Naya saal mubarak ho!

Happy New Year peeps!

I was away visiting my parents for the last week of December – and I got to spend time with my baby brother (yayy!!) after almost two years. Everyday, every few hours, I wrote a post in my head and I could easily have grabbed a laptop and got to it, but I wanted to truly live in the moment.

They day I got back to Delhi, it was all wiped out! I thought I’d do one on resolutions but I’ve rarely managed to keep one past the 1st of January so I thought I’d look back on last year and put down what I’ve learned – both through my own personal experience as well as through observation. A lot of it sounds like what you’d receive in an email forward but I’m going to do it anyway because these are things that have changed my life in the last year.  So 12 observations for the last 12 months.

  1. Sometimes life gives you a second chance with people. Not just lovers and family but people who you missed befriending. Grab that second chance before it goes. It’s almost always great. And people who are meant to be part of your life – will be a part of your life. No matter what you do to push them away.
  2. It does take a village to raise a child and even if you have your home and heart full of people, nobody can take the place of family. You might find more people to love – but those spaces will stay reserved.
  3. The real and the virtual worlds often collide. Don’t fool yourself.
  4. Some wounds never heal. Really. They ache until you look at yourself in the mirror, fully expecting to see blood.
  5. If people misunderstand you  – it’s their problem. You can try and you can beg and you can struggle to explain but you’re not going to succeed so give up already. And you’ll feel unbelievably lighter and happier.
  6. They say a marriage needs to be worked on. I agree – two people growing as individuals are bound to grow in directions that might be different and all you should need to do is sort of find a common path – but if its anything bigger than that, then you have a problem.
  7. It’s never the last time. Never.
  8. It’s never going to be enough money. Your lifestyle will keep growing as your pay cheque grows. You need to be able to draw a line before your life is reduced to only style.
  9. A holiday every quarter makes life worth living. Even if its a weekend getaway.
  10. Chocolate is always the answer. To every problem.
  11. No matter what I tell myself, I find myself most anxious about my parenting. It reminds me of what my dad said when I talked about being anxious before going on stage to sing. That the day you stop being anxious, you stop caring about giving your best. And so I try to sit back every few days, take stock and change my parenting and my principles. Because this is the one job that worries me more than my professional appraisal – and the only two people who will give me that pass grade might be ruined beyond words by the time I realise I have done something wrong.
  12. When it comes to my children, I’ll sell my soul and my principles if I have to.

So tell me – what were your learnings last year?

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59 thoughts on “Naya saal mubarak ho!

  1. Re: 11…yeh bollywood type bhee say the same..as in their best is yet to come, they feel anxious before each scene and the day they stop feeling so will be the day they will quit. so no Lifetime Achievement Award for us yet, eh?

  2. To pause, pause, pause, to give space to think before reacting and those words escape. Biggest thing I learned last year and the lesson continues.

    And my dear, # 5 actually sounds *gasp*…ZEN!! 😛

  3. aah now this is a post me likes a lot. My learning from the last year is just one – if you’re not dead, then it isnt fatal. It just *feels* fatal. Find another adjective and get on with life.

  4. totally agree with you on the quarterly holidays 😀
    my learning – it’s ok to make mistakes…
    it’s ok to even repeat some of them – you don’t always have to learn from your mistakes 😀

  5. #8 really got me. That is my only resolution this year, to really think before spending on something ‘coz at the end of the day we don’t need most of the stuff we accumulate 🙂 Taking it one day at a time, knowing how these resolutions end!

  6. Sometimes, however bad something seems, you need to get up in the morning, breathe in some perspective, get a grip and get a move on.

    And you will probably feel better for it.

    It’s not always all about you.

  7. Aapko bhi!

    I can identify with Number 8 and 9 the most! I have been telling myself to not spend too much, as that is what I do all the time. It is important to save also. On number 9, I will quote S: “I live for the holidays!” 🙂

    As for number 1, I sometimes still feel like the little girl who barely had friends, and would love to make some!

    And number 11, you guys are good parents. Period! It’s good to be anxious, but it’s also important to relax. I am sure you can trust in the ways of parenting God has provided you.

  8. Great learnings MM! I also learnt that real and virtual do collide, and you can find real friends in the virtual world and find out your real world friends can virtually forget you in the blink of an eye!!! Poof…you’re gone from their lives!

    I learnt that one can change oneself totally for the sake of a child, and that unfortunately tho’ I always knew I had to change, it took an outside ‘authority’ to make me take action on myself.

    I also learnt that we create our own reality. What we think, is.

    • I like the point Starsinmeyes made about friends vanishing. And I love the last line. Indeed, most of the time we create our own reality.

  9. Its sometimes ok to lose your halo a little bit and be a bitch , or people will trample all over you.

    I can never understand this , they teach us to be good , show us all the movies where good people win , and when you try to be good , they say “its not worth it , with this person , you better give it back to her and you’ll lose it all”

    Confusing!

  10. to never judge and say “but she is pretty, strong, educated and independent, then why is she STILL with him”
    never never never to say that 😀

  11. my resolutions evolve year after year. and i don’t call them resolutions(too much pressure around that word).
    i call them goals.
    my ‘goal’ this year, is to be less guarded. i play it too safe, and anything that has the potential to hurt me, is a no no. i realize i miss out on some pre-heart break fun that way.
    haha!

  12. The first point set me thinking.. never gave that a thought.
    And holidays..yes..plan to do more of that this year 🙂
    Learning – Watch how you behave…your kid is surely watching you 😀

  13. I’ve learnt that anger doesn’t look good on me and it almost always is misplaced anger (in my case). No wonder I find myself taking deep breaths and counting to 10 all the time these days 😀

    Loved your learnings and #9 is something I’m beginning to agree with quite strongly as well. Take care, and keep writing 🙂

  14. “You need to be able to draw a line before your life is reduced to only style.” –Haha, aur line maaro ji!

    Not sure what I learnt last year. Perhaps that my weight bothers other people more than it does me. Or that I really should stop drinking and driving. Or that parents can be unbelievably generous.

    • 🙂 all awesome. if your weight doesnt bother you i dont think you should bother with the other people. i’ve learnt that the hard way – actually am still struggling to learn that.

  15. Happy new year to you, OA, Brat and Bean!!

    What I learnt in the last year (which sort of sounds like a title for a school essay :D)… that loving someone isn’t always easy or uncomplicated, but it’s oh so worth it!

  16. Happy new year MM. Well 2009 was one hell of a year..ups and downs at work, home and what noe. One thing i learnt LET GO !!! You feel so light from inside… 🙂

  17. hmm last yr was disastrous in terms of happenings n remarkable in terms of learning. one lesson 2009 taught me – when trajedy hits dont look around for shoulders to cry, the only one person who can help u is there on the mirror. look inward for strength n u can feel the might of generations of women before u who grit their teeth kept their nose on the grindstone n met the calamities calm n confident.

  18. i have learnt that i need to stop waiting for things to happen, stop waiting for tomorrows and learn to enjoy today. make the most of what i have.

  19. Hi MM,

    First time here. Loved whatever I read on your blog 🙂 Wish you a very happy new year!

    I’ve learnt to feel more and to think less, and to let go and to live in the moment. Its one life, and a beautiful life, why waste it on things that don’t count?

  20. That everytime there is a problem it’s not you vs me but u and me vs the problem

    it makes so many of my issues simpler

  21. Major lesson learnt in 2009..

    It matters not how well you do your job; what matters is how well you were able to market yourself.

      • What a scary realisation! Exactly how I feel! This self-marketing business and my inability to do it, without feeling lessened – when will the benchmarks change??

        • Well, if it’s any consolation: if you are really good at what you do, you WILL get recognised… but later, rather than sooner, if that’s the only thing you are depending on for your promotion:)

          But you will reap rewards in other ways-like the respect of your peers.

          (Learnt over last 2 years)

  22. Happy New Year! I’m afraid this post is a bit too Paulo Coelho-ish for me but hey whatever works!!! All I really learnt this year was that pushing out a baby from your nether regions hurts like holy fucking hell. And that sometimes it feels really really good to write or say “fucking” especially when discussing pain off the Richter scale. (sorry if my bad language screws up your searches on teh internets).

    n!

    • LOL! go right ahead. cuss and get it out of your system. and no fucking wont make a difference. i took myself off search engines two years ago because i dont like the traffic

  23. You’re bang on about people misunderstanding you and the holiday thing. And with the last one you took my heart away. When shall I come to get it back? 😉

  24. Ooh nice post! Some of mine are:

    – Learn to accept, even welcome the glass ceiling. breaking it will involve compromises which may leave u in a constant state of turmoil, and it’s JUST not worth it.

    – Family is very important. And not just the parents, spouses and kids. You need a support system which consists of more than friends, when u grow from your early twenties to your early thirties. Nourish relationships.

    – Its okay to say “i screwed up”, and then start over again.

    – Revel in others glory without grudging them anything. it lends the heart an unmentionable glow.

    – you dont always have to be the best. sometimes being good, is good enough.

  25. I learnt:

    1. that i may have my heart broken, but it takes a whole lot more to break my spirit. Make that impossible.

    2. That what i want is not always the same as what i need. And God/ Life/ Destiny has a way of letting you know, when you are veering off. Sometimes gentle and sometimes in a not so gentle way. You are wise if you can make the right decision.

    3. That my friends love me a lot more than i give them credit for. And that support can come from the most unexpected quarters.

    2009 was a disastrous year for me and yet, one of the best. I am now so looking fwd to what 2010 has in store for me! 🙂

  26. In 2009, I have learned that contrary to what I thought, the first year of being married is tough and full of fights and finding yourself all over again.. it isn’t easy but it is worthwhile, most definitely so.

  27. Hmm… I wouldnt be able to restrict this to one year, more like 5-6 years. I am 25 now, 1 love and 2 engagements older, all of which have gone down the drain. So, yeah learned what it is to be head over heels in love and then getting dumped :|…follies of youth…. and then getting engaged twice and getting dumped twice, I am now officially queen of getting dumped. In the process, getting into the IIMs and then letting that go…all for love….not doing well at work and losing out on two increments…..have u heard of a bigger loser??

    No, am not broken… I am still smiling silly on most days. Actually, failure is a lot liberating even….So some of my lessons are:

    1. Repeat: 4,5,7,10.
    2. Everyone has their own limitations, you can only push boundaries for urself, not for another person not even ur most loved. Either accept them with their limitations or lose out on the love. And to love yourself with your limitations.
    3. You can make mistakes that terribly screw up another’s lifes. So can ur parents make mistakes with your life. They are human, they dont know everything, they are doing their best.
    4. Happiness is only a thought away, you can make a conscious decision to be happy.
    5. Facebook/Orkut can do serious damage to the head, keep off.
    6. Retail therapy is true.
    7. A friend can make the sun come out.
    8. Jogging is cool.
    9. A guy in your life is not a license to happiness.
    10. MM’s and IHM’s and some other blogs provide sagely advice to young women.
    11. Its better to go with the flow than to fight the flow.
    12. You are stronger than you think you are. And you only have as much burden as you can bear.
    13. Grace is more powerful than being scarless.
    14. Swearing is very liberarting.
    15. Theres no such thing as the perfect guy, decide on what to compromise and what not.

    Hopefully somewhere in the next five years, I’ll find the right guy at the right time and right place and be able to do the right things with him….. and have two babies, one boy and girl and a beautiful house and a big garden….No, am not J of you, but I ceratinly do admire 🙂

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