Merry Christmas – 25.12.2006

I had planned to go chronologically with the posts from Ye Olde Bloge but it seemed like a good time to pull out this old post – actually I was over enthu and had three posts up on X’mas in 2006. We were in Allahabad and this was Pre-Bean. Do you remember a time before the Bean? I don’t. It seems like I’ve just always been her mother. I present the X’mas season posts that week. Have a great X’mas and a Happy New Year you all. If you don’t hear from me in the next week – it’s because I’m busy travelling. Catch you on the other side.

But where is the X’mas tree?



This year since I am going to my parents’ home I decided not to put up an X’mas tree… it would gather dust while I was away and my son would pull it to pieces when I got back… So I just put up a twig with red and gold baubles and filled the vase that holds it with red and gold star and heart shaped baubles… It’s nice… but oh to have put up my very own tree!
Maybe next year when the Brat is older…. oh damn.. that is when the next one will be swinging on the branches….I think my tree is going to stay wrapped up in bubble wrap and tucked away for a few years yet…

Rocking around the X’mas tree


For those who are wondering why I haven’t blogged in a while… this is the reason why… I am at my parents’ home for X’mas and have just been too lazy to get on to the www…. I have been lying on a rug in front of the fire place, watching the flames for hours on end, sipping hot cups of tea and listening to music while my son sits on his haunches and methodically takes decorations off the X’mas tree and rearranges them… Sorry if I gave you guys a scare…

Last night I was dancing with him in my lap and in the mirror I saw another mother and child…. with almost identical features dancing to the very same X’mas carols, cheek to cheek, around the grand piano almost 25 years ago…Thanks for some beautiful memories, ma…

is what the OA and I have been most of this vacation on a rug in front of the fireplace…

For those who knew we were going away to a wildlife reserve for a few days, well that got cancelled. All that eating rich food and partying late finally got to me and I am laid up with some amoebic infection and surviving on toast and tea… Bah. Merry X’mas indeed!

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Compliments of the season from the little drummer boy

…who only opened his gifts on X’mas morning..

began opening gifts at 2 am, when we returned from church after the midnight service…. shall soon show pictures of all my loot!

Father and son

…..have spent plenty of time bonding this vacation and I don’t know how my son will deal with the lack of space and lack of company once we get back to Delhi…playschool, here we come.

Sugar and spice and everything nice…

If you glow it’s a boy they say, some turn the theory around and say you glow if you are carrying a girl. If you carry to the front it’s a boy, but if you gain weight all around, it’s a girl. We even tried my wedding band on a chain and then on a strand of my hair to see what I am carrying. Old wives tales abound and women have for centuries tried every trick in the book to find out whether they are carrying a girl or boy. Friends and older family members want to know why I am so keen to know the gender of the baby.

Well, right from reasons like asking my brother to buy me cute baby stuff from abroad to picking the colour of the bassinet, there are a dozen reasons…. but the biggest reason? Well I don’t know about others, but I am eager to know just like so many women over the last few centuries… There is a life growing inside of me and I am not willing to be just a blank vessel!! I am eating healthy and taking every precaution to make sure that little life is nurtured and cared for. And I would like to know as much about it as possible. I am signed up for four different baby mails a week and I can tell you which body part is developing this week and how big baby is… and after all this surely it comes as no surprise that I am eager to know the gender.

My brother did buy stuff from abroad for baby bean…Baby bean’s first X’mas gifts..even before she has arrived…..Merry X’mas my little angel… Only God and my blogging friends know how badly I want a daughter!!!

My parents who have a vague grasp of blogging were very aprehensive about me posting this entry. What if it turns out to be a boy after all, they ask. Well, I will be disappointed for a while, but I will grow to love the little fellow anyway. And he will have to wear pink for the first few months because that is all the poor Mad Sibling could get, no gender neutral colours available. And as for those who read my blog…. I think they will understand my disapointment more than anyone else and be my greatest strength. For now, thank you all those who prayed for a little girl…Now all we need is a healthy pregnancy or what remains of it… and a healthy baby.

Taboo

I’ve (touchwood) never known loss like a miscarriage and for that I can never be thankful enough to God. It also makes me terribly sensitive to those who’ve lost a child. I hurt for them for days after and I don’t know how to make them feel better.

In the last couple of years each time a friend miscarries, there’s this awkward pause in the conversation where I struggle to find words adequate enough to express the grief and the surge of emotion I feel for her and her loss. The men look even more devastated because nobody even thinks of them in this entire situation.

One of the many reasons I blog about touchy topics is because I think we need that space where we can bring the taboo into the open and say what we feel, (no rudeness of course) – but express the way we feel.

And I’ve realised that so few people are willing to talk about it in the open. Its always hush hush. I don’t know why and I admit it’s probably because I have never been there.

On the other hand, I am usually rather open about all the  negative experiences I have been through be it discrimination or abuse, because I hope that someone will benefit from it. Someone out there will read and know that they are not alone. Not just in terms of blogging but also in my personal life and the real world, I am open about my problems because I get a lot of comfort from my friends knowing what I am going through and then rallying around. Not for me the stony faced, stiff upper lip, suffer it alone situation.

For instance  – I didn’t maintain the mandatory 3 months of silence when I was expecting my kids because of the fear of miscarriage, simply because I’d much rather tell people I am pregnant and let them treat me with care. Give me seats, drive slowly over bumps and the rest of it. But that’s just  me and I don’t expect everyone else to feel the same way.

For instance, did you know that one in every four pregnancies ends in a miscarriage? Isn’t that awful? And there are all these women out there holding that loss and that grief deep within while we blather on about our kids or walk around with big bellies, groaning about how tired we are and what a pain it is to go to the loo every 30 minutes. Well naturally, how are we supposed to know?

So my post for today is nothing of my own but a link to this lady who lost a baby. I read her post and felt this kinship with her. And this link is to the blog of a very brave blogger who I admire immensely. I just wish she’d start blogging again.

And to all those who have known this loss, my condolences and my love. May you have the strength to get through this and may you never again suffer any loss in your life….

Edited to add: I already see linkbacks to this post. Thank you guys for taking this up and sharing. I hope there are parents out there who are gaining strength and faith from your courage.