Learning to be still

It’s my birthday, and we’re gonna party like, it’s my birthday! (You can read old birthday posts here, here and more that I cannot be bothered with hunting down and linking up. )

Yes, I turn 33 today and I am very, very happy. My life is nowhere near what I thought it would be at 33 and I realise the futility of planning/imagining a life, creating a game plan and sticking to it, when its so much more fun to take what life gives you and roll with it. I could stayed single, worked hard, been a top anchor/producer and stuck with the plan (anyone remember Shahid Kapoor’s little plan stuck on the cupboard in Kaminey?) but this ended up being more fun.

For all those of you who wrote in asking if I am pregnant. Er… no! No, thank you. I’d love it if I had another one – I can even see his little face (yes, I know it will be a He if I have a third one) but no, no, my life is full, my hands are full, I am brimming with enthusiasm and with the Bean already four and a half years old I refuse to actively plan and drag a third kid in with such a massive age difference. Not fair.

So the big announcement is not really all that big. I feel silly now that I realise all of you are expecting me to have a baby (!). The news is, that I quit my job. Yayyy!! I remember telling you all on my 30th birthday that I had gone back to work. Rather fitting that three years down, I’m quitting – yet again! I’ve realised I’m not the sort to define life into two parts – home and work. There is so much in between that I want to do, ache to do, that I need the time for. A friend messaged me saying “Good thing you quit. You’re too strong and independent and opinionated to take orders from someone.” And I laughed, because that is not the truth. At least not in the work sphere. I am very aware that my priority is family and home and so I am happy to take orders, do my bit and come home. But I’ve been struggling with working from home after we moved to Gurgaon because there are days I don’t get out of my bedroom. I get the kids ready, send them to school and then keep working on my freelance stuff after the regular work. I sit here for hours and get a back ache and the boredom of it gets to me. I miss the benefits of a job – like meeting new people, getting away from the house and its chores for a while and coming home raring to see the kids. And I have all the disadvantages of doorbells ringing, people stopping in at odd hours and expecting me to be free, asking me why I am glued to the laptop and of course, half the salary!

It’s a pity really, because I love the Editor, love the team, love the work and would have happily gone to work if it wasn’t a good 40 kms and almost 1.5 hours away. And so it is that I reluctantly put in my papers. It’s a rather informal resignation because I’ve offered to work until they are able to find a replacement, since I am not really rushing off to another job. So I could be working for a week more or a month more, I’m not really sure, am just not willing to leave them in the lurch.

Those who wrote in wanting to know if I am writing a book – oh dear God, the pressure!! Haven’t we had this chat a million times already? I don’t have a book in mind, I don’t want a book. I have very high standards from any book I pick up to read and I see people churning out books by the dozen and I am shocked by the rubbish one finds. I don’t expect mine to be a literary benchmark and even though I’ve had a couple of offers I don’t want to grab the offer just to end up being yet another mediocre writer adding to the flotsam. So no, if you want to read me, you stick around here and read as and when I write.

Although ask me about multitasking and I could write a book on it. I have worked, raised my kids, blogged, run a terrific home if I say so myself, and in the process lost my mind, my hair and my knees. Over the last few months of working from home my hair looks a lot shinier and healthier, my skin is clearing up after the bout of adult acne and while my knees will never go back to perfect, I am feeling stronger and fitter. Which is why I’ve decided to take a complete break and sort out the last few remaining health issues.

What lies ahead? Well I’d love to tell you but a lot of it is in the planning stage right now and I am itching to get started. None of them are major earth moving plans (so don’t wonder too much), but they’re all about personal growth. The OA sat me down, held my hands so that I don’t fidget and asked me if I could spend the year learning to be still. The idea was a bit of a shocker to me. I got out of bed after my cesareans, refused my painkillers and took a cycle rickshaw to the heart of the city for some work. I don’t do ‘still’. And yet, being quiet, appreciating the peace and learning to just sit with a cup of coffee and enjoy a few minutes of peace is an art.  It’s amusing because Cousin K was here and he asked me the same question to which I replied, I plan to spend a year, learning to be still. And he looked at me in horror – But why? Doesn’t everyone want to do more? I laughed. I guess at 20 there is a certain pride in being able to say that you fit X amount in to your day. At 33 though, I feel a little ashamed at knowing how to do that and not knowing how to do the opposite, that is, being calm and still.

The Brat will soon be attending a full day of school and only getting back at 4.30pm. The Bean still has two years more to go. The more I look at it practically, the more I realise that I am the sort of person who will not send them off to daycare or leave them home with only maids for extended periods of time. I am going to stay home with them and so I may as well use these two years to invest in myself. It makes no sense to just sit at home and type away for a small amount of money, just so that my byline doesn’t die out.

And so the next two years, until the Bean turns 7 and goes to full day school, is going to be my time spent on personal development. I am going to do all the things I didn’t do because I got married and had my kids so young. In the months ahead we might be moving house (again!) and oh, in ten days Baby Button will be in my arms. Yes, the SIL is fit and fine and Ma will be bringing her back to India in time for Durga Puja. I would have quit my job just to hold him, my third baby, in my arms! December promises to be busy again and I have big plans around that time. I want to soak up the winter sun and explore Gurgaon and make sure I know it as well as I knew Delhi. This is the only way to get to love a place.

For now, I’ve begun to cook (ye Gods and little fishes, am I turning into another person altogether?!) and have mastered a couple of things including a chocolate cake made solely of fresh cream and apple crumble. Nothing fancy, but it bothers me hugely to admit that there is something I can’t do or fail at. At one point I was hugely bothered by my inability to swim, but I spent all summer doing laps and am pleased to say, that I won’t drown if thrown in. What the chlorine water did to my skin, is another story.

It’s funny, but somehow putting my desire to quit into words, has set me free. I’ve been cleaning up the house like a hurricane and in the last week or so one can see the changes. From moving the escritoire into my bedroom to changing up the garden, the curtains – I suddenly feel more at home. I have hated this house for some strange reason (maybe because I felt that I was forced into this move by parenthood and not by choice) and have been after the OA to move out of here, but after putting my heart into, it feels more like a home and I am willing to stay here a while more.

In other news, the Brat and Bean and OA have their renewed passports but mine is yet to come. The cops called us to the police station for the verification instead of coming to our place to do the check. I am amazed by how this country functions and how easy it is to fake an address. We’ve stuck to our guns and not paid them off and it worked. Now to await mine after which we can begin the house hunt.

We’ve been looking to buy a ready to move in flat now and are unable to come to a decision. I refuse to buy a house without a garden and the ready ones in the heart of Gurgaon are prohibitively expensive and also require a certain amount of black payment. The ones that are yet in the construction stage are too far from the kids’ school and we don’t want them to have to travel so much. The OA and I are determined not to pay any black inspite of people telling us we’re being foolish. Apparently having principles is considered foolish these days. It’s amazing how people who otherwise claim to be the model of honesty, justify bribes and payments in black. So much for joining Anna Hazare’s processions and demanding a corruption free country. Why not start with your home, literally? Thankfully we’re in no hurry and will wait until everything falls into place. If not, we keep waiting!

Finally, for those who want to know why I am weaning off the net, no, it’s not the trolls driving me away. Hah! if that had to happen, it would have happened when that unscrupulous woman came to my home, ate at my table, dandled my kids on her knee and then went back and made fun of me on a blog. Treachery, sometimes I really do believe thy name is woman! I began to blog when the Brat was born and I needed an outlet -but the friends I made online have turned into real life friends and half of them don’t blog anymore. I miss that community feeling and the last post really left a bad taste in my mouth, simply because the newspapers picked it up. It’s like having your dirty linen washed in public. This is no longer a warm, happy place where moms meet for coffee. The nice aunties who knitted for each other’s babies are outnumbered by the mean, sneaky little readers who watch us live our lives, beady-eyed and avid for gossip. Waiting for us to slip up so that they can jump up viciously and attack. More and more I realise there are things in the kids’ life that I don’t wish to share with them and the world at large and that defeats the purpose of this blog. I also find myself spread too thin – I get a lot of mail from all of you and I try really hard to respond but I fall behind and then begin to feel really guilty. But in all this I realise that my first responsibility to is to my home and kids and so I’m going to just ease out of whatever is not essential. I’m not shutting down altogether, I’m just reducing my time here.

People like me are known as jhakki in Hindi. We get obsessive about something and then milk it and lose interest. I realise I am done- that burning urge to get up and share my life with the WWW is over. Most days I don’t even want to check the comments. Life outside keeps me wildly busy. Parenting has evolved and the kids take a lot more of quality time and less of quantity, so that we’re finally reaping the benefits of having them early. We still have endless energy left to socialise and all the time on earth to use it now.

A friend who is now expecting her first baby called up and asked us to join her for popcorn and a movie on Saturday night. The OA and I laughed and said we’re done with quiet nights at home. We did those alone, for so long, when we were younger – at 25 none of our friends were interested in a quite evening with wine and a movie. Weekends are now party time and party we will. I was the only mother in our friends’ circle, a group in which most were not even married. But over the last year we’ve begun to go back to our old interests. Borrow a friend’s bike and whiz off for a ride, we’ve already done 5 holidays and road trips this year, and we’re back to concerts, gigs and rockshows most weeks too. Weeknights too tend to be late but we’re up at the crack of dawn to send the kids to school and that will soon tire us out, I suspect!

Two weeks ago we caught Avial playing in Gurgaon. We happened to catch up with BEV and A there, also done with the business of putting the kids to bed and ready to join the living. Avial was good although it was a little annoying that the vocalist saw fit only to talk in Malayalam and not even say Hi to the audience in English. He was after all, playing in the NCR – why alienate an audience that loves you, appreciates you and has paid good money to see you. If there is one thing you learn from the real rockers, it is, to reach out to your audience and connect. Dischordian, the night before that, was a blast – by the end of the night they did some old CCR numbers and even a request from me which of course made my day. The vocalist and I were in college together and it is such a joy to see talented people get their due. We love their music and the Bean who had breakfast sitting happily in his lap, playing with his fingers, now insists that we put on Uncle Gary’s songs when we’re in the car. Barring a few with inappropriate lyrics for kids, I am happy to oblige! They recognise his voice and even if I trick them with the odd Metallica number followed by Counting Crows and then U2, they unerringly guess which one is his, looking up with, “Isn’t that Uncle Gary’s voice?”

In this last year the one lesson I learnt was that it is possible to be invested in a person you’ve never met. As my SIL laboured, I stayed up praying, I cried the moment the phone call came and I now count the days to his India trip. One little 3 kg bundle born 1000s of miles away gave me my highest moment this year. Reaffirming everything I believed about love, the miracle of birth and bonds that you can’t define. Strange isn’t it, that just by coming along, he gave his aunt her happiest moment of the year, maybe many years?

So wish me luck as I turn 33, quit my job (yet again), househunt, eagerly await my nephew’s arrival, and then plan the next two years of investing in myself.

PS: For those who didn’t know, the title of this post comes from here. A song I have always loved.

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103 thoughts on “Learning to be still

  1. Happy Birthday MM!

    Good luck with everything – and with the kind of wonderful spirit that you have , life can never be anything , but a fabulous adventure…

  2. Well done you. I am also practising to be STILL and listening to God these days. It’s important to nourish the soul, mind and body. Good luck and so long MM.

  3. Happy Birthday my dearest friend. I am so thrilled that you are doing what makes YOU happy, you deserve nothing but the best! Good luck on this new journey…

  4. Will sure miss your regular posts!
    I sincerely hope you find happiness in whatever you choose to do…be it working, staying home or traveling. And and I am sure you will, because you are the kind of person who sees the bright side of everything!
    You deserve to be happy …always! God bless:)

  5. Happy birthday. All the very best to you in whatever you do, MM. You will do a fabulous job of it.
    Me? I am just happy I got to know you when I did – someday, I will tell you how you made a difference. Big hug.

    P.S: Cleaning up the house like a hurricane for a week? You have a spectacularly clean (not to mention beautiful) house – why would it ever need a week’s worth of cleaning (leave alone a day’s)? :)

  6. Wishing you a fabulous year ahead, with loads of fun filled sunny days! :) Out of personal experience would think the early thirties are the best, before you actulally start mellowing down, that ofcourse is another surprisingly pleasant part. But still, this is the time to paint the town red, as uve set about doing, rather all over again i guess!! If not frequent, posts as such would keep us happy i guess! So birthday wishes to someone, who engages, tickles, moves and inspires many a soul around here!! :)

  7. Happy birthday MM – this is truly the best gift you could get and give – yourself. Enjoy this time, have fun with the kids and always, ALWAYS be happy :)

  8. All the best MM for everything u plan to do! have loads of fun! will miss u v much if u r not active here but it’s true tht www is a tiny part of ur world – i believe there’s something wrong with people who make it the only world they can thrive in! the real life is out there with real people n am sure u will go miles before u sleep! hve a great life!

  9. Happy Birthday Dear MM! So glad to know your Baby Button is coming to visit you! And his mom is well again! Good luck with all you want to do! I am just happy to continue reading you here…you have a gift and thanks for sharing it!

  10. Happy b’day MM…wishng u all the happiness. Cuttng dwn ur time here? Wil ”still” chk ur blog everyday…coz m tht kind of avid reader who went thru ur archives, requested u fr an invite to the old blog(not knwng why it ws shut dwn) n ws planng to ask u fr pswrds fr 2 of the posts on previous blog(cn i read thm still?)….n while m at my laalchi best, may i read the blog post of tht ”triya charitra” as well?(yeah m tht kind of demanding fan of ur’s)…n plz plz plz *wth a quiverng lower lip* dn’t abandon this blog altogthr…

  11. This is wonderful to hear! All the best with finding stillness, personal growth and good health. God bless you with a wonderful birthday and an enriching, fulfilling year ahead.

  12. hey happy birthday MM ; i have been following u every single day for past one year or more, but for the first time i am commenting.
    i love to read your blogs whenever i have confusion on certain decision which i don’t discuss with any one i read how u handle your situations coz i feel that we think similar.
    god bless u and always post your opinions bcoz there are people around who love to hear frm u

  13. Hi

    Wishing you the best! I have enjoyed reading your posts and although i may not agree with everything you write, I definitely admired your guts and conviction to put out on your blog all that you believed in and very well written. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with so many folks on www and giving us something memorable.

    God bless your whole family!
    Peace and Love!
    Shree

  14. Happy B’day MM! Lots of love, hugs, abundant happiness and a deep sense of fulfilment to u. May God bless u. You and your blog have been the sweetest discovery of my life this year, something I will cherish always. May you always be happy in watever u do. Glad you took a decision, my heart swell with happiness hearing it, as I have been wanting to do the same for quite sometime (I think I wrote abt it earlier too in one of the comments…neways) but my life doesn’t allow me at the moment. But hope u keep writing off and on, thanks for giving us such a wonderful platform to express ourselves thru ur blog. May God give you a blessed and blissful life. Happy B’day once again. Have a blast!

  15. Happy Birthday MM !! This sounds like the most wonderful and life enriching Birthday plan that I have heard in a long time…..Keep still and yet, have a blast !
    Your website has been a very comforting place on the web….and am happy to accept that the discussions here have been very enlightening and have removed many prejudices on my side. Good luck and do keep popping in once in a while.

  16. Hi MM… Happy Happy Birthday!!! :) Hope you are having a party! And to be honest I am a little jealous that you are taking the time off to chill out for a bit! I don’t have kids yet but still have the urge to get out of the rat race and enjoy life at a slower pace :)

    Anyways, God bless you and your family on your special day.
    BTW, I can’t find your email address – I try searching with ‘madmomma’ and your old emails don’s show up! Can you send me a blank email so that I can store your email id somewhere??

    Cheers
    Tessy

  17. A very very happy birthday to you darling MM!! Enjoy your time ahead and have fun! I was zoo glum today as I was thinking of quitting my job as I have a bitch from he’ll as my boss, somehow after reading your post, I am feeling so happy! I have been thinking of starting my jewelry designing business for some time, I think, that time is now!! Your post somehow lifted my spirits. Thank you! God bless your wonderful family.

    Deepa

  18. Happy Birthday! I also thought you were pregs… clearly I’m turning into one of those aunties that thinks ‘news’ means only one thing. How did this happen! Though yay about everything else but boo about less blogging.

  19. A very happy birthday to you, MM! Like many others have mentioned, I’m one of the numerous souls you’ve touched through your writing. I’m hoping I can tell you just how much when you decide on that vacation here! :-)

  20. Belated birthday wishes MM ! I am glad you have decided to take a break and do things that you really love. Good luck on that. I keep telling my friends here that I am out of rat race, who set a standard for themselves on how much to earn and save. There is a difference between needs and wants and I am pretty ok with the fact that I dont feel the urge to fulfil all the ‘wants’ that my son might have.

  21. Happy Birthday. But hope you continue venting about all the stupidities around us …. online, offline, but never inside yourself, ok? That causes implosions and unnecessary explosions.

  22. Happy Birthday MM.
    I started reading your blog almost four years ago. I remember when you closed down your old blog, I did a frantic search and google failed me and I was almost distraught. Then I found you on Highheel and that made my day. I never read any parenting books nor do I visit parenting sites. But here I learnt a lot.It was so much fun. The posts, the comments. I dont think I have ever thanked you and the many people who put there comments here, so a Big Thank you to You. I dont know if you ever realised how many young clueless mothers have turned to this blog for help and found more than that.
    There is so much more I want to write but …..So I will just say ‘Thank you’ a big hug and God bless you and the mad family. Even if you do decide to shut this place someday (hopefully not) you will still be part of my memories.

      • Happy Birthday MM. I feel the same as Ni. Your perspective and the perspectives of the commentors who accepted and dissented (wisely, not troll-like) has set the path for parenting for me. Now I think for a minute before I make any decision with the twins.(he he, they are only 11 months, but still..) Thank you for sharing the space though it caused you lot of headaches. Thanks to all your regular commentors too.

  23. Hi MM,

    I have been a silent reader of your blog for a while now and this is my first comment. Would like to let you know that I really admire your writing. I agree with your points of view on a lot of things and especially the ones related to parenting. Here’s wishing you a very happy birthday and a lovely year ahead!

    Will miss your regular posts, but I guess I will now dig up the archives…

    - Aruna

  24. Happy Birthday… have great year. And yes there’s so much more to do and learn and enjoy in life…even though our job’s are a major part of our life, we sometimes forget to stop and whats that they say ‘smell the roses’
    So have a great time smelling the roses, jasmines etc etc
    Will miss reading your lovely posts!

  25. Many Happy Returns of the Day MM. After your last post I was raking my head to remember your date of birth. Dont feel offended, I do not remember any dates, I am pretty bad at it.

    I am surely gona miss you, as yours was a post I used to wait eagerly for. But its a choice you have made. Will drop you mail once in a while, reply when you get the time. If you add some photos of the Brat and the Bean that would be a bonus :)

  26. Happy Birthday mad momma. As far as weaning your www usage goes, that is your choice. But please do post beanisms once in a while. It is fun reading how the mad momma who answers the trollest of all trolls on her blog goes speechless with her daughter’s antics. :)

  27. Happy Birthday MM! Wish you all the bset for all the events that you’ve planned :-)
    Hope you get back to blogging more too as a Birthday resolution! :-D Will miss the Brat and the Bean…

  28. Belated birthday wishes MM. Good luck for the days ahead :)
    We will defenitely miss but as you said your first priority is your home and kids.

  29. Many many happy returns of the day !! And wishing you the best in life…

    Will surely miss your posts, you put a mother’s thoughts into words so beautifully… will miss that the most. Hugs to the dear Brat n Bean!

  30. happy birthday to a whole new you! much as i’ve loved reading you, i really appreciate and respect your decision. many thanks and all the best.

  31. Happy bday MM…..Plz do continue posting once in a while n add pics too…there are so many us who r kinda addicted to ur writings….

  32. Here’s wishing you a happy 33rd birthday & many more to come:)
    As for the job , I so wish I could muster the courage to do the same but I’m still dithering.
    Miss you we will, especially the antics of the Brat & the Bean.
    Good to hear the SIL is well & that Baby Button will join you soon.
    Ddo drop in with a post once in a while.
    So will not say good bye but “au revoir” & GOD BLESS!

  33. Happy Birthday MM! Here’s to a wonderful, wonderful year ahead! Its sounds like some very exciting times are ahead.All the best for whatever you wish to do.

    I wish I had your clarity and your courage….some times I feel like I am just floating around, figuring out what I want to do. Maybe I will get there, eventually.

    And I’m so happy your SIL is doing well, and so excited that Baby Button is coming soon to visit all of you.

  34. Hey, wish you a very happy birthday and may the best things in life come find you. But pls keep posting …. its sad to come here to this url and not find something to read for days togather.

  35. Belated Birthday Wishes!
    My life is almost running parallel to yours!
    Be my inspiration and do let me know how you spend time in investing in yourself! :)

  36. Happy Birthday MM! Its belated I know..but I hope you had a good time. And what ever you do I know you will have a good time! I hope you do keep blogging..I am no mommy yet, but whom shall I call upon if you guys quit blogging?? That highest moment you said, I know the feeling! Hope you get to meet baby button soon.

    Too big a comment..but I will miss you!! Will you still reply if I mail?

  37. Happy Birthday MM.
    Taking time off and just trying to stay still is a wonderful Bday gift to oneself.
    Went for a 3 day meditation course after a lot of prompting from the hubby.
    Its like clearing up the clutter in your head.You feel a lot lighter.
    All the best for your house hunting.

  38. Happy B’day MM. Sensible decision girl. Somehow, sharing too much online can have its repercussions. Luckily you are blessed with such a wonderful family, just enjoy being with them and doing what pleases you. Will miss you for sure..all the best.

    Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.
    Don’t be trapped by dogma -
    which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.
    Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions
    drown out your own inner voice.
    And most important, have the courage
    to follow your heart and intuition.
    They somehow already know what you truly want to become.
    Everything else is secondary.
    - Steve Jobs

  39. Belated Birthday Wishes MM! May God give you all that you wish for & more! I will surely miss you & your writing.

    House cleaning & a lot of changes ? How about a home tour? Please. (See, I am very consistent in my nagging :) )

    Have a great time with Baby button & SIL. I think the bean will stake her claim to her cousin all the time she is at home :)

  40. Hey Dear MM,

    Happy birthday… I was literally biting my nails for your update…
    Good luck with the decision… so Button is coming to India?

  41. Belated Birthday Wishes MM and its good to know that your SIL is doing good now :)
    Love reading your blog and will keep coming back for any new posts.

  42. Happy Happy Birthday to you! I must say that although I don’t comment much, I regularly read your blog and get inspired by your thoughts and deeds, your way of bringing up the Brat and Bean.

  43. Belated Birthday Wishes, MM! :) Hope you had yourself a fabulous time!

    It is very important to learn to be still and take it easy and do things that make one happy! :)

    Also, blogging, much like everything else we invest time in in our lives, should bring us happiness. If it doesn’t, then it is not worth it, I guess. At least, that is what I think…. Hope to hear from you off and on with updates your many new adventures and also about the adorable Brat and Bean! :)

  44. Happy birthday MM! Happy job quitting too! A selfish me read the part about the job and thought “oh! more updates to MM’s blog” but I guess that may not happen, just don’t leave us all together !!

    • He also won’t let me waste too much money doing up a rented home. So now we’re at a point where if he doesn’t buy a house for me to do up I will blow his budget on this house. I think he’s scared :D

  45. h Hope u had a grt Haaappyyy wala Birrthhdaayy MM ! This post of urs has cleared up the war on my mind…me now have decided to quit my job n give time to my lotus(remember ?) baby !

    Thanks fr always being my guiding * !
    Lots of luv n regards..

  46. Happy Happy birthday !! I really admire how clear you are with what you want to do ( and not )! All the best for the next year . It seems like just yesterday we were wishing you a happy 28th , he he !!!

  47. HI Mad Momma,
    Wish you a very Happy Birthday. Seems like you still have your hands full but it is something over which your heart wont be divided over doing. One suggestion for adult acne – Clindamycin (have you tried it, worked wonders for my skin).
    Mad Momma, I have enjoyed your writings over the years and wish you all the best for ‘learning to be still’, it is going to be difficult and very serene in the end. Thanks for writing updating us and sharing your life with us and making us a part of your amazing journey (which still continues). Isnt this the typical comment that got you tired of reading comments :) Take care MM and wish a lot of adventures to the MM Family.

    • Hey Moksh,
      Thank you – yes Clindamycin is working well on me. But I realise that I am piling chemicals on to my skin and should actually be working on it from within – less stress, more water, more peace. So am doing both :( thank you. And no, its never tiring to hear nice things, is it? ;) Seriously, it’s always great to have people appreciate what you do. I don’t think one ever gets too fancy for that.
      love
      mm

  48. MM why do you say 4.5 yrs is a huge gap..My daughter is 4.5 yrs and i am in the process of making that complex decision of whether to have another one or not..I am 34 ..After reading your post i kind of felt its too late :(

    • oh dear – don’t let me put you off. I speak for myself. Age is so relative and I am sure you have your reasons. For me, I am 33 and too tired to do diaper duty again. I have been up all night for the last 6 years and I really can’t do it again. Maybe if I’d taken a break between both I might have had a little more energy. Also, the two of them are so thick that I feel a third one who is so much younger might be very loved, but would be left out of their fun. Age gaps of 2-3 years seem easier to bridge than an almost 5-5.5 year gap. The next stop seems to be adulthood.
      Again- you need to do what you want to do – you can’t let me change your mind.

  49. hey i just started following u and now u are going offline :(

    have been really enjoying reading thru your earlier posts…I do hope u will come and post sometimes…if not all the while.

    Happy Birthday to you and I hope that the next two years really help you learn and grow.

  50. Hello MM

    Wishing you a [very] B’lated VERY VERY Happy B’day ! I trust you had a wonderful day and your having an even more wonderful life…The thing about you is…you seem like the kinda person who makes your life wonderful irrespective of what’s going on it in. Never lose that trait about you!

    Also…I really admire you for doing what you feel like doing without worrying about it too much or getting very confused about it….If that line seems like a mumble jumble of words…I’m referring to how , when at any point in time..you feel like joining or resuming work..you’ve done just that..instead of staying in or out of it or whining about your situation. You try it for yourself and learn from your own experiences….And so you re-iterate the lesson I’ve learnt in life , about nothing really is the end of the world…give everything a shot and figure out what works for you and what brings you close to death!

    Hmmmm….i know I haven’t been regular around here off late and that’s only coz life has gotten too busy…but I really do look forward to your posts and have read all of them. So I will keep watching your space..

    Happy Dusshera! Enjoy and live it up! Soak up Baby Button and enjoy pampering his mother while she recovers completely. Nothing cures like love! Wishing the Mad family good health, happiness and contentment. Love to the babies. N Happpy Happpy B’day again! Hugs!

  51. Belated Birthday wishes, MM!
    And u get a fantastic present – to hold baby button soon…

    While we will miss you, we respect your decision. Best wishes for whatever u choose to do. Hope that you will pop back here on and off…

  52. Dear MM,

    Wish u a belated happy birthday!
    And enjoy your time off, from work!

    Do convey my best wishes to the Brat, the Bean and the OA too.
    Visiting your blog after ages… feels nice to read the updates..

    Take care.
    K

  53. thank you for letting us have a peek into your life. happy birthday (well, belated now) and good luck for everything. please do come back once in a while.

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