Just. Because I am exhausted

  • You know that you’re overworked when you type in a colleague’s name instead of your own username while trying to log into your email account.
  • You know what Indians abroad feel like when you move to the suburbs and the real estate agent shows you blueprints of properties and you realise there are spaces marked out for temples and gurudwaras in many complexes whereas the only excuse of a church close by is a service held in a local club.
  • You smile in surprise when you move to the infamously chauvinistic Haryana and see hordes of women cycling ย around to work, their pallus neatly tucked into their waists. Until you look closer and see the distinctive red and white (pola-shankha) bangles on their wrists.
  • You understand how stereotypes work when your daughter says “I won’t kiss you because you’re not pretty” and your son whom you have just snapped at, comes back to you with a piece of chocolate.
  • You realise the power of undisguised want and raw honesty when your children shout out Mamma, and you yell back, “What do you want?”, to have them reply with a simple, “Nothing, I just want you.”
  • You realise you are bone tired when your head pounds no matter how what you do, your face stays oily and pimply and your back and feet ache until you want to die simply to shed your body and see what weightlessness feels like.
  • You learn that no matter how many times you hear people say women are women’s worst enemies, it doesn’t hit home until you experience it for yourself.

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99 thoughts on “Just. Because I am exhausted

  1. Somedays, that is all I wish for too – undisguised want and raw honesty! Cranky, with a fever and a throat that feels like sandpaper. That line made me cry.
    Hugs to the babies, they are precious.

  2. Your last point is soo true. You don’t realize that till it happens to you. I used to dislike that statement strongly, till I met my ex-boss. Now I know where it comes from. Life’s a really strange journey. Hold on to that raw honesty.. it’s the most beautiful thing, MM.

  3. Hey, hugs MM. Now you know why we love you so much. You say it for all of us what we would really like to say.
    Take care of yourself, babe!

  4. @ last line: Everything all right at the madhouse?
    *tight hugs*
    Take care, take rest and give that bum knee a break.
    Love to the raw honest kids. I want some too ๐Ÿ™‚ Just because I want raw and honest love.

  5. nice post ๐Ÿ™‚

    ‘You realise the power of undisguised want and raw honesty when your children shout out Mamma, and you yell back, โ€œWhat do you want?โ€, to have them reply with a simple, โ€œNothing, I just want you.โ€’ – I so agree. Undisguised want and raw honesty have tremendous power to hit you in the gut and make you go all weak in your knees. ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. seriously. we really are our worst enemies. i am thoroughly convinced of this. whatever they are or are not, men don’t have our bitchiness. i think we (i mean sort of an average, in general, not you and me, of course, we are awesome, we rock, we are superstars!) lack the ability to be honest with ourselves, first of all.

  7. This too shall pass. Hang in there ๐Ÿ™‚
    Women are women’s worst enemies…hmmm…what happened…may i ask ???

        • mmmm? what is unlike me?
          and no – i dont think of men as the enemy. we create enemies. leave 4 men together they’ll find something to chat about. leave 4 women together and they’re sizing each other up. but then as in everything, you and i can only react to our experiences.

            • ๐Ÿ˜‰ well then you thought wrong!
              contrary to what readers imagine, what you see here is about 2% of my regular life. so there is PLENTY i dont talk about. now dont let your imagination run away with you!

  8. loved these 2 :
    You realise the power of undisguised want and raw honesty when your children shout out Mamma, and you yell back, โ€œWhat do you want?โ€, to have them reply with a simple, โ€œNothing, I just want you.โ€
    You realise you are bone tired when your head pounds no matter how what you do, your face stays oily and pimply and your back and feet ache until you want to die simply to shed your body and see what weightlessness feels like.

    Hope you feel better soon – less tired and more relaxed – and have a cheery post soon. ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. MM,

    when I am stressed out, I watch lots of comedy. I know…I know there is no time. But you can still try.

    I am sure you will be fine. Just hang in there.

  10. Hey MM, long time. Looks like you’re having a bad day. This soon will pass. I live in the suburbs too and initially the commute and distances are killing. But y’ll get used to it soon. What’s comforting is atleast the kids are spared the nasty commutes. TC.

  11. Hey MM, take care..how about taking time off for a few days and just staying home .. I do that once in a while to relax and organize my thoughts…
    Hugs…wish I could help …

  12. you want an online pick-me-up line? check rohini’s facebook status. either it will make you laugh out loud, or annoy you so intensely that everything else around you will seem easily handled.

    take care.

  13. Cranberry juice for the skin issues. A glass before going to bed a few times a week and you’ll wake up with much better looking skin. Works for me, hope it’ll work for you too!

  14. Hey MM, i can imagine how tough it could be, but I also know that you are a tough cookie, and will emerge out of this smiling. Take care! and Hugs.

  15. ever heard of that little prayer a kid did ?

    god take care of mama, papa, granny, granpa, etc etc, and above all, take care of yourself, for if sometrhing happens to you, we are all sunk.

    quit your job, work from home, if you must.

    a big, long, watertight, airtight hug

  16. The last line. The last line..my head will fall if I nod it any more vigorously in agreement! I get soooo frustrated, upset n tired(in that order over n over again) handling the misunderstandings n complications over the simplest of things with some of my girlfriends. But that being saidโ€ฆI need โ€˜em..my girlfriends, so I keep trying. Just wish it didnโ€™t get that ugly at times.

    I didnโ€™t get the point about feelin like Indians abroad. Ur referring to number of temples here being less in number?

    I want to feel the undisguised want ๐Ÿ˜ฆ lucky you ๐Ÿ™‚

  17. I’m commenting after ages – this move has really done a number on you huh? I know *everyone* has said it, and you’ve mournfully agreed, but continue to fret as usual ๐Ÿ™‚ – but – you need to cut yourself some slack….as for women being our own worst enemies…oh yeah – most of the time.

    • you bet. my phone is robbed. the second one is spoilt. my house gets no cell signal. its flooding. my curtains dont fit so the sun comes streaming in. half the house isnt settled yet – cartons everywhere. my commute is close to 4 hours a day. need i go on?

      • This summation is pretty depressing. I can feel your frustration. You need Mary Poppins or atleast mommy-daddy. No kidding. Someone to hear you whine and throw a fit and nod with understanding. Its tiring being an adult with responsibilities round the clock. Hang in there. All the best.

  18. Hi MM,
    “You realise you are bone tired when your head pounds no matter how what you do, your face stays oily and pimply and your back and feet ache”
    …. sounds familiar! I have a 21 month old and some days are just like this. I guess what works is shutting everything out for a few minutes and crashing in bed at that time. Take care!

  19. What gets me the most of your litany of well justified complaints is the commute time! An hour’s commute one-way is our utter limit – that time, given where we live, translates to a 50 mile driving distance between home and work – this is one of the reasons I find it so hard to *like* Delhi – back in the day, my uncle used to complain heartily of the time it took him to travel to work in CP. All my sympathies…can you work from home certain days a week?


  20. Will you kindly take a day or two off work, to sleep? Otherwise we shall have to gang up and ask the OA to get you into a hospital where you aren’t allowed to move for some days. Just for a … checkup… thing. They diagnose the healthiest of people with god knows what these days, and you’re certifiably MAD!

    HUGE hugs to you. The kids should hug you and refuse to get off you till you fall asleep from the sheer effort of staying still!

  21. “You learn that no matter how many times you hear people say women are womenโ€™s worst enemies, it doesnโ€™t hit home until you experience it for yourself.”


    Take it easy, don’t worry about carton boxes it’ll find its way in your home eventually:)

  22. Awwww…baby! you need some TLC and now! Send the bacchhas to me and take some rest.
    C’mon…pleeeeease. I’ll treat them like treasure, God Promise. And if your bro begs nicely I’ll even send them to the Est Coast from here(I’m in Bay Area and it has glorious weather most days!!).

  23. Pingback: Top Posts — WordPress.com

  24. Breathe Easy…Take lonnng breaths.

    Sai Baba sab theek karenge. Prayers for your sanity MM.

    Can’t you take a couple of days off?

  25. Hey.. Pls rest… Saurabh and I can drop in this weekend and help you unpack… just call and let us know…
    Take care

  26. Hmmmm….whats going on with you ?

    Take care of yourself ? Want to meet you but I guess you need a lot of space just now so will wait.

  27. I think we women are our own worst enemies first. Other women do come second, though. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Take care MM. The commute sounds bad. Like everyone else is saying here – please try to take a week or two off if you can. All I can do is throw some words of advice and send good vibes your way.

  28. Couldn’t agree more. The typing in co-worker’s username to log in particularly hit home.

    btw, the Brat is giving you chocolate only because he thinks its bad for his teeth ๐Ÿ˜‰

  29. Hey MM,

    this is not going to be related to this post at all, but to one of your previous posts about how people use english.

    It happened at work today. The email I got read (she, was reporting a bug that she found in the system we developed)-

    ‘…the users should get a prompt from the system to go to their supervisors to have the total numbers upped to 36 from 35. blah…blah…blah…But the system let them continue without upping the number. ‘

    I guess this can only happen in the US. They just don’t care.

    Just thought it would cheer you up. Let me know if it upped you or not ๐Ÿ™‚

  30. i’m sorry u feel that way abt women. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

    And hey, about the pimples, backache etc… SLEEEEEEEEEP! You sound exhausted. And nothing works better than a warm bath, a glass of milk and a good night’s rest.

      • oh. i have very few females in my industry, so any female company at work is seen as a welcome break from the chauvinistic men we usually have to deal with!

        Otherwise… I’ve always found men and women to have equal capacity for good and harm. although i get the jealousy thing… women have a certain way of showing jealousy that men don’t. :o)

      • So sad to hear. I don’t doubt your experiences and history has documented it enough. Funnily enough I might’ve seen this in school but as I have grown older I only have found wonderful supportive, giving women around me – at least those I associate with closely. And throughout my career all my mentors have been women. Men are not my enemy but women are my strength and inspiration.

  31. โ€œYou learn that no matter how many times you hear people say women are womenโ€™s worst enemies, it doesnโ€™t hit home until you experience it for yourself.โ€

    That hit home.

  32. I understood your post and the last line – but do you realize that all the nodding on the comments page are by women? and if every woman nods at what you have written, doesnt it make you stop and think? Just wondering if we, are, each of us, both the victim and the aggressor, without realizing it? not to take away the pain or frustration of what you are going through though!

  33. The last one is really true. I also had a recent experience the savageness of which shocked me(and I am reaching that phase in my life where I feel that nothing much can shock me)

    I think men since childhood simply bash each other up and get it out. Because women dont show physical aggression they develop malevolence in a more harmful and scary way.

  34. Hi-
    I discovered your blog yesterday and stayed up most of the night to read all of it – yes, you read that right. You write very well and straight from the heart. AND…..I feel inspired to have kids of my own in spite of having spent all my life so far believing I didn’t have the maternal gene!

  35. Hi MM,
    Commenting here after long time. Hope things have settled down a little by now! And very glad Brat has adjusted to his new school – I can relate to it in a small way – coz am leaving my 6month old in day care and praying everyday that he’s fine!
    Talking of Mommy guilt, I just put up a post myself.Would love to have you comment ๐Ÿ™‚

  36. Hugs sweetheart. I’ve been hurt myself by women, but the thought that helps is they probably have such a rotten deal in their lives that the only way they can handle it is by pulling down other women.

    Take care.

  37. Hey MM..you alright? This post and then almost three days of no news…you in there? sane and sound? flooding under control and cartons undone? Or were you just sleeping it all off?
    Take care!

  38. Sorry that you had the unpleasant encounter with other women. I’ve often wondered about it and thought that maybe people pick the perceived weaker members in the group and being a woman usually causes you to be in that spot as seen even by other women. Sad that it happens though. Not sure about comment about Indians abroad, good or bad I think at least in the US most churches/mosques/temples are community creations, not initiated by the developers of property. So I haven’t ever seen an apartment complex with anything resembling a religious gathering place, which is comforting to an atheist like me ๐Ÿ™‚ Switzerland with it’s ban on minarets is a different story though.
    – Uma (not the rude one from a few posts back!)

    • ๐Ÿ™‚ of course you’re not that Uma.You’re too polite and your grammar is perfect

      and you make a good point about the institutions not being set up by property developers. i am slowly being drawn towards atheism although i keep dithering on the edge, unable to step over.

  39. I’l call you tonight and we shall have a fullon cribbing session ๐Ÿ™‚

    And just give me a few days as I struggle to wrap up 4 years of work in 2 weeks and then I shall be vella in case you need any help ๐Ÿ™‚

  40. Hi MM,

    Hope you are doing well and getting settled. You and the OA have made a huge compromise for your kids which is pretty awesome. I was just bothered that you have a 4 hr commute. I am a mom of 2 kids older of bean’s age and the lil one just 5 months old. I understand how much we can do in the 4 hrs of a day.

    I am sure you would have thought about it but how about a job change closer to home. With a smart person of your calibre am sure you will find something closer na..dot take it in the wrong way. Just was feeling bad thats all.

    Take care and have a good weekend!!


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