Everytime the aggression

… in Delhi begins to really get to me and I wonder what on earth I am doing here… we get invited to a party. And I fall in love with the spirit of the people all over again. How can you resist people who have such a love for life?

We went for a reception a few days ago – A Christian girl and Punjabi guy. And one look at the wedding and you  couldn’t have told that these people were from different communities. The Punjabi side is the one we’re friends with. And they threw themselves into it without one frown to take away from the wedding or to show that they were different or uncomfortable. I really admired that. It’s not easy to give of yourself so generously. Neither is it easy to be inlaws with such a difference and so much warmth.

It was a beautiful wedding and its so lovely to see the couple themselves enjoy the wedding. Mostly they’re burdened by a dozen rituals and heavy ugly jewellery, sweating it out and cursing the day they planned to elope but changed their minds. At this one, they were both smiling, moving around, mingling… having fun. Looking smart, gorgeous, and themselves.

The reception was one with a difference. Want to know why? Because… hold your breath…. it was held at a lounge bar!!! No sitting like exhibits on two big ugly red velvet chairs on a dai0s, no heavy garlands, no fake-smile-on-your-face-posing-with-each-guest pictures, no backache from touching a 300 unknown guest feet.

We got in a little late. And the party was in full swing. The bride and groom rocking with everyone, the booze flowing freely, the food mindblowing and the desserts would have put a five star buffet to shame. They kept it small and cosy and threw a blowout party. I sat in a corner with my aching knee and wished I could join the dancing but then decided to cheer myself up by people watching instead.

And as I watched, I wrote a couple of letters in my head.


Dear Aunty in the red chiffon with the gorgeous gorgeous copper thread work border.

You are classy, have a lovely smile and dance beautifully. If I were your daughter I’d have hoped to inherit some of that joie de vivre, charm and dress sense. If I were your daughter in law, I’d be intimidated and inspired! If I were your husband – I’d be damn proud.

You’re the epitome of the Punjabi aunty to me – smart, sexy, confident and aging as wonderfully as wine…


The young woman in black pants and a bum knee.


Dear old uncle in the turban,

I trembled for fear of you breaking a leg each time I saw you execute a fancy step – but if you did – heck, it’s a better way to go than me – I dont even know what is wrong with my leg yet!! I so wanted to come and give you a hug – darn the stern upbringing!

Much warmth,

The girl with a wistful look on her face.


Dear young married couple,

You guys have waited 7 years for this. Not because anyone stopped you from getting married but because you are young, smart, sensible and gave yourselves more time than the overexcited MM and OA. You look lovely together and you fit together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. If I were 30 years older I’d crack my knuckles around your temples to ward off the evil spirits, so happy and at peace do you two look…

God bless



Dear sexy young mom in the skimpy dress..

my dear, dear friend, I can’t believe you shook off all the weight and are back to your gorgeous stunning self. Are you as thin as you were during college? I doubt it. Are you sizzling way more?? Yet bet!!!!! You’re voluptuous, perfectly proportioned, glowing and beautiful. And the beauty of this is that you’re the mother of a two year old and turning heads like no business. I watch your goodlooking and adoring husband bring you a variety of dessert and bend his head to tell you whats what… and in that little moment I catch a hint of something in his eyes for you, that makes me smile.

I love you sweetheart… keep rocking the thirties and motherhood

The girl who is now MM


My darling husband OA,

I watched you on the dance floor last night. Well actually I watched you execute a few twirls and I knew you were itching to get on the dance floor. But you steadfastly stood next to your lame (!!) wife and kept her company. Until I told you to go get a dance. With my hot now-a-mommy friend. And then you rushed off to hit the dance floor without a backward glance. It was so cute 🙂

But then I saw you dancing and I realised you were good, but not as good as you were in my head. You weren’t burning up the dance floor like you normally do. But I wasn’t going to tell you that. You got in a few more dances over the evening and I watched you from afar. Proud because you were still the best dancer by far. But sad that you weren’t as good as you used to be. Was it age? I couldn’t accept that. My husband doesn’t grow old. He just gets better…

And then a favourite number came on and you grabbed me and said ‘You can’t sit this out….’ I slipped off my shoes and joined you on a perilous dance floor that had seen a couple of shattered wine glasses that evening. Barefoot, I could just about keep up with the music and I forgot about my knees.

Know why? Because baby, you were back in business. And I felt awful. I’ve ruined you!!!! You save your best steps, your maximum grace and all your enthusiasm for me!!! Touching though that is, I couldn’t help but feel terrible! Here I am, bum knee and all, unable to keep up with even a two-left feet-ed-Sunny Deol/Salman Khan – and I am being feted and courted by Hrithik Roshan!!

I love watching you come into your own on the dance floor. You’re so bloody good that I preen like a proud mother. And funnily wish I had been your mother (just like Prince!) and seen where your talents lie, as a child. I wish I could offer to wave a wand and make you forget the middle class upbringing most of us have had where it was important to earn money. Knowing you, you’d have had a blast dancing with Shiamak Davar and backpacking. Never mind that we’d be wasting that razor sharp banker’s brain. I just want to see you come alive this way every single day…. Someday if I can earn enough I promise you we’ll throw this away and you shall dance to your heart’s content. You ARE a performer at heart and I can still remember the first time you hosted a show and the entire office turned to watch you in surprise!!

My favourite moment? When we wrapped up dinner and you goodnaturedly danced for us and put up a show in the empty lounge bar. Just the last few stragglers and friends of the family remaining. I have it on camera for my own eyes and these words on the blog so that I can hold myself to that promise.

Keep dancing, keep smiling… Keep bringing a smile to my face.


PS: I think we should go ahead with the plan we made last night. We drop both our unpronounceable surnames and pick a common one – Singh. Because Singh truly is King (Have you guys paid attention to the lyrics?? The lyricist just went to town on this one!! I love the lyrics). If I ever changed my surname it would be to Singh. So here’s your last and final chance to share a surname with me. Grab it quick!!!

Note to readers – Have you guys heard this song? Massakkali?(Rahman is back, man!! And could I LOVE Mohit Chauhan anymore? Mohit – can you hear me????????????? )

Yes, it’s the song that dragged me to the dance floor! Blast it, leave your PC, get up, put your hands up in the air and dance like you don’t care. I swear you’ll love it!!

Alright Gentle Whispers – is this a real post?! 😉 Phew. Demanding children.


49 thoughts on “Everytime the aggression

  1. MM,

    you’re a hoot! I liked Masakali until my dear husband did his usual hatchet job on the lyrics! The man butchers all songs indiscriminately, and unfortunately, I wind up remembering more of his (scatalogical) lyrics, than the original, which tends to ruin the song itself!

    As for common last name – yup – that’s what we did…dropped both of ours, and picked a common last name. Several friends have done so as well…it’s (relatively) easy here – you get a chance to legally change your name when you get your citizenship, which is when we did it.


  2. Enjoyed your post totally. Hey, I am a Punjabi too..but too scared to be an aunty…hope the spunk stays with me.
    Man! OA is a fab dancer then! superb.
    Yups, masakkali is fun…been humming it since 2-3 days.
    You get us all worried with the knee now…hope you find out soon what it is and get better. take care.

  3. Yes yes. Lovely post. Totally does justice.

    Child? I’ll have you know I’ll be 22 approximately three months from now.


    Me: bwahahahaa… 22. ROFL. thats not very old. hey – my daughter is 22 months. its the same number so you arent all that grown up 😀

  4. “keep rocking the thirties and motherhood”

    Yes! to that.

    I have been humming and dancing to Aye Masakkali..ud Matakkali ever since I heard so much that my little one finally asked me to stop 😦

  5. Smitten MM, May god bless you and I wish you figure out soon, whats going on with your knees. I love your letters, and they way you expressed your love and pride for your husband.
    Massakkali is my fav. too these days..
    Hey you need to rest and post once in 2 days..Remember 🙂

  6. OMG.. the letter to the OA brings just the sweetest images to my mind!

    *virtually crack my knuckles around your temples to ward off the evil spirits* 😀

  7. Hi MM,
    Sorry abt your knees…I have seen that joint pain could be due to hormonal imbalance. I have PCOS too and whenever I do not take the birth control pills, I have knee pain!
    But all this started only after my pregnancy and childbirth! Feel so old, especially when my dad experienced knee pain for the first time at the ripe age of 60.
    Lifting my 22 month old also doesn’t help 😦 We think we are not doing that much lifting, but small things like bathing them, putting them on car seat adds up and your knees pay the price. the cold weather may also be adding to the stiffness/pain.

  8. Hot momma (as I like to call you), kudos for cheering up the punjabis. Go punjabis, balle balle! You have such a nice husband, you are a lucky lukcy woman. Did I read somewhere in the post you went to a wedding in black pants? Please tell me it is not true. I still love your blog but I had a couple of glasses of wine so please don’t mind me. Hi!

    Me: oye – sexy black party pants with an awesome top. It was at a pub na?! it was all western formals and too damn cold to go in a dress… have another glass of wine on me 😉

  9. Oh My… I so miss Delhi’s graceful, full of life punjabi aunties. Dont get to see interact with anyone who comes close to what they are here in Chennai.
    And you know what’s massakkali? A friend who closely folows bollywood movies and stories realted to it told, it’s the name of the pigeon who dances on sonam’s head in the song. 🙂 Cute!

  10. Enjoyed this post immensely… it was sooooooooo romantic. You guys rock !! 🙂 And, please do take care of the knee. Hope you get a cure to this soon…. Take care

  11. YES, this is a real post. I love the letters you wrote in your head. The party came totally alive for me, and made me wish I was there. So much fun!

  12. What you mean to ask this is a real post? This post is something like the buffet served in the wedding that too at the lounge bar!!! Heart filled and smiling all the while….. Love you.

  13. MM,
    everytime I read a post like this… with you and OA in this beautiful relationship…. i can’t help my tears.. oh how much i can relate to those feelings that bind two maturing people…. i suddenly feel so warm… so much loved… so much lucky… that i am married and my husband loves me…and its Oh so special

  14. 🙂 awww….
    Dear MM in black pants,
    we all love you, bumm knee and all, because of all these tiny things about people that you observe, your generosity and graciousness.
    and because nobody does a love letter better than you.
    big hug.

  15. MM,
    Superb, pulling at the heartstrings sort of post:)
    Somewhat like eating bittersweet chocolate!
    Wish I could write like this!


  16. i love these kinds of posts.
    men who dance with abandon when with you are a perfect 10!!

    makes me restless with worry to even think of ending up with a non-dancer.

    and and and…i FINALLY did the tag.
    check it out at my blog, and you have to leave a comment.
    affirmation is required.

  17. Awww… babe, the knee will heal once you can give it a little rest. ATB with the running around. And of course the OA saves the best dances for you. He also saves the best smiles. Hadn’t you noticed? 🙂

  18. I loveit loveit loveit Masakali!!! I instantly felt the Rahman touch as soon as I heard it. Sonam Kapoor surprised me in the song! I did NOT expect her to be so bindaas!

    I honestly wanted to marry a Punjabi so that I could have the happy shaadi! But apparently life had its own plans. 🙂

    I really hope you figure out what your knee problem. Maybe, it is nature’s way of telling you to slow down and relax though? Just a thought!

  19. You know what I’ve seen many posts by various people that follow the letter to a person format. And always I’ve seen snarky sarcasm dripping stuff..here’s the first time I’m seeing such nice stuff written!

    Hope the knee gets better real soon

  20. Eeks!!! it’s an ‘M and B’ mushy post.

    when ARE we getting a real post?

    *Bean, o bean, where are you??? come, pester yer momma*

    Me: Bean’s sulking after saying ‘hello grumpy’ to her grandmother on the phone. yes, naturally we laughed. how did we know she’d take offence?

  21. Dear Sexy man who I’ve been ogling at all evening,

    Just when I thought I’d make my move and ask you for a dance I saw you drag her in. I sulked that she was hot, and could dance and thought my night couldn’t get worse..but wait, she had a limp! Behen hai kya?

    Still hopefully,
    all other kudis at the party

    Me: ROFL. *wipes away tears and hands the sexy greying man over to the girl on the bridge* You win fair and square. Now we need to ask the man if he minds being passed back and forth without his consent!

  22. you write so well… I feel the warmth of your writing soothing after a long tiring day; the small thinsg in life …Ah!{sighs wistfully}.And Masakalli rocks! I totally love that scene where Sonam is gargling and splutters water on Abhishek. She seems to have let herself go, rather nicely.

  23. A Christian girl and Punjabi guy? You mean a non-Punjabi Christian girl and a Punjabi non-Christian boy?

    Trying some permutation combinations 😛

    Me: yep. I meant exactly that 😀 and I knew you’d get it 😀

  24. Have you heard the songs from Dev D? Some of the songs on it are real good and avant garde. Ofcourse emosional attyachar really really cracks me up. I put it on to bust stress 🙂

  25. well written post, this! 🙂

    and hey, singh indeed is king!! 🙂 ask my bro who now proudly uses his middle name.

    listened to massakali … brilliant song … but i don’t know if i can dance to it. i’d need my true blu bhangra dhol beats!! 😀

  26. >> we need to ask the man if he minds being passed back and forth without his consent
    Look, you do not ask men such things. It’s a waste of energy. Just do it anyways – bahut dua milegi.

    Me: right. of course. how foolish of me. how does his consent matter anyway?

    Hola! You jump one more time to a new site in the next year and you watch out ok? But this is nice.

    Me: oh come on. *whines* just having a little fun 😦 i didnt run away you know – i took you guys along for the ride.

    Also (at the risk of repetition (because I haven’t read all the comments on other posts)) I assume you’ve tried hot/cold compresses to see if it eases your knee pain? And you might try massaging it twice a day with warm oil (olive, if you can).

    Me: Havent tried that. should do it.

    And (again, if this is repetition – ignore), has your doc checked whether this could be related to the drying up of the fluid around the knee cap? That could be causing it to grate against bone, and causing pain.

    Me: yep. they checked and said its okay. okay tell me – how come such wisdom from one so young? you always have some medical gyan. what gives?

  27. >> how come such wisdom from one so young? you always have some medical gyan. what gives?
    Heh. Simple really – too many old relatives who don’t take care of themselves AND/OR who don’t get what the doctor’s trying to explain to them PLUS innate natural curiosity about things unkown.

    Like I said – tel malish. Warm oil – coconut/olive/lemongrass – does wonders for joint pains.

  28. Dear Momma,

    Why was this post named, “Everytime the aggression?”

    The knee joint is the site where the tendons of major muscles of the lower extremity congregate. You have to reduce your weight until your body weighs just right for your legs. Spend lesser time in front of the PC (with knees bent) but don’t compromise on the regular treats – your posts!! Take Care…

    Me: 🙂 I’m well within my weight range for my height. back into size 28 jeans. collar bones have popped out. although like most women i’d be happy to lose a couple of kilos!!
    i think its the computer time i need to cut down :p
    and the title of the post is just the beginning of the first sentence which runs into the post…. read it again and see…

  29. I read the whole post and then reread and stopped at: And could I LOVE Mohit Chauhan anymore? Mohit – can you hear me?????????????
    I love love Mohit Chauhan!!! Heard him live during a college fest and GOD!!! OH GOD!!! Back to daydreaming about him…

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