blah blah. it becomes all very personal. personal growth, personal space blah blah. i appreciate that, but sometimes as a parent you realise that the kids have to come first. because you want them to.

  9. Congratulations MM for having the guts to do what you think is best for your family! People can talk…but it’s your life. I made the same choice a long time back..& am still a SAHM. Absolutely no regrets..I did it ‘cos I wanted to. You are so creative that you will have tons to do even without a job. I am happy that the kids will get more of your time. You are a wonderful mom:)

  10. For somebody who switched jobs for a similar reason, hats off MM for following your heart 🙂
    Happy birthday to your mom (she shares her bday with me so I don’t forget)
    Advance bday wishes to you, hope this year sees you getting a book deal 🙂

  11. Phew! I can only imagine how u felt at the end of writing this post..Relieved, liberated?! As I was reading it..i felt like u wrote it for urself more than anyone else and was going to ask u about it…but of course u already mentioned that !
    U know it takes a Very Very Very brave person to quit their job, financial freedom, life outside of home etc etc etc. Bravo ‘coz u seem to have that courage!
    OMG! U survived that work atmosphere? I can’t blv such ppl exist for real ! Hugs MM! I can’t imagine how bad it must hv been to go back to that place every morning n none of that reflected in ur blog so long!
    Ahh them knees…hope they appreciate all the lovin n carin ur going to show them n heal soon! n ya, u better show them some lovin n carin!
    n the kids..do they know? or is it a surprise B’day present for them on ur B’day??
    what a beautiful way to bring in a B’day ! congrats MM and All the Very Best!!
    n of course Many Many Happy Returns of the Day ! God Bless! Wish you n ur family sunshine and joy !
    PS: all this means that we are going to see more n more n more posts from u…doesn’t it? 🙂

  12. Whew – it’s out! Must have felt like lancing a boil no? Glad that you do have the clarity of thought to decide quitting is for you – now get that knee seen to ASAP!

    M

  13. BTW, could your nice boss be persuaded to annnounce, for the consumption of the two b******, that you’re going to be working from home full-time, and reporting to someone higher-up xyz? Just to rub their faces in?

    M (yes, I’m petty :))

  14. Good for you! You will one day look back at this day as the day that changed your life for the better!! Every (great) mind needs time to think and reflect and “be”….working in a toxic environment was giving you none of that….

    I’ll be cheering from the sidelines….. 🙂

  15. Finally… 🙂 Happy for you, actually I’m selfish, now we can read more blogs about the kids, the interior decoration of the house, gardening etc.
    What a way to begin the new year 🙂
    Happy Birthday!
    Cheers

  16. Does this mean you will blog more?!!! Then YAY, badhai ho badhai!
    Women face tough choices- okay maybe I should parents face tough choices – because there days there SAHM and SAHDs. Whoever decides to SAH takes a diffcult decision. As a working mom, the best way I can manage both home and work is if stick to omy one kid plan. that’s my sacrifice! Maybe one day I will be brave enuf to quit and have my dear daughter!

  17. I don’t comment regularly, but this one I had to. We’ve all known about your knee and how it hurts you and how much you WANT to be with the kids and how you’ve groomed them both. Now try and get back to Yoga and get them knees fixed. Din’t you say that a doctor in the govt. hospital diagnosed your problem right? Can you not try him again and continue treatment?

  18. I’m glad you did. Congrats MM! Its true liberation. And I have a feeling, that you won’t need too much reminding through this post, as to why you needed to quit. You’ve always been pretty clear on this right from the start!

    And to set the record straight…*cough*…my “job” is hardly a job. Its a sort of a picnic, that I attend when the weather is right. 😉 So I can easily swing both sides these days! 😉

  19. Hi MM,
    Congrats! On making a decision that suits you. I recently read something that made a lot of sense to me – it went something like this, Our Parents and generations before had it right. They had a job, they did not worry about career – we get sucked up into this whole career thing and loose sight of all that is important. Made a lot of things clearer to me, esp because I was having a bad day at work. I am with you – I am not saving anybody’s life, so end of the day its a job…..

  20. MM – nice to have you back here! 🙂 Enjoy it for now. I totally agree with you on the family support thing – it is so hard to do it -esp so in the U.S w/out any family support – the children really feel the stress of it all should any thing out of the ordinary happen…
    I wish I could be working now but I dread it just the same – how I will cope. Esp with two young kids and an older person to take care of…it is nice to see someone who truly understands why someone would choose not to work when the kids are young…look forward to a lot of posts from you…photos of your lovely house etc…

  21. Happy 32 Mad Momma!! Here’s to your good health this year. I hope the break from work serves its purpose and you are back to being your healthy self very very soon. That’s what I’m gonna wish for you this year!!

    The women sound vile indeed. How did the HR not object to such amateur and unprofessional behaviour? Can’t believe a spirited lady like you gave into their taunts. Should have shown them what you’re made off. Fuming right now…

    • see so much of it was the kind of behaviour i couldnt complain about because i had no proof. they’d not pass on calls. not forward an email that the boss sent and then simply pretend that they forgot. or refuse to accept a courier on my behalf and claim that they didnt want the responsibility. only when i had proof could i have complained. its like the mean kids in playground who no one can really do anything about

  22. Happy Birthday.. and a well thought out decision. You do what is best for you – trolls be damned.

    Pls think about that music teacher for little kids.. interior decoration.. gardening blog etc.. Plenty of options!!! 🙂

  23. MM, this is one long post of yours that I loved most. I think it will help in weighing out options and making decisions for my life. I am a researcher. I finished my PhD last year and since then working in the same laboratory as a post-doctoral fellow. I feel I have had enough of it (being at the same place for 7 years) and intend to bring some major changes in my life early next year. I have been thinking about the kind of life I would like to lead. And the kind of pay-cheque I can live with. I am still single, so I don’t have to worry about family. But I do have to find a place to live. So many factors decide all this. Have a happy life at your new home with Brat and Bean. I am sure you will love this change because the kids are going to love it too. 🙂

    • very true. its not like you dont have things to worry about because you’re single. and if you have the advantage of being able to make choices that only concern you, well then take the leap and do something awesome and new.

  24. Totally and completely with you on this one. And you are definitely fortunate to be able to make this choice, since the OA’s income is enough to keep you well. Best of Luck MM 🙂

    • I know I am. And I thank God for it. The other thing is, how much is enough? a lot of us force ourselves to work because we want a certain lifestyle. i have to admit my salary gave the OA and me a great lifestyle. eating out, shopping, buying the kids stuff. now that will have to stop. there are men who earn half of what the OA earns and their wives are home happily. and men who earn double of what he earns and their wives are home happy too. oh well.. lets see what lies ahead.

  25. Happy Birthday.

    I also work from home and though you have to have self discipline, it is a great thought to be available for the kids all the time.
    Hats off to all the working moms but I know it does take a toll.
    Enjoy the break.

  26. Looking back at my own childhood, when I was about 8 things fell into place for my mom. Because I went to a school for which I had to start at 8:30, and I was back at 4:45. Enough time for mom to go to office and back. So, a few more years of angst and confusion, I guess. Good luck with everything.

  27. Oh wait, sorry. then there was my younger bro. But eventually he found his way to the same school I went to, so all was well.

  28. I had quit but i dont think i can do it anymore….am not a career woman..but i have to work for mine and my kid’s sanity 🙂

    now go start the stuff that we were discussing in baby steps 🙂 from your own gorgeous home 🙂 and advanced happy birthday 🙂 looots of love

  29. happy birthday babes. this sounds so nice. maybe some day i will too! even if i do suck at keeping a house beautiful, and my child is all grown up and says stuff like ‘leave me alone amma, i am reading now’ ..

    women can be so horrid and vindictive. i think its because we dont dare to sit down and think about ourselves. and analyse… how can they dislike you MM? you are such a cutie.

    • wha? why would you quit? just to hang out with us cool kids? sit at our lunch table?

      no seriously, the brat tells me to go to work often enough.. but even so, he rings the bell and the first thing he asks whoever opens the door is, “Is mama at home?”

  30. First, Happy birthday. I’m a straight decade older than you, MM!

    You have obviously weighed all options before taking your decision. But I quit a long time ago-15yrs ago- for family reasons, and have not been able to get back on track. And now I sometimes feel like a failure for not going out there and working.

    Sorry for being a wet blanket.

  31. Loved the post MM and also your decision and reasons. I feel as long as one feels justified why bother and i do not think you will need to look back at your post ever. I always tell myself i will work as long as a support system is in place. Once that is absent, i am out of the workforce. I sure cannot manage both especially in India. I am so glad you can spend more time with kids, hubby and everything else that you would want to do.

    • exactly. its hard to find a good support system. maids are well, maids. you can find good ones and bad ones but what about a child’s emotional development?
      it was something that bothered me so long which is why i worked the flexi deal.

  32. it is like deciding to get out of a messy marriage..it needs a lot of courage. great that you were able to do it..congratulations:-)

  33. Well MM, mothering is a fulltime job too and so is being a homemaker. There is no month end money packet here because the value of the job is much higher. 🙂
    … and this is not pep talk . I am one of those ‘career women’. Job is about your passion. Whatever it is.

  34. Good for you MM, Am glad you could take up this decision..enjoy your birthday with this bang :):) and about those two collegues of yours…yuck…how can people be so cheap :(:( so some people have help in form of family and some dont….whats the problem if you are given the opportunity to work flexitime..as long as you were doing your work on time and delivering…whats their probs!!!! anyways see if you can find something to freelance…or just like everyone else said ‘sit back and enjoy the motherhood’

  35. Happy Birthday MM. God bless you, bless your paining knees, bless your lovely kids, bless the charming OA, bless your not-yet-finished decorating- GG home, bless the rains that flood your floors and soak your drapes..

    Now that you have all the time in the world 1) finish decorating the house 2)then post the pics here 3) ok, deal with the knees too:)

    have a wonderful Mad Birthday MM.

    note: giggled at bean’s Happy bday necklace. just the other day my daughter was singing away ‘happy bday to chair’

  36. That is an awesome birthday gift to give yourself 🙂 Happy for you and happier for the babies – they must be so excited! Hugs.

  37. Hey.. We share a birthday! I have been secretly lurking around for a long time now.. but this seemed like a nice time to pop-out.. I hope sometime I am so clear in my priorities. Have a great birthday

  38. Hi MM, I think, through many of your posts, especially the one where your knees were giving you too much of a problem, I could see this coming. I think you have thought through the whole thing and I totally totally agree with you on your decision. Putting aside all the feminism thoughts I personally think that if given a choice to stay at home and be with the kids through their growing up stage and have a work which pays you enough to satisfy your “I am financially independent” ego and lets your work from home, I think there would be hardly any women who would not go for it. But yes, it is a hugely debatable issue, but when one does not have the luxury of a family support system in place and has to change maids every six months, it is a huge blessings for the kids to have their mother around for the hugs and the warmth they so truly truly deserve.

    take care
    Rekha

  39. What? No trolls yet? Is it because of your birthday? I was hoping to find some comments admonishing you for not ass-kicking like ‘most others do’. I even had some nasty jibes ready to launch at them! 👿 Sigh.
    But what with Gurgaon getting its own newspaper edition, you’l get your offers if you ever want to take the plunge again. I think health and happiness matter most. A little less money can be dealt with. Hugs. 🙂

  40. Good for you…it takes plenty of thinking and a whole lot of guts to make a decision like that…keep writing and enjoying all the adorable things that your babies do…they’ll be grown up in a blink of an eye..and many,many happy returns of the day;I’m sure you’ll have an extra nice birthday ‘cos you don’t have to go to work on Monday!!Enjoy!

    • exactly! i hated mondays because over the weekend i’d fool myself that i was going to have a nice week. come monday i’d walk into office and smile and say Good morning everyone … .and they’d turn away. and my week would be screwed.

  41. Finally! I think more than anything else the commute, the office atmosphere and the lack of learning would have swung it for me. If one has to take on the stress of being a working mom, the work should at least be something that makes one happy

  42. Congratulations MM.. What I really love about the post is how well you have thought out stuff and rationalised it! I know I am going to come back and read all your archives when I have kid(s?)

    Hugs, and have a great birthday 🙂

  43. Hi!

    Great post. And I know exactly what you mean. I just quit in May (had lovely colleagues though – would have quit long, long ago with your trolls!) and love it. I can’t be only kid centered and so do a bunch of other things and hope to register for a PhD soon. Because I want to, not because I need to. What freedom! I wish it for you.

    Enjoy your time. I find I am more busy now than when I was working and actually need to schedule days to chill! 😀

    • yeah same here. i love my blog and garden and freelancing. and that seems like a lot when you have two dervishes demanding your time.
      you’re right. i have so much more to do. and i did that when i hadnt started work fulltime.

  44. I sighed multiple times while reading the post. You know how it feels when you miss all those things you’re passionate about – reading, gardening, decorating etc. I am going through a similar phase and feeling the pinch since last 2 yrs. I am not able to find enough time to do things I love to. And it eats me up from inside. Glad you could find the courage to call quits and save your sanity. Weighing the options, you did the correct thing. Those little things you mentioned like the brat nursing the bird and beanie wearing the necklace, they are memories. And yea, when I think of the time I’d have a kids, I’d hate to be away when the moments with them can be stored as wonderful memories. That is the reason I still havent decided on kids yet. Coz if I have them, I want to give the whole process my best shot, coz I know I wont get another shot at it again. Many would consider people like us crazy who crave to be a part of little things like that. But that is just how I am.
    And a very happy 32 to you. You hold the wine I’ll take the martini. And cheers, to the liberty, to the restarting madness, to the kids, to LIFE!
    🙂

  45. Hey MM,
    I read your blog regularly, but comment very irregularly!
    You have decided well and hope that you never have to look back at this list… Hope the house, the kids, the garden and every thing keeps you happy and busy.
    Btw, please do take care of your health on priority now! Hope your health gets better, in the better environment… some several zillion times better than ur office!
    I’m also a working mom with a 7-mo baby… though I have my parents taking care of him, I feel miserable everyday that I leave him and come to office. Guess it is high time I sat back and thought what I really need to do!
    And, here’s wishing you a v.v.v. happy birthday!
    -Priya

  46. Happy B’day MM!! It’s a well thought decision. As much as i am for mothers staying home with kids..am unable to do it myself. Yes I almost quit 4 months go..gave my resignation. But my super nice boss convinced me to come back..he said he would work out something flexible. But little did he or I reliaze that this new assignment is like jumping from frying pan to the fire.

    Kids are at the receiving end. Things are falling apart at home. You are truly my inapiration to type out a resignation letter again 🙂

    I am sure you will never regret it. Besides you are such a skillful woman..try something out with your hands. Feels very rewarding.

    So pick up your Martini..or errr a hot chocolate sit back and enjoy your day.

    To those crazy women in your office…good riddance.

    • LOL! i dont want to inspire mass resignations you know 🙂 all the best with whatever you decide. i also realised that each time i reworked my assignments, i was getting deeper into the fire.

  47. Oooh ! I read the first line and commenting immediately . Just the post for another day I spend dithering between my job and home.

    Now I’ll go back and read. What ? Yes, I am at work ;-(

  48. you go girl !! i’ve quit as well, and this week will be my last. although i’m going to be clawing my husband’s eyes out from boredom in a week, i’m not compromising on growing and learning and definitely not putting up with any more nonsense at work. hope you enjoy your growing family and your special day tomorrow !

  49. Dear MM, you have no idea how happy this post made me today morning. Whenever you used write about your knees, long commute, sick kids, the OA travelling I used to feel this strange pain in my heart. I like to lead a calm, peaceful life surrounded by happy people, devoid of any drama if possible and to see you go through so much really used to make me sad. And today when I read this post I feel a sense of calm. I am really happy for you and your family, now that you are going to make many great memories together. *HUGS*

  50. I read about you in an article ‘Why Indian Men Are Still Boys’ on Tekelka and wanted to check you out; and am glad I did!
    I am a practicing gender-fighter! LOL! I have challenged gender issues at home and at the work place quite openly and conscientiously; and must say that I will never win!
    Today your post was very soul searching…and I think you have done the right thing. I am 50 and run a business with my husband. I have gone thru hell looking after my 2 boys when they were kids with no help from the extended family, plus creating a successful career for myself. It was tough juggling both but my husband has been supportive though sometimes grudgingly; I guess conditioning of the Indian male psyche has more to it that his real nature.
    I have added you to my blog roll and hope to read your posts regularly…do find time to read mine too…:)

      • At home my nest is gender friendly but there are times when I feel everyday is ‘back to square one’…my family has 3 men and one me…to get them to remain involved in housework is a never ending struggle…but I keep at it coz I feel I need to prepare my sons for a married life that is equal….so many marriages fail coz the husbands were too pampered by their mothers.

  51. MM, I am a career woman because I had no other option. I love staying at home, but I don’t know if it would work full time. Never tried it for more than a week you see. But I do feel that I missed out on life just to pay the bills. Enjoy watching the kids grow, the plants take root and reconnecting with yourself. Its a luxury that very few have, at least I never did. I am happy for you. And when you feel bored and lonely or face a cash crunch, read this comment and remember you are lucky, there are women who did not have that option

  52. Delurking! 😛

    Congratulations on getting back the freedom!
    Ignore the feminists. Its you who knows how to shape up your life the best. And what makes you happy… and what makes you content and peaceful from within.
    Have a wonderful stress-free birthday ahead!
    PS – I am smiling away at the thought of the little bean wearing a necklace and saying ‘happy birthday necklace’. Makes me feel like taking the plunge, get married and have a wonderful daughter of my own.

    • 🙂 do you want me to tell you about the times she lies on the floor and sulks if you shift a spoon away at an angle she doesnt like? you might change your mind. and oh – nice to meet you!

  53. hey MM,
    i guess you couldn’t have written this post at a worse time for me. my baby is 4 months old and i joined back office a week ago. but i’ve got a pretty good deal. office is 10mins away from home. i work 4 hours in office and the rest at home. plus my manager and team are amazingly supportive. and to top it all mom and mom in law have agreed to take turns to stay with us till baby is atleast a year old. but still i wanna go hoooome 😦
    anyway good for you. and good for us. i guess your readers are always hungry for more 🙂
    hope you have a great birthday at home 🙂

    • oh but you have an awesome deal. why would you worry if you have to leave her only for four hours and have mom and mom in law staying with you? i have no one stay with me and even my mom left when the bean was 8 days old. i was left to handle a cesarean with the 22 mth brat and 8 day old bean and a husband who was always travelling.
      a lot of it was necessity. i wish you luck and may you do very well.

  54. yay you are back at home… i just wish you find it much more appealing. now let me see when can i come down and spend the day with you.

  55. Wow 🙂 Love you more today! I made the same decision a few months ago. I have not yet been relieved from work. But I am eagerly waiting for the day when I will be relieved and be a SAHM.
    You could not have been more coherent in voicing my own feelings 🙂
    Check out my blog and “My Decision” and other posts when you have the time. http://myworldrevolvesaroundyou.wordpress.com/archives/

  56. Congrats MM. You’ve made a good decision. I was a career woman myself till I realized that there is no end to the career. When do I say “I am done now. I have achieved what I wanted to.” It is always about the next promotion.
    So, finally one day I actually sat and wrote down my priorities. From then on, its been easy. Its easier to leave work and come home and get that done the next day. Its easier when I don’t get promoted and my collegue who works 12 hr a day does.
    I am happy and NOT STRESSED OUT (which I was after I joined work after my first born). Nothing is worth the stress.

    Enjoy your break MM. Am sure you will get back to work sooner or later at hopefully a more friendly environment which is closer home.

  57. hey MM,

    I m so happy for you..I can very well understand your problems with travelling as i have done that one full year from gurgaon to noida…worst thing i dont feel comfortable in reading in car 😦 …
    As Ritu said above its a luxury which very few gets…seeing ur kids grow and taking care of them, even watching them making mess of house is fun..feeding them …
    I m work from home mom….My manager is very nice and agreed for me to work from home permamentaly after having my daughter..Its been 1.5yrs i m at home and now have started going to office once a week..that one day also feels painful and my daughter searchs for me ..though I stay with inlaws and my MIL handle daughter very well but i couldnt concentrate on work while i m in office…
    Your post are always inspirational splly the last one ” You I and us”..I bookmarked it to read it again once i will have second baby 🙂

    Advance happy bday and wish you fun filled yr full of holidays, shopping , reading and lot of relaxed time 🙂

  58. Every single thing you’ve written I’ve felt it and some more. Totally totally agree – so much my head is falling off from all the nodding.

    I have recently experienced that except for the salary part it’s easier, more fulfilling and better for the family for the mother to be a SAHM. Period.

    Two people working in today’s over extended 24 X 7 world with two young kids is just NOT happening.

    As for salary you can always go back to freelancing and anyways there’s a cost involved with going to work which will reduce now.

    Good luck sweetheart! And have a blast tomorrow!

    • yo poppy – whats with the hardcore name diplaying? you’re tempting me! 😉

      you would have kicked my ass if i’d written that statement 2 years ago about it being better for a family if the mom is a SAHM. damnit, we’d have had nothing to argue about.

      • Am done with the Poppy thing but strangely can’t let go of it because it’s a nick that I treasure 🙂 Have no blog so nothing to hide Tra la la la la

  59. I quit too.
    Just a month ago.
    For EXACTLY the same reasons. I’ve been nodding my head along as i read thru this post.
    Its been a crazy month. With kiddo falling sick. And me getting a plaster. And I just havent gotten down to writing abt it. Or even after 1 month, i havent found the time to do the things I wanted. Even get back to blogging. Instead, i’m now spending 10 hrs a day helping hubby with his new startup.

  60. i hope when and if my time comes…i am brave enough to take the decision to stay at home with my kids.

    I hope i wont regret whatever decision i take…and the worst part is I have an awesome mom who managed an awesome career and was always there for me…TOo much expectation to live up to 😀

  61. i hope when and if my time comes…i am brave enough to take the decision to stay at home with my kids.

    I hope i wont regret whatever decision i take…and the worst part is I have an awesome mom who managed an awesome career and was always there for me…TOo much expectation to live up to 😀

    But yay for u MM…am so happy for knees will be happier, your soul will feel calmer and u will be rid of those 2 wonderful charming women u talked about!

    • dont over think it. when your time comes, you do what is best for you. not what your mom thought was best for her. she lived in a different world to the one we live in.

      did our parents have to contend with online stalkers?

  62. Happy birthday for tomorrow MM…it’s the start of a whole new life, maybe?

    Fully agree that the toxic atmosphere caused or at least worsened your health. You’ll look back on this and think of it as the best decision you ever made. You might even appreciate that those hags may have been the Universe’s (or God’s) not-funny way of telling you, “You can and have to do better than this!”

    We’re so tuned in to measuring money, that we forget the intangibles that are usually worth a lot more than the biggest paycheck.

    I remember the same bitching in a couple of staffroom when I was a lecturer, and when I was wrestling with the idea of adopting. The nastiness got so bad, that I could walk out on those jobs very happily and go do what I wanted and give myself fully to the experience. Never went back, and work small projects from home that earn more than my pittance at those colleges, and challenge me sufficiently for now. Nevertheless, at the end of each project, I feel deflated and jobless but revel in the extra free time I can give my home and family.

    I have the same lack of support structure, and we also believe in the breadth of our lives…SH’s career is on a slow track, but he can always speed it up anytime.And like you, I could never forgive myself for missing those precious moments, they’re gone in a few years.

  63. Wow. Good decision!

    I have been reading your blogs for years. But this is the first time I have commented on any post. Discovered your blog when I was pregnant and believe me they really helped me a lot. I found myself shaping many of my parenting theories (or lack of them:)) which were very similar to yours. Coz the logic was so clear.

    I was a SAHM for sometime and started working almost an year back. But often daydream when I can leave my job and spend time with my child. I had decided that I will work till May because of my home loan and ‘maybe’ leave my job after that.

    But now, after reading your post, I could really connect with what you are saying. That ‘maybe’ is soon becoming ‘WILL’.

    Oh and wish you a very very happy birthday! Have Fun!

    Jyo

  64. Wow, those women in your office sound horrible. I can’t imagine anyone being that mean especially when all that’s required of you is civility and professionalism.

    Happy birthday MM, something kept niggling at me until it finally struck me! Have a great day and an even better year ahead!

  65. I could totally identify with the “Career woman” bit. i wanted to think of myself as one, a very very long time ago. But now it is all about a job I love for as long as I love it. And then on to some other turf, or none. One day at a time.

    Dealing with people’s stupidity (because it really isn’t anything more than that) is just not worth it, MM. Way to go! Planning to switch or quit does take more than one would imagine. I know of people who have stayed at the same place for a bloody long time, cribbed and cried, been filled with negativity, but they either don’t have the balls to make that one change, which in my books isn’t the biggest thing in the world, or they are just plain lazy.

    To each his own and all that, but if something isn’t making you happy – relationship, career, whatever – how on earth can it pay back at any point in time, really? All this career woman stuff is beyond my bird brain.

    Ok so I have been rambling on for 3 paragraphs, when all I really want to say is YAYYYYY! Here’s to the newfound freedom, and not having to get dressed in the morning. And screw my email now btw 😛 😛

    • yes – i think i didnt have the guts to get out of it for a long time because i kept thinking of it wrongly. i kept saying – i am NOT going to let them take away a good job from me.
      and then one morning i woke up and said – but why am i letting them take away my health and happiness? i need to get out of here.

  66. Yippeeeee… I am so glad… your knee was killing you. Congrats!! Now only if you were in NOIDA, I could have left the kid with you (when the time comes) and not feel guilty about working. 🙂

    • bah. you first come back and explain to my kids where you left your kids 😀

      btw – they recently asked another couple if their kids were in school. i dont get it. i hang out with so many single and DINK couples and these damn brats still go around making me apologise for their lack of manners.

  67. I admire you. It’s a tough decision….a very tough one. I wrote to you a long time back. And you were kind enough to reply back, though you didn’t even know me… 🙂 . I am still working….And I evaluate my home work balance every few months. And I know it’s not an easy decision to quit.
    This line struck such a chord with me —
    “It seems worthless to earn more money if the home I come home to isn’t up to my standards and I am not getting enough time with my children”

  68. Whew! That was a LONG post, but I enjoyed every word of it! I admire the way you’ve thought it all out. The things that you longed for are indeed special things, and I’m glad you’ll be having them now.

    Being a working married woman (though we don’t have kids yet)and staying away from parents and in-laws, I can very well relate to what you’re saying. I’d taken a similar step too in your situation.

    That said, looking forward to more lovely, thought-provoking posts from you. I think the way you write your blog more than makes up for any craving for intellectual discussions. 🙂

    Last but not the least, wishing you many many happy returns of the day in advance!

  69. Good for you kid!!

    Stress is the worst thing. As I had told you before that I was depressed.. ultimately I had to be hospitalised for 4 days.. The stress of working and then picking up kids, taking them to therapies/classes/swimming/bathing them /feeding them/putting them to bed.. was just too much.. Finally one day I just crashed and had to be admittted.
    For now we have decided to cut down on Avinash’s therapy (it was not doing any good to him anyway) and take life easy for a little while.

    And yes, it helps if parents or in-laws are there but more often than not it has its own pitfalls 🙂

    Cheers.. enjoy the 10 day period.. after that you will start getting cranky 🙂

    • kid kisko bola? do bachchon ki ma hoon 😉 budhiya hoon.

      and i have a great deal of respect for what you two are doing with both your kids. and yes, inlaws and parents have their own pitfalls and i know i cant live with them. i am too rigid in my ways. but it would be a better option than domestic help as childcare, i keep thinking 😦

  70. oh!! that was a surprise or rather a shock. shock that these things happen everywhere all the time. i mean the backstabbing, bitching, unbelievable pettiness, people capable of making you feel downright shitty!! what the heck!! must be such a relief, and right now u do seem to have your priorities so lucid. me quit a month back, and many were like, “WHAT? WHY?! it happens everywhere, whats the big deal?” but i had to do it, couldnt take it any longer, the intentional but honey coated sidelining, and pushing you down whenever and wherever you try to move up a bit. anyways, as you say women can be vile! creates such a distasteful and tense situation that seems to override everything else. this past one month have been thinking and dissecting the action of mine. so can so well imagine the terrible state you too wouldve been just before handing in the resignation. But as youve so well understood, theres so much out there, this was just a small phase in your life..my! you have so much love and passion and oomphs of talent and enthusiasm and spitfire spirit,we all come here to get those rubbed on! 🙂 so go gal, life is all awaiting, relax, smile more, and we realise there is so.o. o much we have in us to give to our kids, so rock on! 🙂 and yes this too might be yet another phase. enjoy as it lasts! 🙂
    ( 😦 ya a long reply, couldnt help it!)

    • well a long post deserves long replies!
      and its funny.. but so many of us are dealing with so much negativity at the work place. it eats into your self esteem and begins to kill your personal life too. good for you… now go have some fun.

  71. Feminists ko maro goli. Isn’t feminism about having the freedom to make choices? A four hour commute for a 4 hour job is really strenous.Forget the costs associated with car and clothes.Have you thought about the value of time?You are better off spending those 8 hours in an environment that is not as nasty as your past workplace. I took a year and half off work and now I am in a less stressful scenario commute and work wise. I love it.
    BTW , have you cheecked for osteomyletis?Its been a while I mentioned it to you.And I haven’t heard from you if you got a proper diagnosis.
    Happy Birthday.

    • hey Tania
      I did ask the doctor and he said i dont have it. but i was glad i ran it past him. thanks so much. and no no – i wont maaro the feminists any golis. i am one myself. but i often got half baked arguments on the old posts on how women who choose to stay home are reinforcing stereotypes blah blah. i’m tired of responding to those comments, hence the disclaimers.

      • thanks for the update on osteomyletis MM. I was waiting to hear that.
        thanks Tania for the info, never heard about this before(well, like many other diseases)

  72. Happy Birthday to you!

    And good on you for getting out of something that sounds rather soul destroying.

    And tell you what, I think in this day and age, feminism needs to go beyond the old ‘career woman/home-maker’ and ‘SAHM/Working Mom’ argument. Each of those is a choice unto themselves and isn;t it funny how feminism seems to have veered away from being about giving women the freedom to choose, to defining a new set of rules (Must hve fancy degree, must work, must have/want career, must love sex, must hate cooking, must this must that) for them to live by?

    Digression ends.

    All that aside, I hope you’ll find happiness in doing whatever it is you want to.

    • very true and i believe that too. the disclaimer is for the women who i used to end up getting into huge arguments with on my old blog. mostly anonymous. all making the same point that they thought i was a waste of space because they reared their kids AND held down a job. gah.

  73. Oh and I do think it’s unfair that you’re denying us the pleasure of even one measly troll. Think of it as your treat/return gift to us readers on your birthday and allow us to pull one apart.

  74. I really do not understand why everyone is defensive about the feminists and their reaction to women not wanting to work at a job. I thought feminism was all about giving women a voice and a choice to do what they want – so shouldn’t the choice of ppl like you, MM, be celebrated? For choosing HOW you wish to lead your life.

    Bravo MM. You are following your heart (and the bum knees 🙂 ) and doing what pleases you. You and your family will be better off for this choice and also for the choice you may exercise later of getting back to work.

      • tchah – i was not talking about you, dramebaaz. I was talking of those women who think doing anything apart from an aggressive pursuit of career is a cop out from the great progress made by feminists.

        Which put me in mind of a quote (funny?) – Feminists said they’d not be dictated to and went out and got jobs; as stenographers.

  75. Dear MM,

    Happy Birthday…

    Its a big decision..but I am sure things will work out – Don’t worry…

    My prayers with you..

  76. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MM.

    I am sooooo happy for you, the kids and OA. You are going to have a ball now. It was always showing in your writing how much you love to stay at home with kids.

    As for the trolls(when you were freelancing), it must be a simple fact ‘Feminism is chosing what you want to do in life, not just having a career outside home’.

    I have a suggestion. Why don’t you add another section ‘troll zone’ separate from ‘comments’? I think people like me will have fun replying to them and save you time too.

    Love and hugs to you and the kids. Way to go girl.

  77. Hurray MM. Now sit back, relax, spend time with family and have a blast. I am yet not strong enough to quit but I do wish to. Let’s see when that happens.
    Hugs and best wishes,
    AW

  78. Happy Birthday MM! Have a fabulous day!

    Well thought out reasons. One thing that piqued me was this statement. “I know this will get most feminist hackles up…”

    Why? I thought being a feminist was about getting to make that choice. Not being coerced into it. 🙂

    Very happy for you. I have similar thoughts running in my brain. I am not sure what my priorities are anymore.

    • well last time i checked i thought feminism was about choices too. but in the good old day on the good old blog i used to get atleast 3 trolls a day saying that while i was “wasting time” finger painting with my son (the bean wasnt born at that time) – there were real women out there doing real jobs. whateva!

      tell me what you decide eventually.and all the best with it.

  79. Hi MM,
    Ahhh… so many things I want to share, maybe I will write a post and you might read it!!! The long and short of it is that, I quit my quite high paying and satisfying job to be with the kids two years back and I loved it so much that I have enrolled for a montessori course and I am working in a montessori nursery near my home…AND, it is unbelievably satisfying. All my theories (and of course Montessori’s too) could now be tested and I can see the world of change in my children. Yipeee…I found my vocation!!!!

    • oh my gosh. you’re the nth person who found their vocation on their baby break. i think this time gives you a chance to think about what you really want to do. instead of the choices we make as young 18 year olds to study math or bio. way to go K.. i am so happy for you.

      • That is so true. This time around, you’ve already had experience of the corporate life and you know what a jungle it is out there and there is so much time to visualize what you want to be doing a decade from now and I just could not see myself in an office (or at the max promoted to a cabin!!). But MM, the period before I decided on teaching was tough. I kept visualizing myself in different vocations, trying to find out what degrees I need for that and whether that is really what I want to do. And then I decided to take the plunge into montessori only because I enjoy watching what makes my kids tick and I felt she and I had a lot of common theories! But oh..like I said, it now feels like I was made for this, only if the nursery I volunteer will take me on the staff, I am satiated for now! Sorry for the long reply, but you know what? It is really therapeutic talking/sharing views with you ..have you thought about professional councelling (in addition to the informal one you are doing with the blog?? 🙂

        • frankly – i’d love to. i enjoy the interaction with people and i am in touch with so many readers, mailing back and forth….
          all the best, babe. i think you’ll be wonderful with kids.

  80. Hi MM,

    Firstly, A very Happy Birhtday. Hope you have a brilliant one.God bless you.

    I am so so so happy with the newest development. So much turmoil and stress and I could see you slipping further in to angiush. It had started reflecting even in your writing! I am a SAHM champion and truly believe we shall be rewarded for our efforts when our babies grow up…and even now, when they are so very little. And you finally get to live for yourself too. Mommies deserve all the time and self-care too. Isnt it great that we have men who can provide for us so nicely with no questions asked!! Like a commentator said, it is indeed a luxury in these times.

    I leave you with one of my favourite verse from Psalms. Whenever I feel discontentment or even boredom with my circumstances, I read it. So can you.

    ‘Lord you have assigned me my portion and my cup; The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; Surely I have a delightful inheritance’ Ps16: 5-6

    Much Peace and Love
    harshika
    dubai

    • what a lovely quote. the Psalms have an answer to everything, dont they?
      and you know, i dont look for rewards when they grow up. i’d written an old post called Carpe Diem. I get my reward today. in each smile, hug, funny mispronunciation… everything
      peace and love right back at you

  81. Hey MM,

    I have tears rolling down …. I am going through a very very stressful phase at work ( reason is two really really sick guys)….and I know how it hurts your life… I so understand the feeling of nervousness in the morning….I have it everyday and physically too I fall ill so often these days ….its just not worth it…am out searching for a new job.. hope its finds me soon…I so very much want to quit and relax atleast for a while and oragnize my thoughts…but I can’t afford that…..
    My personal life is zilch and its been ages since I slept peacefully…..
    and being a feminist is about chosing what we want MM…you rock !

    Love you and am so happy for you….this is a perfect b’day gift for yourself…
    Happy happy birthday 🙂

    • all the best with the new job Rupa. I met someone who did some alternative healing.. and said my knee problem was a manifestation of unhappiness at work. in some symbolic way. i dont know if there is any truth to it, but they were so right about the knees.

      i pray you get out of this situation soon. work place stress kills.

  82. C’mon be honest here now!! You just quit so you could spend more time here doing “adda” with us didn’t ya:-)

    Seriously, I think you’re going to rock this next phase of life too.
    And…… if you think the office situation was nasty you ain’t felt the full power of your deadly duo at home yet sweetie!!

    I shudder at the “Boss” The Brat is going to be and the “harpie” Beanie is going to be now that you’re basically going to be at their beck and call:-)

  83. This post could well have been on my blog – I quit for PRECISELY these reasons. The ‘mother moments’ part is 100% true. My kids are grown up but I’m still busy soaking up those moments. I’ve been SAHMing for nearly a decade now with nil regrets. Freelancing will pay you peanuts but it’s totally worth it. Good for you, MM, I’m genuinely happy for you 🙂

  84. OMG!! I am so happy for you! Kudos and congratulations! It takes a strong woman to do what you just do and I admire you for that. As for those nasty women at work, what goes around comes around. They are going to have to pay for that nasty behavior in one way shape or form. I am so glad you got away from them. Work is just work, not life and to be in such a unhealthy environment for hours at a time cannot be good for anyone!

    Now that you have this free time (just kidding!!!) are you going to start writing a book? If yes, I am reserving a copy NOW!!!!

  85. Hi Mad Momma,
    pls take care of your knees, you have such a long innings to play and so much on your plate, when knees well, alls well (well nt really but you get the point). I cant believe the nasty sneers from fellow women, I am so sorry to hear you had to go through this. If you are delivering good work on time, I think that should be enough. Immediate supervisors are more often than not a problem and are a major cause of high attrition rate. Your decision points are so valid and sounds like you have done what is best for you and your family, so congrats on that. I am so happy for the kids who will get more time with you and for the young cousins and of course OA. Take care Mad Momma.

    • hey Moksh…
      thanks so much. i thought so too. but supervisors cant do anything about the atmosphere in my case because they are in bombay. so i am pretty much stuck with these two for company. and no other option …

  86. Hello friend, I am a mom of 3 and a half yr old boy and joining my long waited job on this tuesday. YOu must be understanding my feelings so well at this stage, because leaving him is not an easy job to me as being in a foreign country and taking care of him right from birth till now has completely been my job, just mine!…But the career, the job I was waiting for is right in front of me( after 5 yrs I decided to take up the career), I am not sure how will I coupe up this situation especially after reading ur post made me hug him tight. I know that i would be missing everything about him. Tight Hugs to you too.. Happy Bday in advance… Enjoy ur time with the darlings….I envy you.

      • Hey thanks MM, I shall try my best to balance things. Thanks once again. Take good care of urself and I suppose its already 25th in India… So Happy Bday dear…

  87. happy birthday? is it today? yesterday? when was it???? why are you blogging about quitting your job….write about your birthday party/plans..that’s more important than a shitty job and the stress that comes along with it.:-)

    happy birthday MM…hope you have a good one!enjoy your new status now!

  88. Many congratulations on finally taking the brave step of quitting. And best wishes on your birthday. May you have a great weekend celebrating it and a wonderful year ahead!

    Hope the knee’s doing OK and your cousins are doing fine.

  89. hopefully you wake up to this. Happy Birthday. This song is for you( from Movie Anari).
    Phoolom sa chehara thera
    kaliyonka muskan hein…..
    lambi ho theri umar
    hum subka armann hein
    rang tera dekh ke roop tera dekh ke (the OA) bhi heran hein

    haha
    ..

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  91. You are so very right in your decision! The pathos of it being that you are so right!! Something is skewed up in our set-up, our countries daughters. The baratiya naari needs to shake her personality and begin afresh..this time learning to be a decent, humane “human” first, then a compassionate, generous, understanding, adjusting NICE naari Sad to see the nasty bits of stale goods atop the ladder of many a ofice! Be it a woman dean of colleges, woman corporate head..or whatever. the power seems to ascend with lightening speed t their jumbled heads and they become robotic clones of each other.. spewing venom and revenge all around … specially on the heads of others of their breed.Its sad that intelligent, creative, workholics need to climb off the bandwagon as a fallout!

  92. Happy Birthday, MM! 🙂 May the year ahead bring lots of fun, laughter, love, good health, peace, writing, reading, gardening, and everything you love.

    And celebrate the day in style too.. btw, is notice period over?

  93. Happy B’day to you MM!

    These two words are music to ears for most women. One ‘Loser’ when you are loosing weight as most of us tend to have that problem. Second is ‘Quit’ when you quit a job and that too after listing down your thoughts and making a weighted decision.

    Kudos to you.

  94. Very happy for you MM. Hope you get more time for yourself now.

    And wish you many happies of the day! you and my husband share happy buddays. i will say a prayer for u too as he blows out the candle on his cake.

  95. Happy Birthday MM. Have a great day, and a wonderful year ahead, filled with lots of love, laughter and madness.

    I’m really happy for you. If your health and happiness is at risk, nothing else matters. Now please go get the knee checked ASAP. You really really really need to spend some time on your health lady! Let that be your birthday gift to yourself.

    And finally, this is what feminism is about. It’s about women AND men having the opportunity to choose – whether they want to work or stay at home and pursue their passion.

  96. Happy Birthday mm!
    its a dilemma no matter which side of the fence you are on. tuff when u are a sahm who still misses the mental stimulation of a career. or a mom w/ a career outside home whose heart is w/ her babies. guess one has to make a choice/peace with whats best for one! so mm….whatever your hear wishes for…go for it. on the same note, i just read “balancing act ” by meera gokhale-krishnamurthy. quite liked it.

  97. Everything I wanted to say on reading the post has already been said 🙂 Its nice to see how well you’ve thought through your decision, but I have to admit I almost saw it coming. Four hour commute is not a done thing.

    Congratulations and have a Very Happy Birthday !!

  98. Happy Birthday MM… and i love the birthday present you ve given yourself. Freedom 🙂 from the toxic atmosphere at work.. freedom to enjoy your childt ren.

    I am happy in a selfish way because knowing you ( in the last three years that I have been reading the blog) I know you will post a lot more often. Yayyyyy
    Your blog is like a comfort zone for me in a virtual sense. 🙂

  99. Happy Happy Birthday dear MM!!! Wishing you a long happy prosperous and healthy life 🙂

    Those two women are unbelievable, dont they have anything better to do with their life, but am glad that the toxicity is out of your life for good!

    Enjoy with your family and take care of your health..

  100. Hi MM,

    Have been reading your blog for a while. Like many of your other readers, I too can feel the depth of emotion which went into this post.

    Here is wishing you peace, love and happiness.

    ..and…dollops and cheers, giggles and laughter for the days ahead. 🙂

    Anu

  101. Well-thought out and logical…makes a lot of sense to a SAHM of a 15-month-old like me!

    A very very happy bday to you, MM, and may you have many many more wonderful memories as life goes on!

  102. am i late to this party or what?

    spent half a day reading the post

    and the other half reading the comments.

    happy birthday!
    **

    this is the name of the book that convinced me to be a SAHM:

    http://idler.co.uk/books/how-to-be-idle

    **
    and since you have tonnes of time 😉
    i dont want you to rush into parenting headlong…

    here’s a manifesto that i agree about 90 per cent on.

    **
    it’s from the ‘idle parent’

    THE MANIFESTO OF THE IDLE PARENT

    We reject the idea that parenting requires hard work
    We pledge to leave our children alone
    We reject the rampant consumerism that invades children from the moment they are born
    We read them poetry and fantastic stories without morals
    We drink alcohol without guilt
    We reject the inner Puritan
    We don’t waste money on family days out and holidays
    An idle parent is a thrifty parent
    An idle parent is a creative parent
    We lie in bed for as long as possible
    We try not to interfere
    We play in the fields and forests
    We push them into the garden and shut the door so we can clean the house
    We both work as little as possible, particularly when the kids are small
    Time is more important than money
    Happy mess is better than miserable tidiness
    Down with school
    We fill the house with music and merriment
    We reject health and safety guidelines
    We embrace responsibility
    There are many paths
    More play, less work

  103. First, belated happy birthday!

    And second, I’m sooo happy you quit. It’s the best birthday present you could’ve given yourself.

    I remember reading about your knee, fever, commute, juggling the kids and the move and thinking it sounded horrific. And that was before I knew about the toxic atmosphere at work.

    Now your decision makes even more sense. People underestimate the toll stress can take on health, and if you have a choice, it is really not worth putting up with no matter how lovely the job profile is.

    My last job was seemingly the perfect one, except that the boss was nuts, possibly a nice person and a good editor but a really bad manager. Our team had a super high attrition rate Like you, I hated the thought of being forced out of a good job. But finally I quit.

    My current job is super routine, no promotion prospects, minimal raise, no bonus but I LOVE IT. I love the lack of stress because the job is too easy for me. I can make it challenging by doing my best and adding value where I can. I love that my boss is a woman and still awesome. Now, they are asking me to take on a little more responsibility and I’m loathe to do it because I loved the complete lack of stress so much.

    But the damage from my old job had been done. I had started bleeding in between periods and was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst that could have resulted in me not being able to have babies. My marriage suffered because I was on edge and shrieky all the time (sure there were issues that had to be dealt with but my tension from work didn’t help). It took me a good year after getting the new job to calm down, get my marriage into a sweet place and now, I’m pregnant!

    So, you’ve done yourself a favour. And even if the job wasn’t directly connected to your knee problems, your body will find it easier to fight illness because it doesn’t have to contend with stress.

    Apologies for the long comment… thought I’d share for the benefit of those who are stuck in horrid work environments.

    Was also going to say, feminism is about giving women a choice and creating an enabling environment for that choice, whether to be career-oriented or to stay and home or whatever. Happy to see lots of women still have the right idea about feminism despite your trolls, who seem to be pseudo-feminists/misogynists.

  104. Ever since I became a SAHM, I am less at home and more outside running the H so if I were you I’d care for those knees a little more now. Also, I hardly ever get time to check your blog regularly anymore. I am glad I came back to read this one. Dunno if you remember, I used to comment quite regularly years ago 🙂
    Wish you a very happy birthday. The stress free ones are the best and I think you are in a happy place with your decision in quitting a toxic work place. God Bless you.

    Finally I am damn curious about the identity of the IT lady you refer to. Are her initials SS?

  105. congrats MM!

    with your health being in such a bad shape, i think this decision was so so important! and that toxic work environment possibly cant do anyone any good! 😦

    now with 2B coming along I am seriously contemplating taking a break. for one i see the hunger in Cub for more of our time. i also can see how he gets so intellectual stimulation with Amma. both of them love each other to bits, but that isnt enough as he grows up. plus she has said she will will be quitting starting december to take care of her grandchild due sometime then. in that sense i actually prefer daycares to maids. least the kids are with other kids and learn a lot more. i was one of daycare kids and mostly have good memories!

    even i dont have the luxury having a support system at my beck and call. my parents still work and my ma in law is too busy to bother. and i dont think i could survive 24/7 with either of them anyway.

    my only hesitation to quit comes from the fact that I have seen my salary (as piddly as it is) come to use during recessionary times. and i get scared giving up on it. but things are ok now and should stay so for next few years. and it is not easy to give up on the jam either.

    i am counting on “not having a choice” to push me on the other side and then eventually enjoy it! hehe!

    say a l’il prayer for me when my time to take the decision comes along! 🙂

    and you make the most of this time too! enjoy the kids, home and most importantly get that knee ok.

    hugs

    ps. belated happy happy to you! wishing you a year filled with love, health, happiness and hope! as hallmarky s that sounds! 😉

  106. good for you, babe! get that well deserved rest now 🙂 enjoy your time with the babies!

    i’m happy working only because I leave BB with my parents…i rest easy knowing that she is being loved and spoilt silly even when i’m not around. Still it breaks my heart when she tells me not to go to work sometimes 😦 the saving grace is that i wfh 3 days a week and pick her up from school. the smile on her face when i’m at the gate to pick her up makes my whole life worthwhile 🙂

    u have some fun now and big hugs for the brat and the bean!

  107. oh you wonderful wonderful woman! hugs to you and here’s to you having a fabulous me-time, OA time and time with the kids and family!

    I end up loving you just that bit more when you write a post like this(no, am not on weed. i’m just excited, that is all)

    and i agree totally with the need to get away from negative energy inducing meanies. there’s no glory in battling people like that.

  108. u know we have a song in bengali which goes like this ” Maharaja tomaake selaam”….i feel like singing that song for you..bow down before u and salute you for being the lady you are!! i have so much to learn from you..i only hope am born with atleast 10% of yr qualities in my next birth…till then let me adore you….

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  110. I just finished reading this one, it is such a long detailed one, couldn’t finish it in one go.
    I hope you have fun while you are at home and we get to see and read more.

    Wish you a belated happy birthday. Hope you had fun.

  111. Good for you!
    1. Just reading about your daily commute was exhausting and worrying. Am glad you are done with that.
    2. Sorry to hear about your work place politics. It’s hard for me to imagine why anyone would ever be mean to you 🙂
    3. I also like the clarity of thought behind your decision- having kids does that to one I think. My life, my needs and wants are very crystal clear to me now too.
    4. You never told us how you celebrated your birthday!!!
    Love

  112. Congrats on your decision :). Was waiting for this info! Been a while since I looked in here – is this the max number of responses to a post you got?

  113. I dont know how I missed this, but sitting here 3 weeks away from stepping out of the job, you’ve listed reasons I have..and it gives me a strange sense of security knowing that Im not doing something stupid. Especially relate to the bit about loving work but not to the point where it defines me. Such a fine line between “work” and “career” and again I suppose that line could be wiped away if I just find a job that really fulfills me.

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