The Brat is a gentle child. A gentle but stubborn child. Which makes it very hard to get mad at him. Every few days he throws an almighty tantrum and fighting it back in the way I’ve practiced and patented over the last 30 years doesn’t seem to work – which is to scream right back at the offender.
But motherhood has a way of telling you to take your attitude and shove it. Which is what it did to me.
So the latest is the Brat’s notion of ‘never’.
MM: Brat, let’s go for a bath. I’ll let you come back and build your train
Brat: No you won’t. You never let me build trains. NEVERRRRRRRRRR.
At this point it’s my duty to inform you that the ‘never’ is said in the sweet tones of a broken trumpet. Inducing you to cover your ears and run for cover.
MM: Brat, time for school, you can come back and play with water.
Brat: No, I won’t. You never let me play with water. NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRR.
And then recently at baby T’s birthday: I want cake!
OA: Yes, you’ll get cake, hold on. Let Aunty cut a piece and you’ll get some.
Brat: No, she won’t give me any cake. She NEVERRRRRRRRRRRR gives me any cake.
You get the drift, right?
So one evening he was off to the park while I worked and as I fastened his sneakers I had a brainwave.
MM: Brat, you’re going to the park?
Brat: Yes mama.
MM: Don’t leave me. Please don’t go.
Brat: I’ll come back soon, mama.
MM: No you won’t. You always leave me. You NEVERRRRRRRRRRRR come back to me. I am always aloooooooooooone.
A startled Brat. You could almost see the wheels turning ‘ Hey, that’s my line!!’
He rushed to console and hug me. ‘No mama, I’ll come back. Really. Promise.’
MM: I don’t believe you.
Brat: No, you see… I’ll come back soon.
And then he left me, smiling, waving, blowing kisses and promising to come back soon.
An evil mother grinned back at him innocently. ‘Hah! That should give him a taste of his own medicine!’
And err.. I haven’t heard the ‘NEVERRRRRRRRRRRR’ in a while now.