Out of the mouths of brats and beans

The Brat is playing sharks and whales with two of my clips. Snapping them at each other and growling. He then tries to clamp them both on my head. “I can’t wear both, darling. My hair isn’t long enough,” I say.
He doesn’t even think before he answers, “Then use Garnier Fructis long and strong. It has fruit oil mixed in it. Your hair will grow long and I can put two clips on your head and hang from it.”
Err.. thank you Brat. And thank you, advertisers.

—————–

This is about two weeks ago. I am sweating it out, lifting stuff around the house, adjusting furniture, changing curtains and generally going at it. I sit down with a sigh and close my eyes to stop the sweat from running into them, because my arms are too exhausted to lift them up and wipe my brow. The Bean comes up to me, mewling and meowing and tries to wriggle into my arms. I push her away, feeling sticky and dirty, but she snuggles deeper and says, “I love you mama.” The Brat is fiddling with the AC switch and I snap – “Why do you need the AC?” He points to my forehead and says, “I don’t, but you do.”

Brats. Who needs ’em?

—————–

We have friends over for dinner a little after moving in. The kids are whining about something and I promise them a party in the evening, clean forgetting that they will expect it to be a kiddy party. No sooner did the doorbell ring than the babies were banging down the door saying, “Coming, coming, Mama’s coming to open the door.”

I open the door and much to my embarrassment the kids look beyond the couple standing there, Β then turn around to look at each other in horror and finally turn back to them and say, “Where are your babies?”

The couple looks embarrassed and say, “Errr.. we don’t have any.”

I can’t really intervene you see, because right then I am wondering how I can melt into a puddle on the floor and evaporate.

“You don’t?” say my kids in horror, turning on me in anger at this betrayal.

Err.. no, we don’t, the friends confirm.

I try to help things along by muttering unintelligible stuff hoping it sounds like an apology to the friends and to the kids.

“But we WANT you to have some babies,” howl my embarrassing kids in unison.

I am by now, beyond embarrassment. I am floating in the clouds and ignoring this scene. Fortunately the kids are distracted with gifts and they almost forgive the guests for not having kids. The couple then turns on me,” So, this is how you train your kids to greet people, huh?”

Tearsndreams – you’d be interested to know that these are our common friends.

—————–

At the same dinner party, the next couple walks in, also DINKs. And we warn them at the door of impending invasive questions. Somehow they too come bearing gifts and they are spared the ignominy. The Bean however is a pure charmer. A few days ago she saw her father come in carrying something and she sidled up to him with a grin that was pure sugar, saying, “Daddy, you’re the strongest!”

I grinned, thinking to myself, ‘Ah, fathers and daughters… ‘

But then two days later she saw her brother carry something heavy and she looked up at him in awe and said, “Wow, you’re soooo strong!”

But that evening she took the cake. Hot kebabs were being served and Miss Greedy Glut wanted some but couldn’t hold the hot snacks in her baby hands. So what does she do? She looks up at the big guy, smiles her sweetest smile and says, “I want a kebab and its very hot. But you’re so big and strong, you’re a superhero, you won’t get burnt.”

To which the guy gives her his biggest grin, stands up and flexes his muscles wrestle mania style and picks up a hot kebab, breaks it into pieces and blows on it to cool it. And that is how he sat for the rest of the evening, a kebab cooling on his palm while the Bean skipped around the house coming back to daintily nibble on it. Β If ever a female learned early how to manipulate the male ego, it is this one.

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76 thoughts on “Out of the mouths of brats and beans

  1. LOL I love reading the Bean Tales, she really is a charmer! Btw why are you sweating it out, doing stuff around the house when your knees are in such bad shape? Shouldn’t you be resting?

  2. LOL! She may as well try new techniques, MM. Given that Mamma and Aunty OJ’s consists of a one-track, bludgeon-them-and-get-on-with-it method.

  3. ROFL

    So cute…brat is so observant…am most impressed!

    and u weren’t lying when u said the bean was a charmer…

    but the story that takes the cake is both of them demanding babies from the poor couple…lol…too funny!

  4. Way to go Beanie!!! BTW, with sore knees why are you moving around unpacking cartons..no chance of hiring a help??. I know they wont be able to do everything, but with you monitoring and instructing they won’t be able to help ??

    Take care

  5. Hahaha. “Big and strong”. I want to be around reading this blog, when you broadcast her dating stories.. this girl’s going to have the boys falling over each other πŸ˜€

    And poor couple being asked to make babies.. as if family pressures aren’t enough πŸ˜€

    On another note, hope you’re taking rest, yes?

  6. Way to go , Beanie !

    I have also been recommended “Garlic” Fructis Long and Strong by my five-year old when I whine about falling hair. Not to mention a “Take Care” thrown at me when I go off to shower. Humph !

  7. lol @ the brat’s timing! I think he got the advertisement word perfect.

    and hey? what’s with the manipulating the ego bit and all? She’s just a born leader and is learning the art of delegating.

    And how many managers do you know can get their subordinates(well, bean is certainly at the top of the hierarchy) to cool hot kebabs for them AND make them feel good about it?

  8. Awww how cute…though I’m scared of coming to your place now if I’m going to be asked questions there as well about kids πŸ˜›

    On a sperate note, we’r on for Sunday right? Oh and how are you feeling now?

  9. LOL!!!
    This one was pure joy!!
    Your kids are charmers, MM, both of them.
    And though I shouldn’t be doing so, I’m beginning to get partial towards Ms.Bean.

    LOVE her attitude πŸ˜€

  10. Wow…. they start early… I would have loved to see your face with the invasive questions..
    Bean is a smarty.. hehe.. it was adorable and cute to read!

  11. πŸ™‚ oh them! I think by now they must be used to such questions and instructions from the world..inquisitive relatives, friendly neighbors, nosy maids…you need not be embarrassed.
    Hope your knee gets better soon.

    • πŸ™‚ so you can imagine. they’re such a lovely, gentle, non-interfering couple so its particularly vile for them to have had to face it. fortunately they see a lot of my kids and have known us for years so they didnt kill us.

  12. The impact the Ads make in the child’s mind! Seeee…that’s why I blv advertisers have to be more conscious!

    Valid point there…Brat makes!

    Omg! Lol !!!! I can imagine how funny this incident would have been!

    Ahaha! Such a smartie n cutie bean is… @ her age!!!

    PS1 : what is DINKs?

    PS2 : In day-to-day business..do u remem to address ur children by their actual names..or is it bean n brat that comes to u naturally? πŸ™‚

    • 1. DINKs = Double Income, No kids.
      2. I call them both rude names like, come here billibaby, or doggits, come here! they respond to anything i call them. and the OA and I can make up names with the best of them

      • Okay, I’m here to get very seriously offended on their behalf for this, because I understand!! Get this: MY HUSBAND CALLS ME ‘BOB’.

        – I do think it’s a dog’s name.. okay, in another part of the world, human name also but a GUY NAME right?
        – It’s so icky and 80s’
        – It makes me hang on to my long hair for dear life.. I can’t ever get a BOB cut right??

        STOP CALLING YOUR LOVED ONES DOG NAMES campaign begins here. Register here only.

        Phew!

  13. MM,
    Is this Osteomyelitis that you have in your knees. One of our close friends here had this problem in his neck and he had to take antibiotics intravenously.

      • Its a bone infection.
        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Osteomyelitis
        Thankfully , it can be cured by antibiotics. I am not sure what your symptoms are exactly, but from what I am reading for the past one year, I thought this is similar. My friend is still on antibiotics (now orally) but it seems that the cure is progressing. Please check this out and discuss with your doctor.Email me if you need to discuss more.
        TC and get that rest.

          • MM
            You are embarrassing me. I have been reading your condition for the past few days after your move and just wanted to find out really what is going on. If you need any more details about my friend’s condition email me and I will be happy to find out more. At the end of the day he is doing better and so will you. Just try to get a second opinion if needed.

  14. Hahahaha… I work for Garnier and the fact that even kids remember the ad is great… lol. I should mail this to marketing

  15. I just wrote up a long rant on couples being asked when they’re going to have babies. I guess the only time it’s acceptable is if it’s babies doing the asking πŸ™‚

  16. reading brat turning on AC for the swety tired mama was very touching. sadly MM like you I responded to my son exact same way, many times.

    beanie..you will more than survive..indeed will excel!

    MM, information provided by Tania (thanks) on Osteomyelitis provides hope. I sincerely hope this helps with your diagnosis and treatment. rest well and get better MM. God bless

  17. Your kids are the awesomest. Im yet to come across smarter children. The bean noticing you’re sweating it out and wanting to help you cool by switching the AC on. And the bean clearing her path in her own way, charming men by feeding their ego while getting her job done. Well done smartie, I’m super impressed. Can I adopt her? Or can you adopt me? I guess this is the 2nd time I’m asking you to adopt me πŸ˜›

  18. So you write posts like this and expect to put me off from having babies? You evil evil sistah!

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