In the end it’s all the same

Dear Brat and Bean,

Years ago my nani used to have to face questions on why your Tambi mama wasn’t taught to call me didi. I was after all, a whole 14 (!!) months older than him. One, she said, 14 months didn’t warrant respect really. And two, when you’re siblings you are equals. There is no older, younger, respect, disrespect. There should just be love. I’ve often pondered over that thought and rolled it around in my head. Where did I stand on it?

As usual, the matter was taken out of my hands. Here are two pictures to prove her point.

Sometimes the Brat goes all grown up and indulges the Bean with a ride on his back…

And at other times he sleeps on her skinny little belly while she maternally strokes his head even in her sleep.

Koi shak ya sawaal as to why there was no didi and is no bhaiya? I thought not.

Love you, brats!

Mama

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26 thoughts on “In the end it’s all the same

  1. I agree with your nani. I DONT LIKE IT when my brother who is 9 yrs younger, calls me ‘akka’. It makes me older, and with respect there isnt much fun. We call by name, di’s included and we are equals and its so much fun.

  2. I’ve always thought about that you know. My brother and i are 22 months apart. My grandmum insisted he call me Chechi. He calls me that even now but I think for him it’s just another name. These days I take life lessons from him. Now I am stuck with my kids, wondering if I should make my son call my daughter Chechi, because you know, they’re only 14 mnths apart. So cute both the pictures are :)

    • :) that sheet is from dastakar. they had a save the tiger thingummie going on. and no – we’re not using any of this right now. i had this post sitting in my drafts for the last 3 months!

  3. cute :)
    my younger brother was taught to call me older sister, but as we grew older, we began to call each other names anyway ! now, we call eachother whatever we like out of affection and depending on the mood.

    • oh – the bean bosses the brat around all the time – dont do this, dont do that, sit quietly etc
      but he is the one who puts a tiny arm around her if we’re out shopping to ensure that she doesnt run on to the road. and he’s damn good at his job. the OA and I might slip up, but he will make sure he keeps a strict watch on her.

  4. i think your nani’s logic works.
    there is constant role reversal between my sibling and I. sometimes he is the older mature one, and sometimes i am.
    so a baaji, or apa would have been wrong.

    plus this way they are friends before siblings. i feel designating roles like the elder sibling or younger sibling adds distance…no?
    just my take on it.

    • i think so too. while i am all for respecting people who are older, i dont believe that needs to be enforced unless theres a good ten years in between.
      i also think kids tend to take it very seriously and as a result take themselves very seriously and take it as licence to boss around etc…

    • sigh. you have no idea. we now have books piled on the floor and an increasingly irate OA who says its either him or my books because there is no longer place to put down even a glass without falling over a pile of books :(

      • See I love that feeling where a house feels like a well loved library! I love the musty feeling of old books, I love looking through well thumbed books, I feel as if they have been with me through thick and thin…they almost have life according to me and anyone who thinks otherwise..well they better get ready to meet me in the ring!!! :)

        Now I am not that well read, but I do have a couple that I cherish!

  5. my youngest sis is 8.5 yrs younger was taught to call didi but not ofcourse we are at first name basis… something which I like and prefer… they would be happy and proud of u

    and a big kala tikka for both of them

  6. See, you’re my savior when it comes to these little things. I’m always accused of being “western” or “too Parsi” when I mention that we don’t use titles between siblings, not even when they’re 13 years apart. In any case, I don’t believe age alone merits respect. I respect all my babies at school but like hell I’m going to respect a 50-year-old who doesn’t deserve any!

  7. Nice post. I’ve experienced both ends of this. My parents trained us to use “Acca” for the older sibling and I did the same to my kids. Not much later the older one decided she didn’t like that and between them it made perfect sense to not use the “Acca”. I decided it was their choice ultimately :) I’d much rather have them love one another than call each other with respect and not be as close.

  8. my brother called me Didi (we are 7 years apart)and then as we grew up it all changed. even now he doesnt call me abha, but just sister or one of those random names we have for each other! mostly Chreepo! dont ask me why!! hehe!

    Brat and Bean are adorable! hugs to em!!

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