Go ahead, judge me then!

So this is post is a response to Y’s post on judging which is a response to Rohini’s post on how natural judging is.

I’d have commented there but she said she didn’t want the whole ‘We all judge and it’s normal’ disclaimer which quite robbed me of my first line!!!

I’ll bring up a few points here that would make this too long to be a comment on another blog.

We’re all thinking people who observe stuff, process it and think about it. You may not voice it – but that doesn’t mean you don’t think it. Everyone does. It’s just that since we blog, we have a space to air that judgment, and before we started blogging, we stuck to gossiping on the phone!

For all those who say I wouldn’t judge another’s parenting – well it isn’t restricted to parenting is it? You probably judge other things like how your friend treats his wife in a chauvinistic way or how your brother allows his wife to treat him like shit or how your best friend keeps a terribly unhygienic toilet seat that no one would sit on.

And if you still claim not to judge, well then you’re God and us mere mortals are going to hang around here judging anyway – so you could move on πŸ™‚

BloggersΒ  – like newspapers are recording. And they’re giving opinions. There’d be no opinion if you wrote – I went to a park today and saw a baby… yaawwwnnn……

The only thing worth reading is if after that sentence you write – it was about to touch a stray dog baring its fangs and no adult was around to take care of the child. Now here you can either choose to leave it at that subtly or like me say – Where the F**K were the parents?

Some people care for stray dogs, some people spread AIDs awareness, some people write about the Canadian seals – some bloggers talk about children, parenting and their response to it. It’s natural for those who are mothers to talk about such stuff because its our area of interest at this moment in time. Just like political bloggers are talking, judging and writing about politicians right before the elections. To me parenting is more important than politics. Hell, if our politicians parents had brought them up better our country would be in a better place today.

I once wrote about a mother who came back from work, sneaked in the back door, slept for an hour and then met her child. Every single day. Now I don’t care if it made her more able to engage with her child – all I am thinking is – why have a child if you barely have an hour a day to give her – which is what she confessed to. I had been chatting with her for a couple of hours and realised she does nothing for the child. It’s not the one odd tiring day that she came back and napped for an hour, she did it everyday. I know some jobs are tough, but if you are aware of you gruelling schedule, why bring a child into it?

Sure, a child will grow up knowing no better and will be grateful for any time you give it. But the same logic applies to parrots in cages. I know many people who say – don’t cage birds. Err… why? You’re feeding them and loving them – they will grow up accepting this situation. They will never know what it’s like to fly in a free sky so how does it matter? So if you can get all upset and judgmental about a parrot or a dog locked in a kennel all day – why not a child who gets no attention? To my mind, they’re equally if not more, important!! And I speak only for myself here.

Mommy bloggers. Mothers are conflicted lot. Guilty about something or another. This has just increased as media gives you more information. As you hear about other mothers and read about other parents. Blogging is about opinion and every blog judges something or the other. Atleast every blog worth reading – be it a blogger’s opinion on a movie (which is a judgment on the director of the movie then, or the actor) or on politics – is a judgment. So when as women we turn around and say mommy bloggers are judgmental we’re not only slotting ourselves, we’re doing ourselves a disservice. Aren’t there other judgmental bloggers? Sure there are – but you don’t care, because none of them is a judgment of you.

I get a lot of comments from girls telling me that they want to be a mother like me. It’s no secret – my comments are open -you can go through them and see it. I’ve often wondered why young girls say that.

After all I am hardly the perfect mother. I’ve blogged about slapping my 18 month old for biting me in my pregnant belly – an instinctive and protective reaction for the baby in there and the pain. I’ve blogged about running to catch trains with the children in our arms. I’ve written about their double barrelled surnames and got into arguments with so many of you (Right Ro and Sue?). I blog about my religious and political choices. I’ve talked about so much stuff that so many of you come here and literally take my ass over.

But I do it anyway. Knowing fully well that you are judging me each minute of it and after every few lines. Now I don’t think I blog because I think I am doing a terrific job and want to show you my perfect choices. Hell – I’ve often eaten my words openly.

But I think what attracts some and pisses off other mothers is that I love it. There’s no streak of guilt in a single post. Not because I can’t go wrong but because I enjoy it. Just like you enjoy cooking or gardening or sewing or football. I understand everyone doesn’t love it as much as I do, but that’s not something I can help you with. I cannot feel guilty or sound doubtful to make you feel better.

I LOVE being a mom. I take the job seriously even if I take the day to day life very lightly. A meal skipped here or a chocolate eaten there isn’t a matter of life and death. But an overall sense of wellbeing and security of my child, matters to me.

I know a lot of mothers talk about how unsure they areΒ  – and so am I. I take days to make up my mind and when I do – nobody and nothing can make me unsure of it. I’m done. I’ve given my choice my all and I haven’t a shred of guilt or doubt.

So yes Y, here’s the response to the last part of your question – do I feel judged? Oh all the time. I am judged for supporting SRK’s right to smoke in his own damn make up van, I am judged for caring about Dalits dying in floods in Bihar, I am judged for usually siding with the underdog, I am judged for whacking my kids once in a while, I am judged for my religion, for not liking to cookΒ  – the list is endless.

One of the worst was when I was working from home and people looked down on it. For instance – see this recent comment (Don’t take it personally Diya, just trying to make a point here). The assumption is in two parts – one, that SAHMs do nothing but watch TV all day and the other, that they haven’t the education to put up a play by Premchand, Shakespeare or the Wizard of Oz and can only regurgitate the crap they see on TV.

So I guess there’s always an us vs them and I’m back at work now so I really feel for the mothers at home who still have to face that shit. And now that I am working I don’t care what people say about working mothers – you won’t see me arguing it on any other blog because I am totally at peace with my decision and the timing and what is right for my family and so I don’t give a shit anymore! I’ve given it much thought and to me, my plan and decision is watertight. I see no loopholes in it. I think what bothers people is the pointing out of holes and gaps. Now either you ignore those – or you fill them. But you cannot grudge others their confidence in their plans and want to know what makes them so cocksure!

I take Parul’s (her comment on Y’s blog) stance on this oneΒ  – it doesn’t matter if others are judging you. What matters is if you are judging yourself. And I know I don’t. I might be dead wrong about many choices 20 years from now – but right now I have given it my best – I can laugh in the face of anyone who questions my choices because I really don’t doubt my choices for my life or my kids. I am a 150% sure of them at this point. And if I am wrong, I am equally ready to admit and apologise to my kids.

Also yes, blogs are a reflection of the real world and if you can’t deal with it here, I don’t know how you deal with it in real life (thanks Parul!!). After all it’s an opinion and as long as I don’t tell you that I think you’re an awful mother, it’s rather unfair to deny me my opinion on my own blog that is totally open to your response, as long as you are not rude. And there is as much implicit judgment in the words

I could never sit at home/my brains would rust/ I’d go mad sitting with a baby all day/I’d die and kill the baby too

as there is the words

I could never leave my baby/ I don’t like anyone else rearing my child/I can’t bear to leave him with anyone else.

Most of us have either said or thought one of the two and you don’t need to admit it to me. The judgment is implicit and so no one can really take high moral ground. Think about it. Are you guilty of any one of those lines in any form?

The important thing is to be confident. Which is why I blog about the most politically incorrect matters be it parenting or politics, with a lot of courage. I don’t care what you think of me for thinking the thoughts I think or making the choices I do – and I shall defend them to my last breath and be damned if you make me ashamed of them. The only thing that bothers me is if you get abusive and then you’re dead buddy, be it the blogosphere or the real life.

Posts with opinions and views are not asking you to follow the blogger’s parenting or philosphies. They’re writing about things that they think. Period. There’s nothing more to be read into it. Most often it’s just a rant. Like a mother who dragged her annoying kid to a movie and made it unbearable for me or the lady whose maid sits around while we are chatting and listens to us chat about our personal lives. I cannot help it if you happen to be like that mother. It annoyed me and I will blog about it.

Long ago someone tagged me to write about my quirks. I should never have been honest (well then I wouldn’t be me!) but I honestly admitted that I hated going to a house that looked like no one cared for it. Dirty, untidy and messy. A lot of people left comments saying I’d never be friends with them if I saw their house. Why? Is their untidy house the sum of them as a person?

I am guessing all of us here are a lot more than mothers or bloggers. Is one irritant or disagreement enough to ruin our relationship? Well we don’t have a relationship with random bloggersΒ  – but does that one thing they don’t like, that you do – such a big deal?

I have a mouth of a truck driver and swear all the time. I know Dipali and Kiran can’t stand it ( because they’re lovely ladies!) and have said so many times.

But I don’t care πŸ™‚ This is me… I swear and they either ignore or tell me to shut up, or just go with the flow and our friendship goes way beyond it now with me adopting Dipali as a doosi nani to the kids and Kiran as the sister I never had. If I had taken their open statement that they don’t like people using foul language upset me I’d never have got this far and neither did they let it affect the way they feel about me. Do they judge me for it? Heck, I don’t know or care. I do it because I am as comfortable doing it as someone else is smoking or drinking and doesn’t give a damn about what I think of it! And if it really bothered me I’d examine my choice and see why their disapproval bothered me and if I needed to make a change. If I didn’t then they are just stuck with me and my flowery language for life πŸ™‚

My point? Well since this started with Y and a few references to my blog (Of course – it’s always about me!)Β  Y, you’re a lovely girl with a lovely nose and a lovelier baby. Who cares how I or anyone else feels about ayahs or lazy moms? And Preeti – who cares how tidy my house is or what someone else thinks of you travelling for work –Β  you still have very sesky legs! And ma – you are the best, even if you didn’t make me aloo parathas for breakfast each morning (This is just incase you felt judged too ;)) – for more things than I can enumerate here.

These posts are random scribblings, notes taken at boring moments by a keen observer… and most of all, just an effort to write something each day.

There will always be people who disagree with the way you do a certain thing but chances are in the midst of the friendship, they don’t notice it. I don’t think of it as something terrible. I don’t let it upset me. I think of it as their opinion – something I truly understand since I have one of my own. And I also always remember that for all that people might swear that they are non-judgmental, I’ve seen the most amazingly judgmental, prejudiced and biased things slip out of those very mouths at unguarded moments.

It makes me realise I’m just one of many. And it makes me stop caring – which is what makes it so easy for me to blog about my life, despite a troll ready to take a poke at me every single day. So – how about you then?

PS: It’s 1 am and I am dying of sleep so I shall just let this go. But I will be reading and amending and changing stuff tomorrow so those who want to object – you have been warned!

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37 thoughts on “Go ahead, judge me then!

  1. yep…it’s always about you MM

    there, i judged you :-)))

    good post..we have a tendency to blow ‘judging’ out of proportions ..its human nature…we all judge..yes we do and i dont understand why it is such a huge deal. we oughta chill. really.

    Me: what? you judged me? for writing about my life and my opinions on my own blog????????

    *throws self on floor and sobs until an apologetic Sukanya sings out an apology with guitar*

  2. Heck we all judge. I judge when I see someone trying to get a fake American accent or when they wear salwars with those puffed 3/4 sleeves. Heck, even Sri Ram Sene has the right to judge pub goers and call them immoral. What is more important is what we do with our judgements….I don’t go out and smack people with bad fashion or accent.

    Me: Precisely. And the day you tell me not to write about it in even my own personal space simply because it bothers you – you’re gagging me. Which is not right. And also makes you seem holier than thou – which none of us wants to be…

    PS: although people with bad taste and accents should be smacked πŸ˜‰ I say we start a haute couture sena

  3. I love judging others. It spices life and blogs πŸ˜‰

    As you said who wants to read about “I went to a park today and saw a baby…”*Yawn*

    And then we saw a mother who slapped the baby and………..*WTH &*$%%^ how dare she? Unfit mother*

    πŸ˜€

  4. Hey there MM!

    A blogger I read frequently, not so long ago, put it very succintly –

    “Why do I have to be wrong for you to be right?”

    And I think that – right there – is the crux of the problem. Being approval whores and good girls who need to be told all the time that we’re right. Its not about what makes you *happy*, its about being *right* and asserting it.

    Get over it.

    When did we start lacking so much conviction? I was into my mid/late twenties when I became a mother and I’m guessing that was about enough time to grow a backbone, fill it with solid marrow and stand for what I believed in the parenting stakes.

    I am nothing like you, MM. I don’t agree with a lot of the stuff you say or think. And then there are things I do agree with. I feel quite content *not* being the kind of mother you are.

    Mostly, I like reading about the life of a person who bears no resemblence to me, who has chosen a different path, who reacts to situations differently and goes at it all with the balls of a prize fighter:-)

    Whether someone reading me from Perth or Budapest likes my choices/maternal behaviour or not, hell – my family adores me and things are as they should be for the most part. It requires too much energy to care.

    Who wants better and best, when you can be happy?

    p.s. Do self-doubt and guilt get used interchangeably here? Way I see it, self-doubt or self-reflection can be a good thing, while guilt smothers.

    p.p.s. Mwwaah to B&B on new schools and cruising on in life an’ all!

    Me: Very right… I face self doubt often. Guilt – not in a long time… I dont even feel guilty if I realise I screwed up because I know that at the time I made that choice I did it with the best of intentions and not because it was the easy way out

  5. @clulesschick:I just want to say I totally admire the fake accents. It shows a child like quality, a willingness to learn that we lose as we grow old. Have been thinking about doing a post on fake accents. To me, it says someone is making an effort. As long as the person is not trying to act superior in other ways. Just like I expect them to pronounce my name right, they might be expecting me to pronounce their vegetables right, No? Fake accents in India would be stupid. Abroad, why not? But I admire people who can’t shed their accents and are still not afraid to speak up before audiences. That shows being comfortable with who they are.

    See how zen like I am, I love everyone πŸ™‚

    BTW you nailed it totally. It boils down to liking yourself and being comfortable with your own decisions. Knowing that the way you are , you couldn’t have done any better. Thats why you can do a 1000 posts on why SAHM is the way to go, I won’t take offence. I know the kind of SAHM mom I would be. But do want to add why I think some people take things too personally. Sometimes the only line that triggers someone is ‘I will never do it, I don’t know what kind of people will” Add this line to your examples above and see what will happen πŸ™‚ And yes everyone says that too. I say it all the time. But not on people’s faces. I think that’s what happened with ur fancy dress judgment. And I raised my hand. My type of people. The creatively challenged ones. But again it was because of your language and the comments that followed, I realized you are so right. What kind of people will want their children to win without merit? So the language did get me into thinking the negatives of something that I would have done without thinking..yes lack of creativity is a thing that I can’t do anything about, so the newspapers, grapes etc were ideas that I will use someday…
    Back to SAHM versus working Mom, My daughter has been going to a daycare since she was one. Your rants have never affected me. In fact, I don’t think I ever commented on those posts. Because it does not bother me. You have the right to what you think. What matters to me is what my daughter thinks of me. And no I won’t brainwash her into thinking that this is the only way to raise children. I will answer her if she ever asks. Not you. But sometimes there is another side that you might not be aware of. Like about 2 years back 18 months was too young for you but now you know that younger siblings are more than ready to leave the house. Sometimes, a mother leaves her children to a stranger because of financial reasons. They don’t like to hear you tell them that you never could. Because they are thinking ‘Oh you will too MM, if you were in my shoes, don’t judge me, you don’t know what I am going through!. Sometimes you get to see that side. And that’s when you come back and eat your words. And tell us you didn’t know any better and we will never stop loving you.

    Me: The issue here, is that sometimes its not a financial reason and thats what upsets people. For instance I know, that I only sent Bean because she is ready and has been begging for days. There are plenty of people who send their kids off because they ‘want them out of their hair’… and that is where they disagree with me and it becomes a judgment according to them. Because they’re already feeling guilty about it being done. So there are those who are compelled for strong reasons and those who do things because its the easy way, or whatever. And that I realise is the key to the difference in the way they react.

  6. A topic on judgement and I have to write this –
    A few days back I was at a shopping complex and I saw a 2 year old alone almost about to climb on an escalator. I ran to hold him back when I saw his maid emerge from somewhere and take him back. I did judge at that time as to how careless parents can be !
    A couple of days back I was at a bookstore with my friend and her daughters. I was checking the books in one aisle and my friends and her daughters were in the next aisle. My son of 21 months was playing with her daughers. My friend offered to have a check on my son and asked me to continue checking the books. In a matter of a minute my son went missing from the scene. The staff told her that they had seen him climb the stairs. She then found him in the next level.
    “I was in the same position where the parents whom I had judged last time were in.”
    Lesson learnt was, It might not be easy for other mothers to estimate how quick or active your child can be. At a public place its best for the parent to manage the child.
    This was indeed a very hard lesson learnt. And I just cannot thank God enough for ensuring his safety this time !!

    Anyways, the point was Judgement Came a full Circle !

    Me: But of course. Although the truth is that in each case it was a slight carelessness. It happens to me as often and I am okay with someone calling me irresponsible because if anything happens to my child, I am the only one to be held responsible.

  7. You know what they say about opinions and assholes, everyone has one. Anyone who has an opinion is standing in judgment. Therefore, everyone judges. Q.E.D.
    As always, well written. Will people judge me if I used ‘asshole’ in my comment? πŸ˜‰

    Me: On this blog? unlikely πŸ˜€

  8. A lovely nose is a thing of beauty and a joy forever!

    I have to go spend the day in the library, but I’ll come back to read the comments war in the evening.

  9. Fine. So now I know why u haven’t come for dinner in such a long time. Just because my house is messy.

    *goes and stands facing the wall and sulks*

    And this also reminds me I haven’t teased u about the well laid table and napkins (The horror!!!) in a long long time.

    Tch tch.

    Me: Bingo. I’m so glad you figured it out. I was feeling terrible having to tell you to your face πŸ˜‰

  10. I find nothing wrong in judging.

    If you have an opinion, then you shall voice it. No one need to accept it, and they are also very much allowed to come up with their own.

    I have opinions and judge many people… may not be voicing my thoughts always on my blog though.

  11. β€˜We all judge and it’s normal’ disclaimer which quite robbed me of my first line!!!” – You robbed me of my line too!

    I judge my judgements. If its about say, a judge or a doctor who has enough premise to behave an act in certain way, I may be verbal about it. I judge parents too, but I keep shut up since there is no parent school.

  12. Hey,

    Should have known you’d pick up on this one at sometime or other other πŸ™‚

    Glad to know your point of view, had sort of figured this is what it would be. May not agree with all of it, but that’s perfectly fine.

    My whole point was on how it gets annoying to read people judging incessantly, without much consideration or full knowledge of what the mom in question might be going through. Definitely see a lot of that happening!

    Anyway…I am personally getting a lot better with dealing with it – in blogs and real life, alike. I mostly just ignore ! Life is too short to get bothered by too many opinions.

    Almost-turning-30 has its advantages, I suppose. Sigh.

    Me: exactly. Your opinions are clear on your blog… even if they’re not voiced in the same way as mine… And yes – I ignore too -otherwise i’d never be able to live my unconventional bumbling along life πŸ™‚

    As for seeing a lot of it – thats not really true. 50 years ago you walked into a courtyard and heard the whole community talking about others. now its on a blog. πŸ™‚

  13. Loved the rant, MM. The thing with judgments is what we do with them. Everyone has the right to expression of their opinion , but not to go beat people over the head (literally AND figuratively) with their judgment! Or to instigate violence with it. Or to mistreat or push away someone because of their choices or deeds or words.

    I really liked where you said “There will always be people who disagree with the way you do a certain thing but chances are in the midst of the friendship, they don’t notice it”. and “Is their untidy house the sum of them as a person?”

    If I don’t like something about a person, there’s another 99 things that I do like and appreciate and will benefit from. But some of us are taught to shun and cut-off people the moment they do or say something that goes against OUR judgment…I have finally recognised this and stopped doing it. AND appreciate it when my friends still visit my messy home. Am happier for it:)

  14. Atleast you are not living in denial MM…
    At the risk of sounding like a nerd and geek mangled into a human.. it is scientifically not possible to be objective even about a toilet seat. Because our brain colors every piece of information with some emotion before storing it.
    *runs off looking very pleased with herself*

  15. A neatly thought out and spelt Post….Everyone of us blow the whistle, but always land up saying the other one is too opinionated and very skeptic, choosy…This post is more like a mirror….

  16. I hereby judge you for the length of your posts. ARGH, you waste so much of your readers’ time!
    Signed with love,
    – a no-longer-teen who suddenly has much less time on her hands than she used to πŸ˜‰ .

    Me: *looks totally hurt and decides not to talk to Suki for… err… damn – cant not talk for too long :D*

  17. Er.. to get to the actual point, I agree with you 100%. As long as we are at peace with our decisions, what the world says doesn’t have to matter.

    Baby used to often say that he felt like “the only sane person in an insane world – how do you know you’re sane?”
    I think I’ve finally answered that one, with “one man’s sane is another’s insane, but are you okay with your insanity?”
    Ahem. Pompous phrasing(which I have been judged for often enough :D), but I like making up “quotables”. And that quip really sums up how I’d like to see life.

  18. @Tearsanddreams

    I do really admire people who want to learn a new culture and everything. But when they put on an accent just to feel superior, thats when the fake part comes in. I mean, even when you visit India, you don’t have to search for American slangs to use right? Especially, when you have to search for them and carefully place them in your sentence to let the other know that you are an NRI. Thats the putting off part that I judge.

    Me: oh yeah – half of Delhi has a fake accent. and that has nothing to do with a new culture – more to do with call centre training adn sometimes not even that!

    i can understand the odd roll of an R if you’re living there. but my grandaunt has been living in the US for almost 50 years now and loses her accent the moment she comes to visit us. the thing is, she’s a teacher for children with special needs and so when is the US she HAS to use an american accent otherwise the kids dont understand her. so it must be so much harder for her to do.. but she does.

  19. I remember reading somewhere about how every person is always thinking that someone is judging them, but in truth no one really cares or has the time to do that, coz they just are thinking the same about themselves.

    I guess, we all judge as part of our human nature…nothing criminal about it. Only when we take it to the next level, in the most unacceptable manner does it get out of hand.

  20. A very interesting post MM. I am most judgmental about parenting because I think that parenting is the most important job in this world! I am also judgmental about those who feel that other things are more important their children and here I am very critical of men! I don’t know why I feel like this, I have to stop myself from being critical and it’s not about stay at home or working moms. It’s about the attitude, and you know what I mean.

  21. dont you remember i also dont like swearing?not because am lovely lady like K or Dipali…but i have been one swearing machine..and now seeing it first hand how my daughter can pick itup at the age of 2.6yrs….:) i dont think it is a good idea that i swear anymore!

    Me: haan – that i know. we debated it loud and long on an old post. but your reasoning is diff. u dont do it because of your dottie. they dont do it at all and it offends them. not that i would do it deliberately – but the point i was making is that often you do things that you want. and its okay if others dont like it, and its okay if they tell you so too… you can still be friends. and its still not really ‘judgmental’ in all caps. i wont call someone judgmental if they say – oh i’d never swear like MM does’

  22. Hi MM,

    Just a Q. Is this yardstick for good parenting and therefore the judging applicable only to mommies? And if yes, pray explain to me why? The reason I ask is, between the two of us, M is the far better parent any day- more patient, more likely to remember that my son needs snacks to eat on a long journey( and therefore pack them prior to our journey), more likely to be among the few dads at his gazillion kiddie birthday parties. But, as a result I get a ton of disapproval from mommy junta in general then I’m sure M would get if we exchanged roels.

    Just wondering thats all esp. since these judegements are typically not from the Aunty generation but from our very own- born 1970 onwards- fellow cohorts. And usually in blog posts on such topics there is a nary a mention of fathers transgressing. I know of Dads who don’t see their children except on weekends but are lauded because they make time to take the kiddo out on a weekend say.

    Me: Oh I judge dads too πŸ˜€ I have to say I’m rather fair that way. i judge dads who claim to be happy to babysit. Babysit? WTF?? Who babysits their own kid? Its called parenting, buster!!

    I judge bad parents in general and i dont care what gender they are.

  23. Trust P at no 10 to say something like this!! hehe..

    I ‘ve said before I want to be like you, but that doesnt mean I want to be exactly like you, endorse your opinion and all that.

    What I like about you is your clarity of thought, not necessarily the thought itself. Because I sometimes have a different opinion. And I like the way you express it. Most of the time I am confused about all things, so you remind me of where I want to be someday. And yeah, the confidence too. And I admire you for having got gotten married, established home and had two children before 30. Thats always been my ultimate dream, but I dont seem to be getting near it though πŸ™‚ Besides, you open up a lot of topics which I have never thought about before, so you offer some interesting perspectives.

    As far as the mommy thing is concerned, I have so far not really disagreed with you on anything. And who can help not admire your interiors and your kids:)

    In fact, coming across some of these blogs is one of the better things that has happened to me in recent times. Thats how much it affects me πŸ™‚

    Me: πŸ™‚ yes – i know. i meant that only. that a lot of people want to be unapologetic and decisive like me in their parenting choices. no one really wants my very own decisions πŸ™‚

  24. No ma, you and I do not fight about surnames. You and I have done different things for different reasons but this is certainly not something I argue about. At Ro’s I was clarifying my first comment.

    We argue about other things. Right now I can’t think of one offhand but I’m sure one will pop up soon enough!

    Me: but of course. otherwise it wouldnt be you and me πŸ™‚

  25. “…I am dying of sleep so I shall just let this go…”
    Lady, you DID let it go. On and on and on and on. You mean you could have gone on for more? ^Shudders*.

    Me: *looks puzzled* what? people actually read through to the end? and here I was thinking I could start writing lyrics of songs after para 1576 and no one would notice :p

    Kidding.

    Also, this is really an issue? We blog because we have an opinion. People comment because they have an opinion of our opinion. That’s pretty much it no? Why is this surprising to anybody?

    Me: beats me!

  26. well said MM…and brilliantly argued.

    i judge. and in return i expect ppl must be judging me too. I cant control how ppl judge me…but i do control how i react to it.

    and my own judgemental analysis of ur fan following? u have the courage of your convictions. simple πŸ™‚

  27. Very right, MM! We all judge. In some cases the judging ticks me off but ain’t I judging the judges then? I do try not to judge other parents. I mean, there are those who seriously harm their kids in some way and I definitely judge them. But I have stopped judging others for different parenting. Raising M has done that to me πŸ˜€ Now I am the parent I used to judge earlier – one who doesn’t feed her kid if she doesn’t want to eat(because I know she won’t eat anyway), who lets her child climb on chairs and stairs (because I know she has mastered the skill and will learn a well deserved lesson if she falls) and who lets her child scream her lungs out during a tantrum (because ignoring is THE ONLY method that works with her). So, maybe all the parents I was judging earlier had only figured out all this way before I did? But yes, as a parent I have evolved to the point where I don’t let anyone’s judgment (of me) affect me. Am still getting there as a person.

    Me: I agree. The thing is, very often you are judged because its a menace to someone else – a kid screaming in a movie, throwing food at a restaurant. Like you, I believe in ignoring, but its really not fair on other diners/shoppers/audience. But there are those who will refuse to accept even that…

  28. You mommy bloggers!!
    Koi kaam kaaj nahin hai kya. I would never stay up till 1 a.m to write a post for Monday morning readers. If you have so much time on your hands, then do something else. What, u ask? Well something…er…Fine write a post. Next time keep these types for mid week and later, ok?

  29. Yeah you are right MM. I curse a parent (in my mind) too if I see their kid misbehaving without any efforts from the parents to curb the behavior. But sometimes there is more to what meets your eye. Like this time on our flight from Indore to Jodhpur, I was terribly sick with a viral and upset stomach. So much so that I could barely walk a few steps before sitting down. J handled M’s tantrums and believe me she threw a MEGA tantrum. I slept through it all. Now if I were to see another parent do this I would instantly give them all sorts of labels.

  30. Pingback: judge roo « banalities of my life

  31. MM,I have never objected to anything that you have said and even this time all of it rings true. When I re-read my comment it did sound like a pompous judgement of moms at home and it a generalization the sort I always try to avoid! I have been a stay home mom for over a year now and I watch most of the kiddo dance programs and music programmes.
    In my daughter’s former school I knew of this lady who used to help the teachers with the programs and they used to introduce stuff like fashion show etc and try to make them perform like the TV show kids….I found that very disgusting. I personally like the children to perform like children…preserve their innosence and not mouth lines more suitable for adults….Anyhow, I am sorry that I hurt you in this manner I have great respect for the choices you have made and I love to read all your posts! Thanks for pointing out my mistake.

    Me: oh no – I was not hurt at all. Please dont take it personally. I really just used it to show that a lot of us feel a certain way and have a right to voice it. And very often we dont think of it as a judgment, but it isl. Even those who swear not to be judgmental are judging those they consider judgmental na? πŸ™‚ Defeats their argument.

  32. Pingback: Again and again and again… « The Mad Momma

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