The Proud Mamma post

So the Brat and Bean had their Sports Day in December. When the Bean started school, we chose another one for her but that resulted in us going nuts – taking the day off for each of her events and then for his. So we swore that we’d put them in the same school when they went to big school so that there would be only one PTA day and one Sports Day.  Little did we know that this wouldn’t help either. Both had their events in two different parts of the school and the OA and I kept timing and calling each other, coordinating and swapping like high level police officers escorting a VIP.

The Bean marched in all proud and ready to take on the day, the Brat wandered around looking rather lost. As though he’d never been to the place before – typical Brat. Then he saw some friends and went charging at them, parents forgotten. The OA and I hugged and kissed and bid each other a teary farewell and then went in opposite directions with a child each.

We reach the arena and the Bean suddenly loses it. She clings to me and refuses to go to the teacher. Suffice to say, she spent the rest of the morning in the teacher’s lap. We begged, we cheered, other parents joined in. Yes, this is one of those shiny happy schools where we don’t compete, we all participate. *koff koff*

Towards the end she suddenly sat up and took a shot at the obstacle race. The crowds sitting around cheered, she took one look and skittered back to the teacher. At the end I held her hand and took her to the arena and hey presto, off she went, slithering through hoops like a snake, walking the fine line, climbing ladders, she did it all. Sadly, it was after everyone had a shot and this was during the break. But she did it and I saw that she was fantastically light on her feet, faster than anyone else, well-balanced and very sure of herself. I was proud and I thought to myself quietly, oh well, at least she’s fantastic and her mother knows it. And then, the entire group of parents clapped for her and I realised everyone else was watching too.

I called the OA on his phone – what was the Brat up to? Dreaming in a corner, watching dust particles in the sun and chasing dragonflies while his classmates burnt up the track, no doubt. Apparently not. The son was kicking some butt. In a non-competitive way. What? I refused to believe it. And so we both left our posts and went sprinting across the school to exchange notes. And he showed me pictures of the Brat doing the relay, doing yoga and holding the position far better than anyone else, a look of fierce concentration on his face. This was my son? Really? The one who can’t hold a thought for a minute if it doesn’t interest him? Who will walk away mid-conversation? Really? He was enjoying this? I had to see this with my own eyes.

By the time I got there, the PT display was over, the exercises and yoga were done, the relay and the ball passing were done. All that I caught was the high jump. And I watched in awe. Some kids show their sporting spirit early in life. A tall-for-her-age girl took her place, and I saw the steely glint of determination in her eye. She reminded me of Arjuna and the bird’s eye. And then she took off like lighting and cleared the leap. Another little boy took his position and I was a little nervous. He was short and I was sure he’d not make it. It was as easy as pie.. he just sailed over. I remembered that most little girls are taller and bigger than boys of their own age –  other than the Bean who looks like a 2-year-old but sounds like an 82-year-old.

It was also rather sad to see how many kids in India are already obese. Some couldn’t run because of their weight. They landed on the hurdle and brought it down. At age 5 most should have lost their puppy fat or else should be sent out to play some more. Or fed healthier. It’s not easy for them to fall over and realise that their weight was a problem. It’s unfair that they’re too young to know what to do about it and those who are in charge seem to be doing nothing.

Anyway, soon it was time for the Brat. He had wandered off from the queue and was doing something completely pointless I am sure. And then he ambled to the line when his teacher called, looked around aimlessly and then focussed on the hurdle. Ah? This? Okay. And then he began to run in the weirdest way possible. Legs in every direction, arms all over the place, he spotted me in the crowd and grinned the most beautiful grin and said – Hey look Mama, I’m a dinosaur. I groaned and then laughed in spite of myself. Never mind if he never wins a race or takes to a sport, I told myself. He knows how to enjoy himself and that itself is a rare gift. And then he reached the hurdle and took it with ease, ambling off, the whole crowd of parents holding their sides and laughing at this kid who was playing dinosaur.

The hurdle was raised and the rounds began again. The sporty girl took it. The spunky little tiny boy took it. The obese kids fell over again and cried and I wanted to smack someone – their parents maybe. And my son came again – this time as a water lizard or something.  I was by now laughing so hard I had tears running down my cheeks. He waved cheekily, threw himself over the hurdle and went back in line. By the third time the parents were looking out for him and waving. He came as a crab or something, sideways, took the really high leap with ease and ambled off again. And that’s when it stuck me. He was good at this. He has his father’s sporty genes, (not my lack of coordination that ensures I can’t catch a ball flung from 6 inches away) but no real interest yet. It comes too easy to him. But more than that, the school has taught him to use his body and his muscles and do this and he does it – he just doesn’t think it’s a matter of life and death. Fair enough – let him do it as fun. He’s only five.

He kept doing it till they took down the hurdles for kids. And then – it was the parents’ turn. I looked madly around and promptly dialled the OA. “Come fast,” I said.. “family honour at stake and all that jazz.”

I would, he said, “if I were not crawling into a tube as we speak. Family honour at stake here too. ” He was doing an obstacle race with other parents and of course aced it.

Right. So I hung up, retied my shoelaces, pulled up my tracks, took off my sweater and said a prayer for my knees. The hurdles started with some fathers and a few mothers. I took the first jump and as I soared over it everything I’d ever learnt during my school years came back. Where to build speed, when to lift off, the angle at which you raise your legs and in that split second I was thrilled. It’s such a small thing and yet for someone who a year ago was writing off her legs, it was more than a giant leap. I landed smoothly and sprinted back to my place.

I looked around and I saw a bright-eyed Brat looking at me. Then he smiled, and told his friends - Dekho, meri mamma. Kitna achcha jump karti hai.

Ma ka dil and all that jazz, I made up my mind not to stop until I was dead.

The hurdle kept rising, the other mothers dropped out and I was the only woman left doing this. No biggie when you consider how unfit and overweight most of the parents are. Sadly, in spite of being slimmer than many, my knees tell a different tale.

After the first jump I checked my knee. No extra pain. By the third one, I had people congratulating me on how athletic I was. And I was fine. Raring to go. High on my son’s adoration and general junta’s applause. I’m a sucker for such stuff.

After about 6 raises I couldn’t do it anymore. It was just too high and only the really tall men were able to do it. And I dialled the OA once again. Thankfully the Bean’s events were over and he was free.

And so my knight in shining armour came to save the day.

He did it of course. Over and over again he took the hurdles, landed with grace and ambled off in a way that reminded me of the Brat. They finally called it a day with him being one of the last 2-3 dads doing it.

The Brat threw himself at us. The Bean arrived and we headed home happily with their little gifts. Apparently she’d done a great job of walking a rope too. I suppose she’d shed her stage fright by then.

The OA grinned at me that night – Well baby, even if we have two useless kids, at least we overachievers saved the family honour. I grinned back at him.. well, it was a grimace really, because my thighs were already killing me from stretching them to leap so high.

The next two days I limped around. And everytime someone asked me, I proudly said I’d done the high jump and done it brilliantly, buggered up knee and all. The muscles healed in a couple of days and the knee was no worse for wear.

As for the moral of the tale – I’ve learnt not to underestimate my son. That my spunky daughter sometimes gets stagefright ( I learnt and forgot these two lessons last year). To always trust my husband to save the day (damn, but I knew this one too). And to never let my knee stop me from having fun  - this one is new.

Reservations unlimited – 24.05.2006

So another old post I’ve dug out. I used to do a lot of current affairs in the good old day. I notice that has dwindled. Anyway, be gentle. These are old posts.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 24, 2006

Reservations unlimited

And another viewpoint on reservations by Purushottam Agrawal. Here’s yet another article I loved by Amit Sen Gupta in this week’sTehelka. And since you need to subscribe to it to read it, the only way I can get it to you is to paraphrase some of the points he makes.

To begin with, how many of those protesting actually plan to stay on in the country? From the IITs to the BHUs to the little universities tucked away in Punjab and Tamil Nadu… almost every student is taking examinations to go abroad. So they don’t want to give seats, they want to study in colleges that are subsidised by tax payers’ money and they want to take this education abroad to benefit others?

Next, exactly how do you define ‘merit’? By your ability to study in the best schools and attend the best coaching classes that teach you to beat the system? I don’t think that would be right.

Moving on – the next argument is that Indian educational institutions will lose their competitive edge. Oh but that would be terrible! We wouldn’t want to lose out on all the brilliant research and inventions that the IITs and IIMs give us! And we certainly wouldn’t want Silicon Valley to lose out on the steady flow of worker ants they get from India. No sirree. We just need to keep subsidising higher education with our taxes, sending our children to coaching classes to find a way to “crack” the entrances and then send them off to the land of milk and honey to benefit the white masters. And we certainly wouldn’t want to send those who don’t make the cut.

Something I had no inkling of – The southern states have a much higher percentage of reservation for backward classes and they seem to be doing better than the BIMARU states who are vociferously objecting. Valid point I must admit.

The inability to cope is equally valid. The system needs to be sensitive to those taught in the vernacular. Almost every educated Indian speaks three languages. Everyone of us has a mother tongue that is not English. So why not take that into account?

He makes many more valid points but those are also part ofPurushottam Agrawal’s write up. And my oldest favourite AnilThakraney and his piece on The warring students.

Having said that. I would still oppose reservations because simply, they don’t really achieve their purpose. And the scope for screwing up in this corruption ridden country just increases manifold. All it gives us is a few more students starving to death and a beautifully divided vote bank.

 

Looking back on a decade

I thought this post over for days and just haven’t had time to write it down. Well, it was a little of that and a little of – how do you write about the decade that wrought the most change? I went from college girl to mother of two school going children. From utterly dependent on my parents to being home to my children and husband.

Bear with me if the post is incoherent. I learnt a lot about myself and not all of it was pleasant.

- I realised that my image of myself as a career woman was a bit of a joke. I have endlessly put everything else before career – health, sleep, family, love, friends. I’m surprised I still work.  I am also a bit of a jack of all trades and willing to put a finger in every pie available.

- I am not one of the better writers I know, but I don’t know too many people who enjoy the process of putting thoughts into words as much as I do. My writing runs in my blood and I’d be less of a person if I didn’t get this space to express myself.

- I was always a black and white person but I am learning to see greys and appreciate them for what they are. I don’t judge as easily as I did when I began to blog. That said, after much soul searching I realised that the one set of people I judge are *gulp* people who dye their white hair. I know!!! It’s ridiculously silly, but I find myself unable to get over this silly little thing. Hopefully the next decade will make me get over it. Until then, I run my fingers through my old man’s grey hair and kiss his head with a lot of pride and contentment. Thanks for keeping it natural, OA!

- I always knew I wanted kids. I just didn’t realise what it meant to have them. Not even wanting kids can prepare you for what having children can do to your insides. They turn to mush. They also turn your knees to shit.  No seriously, I have had a terrible time learning to be a mother and this considering I so badly wanted it. I have much empathy for unprepared mothers and unwanted pregnancies- imagine how much harder it is for them.

- I am less sympathetic to malingerers and hypochondriacs (in college I’d have indulged them anyway) and have a lot of time for those who don’t fuss. A good pregnant friend just went in to hospital yesterday to get a stitch taken out of her cervix. I was praying for her all day and sent her a text, fully expecting to get no response. I got a reply within seconds. She messaged me while still with the doctor and there was no fuss – just a cheery ‘Yep, it’s out.’ I mentally bowed to her. I am so sick to death of women who act as though they are the first to give birth ever. Just as I am full of affection for those preggies who don’t demand special treatment – I bend backwards to give it to them.

- My cell phone and I no longer have any relationship. From being the person who had a mobile surgically attached to her fingers, I now don’t bother with my phone. I only use it to take pictures. Most often I don’t answer or return calls or text messages for days. I don’t even know where the damn thing is lying and it often runs out of charge and switches off. Friends get mad at me, but I ensure that I reply to emergency messages. At some point I felt this whole immediacy thing was taking over my life. I’ve given up on urgency. If I miss a train, so be it. If I miss a party, never mind. If I don’t talk to you this afternoon, I’m sorry, I still love you, but I just don’t want to take calls when I am working, when I am gardening, when I am reading to my children… I miss the days of landlines when you simply said that ‘Ms XYZ is not available right now.’ End of matter.

- Some things though, never change. Music still makes me tick, big bikes still make me weak at the knees and bad boys still appeal. Books are still the best gift you can give me.

- I’ve discovered a deep love for home and garden. It’s no surprise because I come from a family that has green fingers, but then I never did appreciate or take any interest in it. It’s funny how these things are so deep rooted and surface unexpectedly.

- I’ve tried unsuccessfully to drink and drive – not simultaneously. But I still don’t drive. And I still don’t drink. I am rather tightly wound and the OA and everyone else says a drink would be the perfect answer to my problems. That I’d be able to relax and let go at the end of the day. I did go through a wine phase but I lost interest in that too. I hereby announce a reward for anyone who can teach me to drive. A bigger reward for anyone who can teach me to drink. I assure you, I won’t do them together.

- Given a chance I’d live my life over the same way again, but I can’t help but notice that I’ve done little in the line of self improvement. Most friends are doing yoga, salsa, studying further, forging ahead in their careers, gymming, travelling, reading and doing much more. I on the other hand planned life such that I ended up with two babies by 27 and have never really done anything else. I am hoping that I’ll be done with them at 45 and free to dance, travel, read and salsa, uninterrupted.

-I’ve figured out the meaning of feminism and what it means to me. I’ve also figured out what humanism means – sometimes they are the same thing, sometimes they contradict each other. And I’ve finally figured out that all the -isms on earth mean nothing if you’re doing them only to make a point. They’ve got to mean something to you. And in between this I retain my maiden name and stay home to make a home for my husband and children. I fight for children’s rights, I still dither on my anti-abortion stance and believe in euthanasia. No, there’s no simple answer.

- I’ve learned the meaning of the dead becoming ghosts. They aren’t floaty white figures. They are people who live on in your life. It’s been five years since I lost the mother who raised me, my maternal Grandma. And I still find myself storing away things to ‘go home and tell her.’ I turn around to talk to her. I laugh crazily at a joke she and I are still sharing. I look at the Bean in pleasure and know my grandma is in her in so many ways. Yes, this is what you mean by ghosts haunting you. And its not all bad.

- They say you marry the man who reminds you of your father. The  OA is nothing like my excitable, hot headed, passionate, dark father. The man who brought me up was my tall, calm, reasonable, very fair, Garhwali grandfather and I guess he lived on in my mind as the standard. Which is why after the maddest, wildest relationship with a musician who was just like my birth father, I gave it all up to marry the OA who is exactly like my maternal grandfather. The bitchier people thought I married him because he was a better prospect. The truth is, I married him because it was like coming home after a wild beach party.

- I’ve learnt that love comes in many shapes and forms. It’s a form of energy so it doesn’t really go away. The love that burned wildly and brightly will evolve and become a deep affection. And should you hear that he has had an accident, you’ll still run barefoot to the hospital and offer blood. If you’ve lost the friendship along with the lover, I have deep sympathy for the two of you. And if you ask me, I’ll tell you that I still love them a lot. When I count my blessings, I never fail to count the loves I am still in touch with and who will take my trip royally if given a chance, but still give me a kidney if I need it.  I’ve had some wonderful men become part of my life and the time I spent with them and the relationships I’ve had are priceless. They’ve shaped me and made me the person I am. The OA should send them all Thank You cards.

- I’ve made and lost more friends than I can count. I first thought of it as a personal failing but after a few chats, I’ve realised that a lot of people go through this. Different friends at different times and then you drift away. You still come back if they need you, but you no longer talk twice a day. On the other hand, I was told that you make your best friends in school. I find that untrue in my case. Some of my best friends came after. Some of them were made online, no longer bound by geographical and community constraints. I’ve had some terrible experiences on the net too and been badly betrayed by people I thought were friends, but if you tell me you met your wife online, I no longer judge – I completely understand. And yes, the internet changed my life.

- I’ve faced up to a lot of failings. I hate to be contradicted. I don’t take criticism too well. I hate failing and have no perseverance. I don’t do politics. I have no ambition. I often find I am wasting days and wasting my life. From small things like rearranging my children’s sock drawer, to re-reading a book, I often just wake up to realise that others are getting a lot more done and so could I, if I would just push myself to it.

- On the good side, I realise that I can be generous to a fault and I believe in spoiling people. Everyone. I forgive easily. I love living in the moment. I treasure small things. I work tirelessly if given a job that requires physical labour. I am great in a big crisis although cranky if I break a fingernail. I am passionate about things that matter and my family gets the best of me.

- I have learnt I can lose weight in a jiffy if I put my mind to it but I’ve come to love 34B over W -24. Size zero looks great on a magazine cover, size 14 looks great uncovered. Okay, all bad jokes, but all stuff I really believe. It’s sad that the way we look in photographs matters so much to us that we get them airbrushed. Is that how you capture a beautiful moment in life? To be false? What a waste. This is something that has come to bother me hugely over the years. Also, the weight obsession is scary. I have random people telling me I need to lose weight even as I look at myself in the mirror and love what I see. I eat carbs at every meal, I drink two cups of milk a day, I eat chocolate, I put ghee in my food and I love my life. I could remove all that and cut sugar out of tea and sacrifice my reading hour to the gym, but then what? Skinny and miserable? On the other hand the OA says we’re both complacent because we don’t have a real weight problem yet. Hmmm… he has a point.

- I’ve learnt that I am a tree hugging, earth hugging, cloth diapering, free spirit. And it was all brought out by my children. It’s only when you have someone you want to give your bes tto, that you dig deep to figure yourself out. On the other hand, I am very middle class in a lot of my values and as Dimple Kapadia said in Dil Chahta Hai, I have a huge issue with people and their ‘Chalta hai’ attitude. Sab kuch nahi chalta hai, so please don’t send me SMS that says Dis and Dat. I’ve also gone from the pushover who did others’ laundry at the hostel and woke up at 4 am to make tea for random people, to the woman who only invests time and emotion in those that return it. In that sense, I’ve learnt what matters – finally.

- 17 years in a small town and I was embarrassed by my lack of a simple answer to the question – What are you? Today I smile mysteriously and say ‘Guess?’ or ‘Exotic’. I revel in my ethnic background where once I longer for an answer as basic as I’m Bengali. Or I’m Tamil. Or I’m Gujarati. When my kids ask, I tell them that they’re interesting. They’re unique. They’re special. There is no one on earth who can claim to be like them – Brahmin, Christian, Tamil, Garhwali, Bengali, Konkani, UPite and Delhiite. Is there anyone else with just that blend? Anything less, would be boring. And as I watch their little faces smile and their little brains soak it up, I know that they will deal with it far better than I ever did. I am glad that I’ve learnt to love me.

- I’ve embraced from my heritage what I pushed away thirty years ago. I am more willing to teach the kids to speak Tamil, I make idlis for breakfast twice a week (still no dosas!) and after fighting with the OA to move out of Madras, five years ago, I am now willing to reconsider. I guess I’ve come in to myself and am no longer threatened by what I think will make me lose the essence of the person I am. This time in Madras (yes, I spent X’mas there, which is why there has been no posting), I actually enjoyed myself and realised that I’d manage to deal with the cultural differences if I had to move there. Hey, we even checked out property there!

- As we ran through a check of what we’d have to do if we moved to Madras, I realised I was mentally ticking off the house, the school for the kids and the job for the OA, but nothing for myself. Coming from a family of working women (how many of us had two working grandmothers?!) I am slightly surprised. Clearly this is not social conditioning, but who I am. Family always comes first and this freezing winter evening as the kids, OA and I huddled around a heater drinking hot soup in our bedroom, the Bean singing Sheela ki jawani (she exists to bring me down a peg or two), the Brat chanting dinosaur names, I breathed in deep and stored up the moment. This is what I want and I can take it with me to any city and any state and still be happy. Everything else is so …. unimportant.

- I’ve learnt that the heart is 50% muscle, 50% lycra. There is always room for more. I thought I’d love my parents and brother less once I got a husband and children. But nothing has changed. I still love them to bits and my heart just stretched and accommodated more.  It’s like always having room for dessert, no matter how much you eat at dinner.

- I’ve learnt that you can’t change your basic dislikes. I still hate the kitchen but I’ve made my peace with it and I can throw a good dinner party because I have a good cook, caterer and bakery on speed dial. The idea is to make it happen – you don’t have to do it all yourself. I’ve also realised that the best parties are not those that have the best decor or food. It’s the one with the warmest hosts.

- I’ve learnt that one single word or moment can take away something beautiful and give you heartache for life.

- I’ve learnt that I have more to be thankful than to regret so I should take that and run with it.

- I’ve learnt to walk up to strangers and tell them that I love their boots or that their skin glows like a light bulb. It makes them happy and it makes me happy too.

- I’ve learnt that you have a choice even when you think you don’t. There is nothing you can blame on your husband, father, mother, boss, or neighbour. You have a choice and a voice. Use them.

- I’ve learnt that some people will dislike you no matter what you do or say. There is no pleasing them so it’s better to move on instead of offering them a foot rub. In such cases, don’t even begin to try. Ignore them, even if its killing you on the inside and watch them shape  up or ship out.

- I’ve learned that just when you think feeling the waves tickle your toes is the best feeling in the world, you’re proved wrong. Actually watching your child feel the waves tickle his toes is the best feeling in the world. If you think you’ve already felt your heart ache and break, wait to watch your daughter’s heart ache, to know real pain.

- I’ve learnt that my wedding day was actually the day I loved my husband the least. It only grew from there.

- I’ve learnt that you can’t define family. It is made up of all sorts and you may not be proud of each one of them but they  are all yours anyway. I have also learnt that this lack of definition is what makes it easy to create your own family and your own definitions.

- I’ve learnt that cliched though it is, my children are my life. I may not be a patient or gentle mother, but I am a mother who has enjoyed every bit of being with them and looks forward to another ten such years. Yes, I’m the mother who would happily have two more little brats.

So, what did you learn this decade?

2010 in review

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

The Louvre Museum has 8.5 million visitors per year. This blog was viewed about 760,000 times in 2010. If it were an exhibit at The Louvre Museum, it would take 33 days for that many people to see it.

 

In 2010, there were 193 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 410 posts. There were 407 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 53mb. That’s about 1 pictures per day.

The busiest day of the year was September 24th with 4,174 views. The most popular post that day was I quit.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were abouttimenow.blogspot.com, Google Reader, google.co.in, cloudkhizzy.blogspot.com, and agelessbonding.blogspot.com. (Thank you, Art, Khizzy and Usha!)

Some visitors came searching, mostly for themadmomma.wordpress.com, mad momma, the mad momma, themadmomma, and madmomma.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

I quit September 2010
288 comments and 3 Likes on WordPress.com

2

It has been disappointing December 2010
208 comments

3

About me August 2007
44 comments

4

A very saree business June 2010
220 comments

5

She is wasting her life – not! May 2010
294 comments

I also realised that no one really comments on the older posts, so perhaps digging in to archives for old posts is a waste of time? Shall stick with new posts, in that case. Happy 2011 to all of you. Here’s hoping I get the time to blog as much as I’d like to and hoping that you get to do all that you want to.

Merry Christmas – 25.12.2006

I had planned to go chronologically with the posts from Ye Olde Bloge but it seemed like a good time to pull out this old post – actually I was over enthu and had three posts up on X’mas in 2006. We were in Allahabad and this was Pre-Bean. Do you remember a time before the Bean? I don’t. It seems like I’ve just always been her mother. I present the X’mas season posts that week. Have a great X’mas and a Happy New Year you all. If you don’t hear from me in the next week – it’s because I’m busy travelling. Catch you on the other side.

But where is the X’mas tree?



This year since I am going to my parents’ home I decided not to put up an X’mas tree… it would gather dust while I was away and my son would pull it to pieces when I got back… So I just put up a twig with red and gold baubles and filled the vase that holds it with red and gold star and heart shaped baubles… It’s nice… but oh to have put up my very own tree!
Maybe next year when the Brat is older…. oh damn.. that is when the next one will be swinging on the branches….I think my tree is going to stay wrapped up in bubble wrap and tucked away for a few years yet…

Rocking around the X’mas tree


For those who are wondering why I haven’t blogged in a while… this is the reason why… I am at my parents’ home for X’mas and have just been too lazy to get on to the www…. I have been lying on a rug in front of the fire place, watching the flames for hours on end, sipping hot cups of tea and listening to music while my son sits on his haunches and methodically takes decorations off the X’mas tree and rearranges them… Sorry if I gave you guys a scare…

Last night I was dancing with him in my lap and in the mirror I saw another mother and child…. with almost identical features dancing to the very same X’mas carols, cheek to cheek, around the grand piano almost 25 years ago…Thanks for some beautiful memories, ma…

is what the OA and I have been most of this vacation on a rug in front of the fireplace…

For those who knew we were going away to a wildlife reserve for a few days, well that got cancelled. All that eating rich food and partying late finally got to me and I am laid up with some amoebic infection and surviving on toast and tea… Bah. Merry X’mas indeed!

.

Compliments of the season from the little drummer boy

…who only opened his gifts on X’mas morning..

began opening gifts at 2 am, when we returned from church after the midnight service…. shall soon show pictures of all my loot!

Father and son

…..have spent plenty of time bonding this vacation and I don’t know how my son will deal with the lack of space and lack of company once we get back to Delhi…playschool, here we come.

Sugar and spice and everything nice…

If you glow it’s a boy they say, some turn the theory around and say you glow if you are carrying a girl. If you carry to the front it’s a boy, but if you gain weight all around, it’s a girl. We even tried my wedding band on a chain and then on a strand of my hair to see what I am carrying. Old wives tales abound and women have for centuries tried every trick in the book to find out whether they are carrying a girl or boy. Friends and older family members want to know why I am so keen to know the gender of the baby.

Well, right from reasons like asking my brother to buy me cute baby stuff from abroad to picking the colour of the bassinet, there are a dozen reasons…. but the biggest reason? Well I don’t know about others, but I am eager to know just like so many women over the last few centuries… There is a life growing inside of me and I am not willing to be just a blank vessel!! I am eating healthy and taking every precaution to make sure that little life is nurtured and cared for. And I would like to know as much about it as possible. I am signed up for four different baby mails a week and I can tell you which body part is developing this week and how big baby is… and after all this surely it comes as no surprise that I am eager to know the gender.

My brother did buy stuff from abroad for baby bean…Baby bean’s first X’mas gifts..even before she has arrived…..Merry X’mas my little angel… Only God and my blogging friends know how badly I want a daughter!!!

My parents who have a vague grasp of blogging were very aprehensive about me posting this entry. What if it turns out to be a boy after all, they ask. Well, I will be disappointed for a while, but I will grow to love the little fellow anyway. And he will have to wear pink for the first few months because that is all the poor Mad Sibling could get, no gender neutral colours available. And as for those who read my blog…. I think they will understand my disapointment more than anyone else and be my greatest strength. For now, thank you all those who prayed for a little girl…Now all we need is a healthy pregnancy or what remains of it… and a healthy baby.

The compulsiveness instead of the impulsiveness – 18.05.2006

THURSDAY, MAY 18, 2006

The compulsiveness instead of the impulsiveness

Ok, so I don’t really have any devoted readers hanging upon my every word yet, but I still feel the need to update my blog once in a while. A bit of compulsion – not the impulsive need to put down something about a burning issue!
I would have written about poor Budhia running 65 kilometres before he collapsed – particularly because as a new mommy I feel a lost more strongly about little children than I ever did before – but seeing the amount of media space he got, I realised I was adding to the frenzy. So where is poor Budhia now? While Sabrina Lall and the medical students can keep their cause alive, who will fight for little Budhia? And after all the hullabaloo, he doesn’t even get his Limca Book mention.
I could of course add my two paise worth on reservations and quotas but there is little left to say when all has been said. Besides, who is listening? It is also rather ironic that the existing quotas are not fully utilised and that the very same SCs and OBCs for whom the quotas are being granted, are dying in hospitals while doctors go on strike to protest it.
So then let me talk about something that no one else cares about yet means the world to me. I lost my grandmother 5 days ago. She had Alzheimer’s and was suffering, but saying she is in a better place is such a cliche and really doesn’t fill the void. And it was while we were sitting around her body and grieving that my aunt mentioned in an embarassed way that it was Mother’s Day. My mother broke down further but I got up and kissed her anyway, and my cousins hugged and wished my aunt. And then suddenly everyone kissed and wished me and I realised I was the youngest and newest mommy on the block. Yes, we had lost one mommy and were all grieving, but the circle of life goes on and I was part of the continuity. In all the hugging and kissing, my little one year old toddled up to me and aping the rest of the family, gave a sloppy little kiss. I know my grandmother was smiling down on her little great grandson for consoling her favourite grandchild. May her soul rest in peace.

 

Bringing up baby – 20.04.2006

THURSDAY, APRIL 20, 2006

Bringing up baby

(Pic of 8 day old Brat)

I  spent all of last night and pretty much most of today with my toddler sleeping on my chest. He’s almost a year old and I have spent most of the year begging, pleading and bargaining with God for an uninterrupted night of sleep, sweet sleep. I am yet to receive it.

Before I had my bundle of joy, frustration and hope, I used to read about instances of child abuse in the US and wonder how any mother could possibly harm her child. And then it came to me. The nuclear family today is just not geared for child rearing. Specially not if you find yourself moving city often.
You will find yourself moving into a new house with a huge belly, setting up home, tripping over your own feet doing housework untill you can organise house help and of course having to wear oversized clothing since maternity wear is hard to find, ugly and expensive.
And if you think this is the beginning of your troubles, you’re highly mistaken. You might think you will manage but you need to have atleast a dozen pieces of baby equipment that is neither easily available nor affordable in India.
You will also figure out that while strollers and prams of every size and description are available, you will rarely find a market where they can be used – unless of course you count the snazzy malls in Gurgaon. You might find a baby carrier but you will rarely find a corner to feed baby. Oh and if you need to change a diaper, dump all the paraphenelia on the floor because you certainly won’t find a changing table. I could go on but I won’t.
Be prepared to deal with squashed fingers, burns, bumps, bruises and bleeding and of course electric shocks. I am most often found seriously taping up a plug point only to undo it a few hours later to use it. Yes, my son has figured out that a little dedication can pull dummies out of a plug point. He has also discovered the pleasures of chucking toys off our third floor balcony only to watch Mamma scurry down to collect and come back huffing and puffing.
He has successfully dislodged the stay-put suction toddler bowl from his tray and flung the contents all over my hand embroidered table cloth. There is supposed to be a release tab that only adults can work – hmmm… maybe he has a job lined up in testing products. He has also managed to destroy a couple of very expensive break-proof baby toys. Yes, the other adult in the family has often wondered aloud why I bother to pick up such stuff. Kids get bored easily, says he. They need cheap toys that they can break and discard so that they can have new ones. Makes sense. In theory. But let him spend one day trying to get any work done knowing that his son and heir is busy pulling apart toys and stuffing pieces of them up his nose and mouth. I am only open to discussion after he has achieved that.
Having said that, watching him demolish each toy methodically is also a pleasure. Only a mother would see brilliance in the way her 10-month-old finds a way to get past childproof locks and genius in the way he tips over suction tableware.