Scatology

Thoughts on err… shit.

1.You know your kids have grown up when their shit begins to stink.

2. A sentence you never imagined you’d ever have to say- “Stop fighting! It’s only your turn to flush when it is your potty .”

3. When you begin to have to take your daughter to the ladies loo instead of just changing a diaper somewhere, you learn that ‘time flies’ is more than just a cliche.

4. Once you’ve been shat on, you’re ready to face most anything.

5. You marvel at how contrary your son can be when he tells you to leave the toilet and give him privacy, yet yells for you to wash his butt when he’s done, even giving instructions – “Mama, make sure the water is hot-cold, warm. That means not too hot, not too cold.”

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56 thoughts on “Scatology

  1. Huh – for us, pt 1 came all too soon – as soon as they moved from being solely b/f to some solids – whew!

    4: oh yeah!

    M

  2. omg!! point 4 is scary… i dont want to be ready for anything… but then i dont have kids….yet :)!! so i maybe speaking from a diff planet!!

  3. yeah! B/f kids don’t smell at all, and then you get that lovely whiff after the first solids experiment! But don’t worry…hang on another year, and you’ll only need to wash one kid’s bum! I’m there now πŸ™‚

    *goes off dreaming of the days and years when she doesn’t have to look at potty contents*

  4. Not to hot, not to cold indeed! Tell him the temperature of the water will depend on that of this scat. And that he has to poke it to measure the temp. πŸ˜›
    [Runs before other commenters throw things at her!]

  5. I’m surprised that you are saying #1 now, for me it was like stinking right from the time she turned 6 months.

    #4 is so true my daughter is like go away don’t stand here and once she is done she wants me to clean and only me nobody else. So I’m the official BUM CLEANER in our home.

    • Output may depend on the quality of input. Experiments could be set up to verify this.

      Bum cleaning duties must be shared by parents to impart appropriate geneder messaging i.e., no one is so special that they cannot clean children’s potty.

      • definitely. a man who hasnt equally cleaned butts doesnt deserve to be called a father or give his surname. as i often say – half a teaspoon of sperm doesnt cut it. i guess you’re abroad, from the timing of your comments – trust me, the average desi man will still not wash butts.

        • You are correct. My brother-in-law who is in NY does not/has not. I will harass him on this matter during our next conversation.

          A tiny corrective action for my gender. Let me pull rank and use what little social skills I have to see if I can engender a transformation.

        • Thank fully I have found a guy who has no qualms abt cleaning butt… am sure he’ll fight with me if he doesnt get his share ! Im blessed ! πŸ™‚

          • The man of the house cleans the baby (okay she is now 3, so little girl)butts of the house. The woman of the house sometimes gets a chance depending on the little ones mood.

  6. On point 2 – Waiting for 2nd kiddo to arrive to witness the dynamics of interaction.

    On point 3. I take her to the men’s loo as she is ‘pappas girl’. We are like peas in a pod. Strong invisible magentic forces at work

    On point 4. Once had a relative in serious condition in a government hospital. Helped an orderly pull shit out of the guys bum. Apparently doctors do it all the time, during many surgical procedures. Learn’t something about life that night.

    On point 5. Teach the boy to wash his own butt. Tell him no ifs and butts. Alternately there should be equality in butt washing. In India too many boys get mollycoddled at the expense of girls. I am sure that this does not apply to you, MM. But(t) this is for the record, so you know that you have been warned πŸ™‚

    • πŸ™‚ the OA takes her to the men’s loo too
      as for the bum washing – i think its because girls’ motor skills develop faster plus theyre more fastidious about being clean. i think i’ll let them wash their butts when they have better balance and can handle a mug etc. its so much easier for toilet paper users. i can imagine him soaking his back right now!

      • Get the spray gun. Target practice can be achieved via water pistols (but there can be collateral damage). Please ensure appropriate non bum targets for practice.

        Says something about western civilisation that they have not been able to move beyond toilet paper. Environmentalists indeed!

        The Japanese are on top of the world/pot in this matter. They have all these nozzles etc which direct a spray of water in the appropriate direction.

        Our country needs so many pots and loos but it is not yet on our developmental radar.

        • LOL – my parents have that and the bathroom looks like something exploded in it after my kids are done with it! i dont mind, honestly. I think washing bums for hygeine reasons should be in my hands for as long as possible.

  7. I have a post in my head about the crap at the other end of the human life span. Most depressing:(
    Loved the Brat’s request for water at the right temperature.
    When we were little kids in England and had started our own bum cleaning, we had to show our mother the last piece of TP we’d used before the cleaning was approved!

  8. Point 1 came all too soon for me too! Day 1 we move from exclusive bf to solids (just ONE serving of rice cereal) and Day 2 wham! I got all emotional when the diapers started showing that the solids were getting along too, making their presence felt and not just smelt. I tell you I miss those days of sweet baby poo! And I’ve been shat on and how, in the line of fire of a fully loaded spray once 😦
    Going to stop rambling now and wish you and your family a very happy new year, have a fabulous 2010!

  9. What a post!!!!! Love it…
    There was once a time when my lil fella would follow me like a mouse to the ladies toilet..now it is..o! i dont want to pee in the ladies toilet πŸ˜‰ no choice when he is alone with me πŸ™‚

  10. Like in the movies where the emotionally wrought mother says, I breast fed you so better obey me…my mum’s standard line was – I cleaned your poop, u owe me your life. I was lactose intolerant, so the milk line wouldn’t have worked and plus I pooped a LOT back then.

  11. Yeah, and I’ll doff my hat at Japanese innovation when they start making babies that can use the toilet by themselves.

  12. i hate the bum washing job. i cannot stand the stink of my 1 month old… leave alone the bigger champ. luckily adi went straight to the pot instead of using the training pot…. i was so damn reluctant to use it….. and of late he insists to wash his bum on his own or else his father is assigned the job when he is around. i just pray daughter dear follows suit.

  13. um…you know, most of the times, i read your posts and think, awww, i want kids NOW!

    and this one just made me realize i’m happy to wait a decade or so πŸ™‚

    hilarious and informative!

  14. hey babe! long time πŸ™‚ with u on #1 and 3. god, some of the loos i’ve seen outside make me wish i cud keep BB in a diaper for another 10 years! #4 – N and I share butt-washing duty πŸ˜€ woot!

    Happy New Year to the mad family!

  15. so true so true! How is it that kids are soooo alike?? One of my twins does the same thing with the potty, asking me to leave the moment i put him on, And all the three fight for the flushing rights and in fact, the boys even refuse to come to the ladies toilet with me!!! It is such a pleasure reading your blog, one of my daily morning routines!

  16. Like many others for us too point 1 came too soon. Mine is only 2 1/2, but I am going through point 5 as well! Everything else…very true!

  17. LOL :)))) This one I am sooo forwarding to mum even though I know all I am going to hear in return is ‘nothing is stronger testimony of a parents love than their ability to clean bums and changing nappies!’

  18. ROTFL! Fighting over flushing the potty! πŸ˜€ .. and the Brat going all “oh so particular” about the temperature πŸ˜€

    This one will have me grinning for some time πŸ™‚

  19. First and foremost : Happy New Year to the Mad family.

    Love this post. Too close to home. For my daughter we got that “Mini toilet seat” that can be put on top of the toilet seat and it takes away their fear. But then she used it for a month or so and she was a champ in the big potty. But my son who is not even started toilet-training, wants to sit in that seat. He will follow his sister whenever she goes to the loo and she will scream murder. He likes to play with the flush and the TP. He is 1.5 yrs old…I dread the day when I will start toilet training for him. He is a good eater and I can see what is in store for me πŸ™‚

  20. shit or the lack of it thereof can be so SCARY. jia used to be so horribly constipated – poor tyke.

    tried all sorts of cures. creamaffin, amaltas, homeopathy, and more..

    but that too passed.

    always wonder how you guys are coping in this freezing weather. then i realise that kids don’t feel as cold as we do..

    huggs and love.

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