Mommy did a bad, bad thing

I once got a troll who told me that I talk about weight too often. Probably. I see it as the next big issue after global warming. And by that, I mean the lack of it. Someone once wanted to know why I object to botox and cosmetic surgery and liposuction. How does it harm me if someone else is doing it, they asked.

Well, it upsets me in the same way it would upset anyone else if they saw people smoking, abusing, or dirtying up the environment around their kids. You know, you don’t want your kids watching violent movies, you don’t like them breathing second hand smoke or picking it up as a bad habit. Similarly, I worry about my daughter picking up poor body image issues.  It’s ruining the environment as I would like it. You may think otherwise, but hey, the next time you’re signing a petition against anything or anyone, you’ll remember this.

Let me show you how bad this can get. A mother slips her laxative into her infant baby’s bottle because it is too fat. Really? Now we need our newborns to be in perfect shape too?  And aren’t babies just perfect anyway? Should we factor in a tummy tuck when the cord is cut?

And this kid was only 5 and a half pounds to begin with. If you thought bulimia was a bad thing, this takes the weight issue to not just a whole new level but a whole new planet if you ask me. Starving your kid and then following her to foster care and undoing what they’re doing. The obsession amazes me. Shocks me really.

Do you see why this whole looking perfect craze is a bad, bad thing ??? And don’t take me back to Chinese foot binding, and corset wearing and tell me the human race has always done this. Yes it has, but why the hell do we hark back to the worst we’ve done as a race? Why not learn from our mistakes and improve, just as we’re trying to reduce our carbon footprint?

Why not do yoga, pilates, eat healthy, be fit and look good? Why not work from inside out? I’m very, very scared. And I’d suggest you be scared too.

While we’re on the weight issue – what do you think about this suggestion that IVF should not be given to overweight women? I had some thoughts come in from friends – what about you guys?

Also – there’s some report about new fortified formula being better than breastmilk – making smarter babies. Sigh. So what about the emotional impact on mother and child? What about the fact that it protects you from breast cancer? What about the fact that breasts exist to feed with? What are they now – just fun bags for the boys? Just another ploy to market some formula I guess. Reminds me of Avatar. Did you guys like the movie?

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59 thoughts on “Mommy did a bad, bad thing

  1. Whoa!! These parents are really sick!! Good that the baby is out of their influence. Hope the baby never goes back to them, harsh as that may sound 😦

    As far as I am concerned, I think the new fortified formula might be (most probably is) as good as breastmilk. But better?? I don’t know. If I hadn’t had lactation problems, I wouldn’t even consider formula. I also think this might be a marketing ploy.

    It is GOOD that formula now is as good as breast milk because that’s good for babies who can’t get breast milk for whatever reason. But even if they are equal in quality, nothing can beat breast milk IMHO because it is 100% natural!

    • yes – i’m glad they’re improving formula milk – better peace of mind for mothers who cant lactate and better for baby.

      other than that, yes – i think its a marketing ploy but i have no proof yet
      !

  2. Also do you know those parents have another 2 year old daughter and they were apparently starving her too? It is unfair, I say, that kids are born to such parents at all 😦

  3. hmm you brought up a very interesting topic.. actually the other day when I was driving back from work, I heard on the radio that Tyra Banks was holding a teenager plus size modelling competition.. and when you think about it, Im confused if that is the right message to give out or not? I mean if you are fat because of unhealthy eating, is that a good message? But on the other hand it is a good sign for those many girls who are a tad on the plump side ( I mean compared on those size 0 models, size 10 does seem very plump ).. What are your thoughts on this?

    • i dont know – why have a plus size competition? why not let all size girls participate in the same competition and pick the pretty ones. its not as though thin people are necessarily prettier

      • EXACTLY!! As long as we keep having separate competitions (or shows – ever seen the “More to Love” which is along the lines of Bachelor/Bachelorette shows, only for “bigger” people?) for different body sizes, this mega issue over body image will exist. Don’t these shows/competitions send the message “You are different”? And probably “You are not good enough to be in the original show” as well.

          • oh my! if Vidya Balan is overweight, then I have to die 🙂 heheheh she is so pretty! actually replying to your comment abt holding the same competition for all girls, that’s a good idea.. hmm she should have probably done that!

  4. on the ivf issue i agree with some comments that overweight and obese are different things..being 10-20 kgs overweight may not be playing a big role in infertility but if a 5 feet tall woman is 100+kgs and if the physician feels its an issue I dont think that asking a woman to get to a near healthy weight is wrong

    • MM what are your views on IVF i always wanted to ask you this..I am very confused about IVF..did u know some women undergo IVF 10-12 times under family/society pressure to reproduce? Isnt that sad..why is adoption such a big taboo..is it so bad for a woman to give her motherly love to a child who’s not from her own womb…I would love to hear your views on the same..

      • who’s telling you it’s bad and it’s a taboo?! It’s all what the mother (and her partner) think, not what the family and society says. If they go in for it convinced, everybody else shuts up (my experience)

      • This thread is really old, but if there is a reader who comes back after ages to revisit old posts ( like me)..I would like for them to hear the thought of someone who has been thru’ and going thru IVF:

        I’m about to start my 4th ivf treatment. I donno about women who undergo n number of treatments under pressure from someone other than their own selves…But I know that when we just found out that we will need medical help to have a baby , I was shocked n sad and confused. The want in me to be a mother was more than just to hold a baby I could call my own. IVF was our 1st choice and not adoption not because we are not capable of giving love to another human being as beautiful or may be even more beautiful than one of own blood , but because I had a need…. I had ( n somedays yet have) the desperate need to experience the emotion of discovering that we are pregnant, giving the husband the awesome news that he is about to be a proud papa, sharing the news with friends, experiencing 9 beautiful months of pregnancy and the feeling of that baby coming out of my womb. I have weaved many a story about each of this in my head, million times over. Doesn’t make a lot of sense I know. God knows we would love any baby like our own. But many many women have this need for the end-to-end experience

        Anyways, after a 3rd unsuccessful IVF, my skin had thickened, by several times and we had grown a few years older. I didn’t care for the experience. We just wanted to deal with bawling, poop and chase around a bundle of love.. But adoption is sooooo complicated, especially if you live outside of India. So that dream too was crushed.

        N So, now I’m onto my 4th treatment. Hoping for the best. God Forbid , if things don’t succeed , I donno how many more attempts we will make. How much more of a financial/physical/emotional test we can face, is yet to be determined. But I know ..if this succeeds ( fingers n toes crossed)..i very much intend to go in for atleast 1 more attempt to have a second child. In my mind siblings are a must must must.

        We will wait n watch what is in store.

  5. I think its okey to worry about your looks. While I think cosmetic surgery may be okey to fix a cleft lip, or burnt skin or a bad scar, I feel it should be avoided as a means to lose weight. Exercise and eating right is the the way to go. To each her own though, I don’t have such strong feelings about it like you. But yeah, I would hate it if my daughter gets into this paranoia.

  6. Back. This brought tears that are not stopping, MM. How can one do this? Postpartum depression and all, even I went through. But this is taking it to another level altogether ,no? What the F was the husband doing? Why didn’t he notice? I mean, you saw how paranoid I was about Chinni not gaining weight. And these people even starved their 2 year old. How can parents do this to their own children?!!

  7. I totally agree that we’ve taken this obsession with looks and weight to a crazy limit; I don’t have issues with making yourself look good – I think that’s an innate human thing – to make yourself appealing , but there has to be a sane limit to it; using laxatives to keep a baby “slim” is just ridiculous, and it makes one think where the mother got those ridiculous ideas from.

  8. Hi, I really fail to understand,how a mother can do this to an infant?? So this is what weight issues are doing to us. I think, yes, it is the next burning issue after ‘global warming’.
    take care
    Rekha

  9. Shit. Sorry to swear but here we’re all obsessed about how little our kids eat and what not, and this mom does this! She must be really sick (medically)

    Why Avataar though?

    • y’know – a corporation out to make money – never mind that its destroying a natural bond. which is what will happen if you start telling people that fortified formula creates smarter babies. there are sure to be equally crazy parents out there who will pick it over breastmilk. crazy

  10. This is sick..how could the mother even think of it. My older one is skinny..i mean really really skinny that i hv trouble finding pants that fit his waist..even the adjustable ones are too big 😦 but he eats well..when i asked my Ped abt his size she only had one thing to say “you are worried that your son is skinny..he eats and puts on weight later..you will be worried that he is obese..just let him be”
    BTW, what reminded you of avatar. I didnt care much for the movie..not even the 3D version. The biggest mistake i made was i took my son along. Poor fellow sat turning away from the screen for the most part.

  11. Hi,

    As someone who’s always been obese and fighting a losing battle with weight gain, I’ll tell you this, even if you know all the rational reasons for feeling good about yourself, somedays just looking at yourself in the mirror is hard.However, I cant imagine why any mother would think that a baby needs to lose weight,much less starve her child. I mean, one of the markers of a thriving baby is the ability to gain weight!That said,if I had the money to get liposuction for myself, I would hire a personal trainer instead.

    About the IVF thing-About two years ago,when were on the threshold of IVF, it was very clear in our minds that we had an “X” amount of money, and hence we would try it only as many times as that permitted us.I remember being told that my weight would reduce our chances of success. Fortunately we didn’t have to go beyond the preliminaries since I managed to conceive our child in the old fashioned way.When I found out that I was 5 weeks pregnant , I was one week into an aerobics class , which I had to abandon,since everybody kept saying that I would have a high risk pregnancy. As it happened, I didn’t have a single day of nausea, lost the taste for chicken,gained a total of 7kgs,had an uncomplicated pregnancy and a very healthy baby boy.
    My point is , being fat is a POSSIBLE risk factor , among many others ,for a complicated pregnancy, but fat women CAN conceive and have a normal healthy pregnancy.It’s just cruel to deny IVF on this basis to someone who desperately wants to have a biological offspring.

      • MM
        🙂 The “someone who’s been there” thanks you and after some consideration , says (for the benefit of any one who’s going through it and would like to know) that she’s willing to share her experiences of dealing with infertility, through email.

  12. I have seen some of the kitchens of people from the previous generation, have rows and rows of those “baby food” tin dubbas being recycled to store pulses etc. Can’t remember the brand name now.

    Anyway, I was curious to know if formula was popular back then. Because I always thought the prev generation was big on BF. But I found out that apparently there was a big marketing campaign, fooling people into believing that formula was just as good as mother’s milk, if not better. And from the ration kind of culture at those times, anything expensive implied better. So people who could afford or stretch a little bit, bought that for their children, thinking that it’s all for the baby’s good.

    Then I think the govt suddenly woke up and made it compulsory for them to write on the tins that mother’s milk is the best, etc. But by then a lot of damage was already done.

    Btw, no proof of this theory, just hearsay.

    • you’re right. i have met some people of my mom’s generation who tell me their kids were all formula fed because they didnt want to lose their firm breasts and were told that formula was as good. win-win they thought.

      • Nestle Nido 🙂 Dutifully brought back by ungles and anties from the gelf.
        Dunno abt the firm breast theory. But women were brainwashed about the relatively higher nutritional value of formula.
        As an aside, did you know the product failed miserably in parts of Africa? Because it had a picture of a baby on the tin, suggesting the tin contained….

  13. Giving laxative to a baby, someone call child services now! This mum sounds like one sick puppy, who needs some serious help, forget the physical harm it does to the baby if this sort of behaviour goes, on the emotional harm will be significant. I have heard of parents who’d give their kids cough syrup so they’d sleep through the night or sleep so the parents could slip away for a few hours. I wonder what the hell makes parents do such callous and dangerous things to their kids?

  14. Now lets see, there are lots of topics in the post. And I nod my head in agreement with all that you’ve said, and it is shocking that people are falling prey to things like these and at what cost. Makes me think ‘where are we headed? Can we even provide our children with a good enough land, nature and environment?’ And even though processed food is making more progress in terms of nutrition value, nothing will EVER beat mother’s milk.
    And yes, I liked Avatar alright, it’s scary to think of the future. It really is.

  15. I actually liked the graphics in ‘Avatar’ but honestly felt the movie was like a prettied-up, glorified version of Pocahontas.

    Honestly, aside from health ramifications and scientific developments, it’s pretty much your right to talk about weight on YOUR blog, no? stupid trolls…

    Regarding IVF for over-weight women and formula to make kids smarter…no comment. There’s so many viewpoints and so many grey areas there that I can’t safely say something without possibly contradicting myself later!

    Sorry for the super-long comment, but I love how all your posts are amazingly thought-provoking 🙂

  16. its just very very crazy! i know mothers who have been told by peds their 5 year olds need to lose weight for health reasons rather than anything else. and they suggest LOTS of activity and going easy on fatty food. thats all.

    giving laxative is just so…i dunno what to say!!

    when i went to the doc for this whole PCOs business, he told me to lose 15kgs before even dreaming of having a kid. my otha doc asked me to do my tests and just gave me pills that would help ovulation.

    i was quite sure that i was not going to spend time / money / energy on IVF. but to deny it someone on basis of weight doesnt seem very fair to me unless the weight is far too high risking the mother and child’s life.

    as for formula being better than breast milk, its just balderdash. Cub was on combination because i didnt lactate enough. i was quite sure i wont guilt trip myself, but to say there is something better than maa ka doodh sounds outright stupid! bah!

    cheers!

  17. seeeee! these are the kind of awwful people who are parents! and you worry about your parenting skills!

    i can’t believe a mother would do that to her baby! I have no words! I’ve known of people selling their kids off, giving them up for adoption etc etc… but that could (even if not justified) at least be explained away with a reason! But this! this is just so wrong!! on such a bassic level! *sigh*

    And yeah, watched avatar. lovvvvved what they’ve done animation-wise, the story was pretty normal though of course! seen an ollld mallu movie juuuuust like it (without inter-planetary battles).

  18. I’m looking for this link about retouched photos of the decade. So while women’s mags are busy professing the best diet, the shortest way to flat abs and so on, they are also busy publishing retouched celebrity photographs to make it all look oh! so real!
    Yesterday on the Today show there were two (what I would call) skinny looking women and one of them had a body fat % of 27%. Bottom line, everyone needs moderate exercise and eat healthy. There was this debate on whether there needs to be a law on “retouched” pictures and I think there should be. They should be labeled as such so the media are not misleading people into believing a fad diet or having them obsess some more about looking perfect.

  19. PS: Avatar was cool…but I thought the story was not new. The effects were spectacular though. In fact I watched it in Bombay and there was this little girl at the theatre (wasn’t this R Rated?) who kept musing “hey Jurassic Park sarkha distay…” This reminds me of Jurassic Park. This kid must have been no older than 7 or 8, it was good that she was able to make the connection but I kept shaking my head on what she was doing at the movie in the first place!

  20. The normal distribution (bell shaped curve) is the norm for most things. It is the basis for much of human knowledge and much of nature. Extreme values are found in the tails of the distribution. These are by definition outliers and outliers are…..

  21. I completely agree with what the news report says: “this isn’t just an issue of a baby in trouble. These parents are in trouble themselves.”

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