I’ve (touchwood) never known loss like a miscarriage and for that I can never be thankful enough to God. It also makes me terribly sensitive to those who’ve lost a child. I hurt for them for days after and I don’t know how to make them feel better.
In the last couple of years each time a friend miscarries, there’s this awkward pause in the conversation where I struggle to find words adequate enough to express the grief and the surge of emotion I feel for her and her loss. The men look even more devastated because nobody even thinks of them in this entire situation.
One of the many reasons I blog about touchy topics is because I think we need that space where we can bring the taboo into the open and say what we feel, (no rudeness of course) – but express the way we feel.
And I’ve realised that so few people are willing to talk about it in the open. Its always hush hush. I don’t know why and I admit it’s probably because I have never been there.
On the other hand, I am usually rather open about all the negative experiences I have been through be it discrimination or abuse, because I hope that someone will benefit from it. Someone out there will read and know that they are not alone. Not just in terms of blogging but also in my personal life and the real world, I am open about my problems because I get a lot of comfort from my friends knowing what I am going through and then rallying around. Not for me the stony faced, stiff upper lip, suffer it alone situation.
For instance – I didn’t maintain the mandatory 3 months of silence when I was expecting my kids because of the fear of miscarriage, simply because I’d much rather tell people I am pregnant and let them treat me with care. Give me seats, drive slowly over bumps and the rest of it. But that’s just me and I don’t expect everyone else to feel the same way.
For instance, did you know that one in every four pregnancies ends in a miscarriage? Isn’t that awful? And there are all these women out there holding that loss and that grief deep within while we blather on about our kids or walk around with big bellies, groaning about how tired we are and what a pain it is to go to the loo every 30 minutes. Well naturally, how are we supposed to know?
So my post for today is nothing of my own but a link to this lady who lost a baby. I read her post and felt this kinship with her. And this link is to the blog of a very brave blogger who I admire immensely. I just wish she’d start blogging again.
And to all those who have known this loss, my condolences and my love. May you have the strength to get through this and may you never again suffer any loss in your life….
Edited to add: I already see linkbacks to this post. Thank you guys for taking this up and sharing. I hope there are parents out there who are gaining strength and faith from your courage.